在家人系列 Lay people series

貪功德是一種不善的煩惱

和其他貪慾一樣，會導致內心的壓力

然而，整體而言，這是導向快樂的

因為如果貪功德，至起碼我們會不斷行善積德，直至最後我們把對功德的貪慾去除

所以如果要貪，貪功德好過貪其他😂

貪功德一般有兩種截然不同的結果

在佛教團體裡，試試貪功德吖？搶功德來做吖？

那麼保證很快我們就會惹上是非、別人的厭惡

但在佛教裡，貪功德得來又不會惹是非的，就是不用接觸人的功德。默默捐錢，見到就捐；別人邀請就捐--這樣我們反而很受歡迎😂

如果要貪功德，又想接觸人；那麼去世間裡貪吧！

為什麼？ 根本沒人會和我們爭😂

人人都自私自利、不肯付出

但我們：

來--我幫你！

我請大家吃東西！

我付錢！

這件事包在我身上！

爸爸媽媽，我帶你們去旅行！

那麼雖然我們是貪啊，但反而很受歡迎😂

不過最好還是把對功德的貪慾去除吧，改為以慈悲的心去行善。不然我們會很大壓力的

Craving merit (punna) is actually a type of unwholesome mental defilements. 

Just like other forms of greed or craving, it creates inner stress and sufferings.

Yet overall, it’s a craving that leads toward happiness. 

Why? Because if we crave merit, at the very least we’ll keep doing good deeds and accumulating wholesome karma—until eventually we uproot even the craving for merit itself.

So if we’re going to crave something, craving merit is definitely better than craving anything else 😂

Craving merit generally leads to two completely opposite outcomes:

1. Inside a Buddhist community or temple, try craving merit—try grabbing merit or fighting for merit-making opportunities. 

  Guaranteed: very quickly we’ll create conflicts and people will dislike us.

2. But in Buddhism, there is a way to crave merit without causing any trouble at all: doing merit that doesn’t involve dealing with people. 

  Quietly donate money whenever we see a chance; donate whenever someone invites us—these actions actually make us very well-liked 😂

If we want to crave merit AND interact with people, then go crave it out in the secular world! 

Why? Because practically no one will compete with us😂 

Most people are selfish and unwilling to give or help.

But we say: 

- “Come, let me help you!” 

- I’ll treat everyone to food!” 

- “I’ll pay!” 

- “Leave this to me!” 

- “Mom, Dad, I’ll take you on a trip!”

Even though our motivation is still craving (for merit), people will actually love us😂

Still, the best thing is to eventually let go of the craving for merit altogether and do good deeds purely out of compassion and loving-kindness. Otherwise, we’ll keep putting a lot of pressure on ourselves.

Devotee: About the woman that has abuses, yes. I have a friend that has an abusive husband, and like you said, they are very confused and don't know what to do. What is the best way we, as a friend, to support her?

Ajahn Brahm: If it's very abusive like that, you need to sometimes get her away to a refuge, because it can kill hersometimes ; it can cause huge psychological and physical damage to her. That's why in many countries it's illegal; the guy goes to jail if he treats a wife like that. So you have to be very careful there to protect her physical well-being. And of course, the other thing is you need a counselor.

There is also another thing which I've noticed: sometimes the husband, the guy, doesn't think he's being abusive at all; he can't see it. So one great thing to be able to do today is get out your smartphone and video him when he's being abusive or violent. Then, when he's settled down, play it to him. It's like a mindfulness technique because when we're really angry we just don't know what we're doing. It may be that he's drunk; take a video of the person when they're drunk and when they're sober, play it to them. That's a huge wakeup call. They say, "Is that what I'm like?"

I remember the first time, as a trainee school teacher, we all had to present a lesson and it was videoed. It was the first time I saw what I look like on the TV screen, just a private video, and that shocked me. You know, where you're standing now you're looking through your eyes, but you can't see what I can see, I see your face. To actually see yourself on TV for the first time... The reason they did that was because if you have any small idiosyncrasy, like a twitch, and you're in front of high school kids, after five minutes all the kids will be doing it in front of you. So you have to get that out of your system before the kids tease you with it.

