If parents are good, their children can also become good.

In Thailand, or among those who don't understand, they tend to focus only on knowledge and understanding.

They fail to cultivate mindfulness, which is inner peace,

or to develop full awareness.

They prioritize knowledge and understanding,

and let their children become spoiled.

When this continues for years, it becomes difficult to correct.

Children don't learn to tidy their living spaces,

wash dishes, take care of cleanliness,

or dispose of garbage properly.

This happens because parents think incorrectly,

believing that the child should grow up first

before they teach and guide them.

The Buddha taught that children, from the womb until they are six or seven years old,

should be cared for as if they were an egg in a rock.

Provide them with nourishment, nutrients, and protein.

When they grow to six or seven,

that's when discipline and practice should begin.

Parents must be examples and role models.

Otherwise, they aren't truly parents.

This is what must be understood.

If children are left to grow up without guidance,

they become addicted to all kinds of indulgence—

delicious tastes, rich flavors, intense cravings.

Think about it:

Foreigners, for instance, must eat bread and potatoes.

They can't adapt to eating other things.

Parents lead their children in such habits.

Everything must pass through the parents' guidance.

Parents are incredibly important.

Knowledge and understanding, when rooted in right view,

are crucial.

This is why humans have education across all 18 fields of knowledge,

including Buddhism.

We must lead our lives guided by what is correct.

I hope what I’ve said is clear enough.

Everyone can do this and practice it.

The French are the best people in the world—

good, intelligent people.

But colonization wasn't right.

True intelligence means being wise and also being a giver.

Do you agree? Do you agree?

The French are good and the most intelligent people in the world.

But Dhamma must return to France,

to England, to America, and to Germany.

Those nations are extremely talented,

incredibly clever,

but their intelligence has brought destruction to the world.

That’s not good.

The Buddha taught that intelligence and goodness must go hand in hand.

This is what must be understood.

If everyone abandons sense of self,

they will gain wisdom.

But if they cling to the self,

they won’t even be able to sleep at night

若父母品行端正，其子女亦能趨於良善。

在泰國或未明理之人當中，往往只注重知識與理解，

卻未能培養內在平靜的正念，

亦未發展圓滿的覺知。

他們過度重視知識理解，

縱容子女嬌生慣養。

若常年如此，便積習難改——

子女學不會整理居所、

清洗碗盤、注重潔淨，

亦不懂妥善處理垃圾。

此皆因父母存謬思：

認為應待孩子長大後再行教導。

佛陀開示，從胎中至六七歲的孩童，

當如呵護石中卵般悉心養育，

供給營養、養分與蛋白質。

待其長至六七歲時，

便應開始教導規矩與實踐。

父母務必成為典範與楷模，

否則不配為人父母。

此理應當明悟。

若放任子女未受引導成長，

他們便會沉溺於各種縱慾——

貪戀美味、濃膩口感、熾盛渴求。

試想：

如西方人非麵包馬鈴薯不食，

難以適應其他飲食。

父母正是此類習氣的引導者，

萬事皆需經由父母教化。

父母之責，重如泰山。

以正見為根基的知識與理解至關重要，

故人類需具備十八學問領域之教育，

包括佛學。

我們應當以正法引導人生。

願我所言清晰明了，

眾人皆可實踐躬行。

法國人本是世間最優秀的民族——

善良且聰慧。

但殖民之行終非正途。

真正的智慧應兼備智慧與奉獻精神。

諸位可認同？可認同？

法國人雖善良冠世，

然正法當迴流法國、

至英國、至美國、至德國。

彼等國家才華卓絕、聰穎非凡，

卻以其才智為世間帶來毀壞——

此非善道。

佛陀開示：智慧與良善必須並行。

此理應當徹悟。

若人人捨棄我執，

便生智慧；

若執著自我，

則連夜寐亦難安寧。

Luang  Phor Gunhah Sukhakamo 

At wat Pah Subthawee Dhammaram 

Saturday, November 16, 2024

english and image cred. to Kung Isarankura

心就像一個小孩

孩子也是無我的

我們控制孩子，讓他隨順我們的心那樣去發展，這樣去控制是不可能的

沒有幾天之前，隆波有給一位媽媽說到。因為她讓她的孩子到寺廟出家做沙彌。然後規劃說，讓她的孩子還俗後持八戒，不讓他娶老婆。把所有的一切都做規劃了

隆波說，這是不對的，因為你不應該去操控、控制他的生命，你可以去建議。但是不應該去操控，不然他可能就沒有快樂。

在你眼裡很好，但在他眼裡不好也有可能。你覺得有快樂，但在他眼中沒有快樂也有可能。

因此孩子是無我的，並不是真的能夠指揮得了他。即便面對面時他聽你的，但背後就不聽了

心也是一樣，我們並不是真的能夠命令、控制得了

但是如果我們有孩子，我們可以給他學習的機會，把他送去學校讀書。給他一些建議，他遇到問題時可以給他一些機會、建議，一起坐下來談。

但是最後他是好還是壞，是苦還是樂。我們命令不了，控制不了。孩子是無我的，但我們可以給他學習的機會。

同理，心是無我的，我們也可以給它學習的機會。方法就是把事實帶給它學了又學。

過往為什麼心一直在誤解？因為它隨業去流轉去學習，沒有大的老師去給他教材。我們有大的老師，我們有佛陀教導我們的教材，我們按照這個教材去走，是完全可以訓練自己的心。大部份人是無法教導自己的心的，有的僅僅只是不停地去迎合、訓練自己的煩惱。想看電影就去看，想聽音樂就去聽，想吃想玩，就這裡找吃的那裡找吃的。衣服已經很多了，還想買這一套，然後還要這個那個品牌的包。其實只是幾塊錢就可以買一個包了，但他卻要十幾萬買一個包。像這一些，這是無法自控的，就會不斷滿足、迎合自己的心。

但是如果我們學習佛陀的教導，佛陀教導最高的點，我們作為佛教徒我們一定要知道。萬一有人問我們佛陀教導最高的實質是什麼？我們要知道。其實就是所有的境界，包括色法、名法，都不值得執取.....

The mind is like a child.  

A child is non-self.  

It is impossible for us to control a child, to make them develop according to our wishes—such control is simply not possible.  

Not long ago, Luang Por spoke with a mother. She had her son ordained as a novice monk at the temple and then planned for him to observe the Eight Precepts after disrobing, not allowing him to get married. She had everything planned out.  

Luang Por said this is wrong because you should not manipulate or control his life. You can offer advice, but you should not control, or else he may never find happiness.  

What seems good in your eyes might not be good in his. What you perceive as happiness might not be happiness in his eyes.  

Therefore, a child is non-self; you cannot truly command them. Even if they listen to you face-to-face, they might not behind your back.  

It is the same with the mind—we cannot truly command or control it.  

However, if we have children, we can give them opportunities to learn, send them to school to study, and offer them advice. When they encounter problems, we can give them opportunities and guidance, sitting down to talk with them.  

But in the end, whether they turn out good or bad, happy or suffering, we cannot command or control it. A child is non-self, but we can provide them with opportunities to learn.  

Similarly, the mind is non-self, but we can also give it opportunities to learn. The method is to repeatedly expose it to the truth.  

Why has the mind always been misunderstanding in the past? Because it follows karmic tendencies and learns accordingly, without a great teacher to provide it with proper material. We have a great teacher; we have the teachings of the Buddha as our material. If we follow this material, we can fully train our minds.  

Most people cannot teach their own minds. Instead, they continually indulge and train their defilements. If they want to watch a movie, they go watch one; if they want to listen to music, they listen; if they want to eat or play, they seek food here and there. They already have many clothes but still want to buy this set, and then they want bags from this or that brand. In reality, a bag can be bought for just a few dollars, but they insist on spending tens of thousands on one. Such behavior shows a lack of self-control, constantly satisfying and indulging the mind.  

