When meeting a fool, of course ---run!
fools are those who have thick defilements--greed, hatred and delusion
If our mindfulness is not strong enough, we will become foolish also, suffering much (ref. to Iti.76 )
見到蠢人當然走得快好世界
蠢人就是貪嗔癡很厚的人
如果自己正念不夠,自己也會變蠢,變到很痛苦~ (ref. to Iti.76 )
曾經有一個年輕人問阿伯：嘿！你今天開心嗎？
阿伯：開心！
年輕人：為什麼？
阿伯：see you ~
哇,阿伯您那麼懂撩😂
佛陀說，維持良好關係的方法有四個：
1.布施饋贈
2.親切觸動人心的話語
3.利益和幫助別人的行為
4.平等尊重，同甘共苦（AN4.32）
阿伯就是用了親切的話來攝住年輕人了😂
相信年輕人聽了之後心裡一定很溫暖和開心
開心會怎樣？ 想粘著他咯，想下一次再見他咯😂
所以這是維持良好關係的方法
記得一點，就是別人不是喜歡我們，只是喜歡我們所帶來的快樂而已....
A young man once asked an old uncle: "Hey! Are you happy today?"
The uncle replied: "Happy!"
The young man: "Why?"
The uncle: "see you~"
Wow, uncle, you're such a smooth talker! 😂
The Buddha taught four ways to maintain good relationships:
1.Giving generously
2.Speaking kind and heartwarming words
3.Acting for others' benefit
4.Treating others equally, sharing joys and sorrows (AN 4.32)
The uncle here used kind words to charm the young man! 😂
we can bet the young man felt warm and happy hearing that.
What happens when someone feels happy? They want to stick around and see you again! 😂
That’s how we maintain good relationships.
Just remember—people don’t like us, they only like the happiness we bring them...
有些人以為以德報怨是白痴😂
其實不是，是智慧
如果要化解敵人和我們之間的怨恨
並不是透過對抗回去去解決的，而是透過釋出善意去解決的
就如佛陀在法句經所說：
‘無論何時，都不是透過怨恨而能止息怨恨的
而是透過善意而得以止息，這是恆古之法’ （DhpA.5)
如果我們以敵意回應敵意，只會衍生更多的敵意
這句經文的背景是，當時有一個女人和一隻吃人女夜叉互相傷害了許多生許多世
那隻女夜叉誓要吃掉那位女士的嬰兒
女士跑到佛陀那裡，並把嬰兒送給佛陀，請佛陀救他一命
後來佛陀召來了那隻女夜叉，說法後讓她證得初果，然後叫女士把嬰兒交給女夜叉
女夜叉抱來了孩子，親吻了他，然後還給女士
後來她們互相幫忙，還成為了好朋友呢！
如果我們以德報怨，其實是讓自己處於最有利的位置
因為隨著時間推移，對方的態度肯定會慢慢軟化
假如他不軟化，繼續傷害我們；
一般人知道我們不起敵意，以德報怨後；一定會看不過眼，反過來幹掉他的
就算是對方的朋友，知道我們這麼高尚；對方還傷害我們，朋友們也會慢慢對他反感、 疏遠他，不再支持他
所以對方一定是處於最不利的位置
就算以上沒有發生，但只要我們安住於慈悲當中、 不憤怒
他還傷害我們，大自然會主動把他幹掉
在本生經303中，就曾有另一個國家的國王侵佔了一位正直國王的國家。 正直國王被捆綁、 送進監牢後不但沒有生氣，反而向敵王散發慈心。
那位敵王剎時間全身發熱發痛，被迫要去向正直國王懺悔。
大自然和業力會把傷害有德者的人狠狠料理的
所以考量到各種利益，應當以德報怨
如果不能做到，至起碼不要起任何反應；這是止蝕的方法
Some people think "returning good for evil" is idiotic 😂
But it’s not—it’s wisdom.
To resolve hatred between enemies and ourselves,
it’s not through retaliation but through extending goodwill.
As the Buddha taught in the Dhammapada:
"Never is hatred settled by hatred in this world.
By non-hatred alone is it settled. This is an eternal law." (Dhp. 5)
If we respond to hostility with hostility, it only breeds more hostility.
The backstory of this verse involves a woman and a child-eating demoness (yakkhinī) who harmed each other for many lifetimes.
The demoness vowed to devour the woman’s baby.
The woman fled to the Buddha, offering her child to him for protection.
The Buddha then summoned the demoness, taught her the Dhamma, and she attained stream-entry.
He then instructed the woman to hand the baby to the demoness.
The demoness kissed the child and returned it unharmed.
Later, they even became close friends!
Responding with kindness actually puts us in the most advantageous position:
Over time, the other party’s attitude will soften.
If they persist in harming us despite our goodwill, others will side with us and turn against them.
Even their own allies, seeing our nobility, will grow distant and withdraw support.
Thus, the aggressor is always at a disadvantage.
Even if none of this happens, as long as we abide in loving kindness + compassion and refuse to be angry,
nature itself will intervene.
In the Jātaka 303, a righteous king was imprisoned by an invading ruler.
Instead of anger, the captive king radiated loving-kindness to him.
The invader suddenly burned with fever and pain, forced to beg for forgiveness.
Nature and karma will ruthlessly punish those who harm the virtuous.
So, for the greatest benefit, repay evil with good.
If we can’t, at least refrain from reacting—this is how to cut losses.
曾經有一位私家專科醫生分享他的成功心得
為什麼他能有那麼多顧客？
他說，他做的，就是要讓顧客喜歡他
每當病人來的時候，就讓他們說到飽，自己做聆聽者。
事實上，病人來到，必然同時承受雙重苦：身體的苦，心的苦。
佛陀說這些就是無聞凡夫（SN36.6)
而這個世界全部都是凡夫。
其實他們除了想找醫生來醫治身體的疾病外，更想驅除心靈的痛苦
他們需要心靈上的慰籍
所以一位成功的醫生，除了要精通他本身的專科，還要做精神科醫生😂 身兼兩職
病人要人傾訴，那就讓他傾訴囖～
當我們能滿足他們的自我，讓他們高興；他們自然就會喜歡上我們的
那麼客人就一個一個來😂
沒有人想聽我們的偉論，沒有人想迎合我們的自我。
所有人都想別人迎合自己的自我，所有人都想別人聽自己說話
所以有時學會閉嘴都是好事😂
A private specialist doctor once shared his secret to success:
Why does he have so many patients?
He said what he does is simple—make patients like him.
Whenever a patient comes in, he lets them talk as much as they want while he listens attentively.
In reality, patients suffer from two kinds of pain: physical pain and mental pain.
The Buddha called such people uninstructed worldlings (SN 36.6)—and this world is full of them.
Beyond seeking medical treatment, what they truly crave is emotional relief.
They need spiritual comfort.
So, a successful doctor must not only master their specialty but also act as a psychiatrist 😂—handling both roles.
If patients want to vent, let them vent.
When we satisfy their ego and make them happy, they’ll naturally grow fond of us.
And that’s how clients keep coming in, one after another 😂.
No one wants to hear our grand theories. No one wants to cater to our ego.
Everyone wants others to cater to their ego. Everyone wants to be heard.
So sometimes, learning to shut up is a good thing 😂.
《義工阿羅漢》
Ajahn Brahm 曾說：只要你有自我感，讓它涉入其中、 支配你，你就是問題。
當義工很常會發生問題和爭執。
其實不是當義工的問題，而是我們本身自己的問題
誰沒有‘自我’ ？ 阿羅漢和像阿羅漢的人
如果我們的心靈水平沒有達到那麼高，就必然會產生問題
佛陀給過一個譬如，就是媳婦剛剛嫁來時，會對家裡所有人都表現出慚愧之心。 但隨著時間推移，就會開始對奶奶無禮（AN4.73）
同樣地，剛進來做義工時，必然個個都彼此恭恭敬敬。
但隨著時間推移，就會失去了當初的慚愧之心，不尊重別人。
任何貪嗔癡、 任何自我；都會引來問題
無論是貪權（貪求操控）、 貪名、佔便宜、愛面子、 表現自己、我慢、 生氣、 妒忌、 吝嗇；都會引起許多的爭執和是非
就算是貪功德，一樣會引起許多人的妒忌和不滿。
因為渾濁的心將不能知道自己的利益、 他人的利益、 兩者的利益(AN1.45)；為團體帶來麻煩
我們當下也成為了問題人物
如果不想要任何問題，就要做‘義工阿羅漢’
阿羅漢是怎樣的? 就是完全的無私
不要期望從義工活動中得到些什麼，連功德也不要貪求
懷著慈悲的心來幫忙、 來參與
透過參與義工活動以去除自己的自私心和煩惱
只在當下做最應該做的事
一旦成為了‘義工阿羅漢’ ， 就沒有人再能如法地說我們些什麼了。
我們將能得到所有人的尊重。
"Volunteer Arahant"
Ajahn Brahm once said: when there is a sense of self, which takes ownership and gets invovled, you are the problem!
Volunteers often encounter issues and disputes.
It's not the act of volunteering that's the problem; it's our own issue.
Who doesn't have a 'self'? Only Arahants and those like Arahants.
If our spiritual level hasn't reached that height, problems will inevitably arise.
The Buddha provided an analogy: when a daughter-in-law first arrives in a new home, she feels a sense of shame towards everyone in the household. But over time, she may begin to be disrespectful to her mother-in law (AN 4.73).
Similarly, when we first start volunteering, everyone is respectful to one another.
However, as time passes, we may lose that initial sense of shame and no longer respect others.
Any greed, anger, or ignorance, any sense of self, will invite problems.
Whether it’s greed for power (the desire to control), greed for fame, taking advantage, saving face, showing off, arrogance, anger, jealousy, or stinginess, all these can lead to disputes and controversies.
Even if one is greedy for merit, it can still provoke jealousy and dissatisfaction among many.
A polluted heart cannot discern its own interests, others' interests, or the interests of both (AN 1.45); this brings trouble to the group, and we become problem!
If we want to avoid any issues, we must become a "Volunteer Arahant." What is an Arahant? It is complete selflessness.
Do not expect to gain anything from volunteering, not even merit.
Help and participate with a compassionate heart.
Through volunteering, remove our selfishness and defilements, focusing only on doing what ought to be done in the present moment.
Once we become a "Volunteer Arahant," no one can justly criticize us. we will earn the respect of everyone.
<不要多管閒事>
信徒：如果我們看到不對的事情，應該讓它曝光嗎？
阿贊蘇查特：這要看情況，取決於這是否是你的責任。
如果不是你的責任，那麼最好不要插手。因為這可能會對你造成傷害。
這樣可能會在你和被指控的人之間造成仇恨和分裂。
<Don't be officious >
Devotee: If we see something wrong, should we let it come under the light?
Ajahn Suchart: It depends. It depends on whether it is your duty or not. If it is not your duty, then it is better to leave things alone. Because it can become harmful to you.
This will maybe cause hatred and division between you and the person accused
一些新移民給社會鄙視和厭惡，為什麼會這樣？
因為他們只懂得從新的地方中索取、 找著數；而從不付出
同樣地，假如我們只懂得從別人身上索取、佔便宜，而從不付出
我們一樣會給所有人鄙視和厭惡
Why do some new immigrants face disdain and dislike from society?
It’s because they only know how to take and seek benefits from their new surroundings, without ever giving out.
Similarly, if we only know how to take advantage of others without contributing, we too will be met with disdain and dislike from everyone.
《Lovable people》
...People are truly lovable when they let go of their self.
The Buddha let go of his self—so lovable.
Jesus let go of his self.
Prophet Muhammad let go of the self.
His Majesty King Bhumibol—he was someone who let go of self.
Whoever lets go of the self—that person is the most lovable in the world.
--Luang Por Ganha
《惹人喜愛的人》
……當人們放下自我時，他們便是真正可愛的。
佛陀放下了自我——因此如此可愛。
耶穌放下了自我。
穆罕默德先知放下了自我。
普密蓬國王陛下——他是一位放下自我的人。
無論是誰放下自我，那個人就是世界上最可愛的。
---隆波甘哈
在過去生，我們的佛陀為菩薩時已經悟到這個道理：
‘過長地同住時，愛者成不愛’ （JaA.476)
真是有智慧!相見容易同住難，這是從古至今不變的道理
所以有人說：‘婚姻是愛情的墳墓’
也有人說：‘旅行是友誼的墳墓’😂
為什麼會這樣？
因為一旦同住一段長時間，我們平時不會在外人顯露出來的劣根性，全都被迫露出來了
每個人內心都充滿著貪嗔癡、 非常骯髒、 非常自私；我們能期望些什麼呢？
就算我們缺點比較少，也不見得對方會一直喜歡我們
因為人心無常，人都喜新厭舊
所以不要太近，有時都是好事
In a past life, our Buddha, when he was a Bodhisattva, realized this truth:
"When living together for too long, love can turn to hate." (JaA.476)
How wise! It’s easy to meet, but difficult to live together; this is a truth that has remained unchanged throughout history.
That’s why some say, "Marriage is the grave of love,"
and others say, "Traveling is the grave of friendship." 😂
Why is this so?
Because once we live together for an extended period, the negative traits that we usually don’t show in front of others are forced to surface.
Everyone's heart is filled with greed, anger, and ignorance; it’s very dirty and very selfish. What can we expect?
Even if we have fewer flaws, it doesn’t mean the other person will always like us,
because human hearts are impermanent, and people often prefer the new over the old.
So, not getting too close is sometimes a good thing.