So if you can video him, or get the wife to video him when he's drunk or abusive, and play it back to him... sometimes we don't realize how bad we are, and when he sees that, sometimes that can be the wakeup call, the thing which is needed to get him so embarrassed and upset about himself, saying "I don't want to be this person I've seen on the video; I didn't realize that's what I look like." That's a very good technique if you can manage that. But other than that, you need counselors.

Again, she has bruises on her body; she didn't fall down the stairs, she didn't walk into a door, that was her husband. And you know, it does kill people. And if it doesn't kill them, it has such huge psychological damage for the rest of their life; they do get into very, very bad states. And again, that's the job of countries to actually advertise so the women realize it is a problem and the men realize they're a problem as well.

And it's not just men; it's women as well. I have a little article which I was showing around to the monks, a research I think was done in Europe, and they showed that nagging wives actually kill the husbands. It's true, it's there; I'll get it out and read it tomorrow for you. It's recent research. They say something like 350 deaths out of 100,000 are caused by nagging wives; it actually does lessen the husband's lifespan. But the opposite doesn't, apparently; the husband nags of the wife, you're immune to it apparently, but not the men. So you know, you actually kill them.

So you know, there's domestic abuse on both sides, so be kind to each other. But if you do see that, you've got to stop it pretty quickly, and obviously the best thing is to stop it before it gets so ingrained; early prevention is the best. But you know, if not, then you have to convince her that this is a problem, that he can't carry on like this. And videos are pretty good. If she's got some bruises, take photos of them, show it to her again and again and again: "This is what you look like. You know that's not from a door, that's from your husband."

Otherwise, you see the terrible things which happen in India; they kill the girls, they pour acid over them and all sorts of incredibly bad things. And that's, you know, that's when it goes really, really too far; that is unacceptable.

Q&A by Ajahn Brahm at Jhana Grove Meditation Retreat Centre on 3 July 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCv6bzGGgEM&list=PL-E16hq8cBIob1V6i3lWl-PLQm8VVezzK&index=11

more about Ajahn Brahm:

https://www.knownsee.com/%E5%A4%A7%E5%B8%AB%E7%88%B6-masters/%E8%8B%B1%E5%9C%8B-england/ajahn-brahm 

信徒：關於那位遭受虐待的女士，是的。我有一位朋友，她的丈夫有虐待行為，就像您說的，她感到非常困惑，不知道該怎麼辦。我們作為朋友，支持她的最佳方式是什麼？

布拉姆尊者：如果虐待情況那麼嚴重，你有時需要讓她離開，去庇護所，因為這可能會害死她；這會對她造成巨大的心理和身體傷害。這就是為什麼在許多國家這是非法的；如果一個男人那樣對待妻子，他會進監獄。所以你必須非常小心，保護她的身體安全。當然，另一件事是你需要尋求輔導師的幫助。

我還注意到另一件事：有時候，丈夫，那個男人，根本不認為自己有虐待行為；他看不到。所以現在有一個很好的方法，就是拿出你的智慧型手機，在他施虐或暴力相向時錄下來。然後，等他平靜下來，播放給他看。這就像一種正念技巧，因為當我們非常憤怒時，我們根本不知道自己在做什麼。可能他喝醉了；在一個人醉酒時錄下他，等他清醒時播放給他看。這是一個巨大的當頭棒喝。他們會說：「我那時候是那個樣子嗎？」

我記得我第一次，作為實習學校老師，我們都必須進行教學演示，並且被錄影。那是我第一次在電視螢幕上看到自己的樣子，只是一個私人錄影，那讓我震驚。你知道，你現在站著，是透過自己的眼睛看東西，但你看不到我能看到的（你的臉）。第一次在電視上看到自己……他們這樣做的原因是，如果你有任何小習慣，比如抽搐，而你站在高中生面前，五分鐘後所有孩子都會在你面前模仿那個動作。所以你必須在孩子們用它來取笑你之前，改掉那個習慣。

所以，如果你能錄下他，或者讓妻子在他醉酒或施虐時錄下來，然後播放給他看……有時候我們不知道自己有多糟糕，當他看到時，有時那會成為一個警醒，讓他感到非常尷尬和自責，說「我不想成為我在影片中看到的那個人；我沒意識到我當時是那個樣子。」如果你能做到，這是一個非常好的技巧。但除此之外，你需要輔導師。