However, if we study the Buddha’s teachings—the highest point of his teachings—we, as Buddhists, must know this. If someone asks us what the ultimate essence of the Buddha’s teachings is, we should know. It is that all phenomena, including material form and mental phenomena, are not worth clinging to...

---Luang Por Pramote

2024.04.21

如果我們是精進修行的佛教徒，心遠離五欲；很容易會走向極端、滋生邪見

比方說，有些人會覺得，我們布施食物是惡業，對嗎？

為什麼他們會有這樣的想法？因為他們覺得享受食物會讓人沉淪五欲，挑起別人的貪慾

好像很有道理，但其實不是的

我們布施食物、請別人吃飯，不是布施貪婪給他們😂 

佛陀說，我們布施食物給他們，是在布施壽命、美貌、快樂、力氣與辯才給他們。

因為他們吃了食物後，能夠延續生命、容光煥發、滿足快樂、身體有力量、頭腦靈活。

當這樣的善業成熟後，佛陀說，我們會收回壽命、美貌、快樂、力氣與辯才的果報（Ref. AN5.37）

是善業來的！

我們布施太好的食物給僧侶，會讓他們沉淪欲樂；所以在造惡業嗎？😂 

當然不是！

佛陀曾說，我們布施合意的東西給別人，果報會讓我們也收回合意的東西

佛陀再補充：施與最上者會得到最上的 （AN5.44 ）是很殊勝的善業來的！

我們布施最好質素的食物給僧侶，他們如何選擇是他自己的事情。如果他們真的在努力修行的話，難道他們不會自己取捨嗎？他們已經不是小孩子了，自會明白什麼應該做、什麼不應該做。

如果我們因此誤解而布施劣等食物給僧侶，會發生什麼事情？

我們將來也會收回劣質東西囖！哈哈哈哈！

事實上，我們布施食物、飲料、衣服、交通工具、花、香料、塗油、臥床、房舍、燈燭給別人；佛陀說這是沒有問題的，反而是富有的因（MN135）

這些都是生活的必須品，布施這些是完全是沒有問題的

但如果是布施其他非必需品的五欲享受，就有些灰色地帶了

有時我們必須以智慧考量。

我們布施、餽贈是為了把快樂帶給別人，但別人會否因為我們的布施而真正得到長久的利益和快樂呢？

譬如我們買一支頂級紅酒給別人，一百萬。我們期望別人喝完之後會怎樣？😂

他們的心會水浸、陷入昏沉睡眠、會失去智慧和正念、做出一切傻事，傷害自己又傷害別人

如此，我們期望這個布施的果報成熟後我們會怎樣？ 當然吃回我們布施給別人的東西😂---有人送酒給我們，心會水浸、陷入昏沉睡眠、智慧會被奪去、做出一切傻事，傷害自己又傷害別人

所以我們必須要以智慧考量，究竟我們布施後是會帶給別人利益還是損害呢？

有一個故事是這樣的：

有一個雜技表演者覺得，他以表演帶給別人歡樂，所以死後會投生到天界

佛陀否認了他，然後說，因為他以表演誘使未離貪嗔癡的衆生生起更多的貪嗔癡；自己陶醉、放逸，也使他人陶醉、放逸； 所以以此惡業，死後有機會會投生到地獄中（SN42.2）

義注怎樣解釋呢？

就是這些表演者作出從口中吐出五色絲線、呼風降雨等的表演，及其他與欲樂相應之表演形態。讓人增長貪慾

又或者展示斷手截足等形態，讓人增長害怕等的嗔心

又或者如取水化油、取油化水等諸般幻術變現；欺騙迷惑觀眾，讓他們增長愚癡、散亂

所以我們贊助別人去看這些表演，並不是良好的布施。

別人看完後會滋長貪嗔癡，增加內心的混亂。

當果報成熟時，我們也有機會收回相同的東西，內心會變得散亂

贊助別人看電影的話， Ajahn Suchart 說：【這是善業，我們在施捨布施。當我們帶孩子去動物園或看電影時，我們是在給他們帶來快樂，這沒有什麼錯。】

但當然，也要看是什麼電影的。

有些是恐怖片，我們贊助別人獲得痛苦和恐懼，這是幹什麼呢？😂我們期望我們會收到什麼果報？

有些電影有濃厚的教育意味、能提升我們善法的，也不是沒有。比方說《佛陀傳》，是能讓人生起信心和法喜的。

這些電影便值得請別人去看了

布施歌舞音樂給別人，也要看對象。如果對方是已經離貪嗔癡的佛陀、阿羅漢，他們聽音樂是沒有什麼副作用的。

有多篇經文提到，有些佛陀時代的大長老，過去世就是布施歌舞音樂給獨覺佛、佛陀等等，因此善業而獲得大榮華，種下解脫的因。這也不是沒有（AP1.114，1.116，1.118，1.191，1.411，1.434 ）

但如果我們布施歌舞音樂給凡夫，例如演唱會門票；猜猜他們在演唱會裡會怎樣？😂肯定位位都變成瘋子般吶喊了。

所以做布施前，我們必須要經過智慧的考量

最好的布施，當然是引導對方行善、布施、持戒和禪修啦！例如資助他們參加禪修營。那個利益是無窮無盡的

但不是每個人都受的。比如說，我們只允許兒女在家裡禪修，他們怎會理我們？😂遲早會和我們反面的！

我們的子女未必和我們抱持相同的見解和智慧的。

最多給他們零用錢，讓他們自行決定用處，以防引起衝突。

但大方向來說，我們引導他們布施、持戒、禪修，這對他們的利益是最大的

If we are Buddhists who diligently practice and have minds detached from the five sensual pleasure, it's easy to go to extremes and develop wrong views.

For example, some might think that giving food is bad karma, right?

Why would they think that? Because they believe that enjoying food makes people indulge in sensual pleasures and stirs up greed in others.

It sounds reasonable, but it's actually not correct.

When we give food or treat others to a meal, we are not giving them greed 😂.

The Buddha said that when we give food to others, we are giving them life, beauty, happiness, strength, and eloquence.

Because after they eat the food, they can sustain their lives, have a radiant complexion, feel content and happy, have physical strength, and have agile minds.

When such good karma matures, the Buddha said we will reap the karmic results of longevity, beauty, happiness, strength, and eloquence (Ref. AN5.37).

This is good karma!

If we give overly delicious food to monastics, will it make them indulge in sensual pleasures, thus creating bad karma? 😂

Of course not!

The Buddha once said that when we give agreeable things to others, the result will be that we receive agreeable things.

The Buddha added: Giving what is best yields the best results (AN5.44). This is supremely good karma!

If we give the highest quality food to monastics, how they choose to use it is their own business. If they are truly diligently practicing, wouldn't they know how to exercise discretion? They are not children anymore; they naturally understand what should and shouldn't be done.

If we, due to such misunderstandings, give inferior food to monastics, what will happen?

We will also receive inferior things in the future! Hahaha!

In fact, when we give food, drink, clothing, means of transport, flowers, incense, ointments, bedding, lodging, and lamps to others, the Buddha said there is no problem with this; rather, it is a cause for wealth (MN135).

These are all necessities of life. Giving these is completely without issue.

However, when it comes to giving other non-essential sensual enjoyments, there is somewhat of a gray area.

Sometimes we must consider with wisdom.

We give gifts to bring happiness to others, but will others truly gain long-term benefit and happiness from our giving?

For example, if we buy someone a top-tier bottle of red wine costing a million. What do we expect will happen after they drink it? 😂

Their mind will become flooded, they will sink into sloth and torpor, lose wisdom and mindfulness, do all sorts of foolish things, harming both themselves and others.

