"Reasons for Having Children"
Many couples experience unplanned pregnancies 😂, but wise couples won't allow this to happen—they have children for deliberate reasons.
The Buddha taught that wise parents consider five reasons before having children:
1.Old-age security – They hope their child will care for and support them in their later years.
2.Practical assistance – They expect their child to help manage family affairs beyond just their own responsibilities.
3.Lineage continuation – They want to preserve their family’s heritage, including assets, businesses, and meritorious practices like giving alms.
4.Tradition inheritance – They desire a child who will uphold their teachings, family customs, and values as a worthy successor.
5.Posthumous merit – They wish for a child to perform good deeds on their behalf after death and dedicate merit to them.
A grateful and virtuous child should remember their parents' kindness and fulfill these duties. If such a child also has faith in the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha), understands kamma, and keeps good precepts, they are especially praiseworthy (AN 5.39).
However, parents should not have excessive expectations, as these five reasons are merely hopeful wishes.
We cannot control our children—they have their own minds and act independently.
We might even outlive our child (a tragic but possible reality).
Like any investment, parenthood carries risks—success is never guaranteed.
No expectations = no disappointment or suffering.
有許多夫妻懷孕是意外😂
但有智慧的夫妻不會容許這樣的事發生，他們生孩子必然有理有由
佛陀說，有智慧的父母看見五個理由才會想生孩子
1.所謂養兒防老，他們期望孩子長大後能報答自己、 照顧自己、 供養自己
2.他們期望孩子除了自己的事務外，也會幫自己辦事、 處理事務
3.生孩子是為了讓這個家庭的血統得以長久傳承下去。 包括這個家族的資產、 事業、 優良的善行，也希望孩子能夠傳承下去
4.希望子女能夠聽教聽話, 遵從自己的教誨. 每個家庭獨特的傳統、 行事方式，也希望子女能夠繼承,堪為繼承人.
5.假如自己死了，希望有個孩子能夠為自己做功德，並迴向功德給自己
所以知恩感恩的善人應該憶念父母對自己所作的恩德，並達成以上的義務。假如這樣的兒子還有對三寶和業力的信心，持好戒律；他就更值得被讚賞（AN5.39）
但父母千萬不要有那麼大的期望，因為這五種理由只是我們一廂情願而已。
我們不能控制孩子，他們有自己的思想，完全不受我們控制
我們也有機會要白頭人送黑頭人
就好像投資一樣，會投資成功，也會投資失利,沒有人有100%的擔保
如果沒有期望，便沒有失望與痛苦......
《Control freak Parents》
Devotee: How to cope with if our parents are control freak and interfere our life too much?
Ajahn Suchart: separate yourself from them. Go live in a separate place, don't live togehter
Devotee: so we need not listen to all of our parents comand if that is bad for us right?
Ajahn Suchart: You can listen to them, but you can decide whether they are beneficial or not; and whether you want to do it or not also. You are grown up now, you should be your own person , you should decide what to do yourself. Sometimes they just overreach, they have their attachment. they think you are still a baby. But you should not react to them angrily , be polite to them all the time. You can be polite, but at the same time separate yourself from them, or find your own house to live your own life.
Devotee: some people will comment that this is not in line with filial piety, how could we explain to them?
Ajahn Suchart: You still look after them but you don't live with them, that's all. You still call them on phone, ask them how they are doing, look after them if they need some help. If they are sick, accompany them to the hosptial. Do whatever you have to do for them when they need you. But you don't have to live with them. Living with them can be a problem
《控制狂父母》
信徒：如果我們的父母是控制狂，過度干涉我們的生活，我們該如何應對？
阿姜蘇差特：與他們分開。去住在不同的地方，不要一起生活。
信徒：那麼如果父母的命令對我們有害，我們就不需要聽從他們的所有指示，對嗎？
阿姜蘇差特：你可以聽他們的話，但你可以決定這些建議是否有益；你也可以決定自己是否想這樣做。你現在已經長大了，應該做自己，自己決定該做什麼。有時候他們只是過於干涉，因為他們有自己的執著。他們認為你還是個孩子。但你不應該對他們生氣，應該始終對他們保持禮貌。你可以客氣，但同時要與他們保持距離，或者找到自己的房子，過自己的生活。
信徒：有些人會評論說這不符合孝道，我們該如何向他們解釋？
阿姜蘇差特：你仍然關心他們，但不必與他們同住，就這樣。你仍然可以打電話給他們，問候他們的情況，並在他們需要幫助時照顧他們。如果他們生病，陪他們去醫院。當他們需要你的時候，做你該做的事情。但你不必和他們住在一起。與他們同住可能會成為問題。
必須要有對父母的寬容，不管被怎樣冒犯到都不能和父母吵架，不要在父母面前擺臉色或者在一些事情上責備父母。因為在我們的日常生活中， 有時我們與朋友和一群人，或者同事遭遇騷擾，我們仍然耐心地壓抑著憤怒，保持耐心，將憤怒藏在心裡。但對我們的父母，對我們恩惠最大的，勝過老板、上級，為什麼我們不能容忍和屈服於我們的父母呢？
We must have tolerance towards our parents. No matter how offended we feel, we should not argue with them. We should not show a bad attitude in front of them or blame them for certain things. In our daily lives, sometimes we are harassed by friends, groups, or colleagues, yet we patiently suppress our anger and keep it hidden. But when it comes to our parents, who have done the most for us, more than our bosses or superiors, why can’t we tolerate and yield to our parents?
---Luang Pu Plaeng
如何看一個人是否好人
只需要看一樣東西：他是否感恩之人
佛陀在AN2.33中曾說，
‘不善人是不會知恩感恩的
善人則會知恩感恩’
為什麼佛陀會這樣說？
不善人其實就是煩惱非常厚重的人，非常貪婪的人。這樣的人，就算我們給整個宇宙給他們，他們都不會滿足，只會想要更多。當一個人不滿足，只想著謀求更多的私利；自然不會把別人的恩惠當作一回事。
善人就是煩惱不那麼厚的人，不會過於貪婪。我們不需要給他們許多東西，但只要他們接受到我們哪怕是一丁點的恩惠，都會感到滿足和快樂。當滿足時就很自然會感謝感恩我們。
其實不難看的。我們不用給他們什麼。只需看他們是否有善待父母，是否孝順父母即可。
為什麼？
父母是對我們恩惠最大的人，假如連對父母也不感恩，不善待；對其他人也很難會感恩。
How to Tell if a Person is Good or not?
You only need to look at one thing: whether they are a grateful person.
The Buddha said in AN2.33,
“Unwholesome people do not know gratitude, while wholesome people do.”
Why did the Buddha say this?
Unwholesome people are those burdened by heavy defilements, they are very greedy individuals. Such people, even if we give them the entire universe, will never be satisfied; they will only want more. When a person is not content and only seeks to gain more for themselves, they naturally do not value the kindness of others.
Wholesome people, on the other hand, have lighter defilements and are not overly greedy. They do not need much from others, but just a little kindness will make them feel satisfied and happy. When they are satisfied, they will naturally express gratitude.
It’s not hard to see. We don’t need to give them anything. Just observe whether they treat their parents well and are filial to them.
Why?
Parents are the ones who have immense grace for us. If someone cannot even be grateful to their parents or treat them well, it is very unlikely they will be grateful to others.