再說一次，她身上有瘀傷；她不是從樓梯上摔下來，也不是撞到門，那是她丈夫造成的。你知道，這真的會害死人。即使沒有致死，也會對他們的餘生造成巨大的心理傷害；他們確實會陷入非常、非常糟糕的狀態。再次強調，這是國家的責任，要實際進行宣導，讓女性意識到這是個問題，也讓男性意識到他們自己也是問題所在。

而且不只是男性；女性也有問題。我有一篇小文章，我之前拿給僧眾們看過，我想是在歐洲做的一項研究，結果顯示嘮叨的妻子實際上會害死丈夫。這是真的，有這回事；我明天找出來讀給你們聽。是最近的研究。他們說每十萬人中大約有350例死亡是由嘮叨的妻子引起的；這實際上會縮短丈夫的壽命。但反過來顯然不會；丈夫對妻子嘮叨，女性顯然對此免疫，但男性則不然。所以你知道，你真的會害死他們。

所以你知道，家庭暴力是雙方面的，所以要彼此善待。但如果你確實看到這種情況，你必須盡快制止，顯然最好的方法是在它變得根深蒂固之前就阻止它；早期預防是最好的。但你知道，如果不行，那麼你必須說服她這是一個問題，他不能繼續這樣下去。錄影是一個很好的方法。如果她身上有瘀傷，拍下照片，一次又一次地給她看：「這就是你現在的樣子。你知道那不是撞到門造成的，那是你丈夫造成的。」

否則，你會看到印度發生的可怕事情；他們殺害女孩，朝她們潑酸以及各種極其惡劣的事情。而那，你知道，那就是事情發展到真正、真正太過分的地步；那是不可接受的。

問答環節，布拉姆尊者於靜默叢林禪修中心，2014年7月3日

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCv6bzGGgEM&list=PL-E16hq8cBIob1V6i3lWl-PLQm8VVezzK&index=11

弟子問： 在現代商業環境中，每個人都必須考核績效、提升客戶服務、不斷追求進步，該如何運用「無我」與「無自我進步」的觀念呢？

布拉姆長老答： 這在商業領域確實極具挑戰。是否存在其他實現價值的方式？想想你們多少人曾在晉升競爭中忍受辦公室政治。若能以智慧理解「無我」的真諦，就會明白升職並不會讓你成為更好的人——反而可能讓你更顯愚痴。你當下的壓力還不夠多嗎？升職意味著更重的責任，雖然薪資可能提升，但金錢何曾真正足夠？永遠都不夠。

升職最終只會帶來更多壓力，卻依然無法解決經濟困境。對我而言，寧願保持雖不豐足卻無壓力的生活——說實在的，我在道場根本毫無積蓄，但內心自在。那麼為何人們仍渴望升職？只因「自我」作祟，讓你誤以為頭銜能定義自我：「我是經理、我是總監、我是老闆。」但你真的不該渴望成為老闆，那意味著必須承受無數苦難。當第二把交椅反而更明智。我常比喻：車隊中領頭的卡車總要承受滿擋風鏡的蟲屍，後隨車輛卻能一塵不染。身為領袖或老闆，你注定要面對所有難題。永遠當第二或第三順位才是最智慧的選擇。

因此實踐之道就是：不爭當老闆。你既已承受足夠壓力，何苦提早耗盡生命？享受生活，讓老闆去承擔所有難題吧。

──布拉姆長老於靜默森林禪修中心問答（2014年6月30日）

Devotee: How to apply the concept of no-self and no self-improvement in the context of modern business where everyone must rate performance, improve customer service, and constantly strive to do better?

Ajahn Brahm: This is particularly challenging in the business world. Are there alternative ways to achieve meaningful outcomes? Consider how many of you endure office politics amidst intense competition for promotions. If you wisely understand the principle of no-self, you'll realize that receiving a promotion doesn't make you a better person—it might actually make you more foolish. Don't you already have enough stress? With a promotion comes more responsibilities, and while you might receive higher pay, is it ever truly sufficient? It never is.