So, when this karmic result of giving matures, what do we expect will happen to us? Of course, we will 'consume' what we gave to others 😂—someone will give us alcohol, our minds will become flooded, we will sink into dullness and drowsiness, our wisdom will be taken away, we will do all sorts of foolish things, harming both ourselves and others.

Therefore, we must use wisdom to consider whether our giving will bring benefit or harm to others.

There is a story like this:

An acrobatic performer thought that because he brought joy to others through his performances, he would be reborn in a heavenly realm after death.

The Buddha refuted this, saying that because his performances incited more greed, hatred, and delusion in beings who were not yet free from them, and because he himself became intoxicated and heedless, and made others intoxicated and heedless, due to this bad karma, he had the chance to be reborn in hell after death (SN42.2).

How does the commentary explain this?

It says these performers put on shows like spitting five-colored threads from their mouths, summoning wind and rain, and other performances associated with sensual pleasure, causing people's greed to increase.

Or they display acts like cutting off hands and feet, causing people to develop fear and other forms of hatred.

Or they perform tricks like turning water into oil or oil into water, deceiving and confusing the audience, making them increase in delusion and restlessness.

Therefore, sponsoring others to watch such performances is not good giving.

After watching, others will have their greed, hatred, and delusion nurtured, increasing mental confusion.

When the karmic fruit matures, we also have the chance to receive the same thing—our minds will become restless.

Regarding sponsoring others to watch movies, Ajahn Suchart said: *"that is good kamma, you are giving dana. When you take children to zoo or to movie, you are giving them happiness, there is nothing wrong with that"*

But of course, it also depends on what movie it is.

Some are horror movies. If we sponsor others to gain suffering and fear, what are we doing? 😂 What kind of result do we expect to receive?

Some movies have strong educational value and can elevate our wholesome qualities—they do exist. For example, *"The Story of the Buddha"* can inspire faith and joy in the Dhamma.

These kinds of movies are worth treating others to.

Giving songs, dances, and music to others also depends on the recipient. If the recipient is a Buddha or an Arahant who has already abandoned greed, hatred, and delusion, listening to music has no side effects for them.

Several texts mention that some great elders during the Buddha's time, in past lives, had offered songs, dances, and music to Paccekabuddhas, Buddhas, etc. Because of this good karma, they attained great glory and planted the seeds for liberation. This is not unheard of (AP1.114, 1.116, 1.118, 1.191, 1.411, 1.434).

But if we give songs, dances, and music to ordinary people, for example, concert tickets, guess what they will do at the concert? 😂 Surely everyone will become like madmen, shouting and screaming.

Therefore, before giving, we must carefully consider with wisdom.

The best giving, of course, is guiding others to perform good deeds, practice generosity, observe precepts, and meditate! For example, sponsoring them to attend meditation retreats. The benefits are boundless.

But not everyone is receptive. For instance, if we only allow our children to meditate at home, would they listen to us? 😂 Sooner or later, they will turn against us!

Our children may not share the same views and wisdom as us.

At most, we can give them pocket money and let them decide how to use it themselves, to avoid conflict.

But generally speaking, guiding them to give, observe precepts, and meditate is of the greatest benefit to them.

「父母養育孩子，不應過度指望依賴他們，只需盡心撫養便是。至於孩子是否回報養育之恩，那取決於他們自己。而我們的責任，就是盡力做好本分就夠了。

有些人懂得報答父母恩情，是他們的福報，可稱為知恩圖報之人。天下父母，無不期望自己的孩子成為社會良善之輩。

但現今社會，有人沉迷毒品，做出父母從未教導的惡行——酒後弒父、殺母，甚至傷害身邊無辜之人，全是毒品所害。

這正是社會亟需解決的問題！學校必須嚴格教育，父母同樣責無旁貸，軍警等執法部門更應嚴加查緝。若逮捕後又因權勢關係輕易釋放（如稱『是某人的孩子』），長此以往，泰國將走向沉淪。在此緊急呼籲：必須即刻正視並解決此問題！」

"As parents, we raise our children without relying on them too much; simply doing our best to nurture them is enough. Whether they choose to repay our kindness is up to them. Our duty is simply to fulfill our role to the best of our ability.

Some people repay their parents' kindness—this is their merit, a sign of their gratitude and virtue. All parents want their children to be good members of society.

But nowadays, some people turn to drugs and commit acts their parents never taught or condoned— they kill their fathers, mothers, and even those close to them, all because of the effects of drugs.

This is an issue society must urgently address! Schools must take education seriously, parents must equally fulfill their responsibilities, and the police and military must enforce the law strictly. If arrests are made but offenders are released due to connections (like saying 'he's someone's child'), if this continues, Thailand will be left with nothing. This is an urgent plea: this problem must be resolved immediately!"

————********** 

Luang Phor Somkiat Chitmaro 

Wat Pa Tham Phra Thep Nimit, Udon Thani 

September 24, 2025

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

有許多父母分享，他們不求子女出色，只求子女開心而已

這些父母，真是有智慧！😂 😂 

為什麼這樣說？ 

當子女開心、滿足，他們的需求、貪慾自然會很少。

有沒有聽過‘人到無求品自高？’ 對，他們很難會去為了私利而傷害自己和別人

當人品好，他們自然在學校裡、工場上都會受歡迎

當子女開心，他們也會有禪定。為什麼？ 佛陀說，快樂是禪定生起的近因（AN11.1）

當有禪定時會發生什麼事情 ? 一個人會有智慧！ 因為定能生慧！

當他們有智慧時，做什麼都出色！ 人際方面出色！ 學業出色！ 工作出色！

所以隆波甘哈很注重教導我們要快樂地學習、快樂地工作，大概就是如此原因。

讓子女們享受學業、享受工作，從中找到樂趣、快樂吧。那麼不用求，子女也會出色。

子女也會覺得：‘嗯,我的父母真是好、希望我開心，我也希望他們開心吧！’ 然後就會喜歡我們😂 😂 

Many parents share that they don't ask for their children to be outstanding—they only wish for them to be happy. 

These parents are truly wise! 😂😂 

Why do we say this? 

When children are happy and content, their needs and desires naturally diminish. 

Have you heard the saying, **“When a person is free from desires, their character naturally becomes noble?”** 

That’s right—such children are unlikely to harm themselves or others for selfish gains. 

When a person has good character, they naturally become well-liked in school and in the workplace. 

When children are happy, they also develop stillness. Why? 

The Buddha said, **“Happiness is the proximate cause for the arising of stillness” (AN 11.1).** 

And what happens when one has stillness? They gain wisdom! Because **“stillness gives rise to wisdom.”** 

When they have wisdom, they excel in everything they do—outstanding in relationships, outstanding in studies, outstanding in work! 

This is likely why Luang Por Ganha emphasizes learning joyfully and working happily. 

Let children enjoy their studies and work—let them find joy and fulfillment in what they do. 

Then, without even asking, they will naturally become outstanding. 

And the children will think: *“Hmm, my parents are good, they truly want me to be happy, and I want them to be happy too!”* 

And then they’ll genuinely like us 😂😂 

15個字是什麼？ 「待人要好，做事要專心，少說話，多做事。 」

當我們待人好時，其實就是有戒，有慈悲心

佛陀說，戒能生定

也說，當我們常常住於慈心之中，心就非常容易定下來 (AN11.15)

做事要專心，也是培育禪定

少說話多做事，也就是減少內心的散亂，增加禪定

當我們有禪定時，智慧也會生起

所以一個人禪定好時，什麼都做得好。

13個博士？根本不難養！

What are the 15 words in Chinese ? "Be good to others, be focused in tasks, speak less, do more."