怎樣可以讓一個人開心？
看他執著什麼。
如果他執著自己的美貌，我們就誠懇地讚美他的美貌；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的財富，我們就誠懇地讚美他的富有；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的地位，我們就誠懇地讚美他的地位；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的權力，我們就誠懇地讚美他的權力；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的名譽，我們就誠懇地讚美他的名譽；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的布施，我們就誠懇地讚美他的布施；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的德行，我們就誠懇地讚美他的德行；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的禪修，我們就誠懇地讚美他的禪修；然後他就會飛上天了
如果他執著自己的聰明智慧，我們就誠懇地讚美他的聰明智慧；然後他就會飛上天了
但請大家小心，因為聰明人可以讓我們瞬間下地獄：
如果我們執著自己的美貌，他們就說我們很醜；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的財富，他們就說我們很窮；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的地位，他們就說我們地位很低賤；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的權力，他們就說我們勢力很弱；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的名譽，他們就說我們是非；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的布施，他們就說我們很吝嗇；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的德行，他們就說我們很沒品；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的禪修，他們就說我們修得很不好；然後我們就會下地獄了
如果我們執著自己的聰明智慧，他們就說我們很蠢；然後我們就會下地獄了
所以如果我們容許執著在內心滋生，是很傻的事。
就像魚兒跳出水面後，任鷹、 貓兒、 人類宰割
How can we make a person happy?
Look at what they are attached to.
If they are attached to their beauty, we sincerely praise their beauty; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their wealth, we sincerely praise their richness; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their status, we sincerely praise their position; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their power, we sincerely praise their authority; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their reputation, we sincerely praise their fame; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their generosity, we sincerely praise their giving; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their virtue, we sincerely praise their moral character; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their meditation, we sincerely praise their practice; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their intelligence, we sincerely praise their wisdom; then they will soar to the sky.
But everyone, be careful, because clever people can send us straight to hell:
If we are attached to our beauty, they will say we are ugly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our wealth, they will say we are poor; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our status, they will say our position is lowly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our power, they will say our influence is weak; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our reputation, they will say we are gossiped about; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our generosity, they will say we are stingy; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our virtue, they will say we have no class; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our meditation, they will say we practice poorly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our intelligence, they will say we are foolish; then we will fall to hell.
So, allowing attachments to grow in our hearts is a foolish thing.
It’s like a fish jumping out of water, only to be slaughtered by eagles, cats, or humans.
<Take advatage of our kindness?>
Devotee: How should we react if someon take advantage of our kindness over and over again?
Ajahn Suchart: stop giving them kindness,use equanimity
《利用我們的善良？》
信徒：如果有人一次又一次地利用我們的善良，我們應該如何反應？
阿姜蘇差特：停止對他們施以善良，而是保持中捨。
做人不要怕吃虧，不然到頭來吃虧的是自己
在工場上，有些人悟到一個道理，就是如果自己和同事的關係好；那麼就算自己做事做得不好，都沒有大問題
如果自己和同事的關係不好，那麼不論自己做事如何，都是會給人針對
如果我們凡事不肯付出，怕吃虧；沒有人會對我們有好感的。
聽過有些上班的人說，‘我不喜歡一些同事。’
‘為什麼？’
‘他不肯幫我😤’
噢～所以我們可以從中看到這個道理
一旦我們樂於助人、 樂於布施，那職場再不是我們煩惱的根源
Don’t be afraid of being taken advatage of ; otherwise, in the end, we;ll be the one at a disadvantage.
In the workplace, some people realize a truth: if our relationships with colleagues are good, then even if our work isn’t great, it won’t be a big issue.
If our relationships with colleagues are poor, then no matter how well we perform, we will be targeted.
If we are unwilling to contribute and fear of being taken advantage, no one will have a good impression of us.
It is heard that some employees say, ‘I don’t like some colleagues.’
‘Why?’
‘They don't help me. 😤’
Oh—so we can see this truth.
Once we are willing to help and give, the workplace will no longer be the source of our troubles.
有許多人投訴在職場中遇到別人的刁難
然後感到很沮喪，很難過，想要搞政治去復仇
但這樣根本解決不到問題，只會越弄越糟糕
因為以惡意回敬惡意，只會引來更多的惡意
我們試試去復仇吧！ 他們只會刁難我們得更厲害---這是一定的
那麼怎樣解決呢？ 佛陀在法句經3中說：
‘以敵意應對敵意，永遠不能平息敵意
唯有以友善能夠平息敵意，這是永恆之法’
原諒吧！然後反過來對他們好
原本他們已經估計我們會回擊過去、 罵過去，然後他們也準備好變本加厲地整我們
誒！哇，我們居然反過來對他們好。他們的心也會愣一愣
長此下去，他們一定會軟化的。見我們那麼高尚，也不敢再欺負我們了
如果他們敢欺負我們，其他人必然也看不過眼，會來幫我們的
我們此時是站在道德高地，不能輸的
如果他們依然不改變呢？
不要緊，總有一天會改變的；就連提婆達多這般的大惡人，在臨終時也良心發現，向佛陀懺悔
正正是因為佛陀從不發怒，從不傷害回他；有崇高的德行，才能感化他
但在此期間，如果我們是凡夫，依然會很痛苦的。那怎麼辦？
佛陀曾說：‘問題在哪裡發生，就要在哪裡解決。(Dhp.A.21)’
真正讓我們痛苦的，其實並不是他們。乃是我們內心的渴愛渴求啊！
貪求這樣，貪求不要這樣。渴愛得不到滿足，才會痛苦。
所以如果想滅掉痛苦，只需滅掉渴愛
如何滅掉渴愛？就是八聖道：正確的見解，正確的思維，正確的語言，正確的行為，正確的謀生方式，正確的努力，正確的憶念，正確的定力
濃縮下來，只是戒定慧而已
當我們消除了內心的渴求，再沒有任何人能奪取我們內心的快樂，讓我們難受了。
太棒了！
Many people complain about encountering difficulties from others in the workplace, feeling very frustrated and sad, and wanting to engage in office politics for revenge.
But this won’t solve the problem; it will only make things worse. It is because responding to malice with malice will only invite more malice.
Let’s try to take revenge! They will only make things harder for us—this is certain.
So how do we solve it? The Buddha said in the Dhammapada 3:
“Hatred never ceases through hatred; hatred ceases through kindness. This is an eternal truth.”
Forgive them! Then respond with kindness.
Originally, they expect us to retaliate and curse them, and they are prepared to make things even worse for us. But wow! We surprisingly treat them kindly instead. Their hearts then suddenly be taken aback.
Over time, they will surely soften. Seeing us so noble, they will no longer dare to bully us. If they do, others will not stand by idly and will come to help us.
At this moment, we stand on moral high ground; we cannot lose.
What if they still don’t change?
That’s okay; they will change one day. Even someone as wicked as Devadatta repented and confessed to the Buddha at the time of his death. It’s precisely because the Buddha never got angry and never harmed him; his noble virtue was able to transform him.
But during this time, if we are ordinary beings, we will still suffer. So what should we do?
The Buddha said: “Where the problem arises, that’s where it needs to be solved” (Dhp.A.21).
What truly causes us suffering is not them, but our inner craving and desires! Craving for things to be this way or that way. When our desires are unmet, we suffer.
So if we want to extinguish suffering, we just need to extinguish craving.
How to extinguish craving? Through the Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right stillness.
In essence, it comes down to morality, stillness, and wisdom.
When we eliminate the cravings within us, no one can take away our inner happiness and make us suffer.
That’s wonderful!
其實輪迴根本就是一個騙局
我們以為擁有很多東西的人就是勝利者
於是我們也渴求擁有很多東西
但我們看不清，真正的勝利者是什麼都沒有的
是指心中什麼都沒有～
假如我們心中擁有許多東西，反而是人生的失敗者
為什麼這樣說？
看過一段惡搞影片，就是兒子想惡整父親
於是帶來了一個演員來扮自己的女友，但人設是一個夜總會女郎😂
父親看到後當然心裡很不是滋味，但仍然抑制自己的情緒；說，其實最重要還是他們覺得合拍就行，自己不會干預他們
誒～如果我們這樣聽到，都會讚那位父親真是開明、 好相處，對嗎？
為什麼如此做到？ 那是因為父親並沒有把兒子太當成是‘我的’
他心中並沒有太執住兒子，有兒子好像沒兒子那樣
這樣反而能夠和兒子維持良好的關係
有許多情侶，之所以能夠細水長流，相伴到老
也是因為他們有伴侶好像沒伴侶，沒有太把伴侶當成是‘我的’
如此減少了許多的控制欲、 壓迫感、 妒忌、 吝嗇、 生氣、 傷心等等的負面情緒
這樣反而能夠一直維持良好的關係
有些有錢人富有時不太快樂，有些卻能很快樂
那是因為有部分有錢人把財富當成是‘我的’、‘我的’ ，非常吝嗇，既不肯把錢用在自己身上，也不肯把錢用到別人身上。結果沒有絲毫快樂
但有些有錢人卻沒有太把財富當成是‘我的’ ，慷慨大方，能夠把錢用在自他身上，為自他帶來快樂
把有當成是沒有，反而是最成功的人
所以輪迴根本就是騙局
沒有的人想要擁有
擁有而過得快樂的人，卻沒有真的擁有
我們還追求些什麼？
當下‘沒有’ 已經是最快樂的了，不要再投胎轉世了
In fact, samsara is essentially a scam.
We think that those who possess many things are the winners.
Thus, we also crave to have many possessions.
But we fail to see that the true winners are those who have nothing—
meaning, those who have nothing in their hearts.
If our hearts are filled with many things, we are actually the failures in life.
Why do we say this?
once there is a prank video where a son wanted to prank his father.
He brought in an actor to play his girlfriend, but the character was that of a nightclub hostess. 😂
When the father saw this, he naturally felt uncomfortable, but he suppressed his emotions and said that what mattered most was that they felt compatible, and he wouldn’t interfere.
If we heard this, we would praise that father for being open-minded and easy to get along with, right?
Why was he able to do this? Because the father didn’t see his son as “mine.”
He didn’t hold on too tightly to the idea of having a son, as if having a son was like not having one at all.
This allowed him to maintain a good relationship with his son.
Many couples can continue happily together until old age
because they treat their partner as if they don’t really possess them, not holding on tightly to the idea of “mine.”
This reduces the many negative emotions such as desire to control, stress, jealousy, stinginess, anger, and sadness.
This, in turn, allows them to maintain a good relationship.
Some wealthy people are not very happy, while others are quite happy.
This is because some wealthy individuals view their wealth as “mine” and are very stingy, unwilling to spend money on themselves or others. As a result, they find no happiness at all.
But some wealthy individuals don’t see their wealth as “mine”; they are generous and can use their money for themselves and others, bringing happiness to both.
Those who treat having as not having are the most successful.
Thus, samsara is essentially a scam.
Those who have nothing want to possess.
Those who posess but are happy, however, do not truly possess.
Why are we still pursuing?
In the present moment, "not having" is already the happiest; there’s no need to be reborn again.
有時看到很有趣的現象
例如一對情侶，一個就是願打，一個就是願挨
一個是施虐狂，一個是被虐狂
不單是情侶，有時人與人之間也是這樣
一個總是喜歡造成傷害，一個總是喜歡承受傷害
但是是自願的😂
那麼奇怪都有，對嗎？
其實不奇怪，只是業力作崇而已
當惡業現前，什麼都看不清
就算知不知道會受到傷害，都一樣會撲過去施虐狂那裡，承受過去的惡業
這種惡業其實不難被迴避，淨化我們自己的心就可以了
在AN1.45中，佛陀曾說，如果一個人有混濁的心，將不會知道自己，他人，和兩者的利益
假如一個人有清淨的內心，就會知道自己，他人或兩者的利益
我們此時將會知道哪個人對我們真正有利，哪個人會和我們有健康的關係；然後親近他
哪個人對我們會構成損害 ，哪個人會和我們有不健康的關係；然後遠離他
但有時仍是理想主義，因為假如前面有個帥哥美女；相信大部份人都仍會被強烈的性慾和情慾所遮蔽，對嗎？
Sometimes, we notice an interesting phenomenon:
for example, in a couple, one is willing to inflict pain, and the other is willing to endure it.
One is a sadist, and the other is a masochist.
This isn’t just limited to couples; sometimes, it happens between people as well.
One always likes to cause harm, while the other always likes to endure harm— but voluntarily. 😂
Isn't that strange?
Actually, it’s not strange; it’s just karma at work.
When bad karma manifests, nothing is clear.
Whether one realizes they will be harmed or not, they still rush towards the sadist to endure past negative karma.
This negative karma can actually be avoided; we just need to purify our hearts.
In AN1.45, the Buddha said that if a person has a defiled heart, they will not understand their own interests, the interests of others, or the interests of both.
If a person has a pure heart, they will know their own interests and the interests of others.
At that time, we will recognize who truly benefits us and who will have a healthy relationship with us, and we would approach them.
We will also see who poses harm and who will have an unhealthy relationship with us, and we would distance ourselves from them.
But sometimes, idealism still prevails; because if there is a handsome guy or beautiful girl in front of us, I believe most people will still be blinded by strong sexual desire and lust, right?
With an ego, we always try to change others.
But correcting others leads to arguments.
Like an old lady I met this morning—
She insisted on taking her grandchild here and there.
When I listened, I realized it was all just foolishness.
有了自我，我們總是試圖改變他人。
但指責他人只會導致爭吵。
就像我今早遇到的一位老奶奶——
她堅持要帶著她的孫子到處走。
當我聽她說時，才意識到這一切只是愚蠢的行為。
-----Luang Phor Ganha
Wednesday, March 12, 2025
If we truly practice Dhamma and abandon the sense of self, Korean people will love us. In fact, if we abandon the self, everyone will love us the most in the world.