A promotion ultimately brings more stress without having enough money. For me, I had rather have money I have got—which is not much , essentially means nothing—but just with no stress. So why do you want the promotions? that's because self, you believes that a promotion makes you a better person: "I am the manager, I am the director, I am the boss." You don't want to be a boss. If you want to be a boss, that is a lot of suffering. So it's far better to be number two. I often say, the boss, the person in the front truck of a convoy; they got all the bugs on the windshield, the one getting behind get nothing behind.  So if you are the boss, you are the leader, you are in big trouble. It is always better to be number 2 or number 3, that is the best.

So, that's one way, you don't want to be a boss. You already have enough stress already; don't wanna sort of die young? Enjoy your life, and let the boss handle all the problems.

Q&A by Ajahn Brahm at Jhana Grove Meditation Retreat Centre on 30 June 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JSj8XLtMcs&list=PL-E16hq8cBIob1V6i3lWl-PLQm8VVezzK&index=6

Devotee: (about controversy between wordly ambition and Dhamma practice)

Ajahn Jayasaro: yeah, Buddhism is peaceful and you can't make it everything in the real world, the idea (goes like this). One of the thing as a lay Buddhist is that you can prove that it is not true.

You know in Thailand we have huge problem of corruption, and it is very intimidating once you step into a corrupted organization. And the pressure for you to corrupt is incredible.

In Thailand, there is corruption from the bottom to up in different organization, so there is so much pressure. But I also know a very moral and practical practiced Buddhist... if you come in to a corrupted organization, you only need one person up there who have been successful, and you know one person up there who doesn't compromise. It gives you so much merits for you to do that.  I live in a bussiness world, and I can do it in a more kind, humane way and been successful. It is incredible gift which you can give, it is not that craving kind of motivation to prove through the status. You are not looking at your dignity, your meaning from these things. You know, it is like a hobby , it is a livelihood , a play. Just like an actor  , when he plays the Hemlet , he is very into it. But the moment it ends, he put it down. So can separate these two things, be  a good example. You have to look up for yourself, you don't trample people all over you , sometimes it is true, but sometimes it is not.

when you are being more senior, you get more power to influence the culture of your organization, your partner.  And yeah, we can introduce the kind of better way of living together without compromising the efficiency of the work, the output of the work. I think it is a real input for the young Buddhist to show 'yes', these two things are compatible.

It is not compatible to that kind of selfish , narcissistic, striving for fame, power and those things. But to do good job, and lead a life of looking after yourself and family , fulfilling responsibilites; it is not wrong  achieving things in the world. But it is not the end product, we have spiritual goals and material goals pursuing in harmony

信徒：（關於世俗野心與佛法修行之間的爭議）

阿姜·迦亞薩羅：是的，佛教是平和的，但你不能讓現實世界中的一切都符合佛法，人們常有這種想法。然而，作為在家佛教徒，你可以證明這種想法並不正確。

你知道，泰國存在嚴重的腐敗問題，一旦你進入一個腐敗的機構，情況會非常令人畏懼。迫使你同流合污的壓力大得驚人。

在泰國，從底層到高層的各種組織中都存在腐敗，因此壓力無處不在。但我也認識一些嚴守戒律、實踐佛法的在家眾——如果你進入一個腐敗的機構，你只需要有一位堅守原則、不妥协的高層存在。這樣的人能為你帶來巨大的善的影響。我身處商業世界，但可以用更慈悲、更人性化的方式取得成功。這是一份珍貴的禮物，不是那種通過地位來證明自己的貪婪動機。你不必從這些外在事物中尋找尊嚴與人生意義。這就像一種嗜好、一種生計、一場戲劇——如同演員扮演哈姆雷特時全心投入，但戲落幕時便放下。我們可以區分這兩者，成為善的榜樣。

你必須堅持自我，不必踐踏他人。有時現實確實如此，但並非總是如此。當你資歷更深時，會有更多能力去影響組織與夥伴的文化。我們可以在不影響工作效率與成果的前提下，推行更好的共處之道。我認為年輕佛教徒向世人展示「佛法與世俗可以兼容」極具意義。

這種兼容，絕不意味著縱容自私、自戀、追逐名利權力的行為。而是以正念做好本職工作，照顧自身與家庭，履行責任——在世間取得成就並無過錯，但這並非終極目標。我們應以精神追求與物質生活和諧並進為方向。