When we are good to others, it is essentially having precepts and a loving kindness heart. 

The Buddha said that precepts give rise to stillness. 

He also said that when we often abide in a heart of loving-kindness, the mind becomes very easily settled (AN11.15).

Being focused in tasks also cultivates stillness.

Speaking less and doing more means reducing mental distraction and increasing stillness.

When we have stillness, wisdom also arises.

So when a person has good stillness, they excel in everything. 

13 Ph.D. graduates? Not at all difficult to raise!

Religion, in essence—regardless of the faith—is about one thing:

Eliminating all that is wrong. It’s about integrating science with the heart to bring about true happiness.

Religion means putting an end to conflict.

Religion means letting go of delusion. We should not allow delusion to lead our lives. Understand this well.

Living this way, we must respect everyone.

If we show respect to our wife, she will no longer cause problems—don’t you agree? If we respect our children, they too will be at peace. We must restore what is right and give up what is wrong. Understand this well.

We must begin by correcting ourselves.

Only then will we find peace and wisdom. Don’t you agree?

宗教的本質——無論何種信仰——歸根結底只有一件事：

去除一切錯誤。它是將科學與心靈融合，從而帶來真正的幸福。

宗教意味著終止衝突。

宗教意味著放下癡迷。我們不該讓癡迷主導人生，要好好明白這一點。

這樣生活，我們必須尊重每個人。

若尊重妻子，她就不會再製造麻煩——難道不是嗎？

若尊重孩子，他們也會安寧。

我們必須恢復正確的，放棄錯誤的，要好好明白這一點。

我們必須先修正自己。

唯有如此，才能獲得平靜與智慧。難道不是嗎？

Luang Phor Ganha Sukhakamo

At Wat Pah Subthawee Dhammaram

Wednesday, 6 August 2025

我們想生個有出色的兒子

怎麼辦？

做初果聖者咯，做不到就學他們咯😂

初果聖者有甚麼特質？

對佛陀有不動搖的信心

對法有不動搖的信心

對聖僧確實存在此事實有不動搖的信心

具備圓滿的五戒十善業

慷慨且不會吝嗇

不會妒忌

煩惱淡薄

出色的兒子，當然要是帶著大福報來的人

誰？ 當然要是那些大威德的天神！

不要忘記，佛陀說，我們每個人最愛的都是自己（Ud 41)

沒有著數（好處），有得選怎會選擇投生到我們這裡？😂

他們看下來後可能會想：哇，這戶人家好啊，不會帶壞我。 父母對三寶有不動搖的信心，具備正見，會教導我布施、持戒、禪修。

那我下去人間一趟，累積大功德後還不立即上回來？ 高風險，高回報---穩贏！💪

最重要的是，父母慷慨，捨得花錢在我身上。 我要什麼有甚麼， 妙極！！

父母煩惱不會很多，和他們待在一起，人都開心些

好了，不說了，下去了～不然一會兒給其他天神搶了

如果沒有好處，有誰想靠近我們吖？😂

**How to Have an Exceptional Son?** 

Want to raise an outstanding son? Here's how: 

Become a *sotāpanna* (stream-enterer). If we can't, then at least learn from them! 😂 

What are the qualities of a *sotāpanna*? 

- **Unshakable faith** in the Buddha 

- **Unshakable faith** in the Dhamma 

- **Unshakable faith** that the Noble Sangha truly exists 

- **Perfects the Five Precepts and Ten Wholesome Deeds** 

- **Generous, free from stinginess** 

- **Free from jealousy** 

- **Has very few defilements** 

An exceptional son must be someone **born with great merit**— 

Who? None other than **a powerful deva (celestial being)!** 

Don’t forget, the Buddha said: *"Every person loves themselves the most."* (Ud 41) 

If there’s **no benefit**, why would they choose to be reborn in our family? 😂 

When they look down from the heavens, they might think: 

*"Wow, this family is great—they won’t corrupt me! The parents have unwavering faith in the Triple Gem, right view, and will teach me generosity, virtue, and meditation. If I take a human birth, accumulate merit, and return swiftly, it’s a win-win! High risk, high reward—guaranteed success!"* 💪 

Most importantly, **the parents are generous** and willing to invest in me. 

I’ll get everything I want—perfect! 

Their minds aren’t clouded by defilements—being around them is uplifting and happy

*"Alright, enough talk—I’m heading down before another deva snatches the spot!"* 

**If there’s no benefit, who’d want to come near us?** 😂 

"...Luang Por (Venerable Father) once said: ‘You teachers, you parents—people like this—focus on yourselves.

The end of suffering (dukkha) isn’t about being rich or poor. It’s about stopping mental fabrication (papañca).

Each of you—before, you suffered because you lacked things. Years passed, yet you’re still suffering the same way—even more, just to cling to your status, your position.

This ‘self’ is delusion. If we truly understand, we’ll realize that peace and wisdom are the end of suffering.

Those who ordain must understand this. They come seeking peace—but peace comes from having right view (sammā-diṭṭhi) and wisdom.

Understand this: Some monks who’ve been ordained for years remain selfish—they won’t even clean the toilets!

Nowadays, in Thai temples, they’ve started hiring laypeople to scrub bathrooms and sweep living quarters. Some temples even pay monks to do it! It’s gotten out of hand—they’ve all become ‘hired monks’ (สมชี, ‘Sammi’).

These aren’t real monks. Most are just ‘Sammi.’

Why would Luang Por scold real monks? He wouldn’t. The Dhamma and Vinaya—who dares rebuke them? Right?

A true monk is peaceful, full of wisdom—you can’t criticize that. We must understand.

If we don’t, these people will just go teach children without improving themselves. Soon, their kids will talk back. Parents and teachers will keep trying to ‘fix’ others.

There was an Australian man who came complaining to Luang Por until his ears rang: ‘My son is no good! He knows I have money—he doesn’t have to work!’

Luang Por told him: ‘Hey, mate… You’re the problem. You go complain about your son? If you hadn’t taken a wife, would there even be a son?

We must understand: We have to fix ourselves first. If we try to fix others, we’ll just end up fighting.

Luang Por doesn’t argue. No one argues at his temple—because he fixes himself.

But these people? They’re just afraid of Luang Por. Afraid he’ll find out and defrock them. They have to hide carefully—or else my team will ‘educate’ them…’"