如果我們真正修行法，並捨棄自我，韓國人會愛我們。事實上，如果我們放下自我，世界上每個人都會最愛我們。
---Luang Por Ganha
Dhamma Talk given on Wednesday, March 12, 2025
阿贊耀答疑 | 人與人關係的本質是慈心 2023-05-06
人與人之間真正關係的精華所在，就是彼此的慈心。你對他好、他對你好，真心地付出，這才是一段感情。不管是任何關係，這才是感情的本質。如果失去了這種本質的話，掛著任何名頭的關係都是假的。即使是父子關係、母女關係，如果真的沒有了彼此之間的愛，那也是假的，本質是這樣。所以你還想跟別人建立起一些私人關係的話，其實代表著還沒有智慧。
那不是真正的慈心，很容易變成貪心。要真正看破這一點，我們才會懂得關係的意思。
我們為什麼要出家？為什麼不要牽涉那些世俗的關係？那是為了我們更大的自由、更大的快樂。當我們明白這一點的時候，我們就知道了。同時你會知道，為什麼我反復不斷地強調松友。因為大家都習慣橫向的攀緣、橫向的連接，感覺這樣才是溫暖、才是關懷。事實上，一旦有愛就會有恨，有喜歡就會有不喜歡，有了一個小團體，就有了大團體的分裂，所有的東西都是相對的。所以只有我們保持正知的、向法的心，我們自己向法去努力學習成長，然後我們對別人只求付出，不求任何關係的回報，這樣的心是最沒有牽掛的。並不是說冷漠，跟別人完全沒有交集、沒有情感上的連接，而是慈悲。有很多的慈心、很多的付出，但卻不會在意跟自己有什麼關係；或者這個人會留在自己身邊多久，完全不在意的。這樣的心才是自由的，這種關係才是自由的。
全文阅读：https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/gYui5BXOSL9P98I4SEx-8w
Ajahn Yiu Q&A | The Essence of Relationships Between People is Loving-Kindness
The essence of true relationships between people lies in mutual loving-kindness. When you treat someone well and they treat you well in return, genuinely giving, that is what constitutes a relationship. Regardless of the type of relationship, this is the essence of affection. If this essence is lost, any relationship, regardless of its label, is false.
Even in parent-child relationships, if there is no love between them, it is also fake; that is the essence of it. Therefore, if you still wish to establish private relationships with others, it indicates a lack of wisdom.
This is not true loving-kindness and can easily turn into greed. Only when we truly understand this can we grasp the meaning of relationships.
Why do we ordain? Why should we avoid worldly relationships? It is for our greater freedom and happiness. When we understand this, we gain insight.
At the same time, you'll see why I repeatedly emphasize the importance of cultivating friendships. People are used to horizontal connections, feeling that this is warmth and care. In reality, once love is present, hate will also arise; where there is liking, there will be disliking.
With a small group comes the division of larger groups; everything is relative. Thus, only by maintaining a clear comprehensive and Dhamma-oriented heart, striving to learn and grow, and seeking to give without expecting anything in return, can we cultivate a mind free from attachments. This does not mean indifference or a complete lack of emotional connection with others, but rather loving kindness and compassion. There is much loving-kindness and giving, yet no concern about what relation it holds for oneself, or how long this person will stay close to us. Such a heart is truly free, and such a relationship is free.
Read the full text here:
In MN51, a layperson once told the Buddha that the world is like a jungle, while beasts are clear. He once managed an elephant. While riding it through the city of Sāvatthī, the elephant revealed all its distortions and deceptions. In contrast, his servants behaved and spoke one way, and held different thoughts in their hearts.
The Buddha also recognized this.
In life, do not be naive. The Buddha once mentioned in SN56 that virtuous people compared to those without virtue are like the dust on the tip of a finger compared to the earth.
The Buddha also said that each of us loves ourselves the most (UD.41).
When we do well, on the surface, people may congratulate us or show no expression,
but in their hearts, the fire of jealousy burns fiercely, thinking of ways to destroy us.
When we experience misfortune, they may appear sympathetic, but in their hearts, they think, "You deserve it!" They ridicule us, laugh at us, and see us as a joke.
The most important one is oneself;
others’ goodness or badness is never more important than their own.
Thus, even among relatives, there will be disputes over inheritance,
and even when friends are better than themselves, one may feel inferior and sad.
This is not pessimism; it is simply the truth.
Many people are like this, aren’t they? 😂
To protect oneself, one should hide themselves,
remove the sense of self, and not feel any importance.
Do not talk about our own goodness or badness， as if we never existed.
Like the wind, whoosh~
在MN51中，有居士曾對佛陀說，人間就像是叢林，獸畜卻是明瞭開顯的。他有一次調御象。當騎著他來往瞻波城時，象已經顯現了他所有的歪曲、詐欺了。 相反地，他的僕人們，行為、語言是一套，心又是另一套。
佛陀也認可了
人生在生，不要天真
佛陀曾在SN56中提過，有道德的人和沒有道德的人相比，就如沾在手指尖上的泥土和大地相比。
佛陀也說，我們每個人最愛的是自己（UD.41)
我們好，表面上恭喜我們啦；或者沒有表情
實際上心裡妒忌之火燒到上腦
想著怎樣破壞我們
我們經歷不幸
表面上很憐憫
心裡’活該！‘ 、恥笑、冷笑、當笑話看
最重要的是他們自己，別人的好壞永遠不重要得過他們自己的好壞
所以就算親人之間都會爭奪家產
就算朋友好過他們自己都會自卑難過
這不是悲觀，這是如實觀而已
許多人都是這樣，不是嗎？😂
為了保護自己，應當隱藏自己
把自我去除，不要覺得自己有任何重要性
不要談論自己的好壞，像沒有出現過一般
像風一樣， foo~
《calming down ourselves equals calming down others》
I remember this one lady, no other monk would be able to talk with her, and she would come on the telephone...I think someone knows who I'm talking about, and she would swear, F-words, bloody words, "Bloody monks, I'm going to come up there with an M-16 and shoot you all."
I said, "OK, that's a nice thing to do." [laughter]
I understood her. No, she's a really difficult person, but because I have never reacted back, because I always react in kindness, she always loved me and said,"You're the only person who understands me," and of course she never came to the monastery with an M-16 to shoot us all.
She was just taking out her venom on someone who would listen and not take it seriously.
I could understand where she was coming from, the pain of her life, the difficulties of her life and embracing her for who she was. Then she'd calm down, become very peaceful and tell me all about her life, a very painful difficult life. She was not a problem. She was not a difficulty. As I understood myself, I could understand her.
You can actually calm down the so called difficult people in this world when you have learned how to calm down yourself. Then everybody in the world is not difficult anymore. It's not as if they continue those bad habits which other people think asdifficult. Because you can calm them down, accept them peacefully, they don't need to express that difficulty anymore in those dysfunctional ways.
《平靜自己等於平靜他人》
我記得有一位女士，沒有其他僧侶能和她交談，她會打電話來……我想有人知道我在說誰，她會咒罵，使用髒話，“該死的僧侶，我要帶著M-16來那裡把你們都射了。”
我說：“好吧，這是一件很好的事情。”[笑聲]
我理解她。不，她真的是一個難相處的人，但因為我從未對她做出反應，因為我總是以善意回應，她總是喜歡我，說：“你是唯一懂我的人。”當然，她從來沒有帶著M-16來寺院射我們。
她只是把她的怨恨發洩在一個願意傾聽且不會當真的人身上。
我能理解她的處境，理解她生活中的痛苦和困難，並接納她的本來面目。然後她就會平靜下來，變得非常安詳，告訴我她的生活，一段非常痛苦艱難的生活。她不是一個問題。她不是一個困難的人。當我理解自己時，我也能理解她。
其實，當你學會讓自己平靜下來時，你可以讓這個世界上所謂的難相處的人平靜下來。然後這個世界上的每個人都不再難相處。並不是說他們會繼續那些被其他人認為是困難的壞習慣。因為你可以讓他們平靜下來，平和地接納他們，他們不需要再以那些不健康的方式表現出困難。
---阿姜布拉姆
《Immense kindness can convert a bad person》
One of the first time, 20 years ago, when I told this story it was when I asteaching in prison, in Karnet Prison Farm, just down the road from my ministry. We still go there most Fridays.
When I was teaching that at Karnet Prison Farm one of the prisoners complained and he said, "That is just new age rubbish. It doesn't work in the real world,especially in a prison. Prisons are tough places. If you've got a difficult person you've got to standup for yourself. That's the only language they understand."
Of course, I wasn't having any of that. I said, "I don't believe you." He said,"You don't live in prison." I said, "Monastery we have cells, we have wall around."Actually, they don't have a wall around Karnet but we have a wall around our monastery. Sometimes people, in the early years, they used to drive to Karnet Prison Farm and ask where are the monks. It was very embarrassing. Luckily, there weren't any monks in it.
Anyway, I challenged this guy and said, "In this prison, who is the most difficult person you have to deal with?" The prisoner I challenged was with a number of other prisoners. He said, "The chief officer. The chief officer, my job is to serve him tea and coffee every day. That's my job in prison. I hate that guy. He's always really nasty."
He told me a story which happened a week before. One of the prisoners inKarnet, he had hardly ever had a visit from his family because it's such a hard place to get to.There's no public transport and if you're poor and haven't got a car you have to find a friend who can actually take you all that way. It's a difficult place to get to.
He said this man's wife had managed to get a lift to come and see him, but before you can go and see your relations in prison you have to check in, say your name, go through all the security stuff.
The chief officer had seen this woman checking in and knew that she had come to see this prisoner and decided to be cruel to the prisoner.
On the PA system he said so-and-so, I've got a job for you on the other side of Karnet Prison Farm and sent him to a place where the PA system didn't reach. It's a huge prison farm. He did it on purpose because as soon as his wife had checked in the PA system, he announced, 'prisoner so-and-so, your wife is here, please go to the visitor's area' . But he couldn't hear it from where he had been sent.
The message was repeated two or three times. There was a search to try and find him. They did find him. By the time they found him and he came back visiting hoursare over. Better luck next time. He said, "The chief officer did this on purpose with no reason other than spite and trying to give the prisoners a harder time than they deserved.That's why, in that time in prison, he was called a dog."
I said, "You hate him?" He said, "Yes. Really big time. He's so difficult. He never respects us, never says anything to us. He always puts us down and treats us like dirt." I said, "Great. This is a challenge. You meet him every day serving tea and coffee.Be kind to him. Don't embrace him with your arms, you'll get in trouble that way,but at least you can embrace him with your heart."
I said, "How you can do that is every time you serve him some tea and coffee try and put some love and care in that tea or coffee. Try and make it the most beautiful, delicious cup of coffee you possibly can make. Find out what he likes and be kind. Get lots of love and compassion whenever you serve him tea and coffee."
So all credit to this prisoner, he tried it, for a week. When I came back afterone week, "How is it going?"
He said, "It's a complete waste of time. I'm trying really hard to be kind to this guy , but every time, even if I put lots of effort into making a nice cup of tea and coffee, he completely ignores me as if I don't exist, as if I'm lower than a cockroach.He even says to the cockroach get out of here, but not me."
I told him, "Carry on." It was about, I'm not sure how long, maybe a couple of months, I had to encourage him and force him to do this, before we got what I call the big breakthrough.
One day I actually came to visit and he couldn't wait to tell me this.
He said, he'd made this prison officer a beautiful cup of coffee with cream or whatever he found, just the type he thought the prison officer liked, and managed to find him some biscuits which he noticed the prison officer liked, and he said, "Here you are sir, have this coffee, and I've found some special biscuits which I know you like," and the prison officer said, "Er." He grunted. That was our breakthrough. [laughter]
It was the first time he acknowledged that this prisoner actually lived and existed and breathed. That grunt, I said, "Wow, this is exciting!" That is the crack in the dam wall.
I was right. It was only about two or three weeks later the prisoner managed to find a special cup of tea, a sandwich or whatever, handed it to this prison officer,the chief officer, who was a dog, and the chief officer turned around and said, "Thankyou."
All the other prisoners were telling me this and they were all looking at me and they said,
"You don't realize just how the prison grapevine works. That has gone to every prison in the state." That this chief officer could say thank you to a prisoner was unbelievable.
I won the challenge. I knew I'd win eventually. Even such a dog you can change into a cuddly little puppy with lots and lots and lots of kindness.
You can turn difficult people around, but it just takes a lot and lot of patience, a lot of kindness. Some of you will not be able to do that. It's too much for you. You have to know your limitations. But it does work if you really push at it. The most difficult people can become the best of your friends. Sometimes it's a challenge which is worth
facing in life. You have people in the office. Give them kindness.
When they give unkindness back to you and difficulty to you, know your limitations.
If you have to run away, fine. If you have to, talk to them and point out what it feels like. What I talked about this afternoon in a conference is also what I talked about here, the old sandwich technique.
If you do have to tell a person you're being difficult to me, I have my own space that I need to protect, you don't go blurting out the negative stuff straight away.
That will never work.
Whenever you are talking to someone and want to bring up a difficult problem, in other words to criticize them, to tell them they're making a problem for you,sandwich technique.
Two or three pieces of praise, first of all. You're a really nice person, you're so diligent, you're so well dressed or whatever, somethingwhich praises them, and then you tell them.
Say you want to criticize me. You say, "Ajahn Brahm, you're such a nice monk, coming all the time, giving these talks, and they're very inspiring. When you say things like that I open up to you. You lighten me. I'm listening to you." Then you say, "But your jokes are sometimes a bit over the top, but I know that you do look after the monasteries and look after the Buddhist society." You praise afterwards.