**…若某日我們尚存利用價值，即便遠在天涯，他人亦會尋來； 

一旦價值耗盡，哪怕迎面相遇，他們也不會駐足問候。 

有些人的「利益」藏在深山密林—— 

無論道路多麼艱險，他們仍願披荊斬棘， 

入山叩拜，只為求得選票。 

可一旦願望達成， 

即便同行走於城鎮街巷、社區之間， 

他們也不會再瞥你一眼…… 

只因你對他們已無用處。 

這便是……當今世人的常態。 

願我們都能深深銘記！ 

選舉何人治理國家， 

務必審慎觀察。 

若選擇得當，我們的國家方能進步繁榮， 

與國際並駕齊驅。 

擁有選舉權的公民，請正確行使權利， 

莫要隨意濫用—— 

否則你我手中的權利，終將失去意義…** 

**"...On days when we have benefits to offer, no matter how far away we are, people will come to us. But once those benefits are gone, even if we pass each other by, they won't greet us.** 

**The 'interests' of such people lie in the deep forests and jungles—no matter how difficult the path, they will forge through wilderness to seek them out, to go and pay respect, all to gain votes. But once their desires are fulfilled, even if walking in the city, in the community, they won't glance our way.** 

**Because... we no longer hold any benefit for them.** 

**This is... the nature of people in this age. Let us all remember this well!** 

**Whomever we elect to administer the country, please consider carefully. If chosen well, our nation can then develop and prosper, reaching a level comparable to other countries. Those who have the right [to vote], please use your right correctly. Do not use your right recklessly, or else our rights will become ineffective..."** 

🐝🌸🐝🌸🐝🌸🐝 

Luang Pu Somkiat Chitmaro 

Wat Pa Tham Phra Thep Nimit, Udon Thani 

September 29, 2025

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

Luang Pu Fan 長老也曾經說過，要把家做成寺院。到時間拜佛、念經，不要吵架，不要把讓心燥熱的事情帶到家，把家變成地獄。不適合來修行。

曾經認識一個居士，他工作很苦悶，不斷幫助有問題的小孩，不斷給指導他們，那些小孩也好起來。但她回到家就暴躁了，不管是丈夫還是她的子女都很困難，最後都離家出走了。

家應該是最寧靜的，不是把髒的事情，還是讓心燥熱的事情帶回家。動物做巢的時候，例如鳥下蛋了，有的會找高高的樹，或者找一個洞。這裡的鳥很聰明，他找靠近出家人的，像隆波寮房旁邊，他懂得去選。會舒服、會安全、會有快樂，他懂得去選。所以我們懂得把我們住的那個地方弄得不要熱起來，要清涼、要舒服。

我們周圍、我們的家是熱還是清涼取決於自己的心。如果我們的心熱，在森林也會是熱。如果我們的心清涼快樂，無論去到哪裡我們也會清涼快樂。

所以重要的就是我們自己的心，要訓練好。

Luang Pu Fan once said that we should make our home like a temple. Set times for paying respects to the Buddha and chanting. Don't argue, don't bring things that make the heart agitated back home, turning the home into a hell. That environment is not suitable for practice.

I once knew a lay devotee. Her work was very draining; she constantly helped troubled children, continuously guiding them, and those children improved. But when she returned home, she became irritable. Both her husband and her children found it difficult, and in the end, they all left home.

Home should be the most peaceful place. We shouldn't bring dirt or things that agitate the heart back home. When animals build nests—for example, when a bird lays eggs—some will find a tall tree or a hole. The birds here are clever; they build near the monks, like next to Luang Po's kuti. They know how to choose. They seek comfort, safety, and happiness; they know how to choose. So, we should know how to make the place we live free from this 'heat'; make it cool and comfortable.

Whether our surroundings and our home are 'hot' or 'cool' depends on our own mind. If our mind is 'hot,' even the forest will feel hot. If our mind is cool and happy, wherever we go, we will be cool and happy.

Therefore, the crucial thing is our own mind—we must train it well.