「...師父說過：你們這些老師、父母啊，要先管好自己。

『滅苦』不在貧富，而在停止妄想。

每個人以前苦，是因為『沒有』；多年後，還是苦—甚至更苦，只為保住地位權力。

『自我』就是愚癡。若真明白，就會懂得平靜與智慧才是滅苦之道。

來出家的人必須明白：你們是來找平靜的—但平靜來自正見與智慧。

要這樣理解：有些人出家多年卻自私連廁所都不掃！

現在泰國很多寺廟開始雇人刷馬桶、掃僧舍，有的甚至花錢請僧人自己做！亂成一團—全成了『雇傭僧』（สมชี）。

這些不是真僧人，多半是『假和尚』。

師父何必罵真僧人？佛法戒律，誰敢妄評？對吧？

真正的僧侶只有平靜與智慧，無可指摘。我們要搞清楚。

若不明白，這些人只會教孩子卻不修正自己，遲早被兒女頂嘴。父母師長總想『糾正』別人。

有個澳洲人來找師父抱怨到耳朵長繭：『我兒子廢了！他知道我有錢，根本不用工作！』

師父直接說：『老兄啊，問題在你。你怪兒子？當初不娶老婆，哪來兒子？

要這樣想：我們得先修正自己。只想改變別人，遲早吵架。

師父從不跟人爭，寺裡也沒人爭吵—因為他只修自己。

但這些人？就怕師父發現後強制還俗，得小心躲著…不然我的人會『處理』他們…」

— Luang Por Ganha Sukhakamo

At Wat Pa Sappathawee Thammaram

Friday, July 25, 2025

cred. to Kung Isarankura

為什麼子女那麼難管教啊！ 

正常吖，每個人都有自己的思想和見解，為什麼一定要聽我們說？ 對嗎？難道我們也會100%聽我們父母的話？

如果真的要讓他們聽話，一定要用對方法。

要先和他們有良好的關係，受到他們的尊敬，他們才能聽我們話啊！

怎樣做到？佛陀教導要用上四攝法：

布施：請子女吃東西，送禮物給子女等等

愛語：對他們說好聽的說話，讚美的說話

利行：幫助他們，在他們需要時為他們提供建議

平等：不要以高高在上的姿態對待他們，而是好像朋友那樣和他們同甘共苦

其實一些父母雖然沒有學習過佛法，都懂這些道理。

有一位有智慧的媽媽曾說，和子女的關係一旦破裂啊，就很難修補了。

例如他們想要談戀愛，難道我們強硬阻止有用嗎？很多時唯有隻眼開隻眼閉，以朋友的方式勸導他們

這樣才會聽我們嘛！

佛陀說啊，假如沒有這四攝法，父母是不會得到子女的尊敬的。如果哪位有智慧的人知道這四攝法，就會因而達到偉大的狀態，備受讚賞。（JaA.532)

Why are children so hard to discipline?

Well, that’s normal! Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions—why must they listen to us? Right? After all, did we always obey our parents 100%?

If we really want them to listen, we must use the right methods.

First, we need to build a good relationship with them and earn their respect—then they’ll be willing to follow our guidance.

How? The Buddha taught the Four Bases of maintaining good relationships(Saṅgahavatthu):

Generosity (Dāna) – Treat them to meals, give them gifts, etc.

Kind Speech (Peyyavajja) – Speak to them gently, use encouraging and praising words.

Beneficial Conduct (Atthacariyā) – Help them and offer advice when they need it.

Equal Treatment (Samānattatā) – Don’t act superior; stand by them like a friend, sharing in their joys and struggles.

In fact, some parents naturally understand these principles even without studying the Dhamma.

One wise mother once said: ''Once the parent-child relationship is broken, it’s very hard to repair.

For example, if they want to start dating, will forceful opposition really work? Often, we have to turn a blind eye and guide them gently—like a friend—rather than commanding them.''

That’s how they’ll listen to us!

The Buddha said: "Without these four principles, parents will not earn their children’s respect. But those who wisely practice them will attain greatness and be praised." (Ja. 532)

《Base on ego makes everyone argues with us》

If we base everything on our own ego,

Then things will not be okay.

Others won’t be okay either.

Even our children will argue with us.

And intellectuals will protest in the streets.

No one wants to argue with their parents.

No one wants to march in protest—but they do, when there’s no budget.

If we place the ego at the center, we lose sovereignty.

We must bring righteousness back.

Bring sovereignty back.

Bring Nibbāna back.

Bring peace back.

That is what we must understand.

---Luang Por Ganha

30-4-2025

<以自我為中心使每個人與我們爭論>

如果我們把一切建立在自己的自我之上，

那麼事情就不會好。

其他人也不會好。

甚至我們的孩子也會與我們爭論。

知識分子會在街頭抗議。

沒有人想與父母爭論。

沒有人想要參加抗議，但當錢不足時，他們會這樣做。

如果我們將自我置於中心，我們就會失去主權。

我們必須讓正義回歸。

讓主權回歸。

讓涅槃回歸。

讓和平回歸。

這就是我們必須理解的。

--- 隆波甘哈

2025年4月30日

有許多夫妻懷孕是意外😂 

但有智慧的夫妻不會容許這樣的事發生，他們生孩子必然有理有由

佛陀說，有智慧的父母看見五個理由才會想生孩子

1. 所謂養兒防老，他們期望孩子長大後能報答自己、 照顧自己、 供養自己

2. 他們期望孩子除了自己的事務外，也會幫自己辦事、 處理事務

3. 生孩子是為了讓這個家庭的血統得以長久傳承下去。 包括這個家族的資產、 事業、 優良的善行，也希望孩子能夠傳承下去

4. 希望子女能夠聽教聽話, 遵從自己的教誨. 每個家庭獨特的傳統、 行事方式，也希望子女能夠繼承,堪為繼承人.

5. 假如自己死了，希望有個孩子能夠為自己做功德，並迴向功德給自己

所以知恩感恩的善人應該憶念父母對自己所作的恩德，並達成以上的義務。假如這樣的兒子還有對三寶和業力的信心，持好戒律；他就更值得被讚賞（AN5.39）

但父母千萬不要有那麼大的期望，因為這五種理由只是我們一廂情願而已。

我們不能控制孩子，他們有自己的思想，完全不受我們控制

我們也有機會要白頭人送黑頭人

就好像投資一樣，會投資成功，也會投資失利,沒有人有100%的擔保

如果沒有期望，便沒有失望與痛苦......

Many couples experience unplanned pregnancies 😂, but wise couples won't allow this to happen—they have children for deliberate reasons.

The Buddha taught that wise parents consider five reasons before having children:

1.Old-age security – They hope their child will care for and support them in their later years.

2.Practical assistance – They expect their child to help manage family affairs beyond just their own responsibilities.

3.Lineage continuation – They want to preserve their family’s heritage, including assets, businesses, and meritorious practices like giving alms.

4.Tradition inheritance – They desire a child who will uphold their teachings, family customs, and values as a worthy successor.

5.Posthumous merit – They wish for a child to perform good deeds on their behalf after death and dedicate merit to them.

A grateful and virtuous child should remember their parents' kindness and fulfill these duties. If such a child also has faith in the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha), understands kamma, and keeps good precepts, they are especially praiseworthy (AN 5.39).

However, parents should not have excessive expectations, as these five reasons are merely hopeful wishes.

We cannot control our children—they have their own minds and act independently.

We might even outlive our child (a tragic but possible reality).

Like any investment, parenthood carries risks—success is never guaranteed.

No expectations = no disappointment or suffering.

直升機父母是什麼？

原來那是指過份介入兒女生活的父母，因為像直升機一樣的盤旋在兒女身邊，故稱為直升機父母

這種父母，必然會讓子女感到煩厭。

因為當他們長大到某個點，就會有自己的想法和見解。如果過度的干預，將會引來反感和對抗。

之所以出現這種現象，是源於每個人根深蒂固的無知：以為子女是自己的

當心中覺得子女是我們的資產、 自己的一部份，就會想對他們有絕對的控制權。

但事實上，子女並不是我們的。如果他們是我們的話，我們早就能控制他們每一個思想和行為了，我們甚至可以命令讓他們不要老、 不要病、 不要死。

把不是我們的東西當成是我們的，這是無知。

儘管在世俗意義上，他們確實是我們的

但在究竟的層面來說，他們完全不是我們的

無知越多，就會為自己和子女造成越多問題，帶來更多爭執和痛苦

無知越少，就越少問題、 爭執和痛苦

如果完全沒有無知，就沒有痛苦了

直升機家長也自此消失.....

What are helicopter parents?

They refer to parents who are overly involved in their children's lives, hovering around them like a helicopter, which is why they are called helicopter parents.

Such parents inevitably make their children feel annoyed. 

As children grow to a certain point, they will develop their own thoughts and opinions. 

Excessive interference will lead to resentment and resistance.

The reason for this phenomenon stems from a deep-rooted ignorance in everyone's mind: the belief that children belong to us. 

When we view our children as our assets or parts of ourselves, we desire absolute control over them.

However, the truth is that children are not ours. 