If you actually sandwich your criticism between heaps and heaps of praise,people actually listen to it. If you are dealing with a difficult person and you really need to tell them, they really need to listen to you to know exactly what they're doing and the problems they're causing, please praise them first of all. Get on their right side. Then they know they're not being attacked.
Push this back at you. Isn't that what you need when you're being told off because you are difficult people, as well? Sometimes aren't you? It's always somebody else. Sometimes we create difficulties for others. If I was going to tell you off, this is how I would do it. I'd praise you,
first of all, butter you up, make you know that I appreciate and value andcare for you.
If you just give criticism straight away ;what we feel if we are that person will be--why are they my enemy?
Why are they just saying this to me? Don't they realize how hard I work andthe difficulties and the problems I have to face? When you get criticism straight away you just get defensive,
you justify yourself, and you don't listen to the other person. You don't take it on-board.
By getting that acceptance, the very fact that you're accepted, you're appreciated, you're valued means you're opening up.
Then you put the criticism in and you butter over
afterwards. I really like you, you're really valued, thank you for being who you are.
Then people actually can listen. A lot of times people don't realize they're being difficult to you. It's weird, but they think they're being a friend. They think they're being them or they're being funny or they're being whatever. Sometimes we do need feedback to know exactly whatwe're doing and how we come across.
《大善可以轉化惡人》
二十年前，我第一次講這個故事的時候是在監獄裡教書，地點是卡內特監獄農場，就在我的部門附近。我們幾乎每個星期五都會去那裡。
在卡內特監獄農場教書時，有一名囚犯抱怨說：“這只是新時代的垃圾。在現實世界中，尤其是在監獄裡，這是行不通的。監獄是艱難的地方。如果你遇到麻煩人，你必須為自己挺身而出。那是他們唯一懂的語言。”
當然，我不這麼認同。我說：“我不相信你。”他說：“你不住在監獄裡。”我回應道：“我們寺廟就是牢房，四周有牆。”其實，卡內特監獄沒有牆，但我們的寺廟有牆。....
不管怎樣，我挑戰了這個人，問：“在這監獄裡，誰是你必須面對麻煩的人？”我挑戰的囚犯和其他幾個囚犯在一起。他說：“主任。每天我的工作就是給他端茶和咖啡。這是我在監獄裡的工作。我討厭那個家伙。他總是很刻薄。”
他告訴我一個星期前發生的故事。卡內特的一名囚犯幾乎從未見過他的家人，因為那是一個難以到達的地方。那裡沒有公共交通，如果你很窮又沒有車，你就得找個朋友帶你一路過去。這是一個難以到達的地方。
他說這個人的妻子設法搭到車來看他，但在你可以去監獄裡見你的親戚之前，你必須登記，報上你的名字，通過所有安全檢查。
主任看到這位女士登記，知道她來看這名囚犯，於是決定殘酷地對待這位囚犯。
在公共廣播系統上，他說：’某某，我有個工作要你去卡內特監獄農場的另一邊‘，並把他發送到一個公共廣播系統聽不見的地方。這是一個巨大的監獄農場。他是故意這麼做的，因為當他的妻子登記進來時，公共廣播系統宣布：“囚犯某某，你的妻子在這裡，請到訪客區。”但他在被發送的地方聽不見這個消息。
這條消息重複了兩三次。人們試圖尋找他。找到了他時，到訪時間已經結束。他說：’下次再好運一點吧‘。他說：“主任故意這麼做，除了出於惡意，沒有其他原因，想讓囚犯們過得更艱難。這就是為什麼在那段時間他在監獄裡被稱為狗。”
我問：“你討厭他嗎？”
他說：“是的，真是非常討厭。他太難相處了。他從不尊重我們，從不和我們說話。他總是貶低我們，把我們當作垃圾。”
我說：“很好，這是一個挑戰。你每天都要給他端茶和咖啡。對他好。不要用手擁抱他，這樣會惹麻煩，但至少你可以用心去擁抱他。”
我說：“你可以這樣做，每次給他端茶和咖啡時，試著在茶或咖啡裡放一些愛和關懷。努力讓它成為你能做的最美味的咖啡。找出他喜歡什麼，對他好。每次給他端茶和咖啡時，注入很多慈悲。”
這位囚犯值得表揚，他嘗試了這個方法，持續了一週。當我一週後回來時問：“進展怎麼樣？”他說：“這完全是浪費時間。我努力對這個家夥好，但每次，即使我很用心地做了一杯好茶和咖啡，他完全忽視我，彷彿我不存在，彷彿我的地位比蟑螂還要低。他甚至對蟑螂說‘滾開’，卻不對我這樣。”
我告訴他：“繼續。”我不得不鼓勵他並強迫他這麼做，大約兩三個月後，才得到我所謂的重大突破。
有一天我去探望他，他迫不及待地告訴我。
他說，他為這位監獄官員做了一杯美味的咖啡，裡面加了奶油或他找到的其他東西，正是他認為監獄主任喜歡的類型，還設法找到了一些他注意到監獄官員喜歡的餅乾，他說：“這是給您的，先生，請喝這杯咖啡，我還找到了您喜歡的特別餅乾。”
而監獄官員只是“嗯。”他發出了一聲低沉的聲音。那就是我們的突破。[笑聲]
這是他第一次承認這名囚犯其實是活著的，存在的，呼吸的。那聲低吟，我說：“哇，這真令人興奮！”這是堤壩牆上的裂縫。
我沒錯。大約兩三周後，這名囚犯終於找到一杯特別的茶、一個三明治或其他什麼，遞給這位監獄官員，這位被稱為狗的主任，主任轉過身來說：“謝謝。”
所有其他囚犯都告訴我這件事，大家都看著我說：“你不知道監獄的八卦是怎麼運作的。這已經傳到了全州的每一個監獄。”這位主任能對一名囚犯說謝謝，真是不可思議。
我贏了這場挑戰。我知道我最終會贏。即使是這樣的狗，你也可以用巨大的善意把他變成一隻可愛的小狗。
你可以轉化麻煩人，但這需要大量的耐心和善意。有些人可能無法做到這一點，這對你來說可能太多了。你必須知道自己的界限。但如果你真的堅持下去，這是有效的。最困難的人可以成為你最好的朋友。有時這是一個值得面對的挑戰。在辦公室裡，對他們施以善意。
當他們回報你不善的態度和困難時，知道自己的限制。如果你必須逃避，那就走。如果需要，與他們談談，指出你的感受。今天下午在會議上講的內容也是我在這裡講的，老式的三明治技巧。
如果你確實需要告訴某人他對你造成了困難，我需要保護自己的空間，那麼你不要立刻就說出負面的東西。
這樣做是不會有效的。
每當你和某人交談，想提出一個困難的問題，也就是要批評他們，告訴他們他們給你帶來了麻煩，使用三明治技巧。
先給兩三句讚美。你是一個很棒的人，你非常勤奮，你的穿著很好，或者其他什麼，讚美他們，然後再告訴他們。
假設你想批評我。你可以說：“阿姜布拉姆，你真是一位好和尚，經常來這裡，給我們這些啟發性的講座。當你這樣說時，我會對你敞開心扉。你讓我輕鬆，我在聽你說。”然後你可以說：“但你的笑話有時會過火，但我知道你確實在關心寺廟和僧團。”最後再讚美。
如果你真的把批評夾在大量讚美之間，人們實際上會聽進去。如果你正在與一個麻煩人打交道，而你真的需要告訴他們，他們需要聽到你所說的，知道他們在做什麼以及造成的問題，請首先讚美他們。拉攏他們的心。這樣他們就知道自己不是在被攻擊。
這反映到你自己身上。當你因為自己是困難的人而被指責時，這不正是你需要的嗎？有時候我們會給別人造成困難。如果我要告訴你，我會這樣做。我會先讚美你，讓你知道我欣賞、重視和關心你。
如果你立刻就給出批評；如果我們是那個人，感覺會是——為什麼他們是我的敵人？為什麼他們只對我這麼說？難道他們不知道我工作有多辛苦，要面對的困難和問題有多少？當你立刻受到批評時，你只會變得具防備性，為自己辯護，而不會聽取對方的意見。你不會接受他們的話。
通過獲得接受，你被接受、被重視、被欣賞的事實意味著你在敞開心扉。然後你把批評放進去，再加上一些讚美。我真的很喜歡你，你真的很有價值，謝謝你做你自己。
那麼人們就能聽進去。很多時候，人們並不知道自己對你造成了困難。這很奇怪，但他們認為自己是在做朋友。他們認為自己在表現自己，或是搞笑，或是其他什麼。有時我們確實需要反饋來了解我們在做什麼以及我們的表現如何。
---阿姜布拉姆
《Dealing with difficult people》
So number one, you have to accept that, and you have to learn how to deal with them.
One is learn that they're part of life and you can learn so much from them.
Number two is to realize that most of the difficulty of difficult people is actually coming from you, the way we react to them.
Someone once said, "If ever you see a difficult person, remember, you only have to endure them for maybe a few minutes, a few hours at most." Even if you live withthem, it's your husband or your wife, I don't know why you chose that person anyway. That's your karma. [laughter] But anyway once you chose them....
Even if they're that close to you, you only have to live with them for a short period of time, but they have to live with themselves all day.
Sometimes when you think how irritating they are for you, they'll be equally irritating towards themselves. Those poor people have to live with that mind 24 hours a day.
It's a wonderful reflection when you see difficult people. You know if they're that difficult for you to live with, they're also difficult to live with themselves. That gives you so much compassion. It takes away the hurt which you feel, and you notice the hurt that they feel, that they're so difficult to you.
It's actually empathizing with the other person, taking the pain away from yourself.
Why do I have to deal with this person? Get an idea of what they are goingthrough in their head, in their mind, in their life. Some of these people, if they're that difficult to you and you're an ordinary person they've probably got no friends, no one they can really relate to, because they're such an incredibly difficult character to live with. They're so lonely.
That actually arouses a bit of compassion to such people. When you have compassion to such people, your endurance levels go up enormously. You can actually bear dealing with such people because you know they're not going to be around for long.
They're going to walk out of your office, or you're going to go home to somebody else.
If you can't escape from it, you can always come on a retreat in mymonastery or in Dhammasara monastery. There's always some place you can get away.That's one thing you can do . It's also to know that the difficult people in life, you can actually change them. It's a wonderful thing to know the difficulties which you face in life or difficulties which they experience, they are impermanent. They're not always there. It's a phase which people go through in their life, being difficult. Of course, that phase may last from birth
until death, but it ends eventually. [laughter]
It's not forever, but it's nice to know you can actually change people.You can actually see them grow. How you change people is a wonderful psychology which I've learned as a teacher, how you can interact with people and take the cause of them being difficult to themselves and others and actually just move that, nudge that, in a sense of learning to be more kind, more sensitive, less demanding, and less of a pain to live with.
It's wonderful. You can do that. How is that done? I was mentioning it in a talk this afternoon at Curtin University. I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago. This was a powerful little experience which I had about a month ago, maybe even longer, six weeks ago, in Singapore.
I was invited to give a talk at a conference at the Institute of Mental Health. It was one big anniversary of their hospital. They invited me over with all these other psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors and professors, as a monk, to give a talk on how to deal with mental health.
What I was talking about there was the things which you heard here before. What I was really impressed with was afterwards there was a devout Christian who was head of one of the
wards...departmental head. He invited me to his ward to do some Buddhist chanting. but he told me actually not to tell anybody. Now I've blown it. [laughter]
I said, "Why do you say that?" He said, "Because what you said just makes so much sense." He said, "I really respect that wisdom."
He said, "What I respect most of all is you're telling us something which you've only recently
been practicing. Where we don't focus on the times of the day where our patients are sick and difficult, the times when they experience delusions or psychosis,and are dysfunctional.
We just put that aside. The times that they are apparently healthy, where they're relating to themselves and their environment in a sensible way."
Because when a person has a mental dysfunction, it's not 24 hours a day.They have periods, times when they're sort of in some sort of delusional state and times when they come out afterwards.
He said, "They were focusing on the times when they weren't delusional,"and he said,
"By focusing on the times when they were healthy." He said, "A healing was happening." The times when they were healthy were extending and the times when they were dysfunctional were decreasing.
I'd been teaching that for years. It's wonderful to see that has gotten into a modern health system, in the only sort of mental hospital, which they have in that citystate.
I know that's the same with difficult people. If you focus on their difficulties and make a big deal about that, you're actually encouraging those difficulties. You're feeding them and eventually they'll get worse and worse and worse.