---Luang Por Pramote

2024.07.27

Once, the Buddha taught Anāthapiṇḍika (the wealthy benefactor also known as Sudatta) about four kinds of happiness that a householder can enjoy at the right time:

1.The joy of ownership – The happiness of thinking, "I’ve earned this wealth!"

2.The joy of enjoyment – The happiness of using one’s wealth to enjoy life and perform good deeds.

3.The joy of debtlessness – The happiness of being free from debts.

4.The joy of blamelessness – The happiness of having no wrongdoing in body, speech, or mind.

The Buddha concluded that the first three joys do not amount to even a sixteenth of the joy of blamelessness. (AN 4.62)

And it’s true—if we avoid harming ourselves and others through body, speech, and mind, it feels amazing.

No one can rightfully criticize us—those who try are just silly babies.

We stand with integrity, so even spirits and gods have no just reason to rebuke us.

We stand firm on moral high ground, radiating confidence, joy, and positivity.

So from this moment on, let’s commit to:

In body: Not killing, not stealing, not engaging in sexual misconduct, not consuming intoxicants.

In speech: Not speaking harshly, not sowing division, not saying nonsense, not lying.

In mind: Not coveting others’ possessions, not taking advantage, not wishing harm, not harboring jealousy—and trusting in karma.

We also avoid anything that violates ethics or something that could rightly bring disciplinary or legal consequences.

And honestly? It feels damn good.

有一次，佛陀教導給孤獨長者，在家人在適當的時機，能夠有四種快樂

第一種，就是擁有之樂。 自己賺來財富，一想起自己有多少多少錢就很開心了

第二種，就是享用之樂。就是想起自己賺來財富後，享用一切美好的事物，也能用來做功德。一想起就很開心了

第三種，就是無債之樂。就是想起自己沒有任何債務而高興

第四種，就是無過之樂。想起自己沒有任何身體、 語言、 思想上的罪過而感到快樂

佛陀總結，以上三種快樂都不及無過之樂的十六份之一（AN4.62)

的確，如果我們能夠在身體、 語言、 思想上不傷害自己和別人，不犯任何錯；那是非常爽的一件事。

沒人能夠合理如法地罵我們，罵我們的是傻baby

我們光明磊落，連鬼神也不能合理地呵斥我們

我們總是站在道德高地，自信心爆棚，充滿陽光和喜樂。

所以由此刻開始，我們身體上不應該殺害任何生命、 不偷盜不屬於自己的東西、 不和人發生不正當的性關係、 不喝酒吸毒

語言上，我們不尖酸刻薄地罵人、 不分化離間、 不說無用的廢話、 不說謊

意念上，我們不貪戀屬於別人的東西和資產、不佔人便宜、 不想傷害別人、 妒忌別人，相信因果

任何違背道德和會合理地遭到紀律和法律處分的事，我們也不去做

這是一件很爽的事

《Let people give whatever advice to you 》

Devotee: my parents advise me to acquire someone around me by maintaing certain image

Ajahn Suchart: They are just being delusional , thinking that their lifestyles are good for you. When you know better than them, you know that the best lifestyle is to be alone and peaceful, be content with yourself. 

Let them give whatever advice to you. It is naturally for people to always giving advice to people. The best way to deal with it is just to nod your head, 'ok, ok , ok' 

Don't try to argue, it will start a problem if you start to argue with them.

It is your life, you are the one who choose. They don't live your life. So you have to choose your life which is suitable for you.

When I told someone I wanted to become a monk, he became very sad, he said, ' why you want to become a monk? you are not a beggar! you can make a living!' 

they think being a monk is being a beggar . Because they don't understand the buddhist concept of renunciation. They think they need a lot of things to be happy; to be respectable, you need to have a lot of things that people have.

But are they happy? They are not happy.

They always worry, ' how long will this thing last? can we lose all things one day? like right now?'  Look at the stock market. Look at all the money lost in stock market in just a few days. 

Are they happy? people with lots of investment in stock market. I think they want to kill themselves.

So don't worry about people giving you opinions. As long as you know what the right opinion should be. The opinions given by the Buddha, just follow the opinions given by the Buddha. It is a true way to peace and happiness. Everything else is suffering. Ways towards sufferings, but not the way towards happiness or free from sufferings.