If they were, we would have been able to control every thought and action of theirs; we could even command them not to age, fall ill, or die.

Mistaking what is not ours for what is ours is ignorance.

While in a worldly sense, they are indeed ours, 

but in ultimate sense, they are completely not ours.

The more ignorance there is, the more problems it creates for ourselves and our children, leading to more conflicts and suffering.

The less ignorance there is, the fewer problems, conflicts, and suffering arise. 

If there were no ignorance at all, there would be no suffering.

Thus, helicopter parents would also disappear...

《Balance in parenting》

Q:  I have some difficulty with my child. He is 15, a teenager. How to balance between mettā and not being too strong with him but also not being too nice with him.

Ajahn Suchart:  Well, you have to draw a line somewhere - where you have to stop if you cannot help him. You have to first know what your duty is. Your duty is to teach him or to give him the right knowledge. If he is doing something wrong, then you have to tell him ‘This is not right, you shouldn’t do it’. If he insists on doing it, then you might have to find some form of prevention, like cut his allowance something like that to make him realize that if he continues to do it, then his life is gonna be a little more difficult for him. He might then see the reason and he should follow what you say. 

If he still does not follow your advice, then you just have to accept the reality that maybe this is the way it’s gonna be. So you have to cut loss, you know what I mean? Let him be. If he’s gonna go down the bad path and you try to stop him but he won’t stop, then the best thing you can do is to just give him the basic support, the 4 requisites of life: food, shelter, clothing and medicine, and education if he goes to school. 

But as far as his conduct, if he is doing bad conduct and you have already told him and he doesn’t listen to you, then there’s nothing you can do. This is where you have to draw the line. You can only teach and maybe find some form of prevention or obstacle to stop him or prevent him from doing what you think is not good. For example, you support him with money and when he has money, he can use that money to do things that he shouldn’t be doing so you might have to cut it down. But you cannot use force, you cannot slap him or chain him or anything like that. This is compassion or mettā. You can only help him so much. Once he doesn’t want to accept your help, then it’s useless for you to continue doing it.

Q:  So, does mettā mean that we shouldn’t always be too nice with other people?  

Ajahn Suchart:  Oh, no. You have to have a standard to stick to. You want to help people but you have to make sure that they don’t hurt themselves by you helping them. If you help them and support their bad behaviours, then this is not helping them in the long run. You’re actually hurting them. So you have to look the end result of your action.

“Dhamma in English, Nov 12, 2019.”

《育兒的平衡》

問：我在教養孩子方面遇到一些困難。他15歲，正值青春期。該如何平衡「慈心」（mettā）與管教，既不過於嚴厲，也不過於放任？

阿姜蘇查特：你必須在某個地方劃定界線——當你無法幫助他時，就該停止。首先，你要清楚自己的責任是什麼。你的責任是教導他，給予他正確的知識。如果他做錯事，你必須告訴他：「這是不對的，你不該這麼做。」如果他堅持要做，你可能得採取一些預防措施，比如減少他的零用錢，讓他明白若繼續這樣做，生活會變得更困難。這樣他或許會理解道理，並聽從你的建議。

如果他仍然不聽，那你只能接受現實——事情可能就會這樣發展。你必須「止損」，明白我的意思嗎？隨他去吧。如果他走上歧途，而你試圖阻止卻無效，那你能做的最好的事，就是提供基本的生活所需：食物、住所、衣物、醫藥，以及教育（如果他還在就學）。

但關於他的行為，如果他做了壞事，而你已勸告卻無效，那你也無能為力。這就是你該劃清界線的地方。你只能教導，並設法用一些預防或阻礙的方式，阻止他做你認為不好的事。例如，你給他金錢支持，但他可能用這些錢做不該做的事，這時你可能得減少資助。但你不能使用暴力，不能打他、鎖住他或類似的手段。這就是「慈悲」（mettā）——你只能幫到這裡。一旦他不願接受幫助，你再繼續也是徒勞。

問：所以，「慈心」是否意味著我們不該總是對人太寬容？
阿姜蘇查特：不，你必須堅持一定的標準。你想幫助別人，但必須確保你的幫助不會讓他們傷害自己。如果你支持他們的壞行為，長遠來看這並非真正的幫助，反而是在害他們。所以，你必須審視自己行動的最終結果。

「英文佛法，2019年11月12日。」

我們覺得好笑，但猩爸爸不覺得好笑哦

我們本身已經不能控制自己的身心了，

不能控制自己的身體不要老、不要病、不要死

不能控制自己的心不要痛苦

假如多了個兒子，就多了一個不可控的東西

如果我們錯誤的認為他是我們的話

那麼前面有一座山的痛苦等著我們哦～

video cred. to 樂觀

Zoo Praha

We find it funny, but the champanzee dad doesn’t think so!

We already cannot control our own body and mind—

we cannot control our body to not aging, illness, or death,

nor can we control our mind not to suffer

If we have a child, it adds another uncontrollable factor.

If we mistakenly think of them as ours,

then a mountain of pain awaits us ahead!

Video credit to 樂觀

Zoo Praha

video:

https://www.facebook.com/100077004031206/videos/9473320219424137/?__cft__[0]=AZVI3nHTC3O99gHwIRGq9LZIXTlLGB9Oy3FbGAit0H-llYZw5Tf_zo8tUGEJkQxagdzQOWigmgzW3ZSey05PTV7rSZHBM51z5jGyEbotTbDnHGKytiNgT2_VL3rO4SS_CfgkBUiUS2JFKVl_d2XTaeT9dQ9J6UegyXiT7Lb5jIX8jUqNavUWokyCuW3-xcRYZ4wnLGcbcpajCc8GzaVBMOPv&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R

在這個年代，我們為人父母的千萬不要對子女太有期望

隆波帕默已經這樣在開示提過了，就是不要指望兒女未來會養我們,必須自己為自己作打算

新聞也有報導，有些人一旦給了所有遺產給兒女，就變成足球了。

去這個兒子住，就說不方便，踢給另一個兒子

另一個兒子不肯，又踢給另一位.....

為什麼會這樣？ 佛陀早就說過了，知恩感恩的人在這個世界裡是很難得的（AN2.120） 雖然父母對子女有莫大的恩德，但對父母感恩的人非常少

佛陀也說過，那些尊重父母的人，與不尊重父母的人相比；就如指尖上的塵土和大地的泥土相比(SN56)

聽過有位六十多歲的母親說，現在她的朋友們，當兒女畢業後，都已經不會再把錢過於投資在子女身上。他們知道兒女不一定會來養自己，所以寧願留錢給自己養老....

噢～這些都是血淋淋的現實，但又不得不面對～

In This Era, Parents Should Not Have Too Many Expectations for Their Children

Luang Por Pramote has already mentioned in his Dhamma talk that we should not expect our children to support us in the future; we must plan for ourselves.

News reports have shown that some parents, after giving all their inheritance to their children, end up being treated like a football. 

They go to one son’s home and are told it’s inconvenient, so they are kicked to another son. 

The other son refuses and then they are passed to another...

Why does this happen? 

The Buddha has long stated that grateful  people are rare in this world (AN 2.120). 

Although parents have immense kindness toward their children, very few children feel grateful to their parents. 

The Buddha also said that those who respect their parents are like dust on the tip of a finger compared to the earth. (SN56)

There is a mother in her sixties say that now, among her friends, once their children graduate, they no longer invest excessively in their children. 

They understand that their children may not necessarily support them, so they prefer to save money for their own retirement...

Oh, these are harsh realities, but we must face them.