---Ajahn Brahm
28-11-2008 from:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jniaUr_7438
《與麻煩人相處》
首先，你必須接受這一點，並學會如何與他們相處。
第一，認識到他們是生活的一部分，你可以從他們身上學到很多。
第二，意識到麻煩人的大部分問題其實來自於你自己，來自我們對他們的反應。
有人曾經說過：「如果你遇到困難的人，記住，你只需要忍耐他們幾分鐘，最多幾個小時。」即使你和他們住在一起，無論是你的丈夫還是妻子，我不知道你為什麼會選擇那個人。那是你的業力。[笑聲] 但無論如何，一旦你選擇了他們，即使他們與你如此親近，你也只需與他們相處短暫的時間，但他們必須整天與自己相處。有時候，當你覺得他們讓你很煩時，他們對自己也會同樣感到煩惱。那些可憐的人必須24小時與那種心境生活。
看到困難的人時，這是一個美妙的反思。你知道，如果他們對你而言如此困難，那麼他們對自己也是如此。這會讓你產生很多同情心。這會減輕你所感受到的痛苦，讓你注意到他們所感受到的痛苦，即他們對你而言是如此困難。
這實際上是在與他人共鳴，將痛苦從自己身上移開。
為什麼我必須與這個人打交道？我們可以了解他們心中正在經歷的事情，了解他們的生活。有些人，如果他們對你如此困難，而你又是普通人，他們可能沒有朋友，沒有人可以真正交流，因為他們是如此難以相處的角色。他們是如此孤獨。
這實際上會引起對這些人的一點同情。當你對這些人產生同情時，你的忍耐力會大大提高。你能夠承受與這些人相處，因為你知道他們不會長時間在你身邊。
他們會走出你的辦公室，或者你會回到其他人身邊。
如果你無法逃避，你總是可以來我寺廟或達馬薩拉寺院靜修。有總有地方可以逃避。這是一種你可以採取的方式。還有一點就是，生活中的麻煩人，其實你可以改變他們。知道你面對的困難或他們經歷的困難是無常的。它們並不會永遠存在。這是人們生活中經歷的階段，和一些人難以相處的階段。當然，這個階段可能會持續一生，但最終會結束。[笑聲]
這不是永恆的，但也很高興知道我們實際上可以改變人。你實際上可以看到他們的成長。如何改變人是一門很棒的心理學，作為老師我學到的，如何與人互動，並將他們對自己和他人造成困難的原因移開，並實際上讓他們學會變得更友善，更敏感，要求更少，與人相處時更少帶來麻煩。
這是美妙的。你可以做到這一點。這是如何做到的呢？我在今天下午的科廷大學演講中提到過。我幾週前提到過。這是我大約一個月前，甚至更久之前，在新加坡的一次強烈經歷。
我應邀在心理健康研究所的一個會議上發表演講。那是他們醫院的一個大型周年慶典。他們邀請我和其他心理學家、精神科醫生和教授一起，作為僧侶來發表如何處理心理健康的演講。
我在那裡談到的內容與你們之前聽到的內容相似。我真正印象深刻的是，之後有一位虔誠的基督徒，某個病房的負責人……部門主管。他邀請我去他的病房做一些佛教的誦經，但他告訴我實際上不要告訴任何人。現在我已經洩露了這個秘密。[笑聲]
我問：「你為什麼這麼說？」他說：「因為你所說的實在太有道理了。」他說：「我真的很尊重這種智慧。」
他提到：「我最尊重的是你告訴我們的東西，你最近才在實踐的。當我們不專注於患者生病和困難的時候；當他們經歷妄想或精神病，變得無法運作的時候，我們只是將這些放在一邊。當他們顯得健康的時候，他們又能與自己和環境能合理地聯繫。因為當一個人有心理功能障礙時，並不是24小時都如此。他們有時在某種妄想狀態中，然後又會回到正常狀態。」
他說：「他們專注於那些他們不是在妄想的時候」，他說：「通過專注於他們健康的時候。」他說：「療癒即可發生。」他們健康的時間在延長，而他們無法運作的時間在減少。
我教了這個好幾年。看到這種方法能夠進入現代醫療系統，這是該城市唯一的精神病院，真是太好了。
我知道這與困難的人也是一樣的。如果你專注於他們的困難，並對此大驚小怪，你實際上是在鼓勵這些困難。你在滋養它們，最終它們會變得越來越糟。
---阿姜布拉姆
《Difficult people are our teachers》
So first of all, there's nothing wrong with having difficult people. In fact, we can look upon difficult people...as my teacher Ajahn Chah says, they're a great blessing to our life.
They teach us patience. They teach us compassion. They actually lead to so much wisdom.
---Ajahn Brahm
28-11-2008 from:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jniaUr_7438
《麻煩人是我們的老師》
首先，與麻煩人相處並沒有錯。事實上，我們可以把困難的人……正如我的老師阿姜查所說，他們是我們生命中的一大祝福。
他們教會我們耐心。他們教會我們慈悲。他們實際上帶來了許多智慧。
---阿姜布拉姆
28-11-2008 from:
Many of us have acted foolishly in the past.
For example? Many people ask others for help but do so without courtesy. When others see our lack of manners, they feel disrespected and then don't help.
Many people experience misfortunes and ask for help, yet they insist on boasting about how great they are. When others see that we’re already so impressive, even more so than them, they then don't help.
Many people receive help but show no gratitude at all. When others see our poor character, the next time we ask for help, they won’t assist us.
Isn’t this foolish behavior?
我們許多人過去都有些傻人行徑
例如什麼？ 有許多人請求別人幫忙， 但卻沒有禮貌。 別人見我們沒有禮貌，感到不受尊重， 就不幫囖
有許多人經歷不幸， 求人幫忙， 但卻死要面子不斷標榜自己多麼多麼厲害。
別人見我們都已經那麼厲害了，甚至比他們還厲害，那就不幫囖
有許多人受人幫忙後， 卻沒有絲毫感恩之心。
別人見我們品行不好，
下次我們再求人幫忙， 別人就不幫囖
大家說這些是否傻人行徑？
俗語有云：‘施恩莫望報’
這其實是在保障自己
佛陀曾以微少塵土沾在指甲尖後，問比丘們：‘你們怎麼想它，哪個是比較多的呢：這被我沾在指甲尖的微少塵土，或這大地？’
比丘答：‘後者，沾在指甲尖的微少塵土比這大地小得不可比較’
佛陀便開示說：‘同樣地，那些尊敬父母的眾生少，不尊敬父母的眾生多’（SN56.67 ）
如果連對父母這樣對我們有大恩德的人都沒有感恩尊重之心，就不要說我們了😂
如果我們期望得到受施者的回報或感恩，99.99999....% 會讓自己失望的😂
佛陀再在SN56中其他經文教導，有美德的眾生和沒有美德的人相比，也如沾在指甲尖的微少塵土和大地相比。
根據佛陀所描繪的現象；如果我們走上街上四處張望；就會發現沒有一個人類；大部份只能找到身體是人類，心卻在地獄，畜生道，餓鬼道的眾生
如果我們行善沒有所求，純粹為了去除內心的自我，去除自我所帶來的痛苦和負擔；那就能欣然面對世間的醜惡
There is a chinese saying: "Do good without expecting a return."
This is actually a way to protect ourselves.
The Buddha once asked the monks, after having a tiny amount of dust on the tip of his finger, "What do you think is greater: the dust on my fingertip or the earth?"
The monks replied, "The latter; the dust on your fingertip is negligible compared to the earth."
The Buddha then taught, "In the same way, there are few beings who respect their parents, while many do not" (SN56.67).
If they cannot even feel gratitude and respect for their parents, who have done so much for us, what do we expect they do to us? 😂
If we expect a return or gratitude from those we help, there is a 99.99999...% chance we will be disappointed. 😂
The Buddha further teaches in other texts of SN56 that virtuous beings compared to those without virtue are like the dust on the tip of a finger compared to the earth.
According to the phenomenon described by the Buddha, if we walk down the street looking around, we will find that hardly can we find a single human being; most can only find beings whose bodies are human while the minds are in hell, the animal realm, or the hungry ghost realm.
If we perform good deeds without seeking anything in return, purely to eliminate the sense of self within us and the suffering and burdens it brings, then we can face the ugliness of the world with ease.
"No Matter How You Think, It’s Wrong"
What is this image?
I guess it must be four sharks in the ocean.
Oh, it turns out it's not; a doctor says it’s actually an electrocardiogram, a chart used to check heart rhythms.
Sometimes, when we don’t understand something, no matter how we think about it, we are wrong.
For example, people often ask Ajahn Golf what Nirvana is. Ajahn Golf then cites the analogy of a turtle and a fish:
"Just as a fish never knows what it’s like to be on land. But when it sees a turtle on land, it asks the turtle about the environment on land.
Then the turtle tells the fish: 'There are big trees on land.' The fish replies, 'Are those big trees like seaweed?' No, no – no matter how the turtle explains, it’s hard for the fish to understand.
Then the turtle sees a dog running on land and tells the fish about it. The fish asks, 'Is it similar to a shrimp?'
Then the turtle mentions that there are houses where humans live on land, and the fish is puzzled: 'Are those houses like crabs?'"
As ordinary beings, no matter how we imagine Nibanna, we will not truly know it.
In MN 113, the Buddha teaches that some people, after attaining jhana, think: 'I have attained jhana, while others have not.' They then praise themselves for their jhana and look down on others.
But good people think: 'The Buddha teaches us not to cling to jhana, because no matter how we contemplate it, it is actually something else.'
What does this mean? It means that when a person does not understand the teachings, they will only contemplate jhana with craving, wrong views, and arrogance.
They will think: 'This jhana is mine.' As a result, they will feel thirst and suffering because of it.
They may also think: 'This state of jhana is the true state of myself.' This leads to wrong views and a heavy, unsettled heart.
They will feel: 'I am a person who has attained jhana,' becoming attached to their identity. Thus, they compare themselves to others, feeling superior and fostering arrogance.
Those who do not understand the Buddha's teachings are wrong no matter how they think!
Regarding jhana, only by contemplating from the perspective of non-self can we think correctly: 'This is not mine, I am not this, this is not my self.'
Only then can we avoid self-praise and disparaging others. The Buddha said this is the nature of good people.
Similarly, when we see others’ actions or words and feel annoyed, our thinking in that moment is also wrong.
Because whoever exists defilment at the moment, is the one who is wrong.
Why do we think our thoughts must be correct?
Only when we extinguish greed, hatred, and ignorance, and think with a calm and neutral mind, are we closer to the truth.
《怎樣想都是錯的》
這幅圖是什麼來的？
我估，應該是四隻鯊魚在大海上。
哦，原來不是，有醫生說那其實是心電圖來的。 即用來檢查心律的圖表。
有時，當我們不認識一樣東西的時候，無論我們怎樣想都是錯。
例如常常有人問Ajahn Golf 涅槃是什麼。Ajahn Golf 就會引用烏龜和魚的譬喻：
就如魚一直都不知道上岸後是怎麼樣的境況的。但見烏龜上岸，就問他上岸後的環境是什麼樣的。
【然後這隻烏龜就跟魚說：陸地上有很大的樹。魚就說：那個大樹，是不是好像紫菜一樣啊？ 不是不是 –就是怎樣和他們說，他們也很難了解。
然後這個烏龜就看到陸地上狗在跑，然後跟魚講，這個狗怎麼樣。然後這個魚就說，是否很像那個蝦一樣啊，這樣。
然後烏龜說，這個陸地上也有人類住的屋子，然後魚也是疑惑：這個屋子是否好像這個蟹？】
作為凡夫，無論我們怎樣想像涅槃，都不會知道的。
在MN113中，佛陀教導，有些人證得禪那後會這樣想：‘我獲得禪那了，而其他人還未得到禪那。‘他因此而因為禪那而讚揚自己，輕藐其他人。
而善人都是會這樣想的：‘佛陀教導我們不應執著禪那，因為無論我們怎樣思量，實際上都是別的’
這是什麼意思？ 就是當一個人不明白法，對於禪那，他只會以渴愛，邪見和我慢的方向去思量。
他會覺得：這個禪那是我的。 因此會因禪那而飢渴和苦
他也會覺得：這個禪那的境界就是真我的境界。 他因禪那而生起邪見，我見，而讓心沉重不安。
他也會覺得：我是得到禪那的人，執著自己的身份。於是和人比較，覺得自己比人高。滋長傲慢之心。
不懂佛法的人無論怎樣想都是錯的！
對於禪那，唯有以無我的角度去思量，才是正確的：這不是我的，我不是這個，這不是我的自我。
這樣才不會自讚毀他。佛陀說，這就是善人法。
同樣地，當我們看到別人一些行為，言論，而心生煩惱。這時我們怎樣想都是錯的。
因為誰人生起煩惱，那個就是錯的人。
為什麼我們覺得我們所想的一定是對的呢？
唯有當我們滅除貪嗔癡，以平靜中立的心去想，那才比較接近真相。
惡行的特徵就是不見得光
當有個人對您說：他這樣不好，那樣不好；這個主辦方不好，這樣不好，那樣不好； 這個淨人不好，那樣不好。
雖然我們已經心裡有數了，但要再進一步驗證這是否惡行，只需帶他去見具有大智慧大美德的大師父。
如果他不敢去見大師父，慌了，百般推搪；那他就應該犯了離間語，旨在離間您和他之間的感情。不是為了這個世界好，不是為了這件事好，而是在謀求私利，達到個人目的。
在佛教裡，也有許多這樣不見得光的行為（笑），大家可以留意一下…
如果有人和您說：這個人不好，那個人不好。 然後您起情緒，您生氣，妒忌，小氣；他就是您的主人，您就是那人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔。被他利用
如果您看到什麼，然後您起情緒，您生氣，妒忌，小氣；魔王就是您的主人，您就是魔王的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔。被他利用
如果有人和您說：這個人不好，那個人不好。 然後您沒有起情緒，您沒有生氣，妒忌，小氣；您就不是那人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔。沒有被他利用
如果您看到什麼，然後您沒有起情緒，您生氣，妒忌，小氣；您就不是魔王的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔。沒有被他利用。
無論聽到什麼，看到什麼，我們的心不起喜惡，平靜中立；那麼我們就不是任何人的奴婢。而是以法為領導，以清涼快樂為主宰。
現在，屏幕前的您
在家庭裡，親戚間，您是誰人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔？
在寺院裡，道場裡，在教會裡，在道壇裡是誰人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔？
在學校裡，在職場裡，您是誰人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔？
在社會上，在國家裡，您是誰人的leng , 兵仔，奴婢，扯線公仔？
以前中學的時候，有這樣的一件趣事
A 同學想要 B 同學的筆記
但B 同學不想給
於是A 同學便罵道：‘自私精！’
然後B 同學便給了😂
通常如果別人執著些什麼，一打下去，他就會順著我們的意思去做了。在這個故事裡，那是名譽。看！中學生都懂！😂
如果我們的智慧不提升，連中學生都可以操控到我們；那我們就是苯教徒
如果我們透過學習佛法，智慧得以提升；那這個世界便沒有眾生能夠操控到我們。我們真的是佛教徒了
他們：‘你這個自私精。 ’ 我們：‘哦～😌 ’
他們：‘你這個人沒品。 ’ 我們：‘哦～😌 ’
他們：‘你這個人修得根本不好。 ’ 我們：‘哦～😌 ’
如果他們說的是真的，我們就去改善；但不用起情緒
如果他們說的不是真的，就不用理會；也不用起情緒
無論他們說什麼，
只要是適當的，我們就去做
只要是不適當的，我們就不去做
我們完全不執著世上任何東西，包括自己的名譽
那這世上便沒有誰能夠操控我們
When in middle school, there was an amusing incident.