But people don't understand . They don't see the results appear in the mind, like the Buddha. How happy the Buddha is? compared to when he was a prince. When he was a prince, he felt horrified. Every time he thought of the body getting old, getting sick and gettng to die. But after his enlightenment, his mind becomes peaceful, happy all the time. And he was living like a beggar, no material possessions at all. So you can just listen to the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha as your instructers. Other people can teach you whatever they want, just nod your head, but you don't need to follow what they say.

If their teaching contradicts the teaching of the Buddha, you should take the Buddha's teaching instead. That's why we take refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.

Refuge here means treating them as our teachers and guides

Always look at the Buddha as your model,what the Buddha did?  Did he need to have a lot of money and possessions?  He just want to be alone in the forest, where he find real happiness and contentment.

《讓人隨意給你建議》

信徒：我的父母建議我通過維持某種形象來獲取周圍的人。

阿姜蘇差特：這只是愚癡而已，以為他們的生活方式對你有好處。當你比他們知道得更多的時候，你知道最好的生活方式是獨自平靜，自己感到滿足。

讓他們隨意給你建議。人們總是會給予他人建議，這是自然而然的。應對的最佳方式就是點點頭，說「好，好，好」。不要試圖爭辯，因為如果你開始與他們爭辯，就會產生問題。這是你的人生，你是選擇的人。他們不會過你的生活。所以你必須選擇適合自己的生活。

當我告訴某人我想成為一名僧侶時，他變得非常傷心，說：「你為什麼想成為僧侶？你不是乞丐！你可以賺錢！」他們認為做僧侶就是乞討。因為他們不理解佛教放下的概念。他們認為需要很多東西才能快樂；要受人尊敬，就需要擁有很多別人擁有的東西。但他們快樂嗎？他們並不快樂。他們總是擔心：「這些東西能維持多久？有一天我們會失去一切嗎？比如現在？」看看股市。看看在股市中短短幾天內損失了多少錢。

他們快樂嗎？那些在股市中有大量投資的人。我覺得他們想自殺。

所以不要因為別人給你的意見而困擾。只要你知道正確的意見應該是什麼，那就是佛陀的教誨。就只是遵循佛陀的意見。這是真正通往平靜和快樂的道路。其他一切都是痛苦的。是通往痛苦的道路，而不是通往快樂或脫離痛苦的道路。

但人們不理解。他們看不到心中的結果。就像佛陀一樣，佛陀多麼快樂？與他當王子時相比。當他是王子時，他感到恐懼。每次想到身體變老、得病和死亡時，他都感到恐懼。但在他覺悟之後，他的心變得平靜，時刻快樂。他過著像乞丐一樣的生活，沒有物質財產。因此，你可以聆聽佛陀、法和僧作為你的指導。其他人可以隨意教你，但你只需點點頭，無需遵循他們的話。

如果他們的教導與佛陀的教導相矛盾，你應該選擇佛陀的教導。這就是我們皈依佛、法和僧的原因。皈依在這裡意味著將他們視為我們的老師和指導者。時刻以佛陀為榜樣，佛陀做了什麼？他需要很多錢和財產嗎？他只是想在森林中獨處，找到真正的快樂和滿足。

We Are All Temporary Actors

Because in life, nothing is controllable, nothing is constant, and nothing can be taken with us after we are dead.

We must respond to whatever the director---nature-- gives us.

But temporary actors are still actors!

Everyone's script is quite similar, and the nature as the director wants us to:

1.Take responsibility

2. Avoid greed, hatred, and delusion; be happy.

The Buddha taught in DN 31:

Children must fulfill their responsibilities as children;

Parents must fulfill their responsibilities as parents;

Husbands and wives must fulfill their responsibilities as spouses;

Students must fulfill their responsibilities as students;

Teachers must fulfill their responsibilities as teachers;

Bosses must fulfill their responsibilities as bosses;

Employees must fulfill their responsibilities as employees;

Friends must fulfill their responsibilities as friends;

Monastics must fulfill their responsibilities as monastics;

Laypeople must fulfill their responsibilities as laypeople.

The most critical requirement of the script is—never give rise to any greed, hatred, or delusion; be happy without defilements!