如果我們想生下貴子

也不是很難的事，可以做到的

曾經有一個故事是這樣的。帝釋天帶著一班天神在遊歷世間。當時泰國聖尼美琪喬以天眼目睹這一切了。

其中一位天神快要死去了，在選擇下來投胎的家庭，讓自己能夠繼續修習佛法。他就靠近美琪喬說：‘我想成爲美琪喬的兒子‘  

但因為美琪喬已經出家了，所以就建議他投生到自己認識的一戶人家....

噢～所以假如一個人是有戒有法的話，是可以吸引到天神來投生的。

天神一般具有很大的福報，所以就算下來投生，通常都會是人間了不起的人物。這就是所謂的‘貴子’ 了

怎樣可以吸引到天神來投胎呢？就是具備四不壞淨

我們對佛陀的覺悟、 四聖諦、 存在證悟四聖諦的聖僧這個事實--有絕對的信心

我們也具有五戒十善業：

五戒是 

1.不殺生 2.不偷盜 3.不邪淫 4. 不說謊 5.不飲酒吸毒

十善業是

1.不殺生 2.不偷盜 3.不邪淫 4. 不說謊 5.不離間 6.不粗惡語 7. 不說無意義、 不恰當的閒雜語 8.不貪屬於別人的東西 9.不妒忌、 怨恨、 想傷害別人 10.相信因果輪迴

假如兩夫妻都具有這些絕佳的品質，相信那些天神都爭相搶著來我們的子宮內投生

他們都渴望有好的父母可以教導自己美德，累積許多功德後再回到天界

If we want to have noble children, it’s not very difficult; it can be achieved.

There was once a story about this. Lord Indra was traveling the world with a group of celestial beings. At that time, the holy nun Mae chee Kaew witnessed everything with her  divine eye. One of the celestial beings was nearing death and was  chosing a family to be reborn into, so he could continue practicing dhamma. He approached Mae chee Kaew and said, ‘I want to be Mae chee Kaew’s son.’

However, since Mae chee Kaew was already ordained, she suggested that the celestial being be reborn into a family she knew...

Oh—so if a person Possesses virtues and the Dharma, he can attract celestial beings to be reborn to his family. Celestial beings generally have great merits, so even when they are reborn, they often become remarkable figures in the human world. This is what is called ‘noble children.’

How can we attract celestial beings to be reborn? By possessing the four unbreakable purity. We have absolute faith in the Buddha's enlightenment, the Four Noble Truths, and the existence of enlightened Disciples of the Buddha

We also uphold the Five Precepts and the Ten Good Deeds:
The Five Precepts are:

1. No killing

2. No stealing

3. No sexual misconduct

4. No lying

5. No consuming alcohol or drugs

The Ten Good Deeds are:

1. No killing

2. No stealing

3. No sexual misconduct

4. No lying

5. No sowing discord

6. No harsh speech

7. No meaningless or inappropriate chatter

8. No greed for others' belongings

9. No jealousy, resentment, or desire to harm others

10. Belief in kamma and samsara

If both spouses possess these excellent qualities, celestial beings will compete to be reborn in their womb. They long for good parents who can teach them virtues, accumulate merit, and then return to the heaven.

《The parenting strategy of Bill Gates' father》

Bill Gates credits much of his success to how his parents raised him.

His father, William Gates Sr., “very much believed in” a parenting philosophy called “Love and Logic,” which involves setting clear boundaries for children and calmly enforcing them with empathy, Gates tells CNBC Make It.

His father always made an effort to remain “calm and always predictable,” even when his children were struggling or acting out, he adds.

“He was never panicked,” says Gates. “He never had to show emotion or use emotion against me, even when I was being incredibly obstreperous.”

Gates Sr. once calmly de-escalating whatever conflict had arisen between Gates and his mother, Mary. ”‘In our house, as you know, we don’t do things like that. I think it’s fair that you go upstairs now and apologize,’ he might say,” Gates recounted, “with an emotional distance that showed he was serious, and that I better listen.”

So we can see that being non-emotional is a key to success in parenting.

Being  non-emotional  means we do not give rise to greed, hatred and delusion when facing our children.

With defilements, as the buddha said; we could not see clearly the benefits of our own and others.(AN1.46) This is catastrophic, as we will hurt ourselves and our children; and we cannot gain their respect, not to mention having them obeyed us.

With a calm mind, rules in home is successfully implemented by Bill Gates' father, owing to solid reasons and logic. Bill thus respect his father and dare not cross the boundary.

Bill noted that over time, his father’s calming influence helped himself better control his emotional outbursts.

So we can see calmness and stillness can be spread.

If parents respond anger with anger; then the anger will grow even bigger.

If parents respond anger with loving kindness, compassion, empathetic joy and equanimity; then the anger will be extinguished soon; with calmness remaining.

《比爾·蓋茨父親的育兒策略》

比爾·蓋茨將自己的成功歸功於父母的教養方式。

他的父親威廉·蓋茨（William Gates Sr.）非常相信一種叫做“愛與邏輯”的育兒理念，這種理念包括為孩子設定明確的界限，並以同理心平靜地執行這些界限，蓋茨在接受CNBC Make It訪問時說。

他補充說，父親總是努力保持“冷靜且可預測”，即使在孩子們掙扎或行為失當的時候也是這樣。

“他從不驚慌，”蓋茨說。“即使我表現得非常叛逆，他也從不需要顯露情緒或利用情緒來對付我。”

Gates Sr. 曾經冷靜地緩解過他和母親瑪麗之間的衝突。“‘在我們家，如你所知，我們不會這樣做的。我覺得你現在上去道歉是公平的，’他這樣說，”蓋茨回憶道， “他所表現出的情感距離讓我明白他是認真的，我最好還是聽話。”

因此，我們可以看到，不起情緒是成功育兒的關鍵。

不起情緒意味著在面對孩子時，我們不起貪、嗔和癡。

如佛陀所說，因為煩惱，我們無法清楚地看到自己和他人的利益。（AN1.46）這是災難性的，因為我們會傷害自己和孩子；而且我們無法獲得他們的尊重，更不用說讓他們服從我們。

在冷靜的心境下，蓋茨的父親成功地實施了家裡的規則，這是因為他有紮實的理由和邏輯。比爾也因此而尊重他的父親，並不敢越界。

比爾指出，隨著時間的推移，他父親的冷靜能有效地影響和幫助他更好地控制自己的情緒爆發。

因此，我們可以看到平靜和禪定是可以傳染的。

如果父母以憤怒回應憤怒，那麼憤怒只會變得越來越大。
如果父母以慈悲喜捨來回應憤怒，那麼憤怒很快就會熄滅，只剩下平靜。

部分文字來源於CNBC Make It @Tom Huddleston Jr.

如果我們是已婚人士

回想起我們自己的情史

年輕的時候談戀愛，父母阻止，我們有聽嗎？😂 

同樣地，假如我們生下兒女

當他們開始談戀愛時，我們怎樣阻止，他們都不會聽的

為什麼會這樣？

因為他們根本就不是我們的，他們不受我們的掌控

每個人都是獨立的個體，有自己的思想和看法，沒有人可以控制到他們的

誰看到這個事實，他便不會因兒女而痛苦

If we are married, reflecting on our own romantic history, when we were young and dating, did we listen to our parents when they tried to stop us? 😂

Similarly, if we have children, when they start dating, no matter how we try to stop them, they won’t listen.

Why is that? Because they are not truly ours; they are not under our control. 

Each person is an independent individual with their own thoughts and opinions, and no one can control them. 

Those who recognize this truth will not suffer because of their children.

假如我們真的要生孩子，最好不要有那麼多期望

雖然人人都想生下人中龍鳳，但也有機會生下社會的負累

雖然人人都想生下孝順父母的孩子，但也有機會生下忤逆之子

雖然人人都想孩子為我們帶來快樂，但他也有機會只帶給我們痛苦

舉頻婆娑羅王為例子，真是不幸！雖然為入流聖者，一位公正賢明的君王；但卻被阿闍世王--他的兒子所殺害。

如果有誰過於執著孩子，當悲劇發生，只會痛不欲生。

就如佛陀所說，痛苦的因就是渴愛。

If we truly want to have children, it's best not to have too many expectations.