Student A wanted Student B's notes,
but Student B didn't want to share them.
So, Student A shouted, 'Selfish jerk!'
And then Student B gave the notes. 😂
Usually, if someone is attached to something, a little push will make them act according to our wishes. In this story, that attachment was to reputation. See? Even middle schoolers understand this! 😂
If our wisdom does not improve, even middle schoolers can manipulate us; then we are just 'stupidsm' followers.
If we enhance our wisdom through learning the Dharma, then no beings in this world can manipulate us. We truly are 'buddhism' followers.
They say: 'You selfish jerk.' We respond: 'Oh~ 😌'
They say: 'You have no morality.' We respond: 'Oh~ 😌'
They say: 'You haven't cultivated well at all.' We respond: 'Oh~ 😌'
If what they say is true, we improve; but we shouldn't get emotional.
If what they say isn't true, we need not pay attention; and we shouldn't get emotional either.
No matter what they say,
as long as it is appropriate, we will act on it.
As long as it is inappropriate, we will not act on it.
We remain completely unattached to anything in this world, including our own reputation.
Then no one in this world can manipulate us.
如果我們看到兩群人；
然後其中一群侵略另一方的地盤，殺了對方的人(殺生），搶了對方的資源和領土（偷盜），然後雙方持續激戰（互相殺生）；大家會不會譴責？😂
雷瓦達尊者說：‘我從來沒有遇過喜歡被譴責的人’ 大家也有看過喜歡被譴責的人嗎？
如果有人譴責我們：‘你這個侵略者！’ ‘你這個恐怖份子！’ ‘你這樣實在是最大惡極了！’
想必我們會怒髮衝冠，像雞泡魚漲起來
你想和我談判？我偏不談！
你想我停止？ 我偏不停止！
你想和解？我偏不和解！---對嗎？😂
在日常生活中；我們譴責，有時純粹是為了發洩，有時是出於傲慢之心---覺得自己重要、 比他們好；才會去譴責
對整件事的推進、 對雙方並沒有重大的意義和利益，反而是反效果
事實上，佛陀在AN5.167中教導；我們要具備五個條件，才好去責備人：
1.在適當的時機說 （這屬於不閒雜語戒）
2.說事實 （要先搜尋確定自己的資訊是否正確；同時持守不妄語戒）
3.柔軟不粗暴地說 （不粗惡語戒）
4. 希望他利益而說 （這屬於不閒雜語戒）
5. 以慈心而不是生氣著去說
Ajahn Brahm 曾教導，我們應當以良好的動機去說，就是說他五樣好的東西，才說他一樣不好的東西；這樣他們就不會感到被厭棄和生氣；這樣，他們就會感到被欣賞，同時也知道自己有進步空間。
Ajahn Brahm 也曾經和所謂的恐怖份子聊天，Ajahn Brahm 便說：「你不是恐怖分子，你只是有強烈動機想要解決這個世界的問題。你不是恐怖分子。」--誒，如果我們是‘恐怖份子’，這樣一聽，立即覺得自己受人尊重，有人理解自己，和自己一起；也比較容易敞開心扉而接受對方的意見，對嗎？
也聽過有精神科教授；他人緣特別好。他似乎從不責備任何人。但其實他已經責備了😂 他想責備你的話，會先讚你20句，然後才說一樣不好；然後再讚你20句。讓你根本不知道他在責備你！😂
如果有人具備這些條件和我們說話，想必我們也較容易接受。
If we see two groups of people, and one group invades the territory of the other, kills their people (killing), and snatch their resources and land (stealing), while both sides continue to fight (mutually killing ); would we condemn this? 😂
Ven. Revata says: "I have never encountered anyone who enjoys being condemned." Have you ever seen someone who likes to be condemned?
If someone accuses us: "You invader!" "You terrorist!" "What you're doing is the worst!" Surely we would become furious, like a Pufferfish inflating .
You want to negotiate with me? No way!
You want me to stop? No way!
You want reconciliation? No Way!—right? 😂
In daily life, we condemn others, sometimes purely to vent our anger, and sometimes out of conciet—want to feel important, feeling better than them; then, we condemn.
This serves no significant benefits for the situation or the parties involved; it often leads to backfires.
In fact, the Buddha teaches in AN 5.167 that we should possess five conditions before admonishing others:
1.Speak at the appropriate time (this pertains to the precept of not engaging in idle chatters).
2.State the facts (first verify that our information is correct; simultaneously uphold the precept of not lying).
3.Speak gently, not harshly (this pertains to the precept against harsh speech).
4.Speak with the intention of benefiting them (this pertains to not engaging in idle chatters).
5.Speak with loving-kindness rather than in anger.
Ajahn Brahm teaches that we should speak with good intentions, 'keep to the standard formula of five instances of praise to every instance of criticis'; 'That way, the person being admonished will see their failure in perspective. They will not feel rejected and angry. Instead, they will feel appreciated but with room for improvement. This is called positive feedback and psychology.'
Ajahn Brahm has also spoken with so-called terrorists, saying: ‘you are not terrorist, you are highly motivated with your ideas for solutions with this world. You are not a terrorist ‘ If we are not negatively labeled, hearing this may make us feel respected and understood, making it easier to open our hearts and accept their opinions, right?
It is heard that a psychiatrist who had particularly good interpersonal relationships seemed to never blame anyone.
But in reality, he did blame! 😂 If he wanted to blame you, he would first praise you twenty sentences, then mention one bad thing, and then praise you again with twenty sentences. You would never even realize he was blaming you! 😂
If someone speaks to us with these conditions, we would likely find it easier to accept.
A successful fortune teller doesn't actually need to understand fortune-telling; just knowing how to talk is enough (laugh).
Why do people seek him out? Because everything is going wrong for them—family issues, love problems, poor interpersonal relationships, financial troubles, and work difficulties.
He comes in, sits down, and we listen to them. We comfort him, encourages him, praises him, and lifts his spirits. 'Your future will definitely get better!'
We don't understand anything at all!
And then they leave feeling elated and motivated.
Then next time, they come back to see you . Why? Because once again, everything is going wrong.
Not knowing anything, yet the number of clients keeps increasing .
Whether in business or in life, as long as we can bring happiness to others, they will keep coming back to us.
Why can the Four Methods of embracing taught by the Buddha maintain good relationships? Because they bring happiness to others!
When we give to others, they feel warmth and joy.
When we say loving words, they are happy.
When we help them in their time of need, they are grateful.
By sharing both joys and hardships, respecting them, and treating them impartially, they will also feel happy.
When they are happy, they will like you.
一個成功的算命師其實不用懂得算命， 懂得說話就行了(笑)
為什麼別人會找他？ 因為諸事不順
家庭又不好、愛情又不好、 人際關係又不好、財政又不好、工作又不好
他來到然後坐下
聽他傾訴
安慰他、鼓勵他、讚美他、把他讚到飛上天
“你未來一定會好起來!”
明明我們什麼都不懂哦～
然後他就興高采烈、意志高昂地離去
然後下一次又來找您了
為什麼？ 又諸事不順了
什麼都不懂， 客人卻越來越多
無論做生意還是做人， 只要我們能把快樂帶給別人， 他們就會一直來找我們了
為什麼佛陀教導的四攝法能夠維持一段良好的關係？ 因為把快樂帶了給別人
佈施給別人，別人會感到溫暖開心
說好聽的話，他們也會開心
在他們需要幫忙的時候幫助他們， 他們也會開心
和他們同甘共苦、尊重他們、平等共處， 他們也會開心
他開心， 就會喜歡上您
《重新定義年齡》
在香港，過去有一股不尊重年長者或老人潮
他們對年長的人反感，說他們恃老賣老，即因為自己較大的年齡，而輕視或欺凌別人。
在職場上，也有人嘲笑一些老職員為‘老屎忽’ ‘old seafood’ ‘老海鮮’ 。意即一些在職場上很有經驗，年紀比較老邁的員工或領導。
他們有什麼表現呢？
網民分享：
‘我說你就要聽’
‘我只是放錢進你的袋子裡面而已！’
也有精神科醫生分享，他們曾看過一些年長的精神科病人，但被他們輕視：‘我吃鹽多過你吃米啦！‘
一個人越來越年長的時候，智慧不是應該增長嗎？
佛陀在法句經（152）曾說：‘智慧淺薄的人，就像公牛只是增長肌肉，智慧卻不增長‘
越是年老，本應越來越看破紅塵，因為他們人生經驗較多。有許多他們之前很執著的東西，發現都是無常的，它們自己來自己走，雖然力挽狂瀾，但還是不免失去。因此而看破放下。
但實際上，看破的老人很少。
佛陀教導（AN2.39），雖然一個人已經80歲，100歲了，但他依然享受感官享樂，因為對感官享樂的渴求被燃燒，被感官享樂的思維沖昏頭腦，那時，他就是一位愚人，不叫年長者。
感官享樂是什麼？ 就是那些影像啊，美女啊，好聽的音樂啊，好聽的聲音啊，好嗅的氣味啊，好吃的美食啊，好碰的觸感啊。 財富啊，地位啊，名譽啊，影響力啊，權力啊，自己的樣貌啊，健康啊，長壽啊。如果執著它們，貪求他們，就被佛陀稱為年輕的人
相反，即使是一位年輕人，假如他脫離感官欲樂，他就是一位智者，年長者。
佛陀再在法句經（260-261）中教導，當一個人徹知四聖諦，知道一切都是苦而放下它們。不會傷害別人，具備慈悲喜捨，持戒克制自己，守護根門，捨棄一切煩惱的，那就被稱為長老。
所以當我們老了之後不被尊重，是有原因的。因為我們的智慧沒有因為年歲而增長，仍然滿佈煩惱，這個‘自我‘ ego 仍然很大。我們貪婪，自私，執著，自大，自卑，不尊重別人，霸道，覺得自己很重要，我們常常發脾氣，和人吵架，悲傷，絕望，不滿，生氣，我們妒忌別人，我們吝嗇，我們充滿後悔，誤以為人事物是永久，’我的‘。還認為這副身心是快樂的而在執著它們。
這是沒有智慧的表現。
當我們真的有智慧的時候，我們將能夠看到一切人事物，甚至自己也是無常，無法掌控的，而把它們放下，不再有這個‘自我‘ ego。
但如果我們因為看到別人，甚至是父母都沒有具備‘年老之法‘的時候，而不尊重他們，輕視他們；那我們也一樣幼稚。
photo cred. to who owns it
這些是什麼？ 工具～
工具其實是很開心的。
因為他們具有很大的價值，為人類解決許多的問題，修理了許多的東西。
但它從來都不會有自我感，覺得自己重要。
別人用完即棄，就用完即棄囖，他不會說些什麼。
同樣地，如果我們做工具人，也是很開心的。
我們具有很大的價值，為別人解決了許多的問題，帶給他們許多快樂。
但我們不會有自我感，覺得自己重要。
別人用完即棄，就用完即棄囖，我們也不會說些什麼。
佛陀說，知恩感恩的人是難得的（AN2.120) 。
所以幫人後不要期望他會回報我們些什麼，因為幾乎是不太可能的～
What are these? Tools~
Tools are actually very happy.
Because they have great value and solve many problems for humanity, fixing many things.
But they never have a sense of self, feeling important.
If others use them and discard them, they just allow it to happen, they won't say anything.
Similarly, if we act as tools for others, we can also be very happy.
We have great value, solving many problems for others and bringing them joy.
But we won’t have a sense of self, feeling important.
If others use us and discard us, we won't say anything either.
The Buddha said that those who are grateful are rare (AN2.120).
So after helping others, don’t expect them to repay us, because it’s almost unlikely.