Photo credit to who owns it

我們所有人都是臨時演員

因為人生中沒有東西是可以控制，沒有東西是常恒的，沒有東西能被帶走

大自然給我們什麼，我們就要跟著反應

但臨時演員都是演員啊！

每個人的劇本都是大同小異，作為導演的大自然就是要我們：

1.要負責任 2.不要起貪嗔癡，要開心

佛陀在DN31中教導，

做子女的要盡子女的責任；

做父母的要盡父母的責任；

做老公老婆的要盡老公老婆的責任；

做學生的要盡學生的責任；

做老師的要盡學生的責任；

做老闆的要盡老闆的責任；

做員工的要盡員工的責任;

做朋友的要盡朋友的責任；

做出家人的要盡出家人的責任；

做在家人要盡在家人的責任

劇本最重要的要求就是--千萬不要起任何貪嗔癡，要開心沒煩惱！ 

Letting go is not about abandoning responsibilities—

that is merely reinforcing self-identity.

We must let go of the attachment to self-identity,

let go of laziness.

---Luang Por Ganha

19-2-2025 

「放下並不是捨棄責任——那只是強化‘自我身份’。我們必須放下對自我身份的執著，放下懶惰。」

--- Luang Por Ganha

2025年2月19日

《Should we take legal actions?》

Question: Should somebody seek legal justice for the wrongdoing of another person to him/her?

Than Ajahn: Well, ideally not if you want to have compassion and goodwill towards that person. Then you just forgive that person who did wrong to you. This will end all problems as there will be no retaliation. If you take legal action, then you might instigate more retaliation from your enemy. So the ideal way is to forgive and forget and move on. It’s already gone anyway, right? What had been done was already done. So it’s better to leave it alone and forget about it. Because if you take legal action, it can also cause you stress. And if you lose, you’ll have more stress and sorrow, and you will lose a lot of money at the same time. So, why do it in the first place, right? Let it go.

This is what radiating compassion or goodwill (mettā) means. Radiating mettā is not by doing chanting, but by actual action of doing it, by forgiving others. A lot of Buddhists think that radiating mettā means doing chanting. But by just doing chanting, they don’t do anything. Chanting is just teaching you how to do it.
Question: Would this stop future harm to other people?

Than Ajahn: Well, if that person wants to harm other people, who can stop him or her from doing it? Unless you kill that person. And then that person will go and take another birth and do it again anyway. So let things be naturally. You just do things on your part to protect yourself. But as far as other people are concerned, who knows? Maybe by you forgiving that person, it might change that person’s character from being a bad person to become a good person. Because there is compassion in this world, there is goodwill in this world.

The Buddha said that you don’t end hatred by hatred; you end hatred by loving kindness.

《我們應該採取法律行動嗎？》

問題：某人是否應該為他人對自己的錯誤行為尋求法律訴訟？

阿贊：理想情況下，如果你想對那個人保持慈悲和善意，那麼就不應該。

你應該原諒對你犯錯的人。這樣可以結束所有問題，因為不會有報復。如果你採取法律行動，可能會激起敵人的更多報復。

因此，理想的方式是原諒、忘記它並繼續前進。事情已經過去了，對吧？已經發生的事情就已經發生了。所以最好是讓它靜置，忘掉它。

因為如果你採取法律行動，也可能會給你帶來壓力。如果你輸了，你會承受更多的壓力和悲傷，同時還會失去很多錢。所以，為什麼一開始要這樣做呢？放手吧。

這就是散發慈悲或善意（mettā）的意思。

散發mettā不是通過誦經，而是通過實際的行動，通過原諒他人來實現。許多佛教徒認為散發mettā就是誦經。但僅僅誦經並不會做任何事情。誦經只是教你如何去做。

問題：這樣做會阻止未來對其他人的傷害嗎？

阿贊：如果那個人想要傷害其他人，誰能阻止他或她呢？除非你殺了那個人。但那個人還是會轉世再去做同樣的事情。所以讓事情自然發展。你只需做好自己應該做的來保護自己。但至於其他人，誰知道呢？也許因為你原諒了那個人，可能會改變那個人的性格，讓他從壞人變成好人。因為這個世界上有慈悲，有善意。

佛陀說，仇恨並不是通過仇恨來結束的，而是通過慈愛來結束的。