一個不懂佛法的人，是一個跑步比賽中偷步的人
不懂佛法的人，也叫一個在跑步比賽中落後的人
就如佛陀在《小部。經集》中的《洞窟八頌經》 所說， 他‘尋求未來或過去的愛欲，貪戀今日和往昔的愛欲’
每次大家喝茶的時候，他明明已經從這個崗位退下許多年了，但他仍不斷在說：‘啊，我過去這樣威那樣威’。別人聽了都覺得厭煩，因為要不斷給面子。這是所謂落後的人
又有另外一些人不斷後悔過去已經發生了的事情，明明已經過了十年，還在不斷想，不斷後悔。這也是落後的人
另一個人， 每次見他，他都不斷想像自己怎樣發財：當我中了彩票頭獎的時候，首先，我要買一間海邊的別墅自住， 然後兩間房子用來收租。我就不做工了， 用錢環遊世界........這被稱為偷步的人
另外一些人，對於未來很憂慮，常常活在驚恐之中。這也被稱為偷步的人
佛陀在MN131中教導，
’不回味過去，不期盼將來，
過去已消逝，將來不可得，
反之讓他以明觀(vipassana)看
每一個當下生起的法，讓他知道和肯定它；
不屈不撓、不動搖地。‘
不回味過去，就是不會想： ‘我過去的色是這樣的，受是這樣的，想是這樣的，行是這樣的，識是這樣的。’ 他不在當中生起愛喜’
不期盼未來，就是不會想： ‘我將來的色將會是這樣的，受將會是這樣的，想將會是這樣的，行將會是這樣的，識將會是這樣的。’ 他不在當中生起愛喜。
他如實地看見當下的一切現象：
‘沒有【物質身體/感受/認知/意志/覺知】是我這回事’ 、
‘沒有我擁有【物質身體/感受/認知/意志/覺知】這回事’ 、
‘沒有【物質身體/感受/認知/意志/覺知在】我之中 這回事’ 、
‘沒有我在【物質身體/感受/認知/意志/覺知】之中這回事’
不粘著過去現在未來， 他就這樣在人生這場比賽中跑贏人。
喝茶時，不會再說自己過去怎樣怎樣，未來會怎樣怎樣，散播負能量，而是享受和友人當下的美好時光。
《私心》
如果不是阿羅漢，幾乎所有人都有私心。
私心就是這個自我，自私，想要比人好。
所有人都不喜歡一個有私心的人，一個有貪嗔癡的人。
當我們說別人有私心的時候，其實就是一隻手指指著別人，四隻手指指回自己。要不然我們就不會叫做凡夫俗子了。
Ajahn Golf 有提到吸引力法則：【所有東西都是一致性的。
如果我們心不好的話，就會拉那些不好的東西來。
如果我們的心好的話，就會吸引那些好的東西】
當我們的心不好，是自私，有貪嗔癡的時候，就自然會吸引那些是非啊，討厭啊，妒忌啊，誹謗啊，貶低啊，壞人啊來讓我們痛苦。我們會喜歡一個眼睛充滿貪婪的人嗎？
當我們的心好，是無私的，沒有貪嗔癡的時候，就會吸引那些讚美啊，隨喜啊，喜歡啊，抬高啊，善人啊來讓我們快樂
聽過有人做網紅，但是卻引來許多討厭。為什麼？因為有些人說，他做網紅是為了自己---為了宣傳自己，為了出名，為了告訴全世界自己很厲害。
因此可以看到，有私心的人是惹人反感的
相反地，假如一個人也是多人認識。但不是為了自己---不是為了宣傳自己，不是為了出名，不是為了賺錢，不是為了告訴全世界自己很厲害；僅僅只是為了讓大眾得益，那麼別人卻會由衷地欣賞和尊敬。
沒有私心的人惹人喜歡。
我們常常說要成佛，成阿羅漢。
不論是成佛還是成阿羅漢，都是會成為一個無私的人。
但如果我們仍然很重私心，那麼還離自己的目標很遠
我們累積波羅蜜與善業，假如是為了拿功德給自己，想自己比人好，暗藏私心；
雖然有些人會因為我們幫了他們而感激欣賞；
但也會吸引一些人去厭惡我們，對我們反感—因為我們所做的一切只是為了自己。
帶著私心的善行，是善惡交雜的。
自私的心引來不好的東西，
行善時的善心也會引來好的東西
從今以後，我們做的一切只是為了別人和大眾的福祉；不是為了自己。那麼自此以後便沒有人能夠如法地批評我們了。
我們布施給佛教，僧團，聖者，單純只是因為他們的德行值得被尊敬和供養，想幫助佛教延續下去
我們幫助別人，不是為了得到名譽，地位，權力，不是為了得到些什麼；僅僅是因為想他們得到快樂，遠離痛苦。
當我們越不想有，就越有。
因為當我們沒有帶著自我地行善，功德反而是最大的
當我們工作時是真心為別人好，想別人得到利益，沒有想到金錢；客戶也會不請自來，上司見我們那麼用心，也會提拔我們。功德福報也會帶工作機會和金錢給我們。我們沒有想得到錢，錢也自己來。
我們一心一意為別人好，把溫暖帶給別人。 那麼就算您不想要伴侶，別人也想成為您的伴侶（但要記得，欲愛只會帶來苦）
我們一直希望別人得到快樂，遠離痛苦；那麼就算我們不想要美貌，慈悲心也自然讓我們的容貌變得明淨，容光煥發（AN11.15）
我們無私地幫助別人，就算不想要地位，別人也會尊敬您
我們無私地幫助別人，對別人好；就算不想要朋友和影響力，朋友和影響力也自然會來找我們
我們單純為了削減自私地去布施，持戒和禪修；就算沒有想過要得到快樂，快樂也會來找我們
我們為了空掉自我而修止，修觀；就算沒有想過要智慧，智慧也會來找我們
空掉自我的人，反而會得到那些很重自我的人極度渴望得到的東西。
《Selfishness》
Almost everyone has selfishness, if they are not arahants
Selfishness is this ego, being self-centered, wanting to be better than others.
No one likes a selfish person--someone filled with greed, hatred, and ignorance.
When we say someone is selfish, it's like pointing one finger at them while four fingers point back at ourselves. Otherwise, we wouldn't be called common wordlings
Ajahn Golf mentioned the Law of Attraction:
"Everything is consistent.
If our heart is not good, we will attract those bad things.
If our heart is good, we will attract those good things."
When our heart is unwholesome, selfish, and filled with greed, hatred, and ignorance, we naturally attract negativity, dislike, jealousy, slander, belittlement, and bad people, which lead us to suffering. Would we like someone whose eyes are filled with greed?
When our heart is good, selfless, and free from greed, hatred, and ignorance, we will attract praise, joy, affection, upliftment, and good people, which bring us happiness.
We have heard of people becoming internet influencers, but attracting a lot of dislike. Why? Because some say they become influencers for themselves—for self-promotion, for fame, to show off to the world how great they are.
Thus, we can see that selfish people are off-putting.
In contrast, if a person is well-known but not for themselves—not for self-promotion, not for fame, not for money, not to show the world how great they are—merely to benefit the public, others will genuinely appreciate and respect them.
Selfless people are likable.
We often talk about becoming a Buddha or an Arahant.
Whether becoming a Buddha or an Arahant, both is to become selfless individuals.
However, if we still cling to selfishness, we are far from our goal.
If we accumulate paramis and good deeds for the sake of gaining merit for ourselves, wanting to be better than others, harboring selfishness;
although some may appreciate us for helping them;
we will also attract dislike and resentment from others—because everything we do is merely for ourselves.
Good deeds done with selfishness are mixed with good and evil.
A selfish heart attracts negativity,
while a good heart when doing good deeds attracts positivity.
From now on, let everything we do be for the welfare of others and the public; not for ourselves. Then, no one can justly criticize us.
We give to Buddhism, the monastic community, and the saints purely because their virtues deserve respect and offerings. We only want buddhism to sustain and thrive
We help others not to gain fame, status, or power, nor to receive something in return; but simply because we wish for their happiness and to be free from suffering.
The less we desire for ourselves, the more we will have.
Because when we do good without the self, the merit becomes the greatest.
When we work sincerely for the benefit of others, without thinking about money, clients will come to us naturally. Our superiors will notice our dedication and promote us. Merits will also bring us job opportunities and wealth. Even if we don't seek money, it comes to us on its own.
When we wholeheartedly wish well for others and bring warmth to them, even if you do not want a partner, others will want to be your partner (but remember, desire can only bring suffering).
When we continuously wish for others to be happy and free from suffering, even if we do not seek beauty, our loving kindness naturally beautifies our appearance, making us radiant (AN 11.15).
Those who selflessly help others, even without seeking status, will earn respect from others.
Those who selflessly help others and are kind to them, even without seeking friends or influence, will naturally attract friends and influence.
When we simply give, keep precepts, and meditate to reduce selfishness, even without thinking of gaining happiness, happiness will come to us.
When we practice tranquility and insight to empty our ego, even without seeking wisdom, wisdom will come to us.
Those who empty themselves will receive what those who are heavily attached to the self desperately desire.
photo cred. to who owns it
《戴面具》
哎喲，這個人來了，我要裝得嚴肅一點
哎喲，一會兒要見朋友了，我要nice 一點
哎喲，不行，我要在人們面前謙虛點才可以
哎喲，他叫我捐錢，我不捐錢，那他不就會到處唱我是吝嗇鬼嗎？還是捐錢維持我慷慨的形象吧。
我們是這樣的嗎？
這就是所謂的戴面具，愛面子，裝模作樣了。
有些人出到外面是一個樣子，回到家中又是另一個樣子
背後是什麼煩惱在驅動？那是渴愛
那是渴愛中的有愛，想成為什麼，想比人好，想變得特別重要，想受人尊重；也就是我慢
表裡不一，把自己想呈現給人看的面貌呈現出來，隆波帕默說其實骨子裡就是愛自己。
隆波帕默就一針見血地教導，要【應該識破這些「善的造作」】，因為【這並不會讓我們生起正念或者智慧】的
這些渴愛和我慢都是屬於不善的煩惱之一。煩惱是很消耗我們心力和能量的。至起碼，這樣偽裝，心會不斷飢渴，因為想得到別人的尊重和重視；於是心便不舒服不開心了。 貪欲就如濕疹那樣，為了得到別人的尊重而不斷癢癢癢，當別人尊重的時候只開心一下，但大部分時間卻不斷癢，根本不舒服。
有些人不斷在工場上裝裝裝， 回到家後他的心便筋疲力盡了，做什麼都提不起勁。有些人長久這樣下去，最後得了抑鬱症。
佛陀在《經集．第1 品．第10 經》《阿喇瓦咖經》中說：【真實能贏得稱譽。】 別人見我們裝模作樣，不真實，沒有真實的一面；難道真的會尊重我們嗎？
如果要得到別人真心的尊重，就要去除自我。在這個渴愛偽裝生起的時候識破它。
隆波間夏說：‘我們可以消除自我的話， 就可以成為全世界最可愛的人’
"Wearing a Mask"
Oh, this person is coming; I need to act a bit serious.
Oh, I have to meet a friend soon; I need to be nice.
Oh no, I must be humble in front of others.
Oh, he asked me to donate money; if I don’t donate, he’ll go around saying I’m stingy. Better to donate and maintain my generous image.
Are we like this?
This is what’s called wearing a mask, caring about one's image, and pretending.
Some people are one way outside and another when they get home.
What defilements are driving this? It’s craving.
It’s the craving of existence (bhavatanha): wanting to be something, wanting to be better than others, wanting to be particularly important, wanting to be respected; this is also conceit.
Being inconsistent, presenting a facade to others, as Luang Por Pramote said, is essentially loving himself.
Luang Por Pramote pointedly teaches us to recognize these “good fabrications”, because having them do not cultivate mindfulness or wisdom.
These cravings and conceit are among the unwholesome defilements. Defilements consume a lot our mental energy, our battery will run out rapidly . At the very least, this kind of disguise leaves the heart constantly thirsty, wanting respect and attention from others; thus, the heart becomes uncomfortable and unhappy. Craving is like eczema, constantly itching to gain others’ respect. When others show respect, we feel happy for a moment, but most of the time, it keeps itching and is fundamentally uncomfortable.
Some people keep pretending at work, and when they get home, they are utterly exhausted, lacking motivation for anything. Some continue like this for a long time and eventually develop depression.
The Buddha said in the Alavaka Sutta: “Truth can earn respect.” When others see us pretending and being insincere, without any real aspect; can they truly respect us?
If we want to earn genuine respect from others, we must eliminate the self. We need to recognize this craving facade when it arises.
Luang Por Ganha said: “If we can eliminate the self, we can become the most lovable person in the world.”
《真正的名譽，地位和權力》
真正的名譽，地位和權力，是自然而來的，不是搶回來的
那是透過布施，持戒和禪修而自然得來的
一個有慈悲心，喜歡幫助別人，喜歡饋贈布施的人；他很自然就會得到別人的喜愛。大家都會在他背後說他好話，讚美他，尊重他。 當他需要什麼，一號召，很多人自然會響應號召來幫助他。這是真正的名譽，地位和權力
一個有良好戒德的人，他不會傷害自己，傷害別人。他會給到別人厚厚的安全感，因此大家都喜歡他，尊重他。因為他有良好的品格，大家都服他。這是真正的名譽，地位和權力
一個有禪修的人，他的心平靜穩定，煩惱薄弱。他不會貪婪，不會生氣，不會吝嗇，不會妒忌，不會自大，不會自卑。和這樣的人一起，真的很舒服。他自然會得到別人的喜愛和尊重。 假如一個完全沒有自我的人，例如是佛陀，阿羅漢，請求你幫忙，你會不幫嗎？這是真正的權力
所以不用去爭，不用去搶，不用去買回來。
假如我們透過不正當的途徑，例如詆毀對方，不擇手段，賄賂收買而獲取這個職位，這個權力；但毫無美德。表面上大家唯唯諾諾，不敢違犯。但其實大家背後都很痛恨我們，在飯桌上都在說我們是非；貶低我們；一起策劃如何去反抗我們，取締我們。
這不是真正的名譽，地位和權力；這是假的
得民心者得天下，當我們有一切美德，就會得到全世界。但當我們有想得到全世界的慾望，就是一個沒有美德的人。
《辦公室政治的對治方法》
工場上的人際關係，非常影響我們的心情。
我們一個星期大部分時間都要上班，對得最多的就是我們的同事。
假如我們和同事們的人際關係不好，被他們針對，排擠；將會是很大的痛苦。 有些人可能會患上憂鬱症，有些人可能想換上班的地方，有些人可能會自殺。
其實並不難化解。
別人對你好，你也對別人好，就可以了
別人對你平淡，你也對別人好，就可以了
別人對你差，傷害您，說你是非，排擠您；您也對別人好，就可以了
把所有人當成是您的朋友。時時希望他們能得到快樂，希望他們渡過困境離開痛苦，他們有成就時為他們開心，他們傷害您時把它放下
就是存好心，說好話，做好事。
布施饋贈對方
說好聽的說話
做利益別人的行為，給予有用的建議
和對方一起相處，同甘共苦
那麼很快，
對您好的人會更加對您好
對您平淡的人會對您好
對您差的人會對您好
一切都解決了
您工作能力不好？不要緊。大家都會體諒您，包容您
您以為人善被人欺？想多了。假如真的有人想傷害您，其他人也會保護您。他說您是非的話，別人也會不忍心您受到傷害，立即制止他。
然後很快我們就會愛上上班，天天都在天堂過
辦公室政治，鬥不過佛陀的法
人生在世， 要有一個概念
就是這世界上絕大部分人都是愚蠢的
佛陀曾說，除了阿羅漢之外，心片刻間無病的有情是非常難得到的 (AN4.157)
什麼是病？ 貪嗔癡就是病
佛陀說，就如站在岸邊的人不能在渾濁的水池中看到小石等。同樣地,如果我們一旦(有病)、具有混濁的心，
將不知道自己的利益、別人的利益、兩者的利益(AN1.45-46)
代表什麼？代表這時是愚蠢的。
這世上大部分人， 包括我們自己， 也是這樣。
所以一般人給我們的建議、說的話， 很多時候是不太具有利益的， 甚至是幫倒忙的。
就如隆波帕默所說：[無戒、無法之人的批評，
無須聽進去，
我們僅需觀察——
自己是否真如他所言般惡劣。
但有戒、有法之人的批評，
必須速速聽取，
敞開心扉聽取。]
有時大師父說的話， 是直來直去， 很直接的。
對於一般人、非佛教徒就不會那麼直接， 因為我們自我感那麼重、信仰心卻不重， 一會兒說兩說我們發脾氣罵他們，自己造業怎麼辦？
所以一般大師父對大眾都是很 nice的
但如果是親近的弟子、修行人就不會這樣了。
就會直接罵下來， 不會轉彎抹角。
通常如果大家跟大師父出家就體驗到了
然而，他們的話卻伴隨利益
他們說一句，好過世間的凡夫說一萬句
例如如果我們聽隆波間夏的法談， 他真的一字值千金， 說法簡單直接、直中要害。
但如果非修行人聽到可能會生氣， 對嗎？(笑)
隆波間夏、Ajahn Golf 、文頌大長老、Luang ta thongin 、 Ajahn Suchart、Luang Por Boontan 如果我們有親近過，就會知道這些大師父智慧是很銳利的， 為什麼？
他們的心清淨， 因此既知道自己的利益， 知道別人的利益， 也知道兩者的利益
向他們索取建議， 好過向世間的人拿意見。
為什麼？ 要有一個概念，就是這世界上絕大部分人都是愚蠢的
Living in this world, one must have a concept: the vast majority of people in this world are foolish.
The Buddha once said that, apart from the arahants, it is very rare to find beings whose minds are free from illness even for a moment (AN4.157).
What is illness? Greed, hatred and delusion
The Buddha said that just as a person standing on the shore cannot see small stones in a murky pond, if we have a polluted mind (illness), we will not understand our own interests, the interests of others, or the interests of both (AN1.45-46). What does this mean? It means that at this time, we are foolish.
Most people in this world, including ourselves, are like this.
Therefore, the advice and words given to us by ordinary people are often not very beneficial, and may even be counterproductive.
As Luang Por Pramote said: "The criticism of those without precepts and Dhamma should not be taken to heart; we only need to observe whether we truly are as bad as they say.
However, the criticism of those with precepts and Dhamma must be listened to immediately and with an open heart."
Sometimes, the words of the masters are straightforward and direct.
For ordinary people and non-Buddhists, they may not be so direct because we have a strong sense of self but a weak faith. If we hear something we don’t like, we might get angry and curse them—right?
Therefore, generally, the masters are very nice to the public.
But for close disciples and practitioners, it is different. They will speak directly without beating around the bush. Usually, if people have lived with the masters, they can experience this.
However, their words always come with benefits. One sentence from them is worth more than a thousand from ordinary people.
For example, if we listen to Luang Por Ganha's teachings, every word is precious; his teachings are simple, direct, and to the point. But if non-practitioners hear it, they may get angry, right? (laugh)
If we have been close to Luang Por Ganha, Ajahn Golf, Luang Pu Boonsong, Luang Ta Thongin, Ajahn Suchart, or Luang Pu Boontan, we would know that these masters possess sharp wisdom. Why? Because their minds are pure, they know their own interests, the interests of others, and the interests of both.
Seeking advice from them is better than asking ordinary people for opinions.
Why? Because one must have the concept: the vast majority of people in this world are foolish.
“….. The mind is profound...
When Luang Pu Net Jirapunyo spoke about the ecclesiastical rank conferred upon him,
because the King granted this title all at once,
transforming him from an ordinary monk into a high-ranking monk, he said:
‘…If you are given something, you must accept it, but if it is given, do not desire it.
To bestow titles on elephants or to elevate a monk,
what does the elephant itself know?
What meaning does it hold?
Similarly, elevating a monk—
a monk is ordained to be released, not to be confined.
For a pure monk, what significance does a noble title hold?
Our Buddhism preaches non-violence,
which means not to harm or kill,
and has no sacred wars to protect against oppression.
Thus, there must be powerful supporters.
Even during the Buddha's time,
the Buddha had King Bimbisara
and King Pasenadi as patrons,
making it convenient and safe for the spread of the Dharma.
Look at the Nalanda Monastery after the Buddha’s time,
which was attacked by foreign enemies.
Some monks fled, while others who did not fight
were often killed without resistance.
Then came the era of King Ashoka,
who transformed from a murderous king
to a revered monarch,
spreading the Buddha’s teachings
by sending monks across the land,
relying on the authority of his past as a conquering ruler,
proclaiming to the world that
the monks spreading the teachings were under his patronage.
As Buddhism expanded to Suvarnabhumi,
the kings of Thailand,
since the Sukhothai period,
have believed in Buddhism,
declaring themselves as followers,
and importantly, they have always supported
the Buddhist faith.
The appointment of ecclesiastical ranks
to honor monks who practice well
by bestowing titles
is to inform the people of the land
that the monarch is not neglectful of the faith
and supports it earnestly,
so that no one dares to invade.
They are significant lay supporters,
entrusted by the Buddha
to uphold and care for the religion for the benefit of the masses.
As for the monk,
once he receives a rank,
should he cling to a strong ego
or practice the Middle Way—
neither rejoicing nor lamenting over the title,
that is entirely up to the mind of the individual monk.
How could one blame or criticize the appointing authority?
King Rama X continues the legacy
of previous monarchs who are devoted followers
and firmly intends to support
the Buddha's teachings onward, just as King Rama I did,
who vowed upon ascending the throne:
‘…I intend to be a supporter,
to elevate Buddhism,
to protect the borders,
and to safeguard the people and ministers…’
With this explanation from Luang Pu,
one realizes that the king’s appointment of well-practicing monks
is to let everyone know
of their qualities:
worthy of offerings, worthy of respect,
and worthy of honoring.
Through their ecclesiastical rank,
it also proclaims to the world that he does not neglect
the support of Buddhism.
When a monk receives a rank,
he should remain indifferent like an elephant
that has been honored;
the elephant itself knows neither joy nor sorrow
about such titles…."
“….. 這件事是深奧的……
當Luang Pu Net 談到他的宗教封號時，
因為國王一次性地賦予這個頭銜，
使他從普通僧人變成高僧，他說：
‘……如果你被賦予某物，你必須接受，但如果是給予的，就不要渴求它。
給大象授予頭銜或提升僧侶，
大象自己又知道什麼呢？
這有什麼意義呢？
同樣，提升僧侶——
僧人是被剃度以獲得解脫，而不是被束縛。
對於一位純潔的僧侶，貴族頭銜有什麼意義？
我們的佛教主張非暴力，
這意味著不傷害、不殺戮，
並且沒有聖戰來保護自己免受欺壓。
因此，必須有強大的支持者。
即使在佛教的時代，
佛陀有頻婆娑羅王
和波斯匿王作為庇護者，
使得傳播佛法方便且安全。
看看佛教之後的那蘭陀寺，
被外敵襲擊。
一些僧侶逃跑了，而那些不逃跑的
往往被殺死而不抵抗。
然後來到阿育王的時代，
他從一個殺戮的國王
轉變為一位受人尊敬的君主，
透過派遣僧侶四處傳播佛法，
依賴他曾是征服者的權威，
向全世界宣告，
那些傳播教義的僧侶
是在他的庇護之下。
當佛教擴展到蘇凡那布米時，
我們泰國的國王，
自素可泰時期以來，
信奉佛教，
宣告自己為佛教徒，
而且重要的是，他們一直支持
佛教信仰。
通過授予宗教封號
來表彰那些行為端正的僧侶
是為了讓國土上的人民
知道國王不會忽視宗教，
並且認真支持它，
讓任何人都不敢侵擾。
他們是重要的在家居士，
佛陀將信仰托付給他們，
以幫助維護和照顧宗教，
為大眾的利益而存在。
至於僧侶，
一旦獲得封號，
他應該像大象一樣保持冷靜，
因為大象自己對這些頭銜
並不知情或喜悅……。”
Teachings from Luang Pu Net Jirapunyo
Wat Laem Sak, Krabi Province
Ajahn brahm 在他 mindfulness bliss and beyond 一書曾比喻不同人說：
有一些人，他們有許多心靈的尖刺，那麼的寬廣和銳利，當他進入一間房間，所有人都會感到不舒服。當他們出現時，人們都容易受傷。
大部分人的心靈之刺並不是那麼的尖銳和長，其他人可以親近他，但如果太近，也會被刺傷。
有些特別的人，他們只有非常少的尖刺，他們所有的都是鈍且短的。但就算對於這些人，如果你太近，他也會受刺。
最後，有一種很特別的人，他們完全沒有心靈上的刺，他們就是阿羅漢。阿羅漢就像我們的心靈爺爺，非常有智慧且溫柔，沒有絲毫憤怒，他只把你的幸福作為他們所關心的。當一個人去見到這樣的阿羅漢，他們永遠都不會想離開。
如果不是阿羅漢的話， 每個人都會有這個刺。
這個刺就是這個自我，這個我慢。
當有這個刺的時候， 我們就會覺得自己比人好、和人平等，想變得重要與出眾。 之後一定要別人聽我們的， 只有我們是對的， 別人都不對；然後和人吵架。
當沒有這個刺的時候， 就是沒有這個我慢。Luang por ganha 說， 沒有這個自我的話， 是不會跟人吵架的。
我們和朋友閒時才一聚， 不會太感覺到這個刺。
我們和親戚節日時才一聚， 不會太感覺到這個刺。
我們和女朋友男朋友一個星期見一次， 不會太感覺到這個刺。
但當我們住在一起， 天天都見， 就完了。原形畢露了。
有些人訂婚後去旅行， 去完旅行便分手了。
但和阿羅漢待在一起， 如果我們不是他的出家弟子， 他沒有想去嚴格訓練我們， 那麼我們將永遠都會想和他們待在一起。
《社會中的生存之道》
如果要在社會生存，要知道人性。
人性是什麼？人性就是自私（笑）
佛陀說，我們最愛的是自己 （Ud.41）。不對嗎？（笑）
每個人都是自我中心，各取所需
如果要受人歡迎，別人要什麼就給什麼
如果別人喜歡物質財富，你就布施一些禮物給他們，讓他們開心。
如果別人需要錢，你就捐錢給他們，讓他們開心
如果別人喜歡好聽的說話，自豪於某些東西，你就說好聽的說話給他們聽，讓他們開心
如果別人不知道應該怎樣做才能獲益，想人幫忙；你就告訴他們，什麼應該做，什麼不應該做，什麼人應該結交，什麼人不應結交。
如果別人想要陪伴，想要友誼；你就和他同甘共苦，和他一起吃飯，一起共處，一起分擔憂愁，一起分享喜悅。
如果別人需要安全感，您就持好五戒十善，不傷害任何人，讓他們開心，有安全感。
如果別人喜歡正能量，你就禪修，讓心平靜，充滿慈悲喜捨，空掉自我，讓他們開心。
如果別人喜歡做老大，控制別人，專橫霸道；你就認下低威，給他控制一下，聽一下他的意見，讓他開心。
如果別人執著自己的見解，想要別人認同；你就認同一些你也認同的東西，讓他開心。不認同的話，就微笑地聽；讓他開心
如果別人希望被人重視，你就尊重一下他，重視一下他；讓他高興。
來到佛教的圈子。記得！每個人也是自我中心的。除了阿羅漢或者像阿羅漢般高尚的人以外。
他們要什麼？要功德。那麼你就迴向功德給他們，讓他們開心。
他們要做功德，那就給他們做。我們在旁隨喜。 Luang por lersi lingdam 說只是誠心地隨喜，也有90% 功德
如果他們自豪於自己的布施，持戒，禪修，智慧；那就真誠地讚美一下他們。因為這些的確值得讚美。而且他們聽到後也會開心
很少人會因為你好而開心。沒有人會因為你是索取者而開心。
所有人都會因為你是給予者而感到開心
所有人都會因為你空掉了自我而感到舒服