While everyone wishes to give birth to exceptional children, there is also the possibility of giving birth to a burden on society.

While everyone hopes for obedient and filial children, there is also the chance of giving birth to a rebellious child.

Although we all want our children to bring us joy, they may also bring us pain.

Take King Bimbisara as an example; he is truly unfortunate! Though he was a righteous and wise king, a stream-entere, he was killed by his son, Ajatashatru.

If someone is overly attached to their child, when tragedy strikes, it will only lead to immense suffering. As the Buddha said, the cause of suffering is craving.

《育兒之道》

信徒：請問您對養育嬰兒有什麼建議？

阿姜蘇查：對於他們，您需要照顧他的身體和心理。作為嬰兒，您不需要照顧心理部分，只需照顧身體，使其強壯健康。一旦身體開始發展，心便可以開始利用身體，然後您可以向孩子教授道德。

如果他想在未經許可的情況下拿東西，您必須制止他，說：“這樣不好。”如果他想要某樣東西，必須先詢問許可。

如果他看到昆蟲，想要傷害昆蟲，您就要教導孩子不要傷害昆蟲。

當孩子想要做不道德的事情時，即使是很小的事情，比如殺死昆蟲或拿走不屬於他的東西，也要教他道德戒律。

接下來，當他開始說話時，如果他撒謊，您就要教他不要撒謊。您還可以教他行善布施。如果有時間，可以帶孩子去寺廟。給他們一些錢放進奉獻箱，買食物給僧侶；類似這樣的事情。教他們如何行善。這是您必須做的事情，讓孩子的心靈得到培養。

對於身體，只需給他適當的照顧，讓他不生病或出現任何問題。

2025年6月2日

《How do we raise a baby?》

Devotee: what is your advice on raising a baby?

Ajahn Suchart: The baby you have to look after his physical and mental part. As baby, you don’t need to look after the mental part yet, just look after the body, to make it strong and healthy. Once the body start to develop, then the mind can start using the body, then you can teach morality towards the child.

If he wants to take something without permission, you have to stop, say, ‘it is not good’ . If you want something , you have to ask permission first.

If he sees insect , and he wants to hurt the insect, then you have to teach the child not to hurt the insect.

Teach morality when the child wants to act immorally, even just a very small thing, like killing an insect, taking something that does not belong to he or she.

Then the next thing, when he starts to talk, he lies, then you teach them not to lie. And you can also teach them to practice charity. If you have time, take the children to the temple. Give them the money to put into the offering box, buy food and give to the monk; something like this. Teach them how to practice charity. This is what you have to do to the mind of your childred.

For the body, just give him the proper care, so it doesn’t get sick or any problem.

6-2-2025

《孩子》

有些人生育，是想和伴侶有一個愛情結晶

‘流著我和他/她的血的孩子’

噢，這樣想的話未來將會很悲痛。

假如兒子夭折了，可能要抑鬱症幾年了，嚴重的話可能去跳樓了

因為把他錯誤地當成‘我的’

當他不受我們控制，我們就會很生氣，很傷心

當他傷害我們，反咬我們時，我們也會很生氣，很傷心

又要時時刻刻擔憂著他

時時刻刻充滿著愛欲

錯誤的觀念是痛苦的根源

事實上，孩子怎會流著和我們伴侶的血呢？

我們有輸血給他嗎？

我們三人的血管有連在一起嗎？

我們只是付出了精子或卵子而已

就好像我們因乾燥脫了些皮後，會把皮執著為我的嗎？它自己掉下來，根本不是我們的

我們拉屎後會執著屎便為我的嗎？趕快冲走它就是了（笑）

同樣地，我們沒有製造精子或卵子，是身體自行製造的。我們不知道這群精子或這顆卵子有著什麼的基因，它們根本就不是我們的，是大自然的產物

因此，由不是我們的精子和卵子而生的孩子，也不是我們的！

當他還在肚中，已經感受到了。

他自己踢我們，自己擺姿勢

自己有自己的世界

當他長大後，他有他的想法，根本就不受我們的控制

噢，孩子不是我們的，不是流著我們和伴侶的血的

這樣想保證一定不會因為孩子而自殺～

"Child"

Some people have children because they want to have  the crystallization of love, with their partner—"a child that carries my and his/her blood."

Oh, thinking this way will only lead to future pain. If a son were to die young, it could lead to years of depression, and in severe cases, someone might even consider jumping off a building. This is because we mistakenly regard him as "mine."

When he is beyond our control, we feel angry and sad. When he hurts us, when he bites back at us, we also feel angry and sad. We constantly worry about him, filled with selfish love.

The wrong view is the root of suffering.

In reality, how could a child carry the blood of us and our partner's? Did we transfuse blood into him?

Are our blood vessels connected?

We only contributed sperm or eggs.

It’s like when we shed some skin due to dryness; do we cling to that skin as ours? It fell off by itself; it wasn’t ours!

When we defecate, do we cling to the poop as ours? We just flush it away (laugh).

Similarly, we do not create sperm or eggs; our bodies produce them naturally. We don’t know what genes those sperm or that egg carry—they are not ours; they are products of nature.

Therefore, a child born from sperm and eggs that are not ours; is also not ours!

Even when he is still in the womb, we can feel it. He kicks us, poses on his own, and has his own world.

As he grows up, he has his own thoughts and is not under our control at all.

Oh, children are not ours; they do not carry our or our partner's blood. Thinking this way will surely prevent us from suicide due to our child.

生育兒女本身是一件很高風險的事情

因為事實上我們無法選擇誰來到我們的家庭裡投胎

例如在街上看過有一位老婆婆拖著他的兒子在行

她中年的兒子智力受損， 脫了一半褲子、露出底褲一起走

如果父母有得選擇， 又有誰願意讓這發生呢？

這世上根本沒有東西可以掌控到,都不是我們的

Having children is inherently a high-risk act

because, in reality, we cannot choose who comes into our family to be born.

For example, I once saw an elderly woman on the street dragging her son along.

Her middle-aged son had  intellectual disability, wearing only half of his pants, exposing his underwear as they walked together.

If parents had a choice, who would willingly let this happen?

There is fundamentally nothing in this world that we can control; nothing truly belongs to us.

這位是香港中文大學醫院院前院長陳家亮醫生

他也是國際知名的腸胃病學權威

他曾分享一件趣事。就是雖然自己已經當了醫生，可是在自己母親的眼中，自己仍是當年的黃毛小子，她寧願返回屋邨找小診所的相熟醫生，也不相信她家裏在大醫院工作的醫生兒子。 😂 

這並不出奇，其實是我們所有人的常態。我們每個人都有一種我慢，就是覺得年紀比自己少的人低，自己高。尤其是如果我們為人父母，特別有這種我慢。孩子在我們心目中永遠都是孩子，自己永遠比他們好。

Ajahn Brahm 也分享過，他自己永遠也無法教導他的母親。然後說笑：誒，但如果派自己的弟子Ajahn Brahmali 去，就可能成功😂

所以這是人之常情，背離常理而為並不可取。

對於年紀比自己大的人，尤其是父母，永遠要保持尊重，永遠要把自己放到低處，把他們放到高處，以維護他們的自尊心。這個我慢是什麼？就是想要尊重。如果我們逆對方的煩惱而行，很容易會出事的。

所以對著年紀比自己大的人，有時要學會裝傻扮懵。就如Ajahn Golf 所教導的那樣：

【有時，我們要裝作盲的

有時，我們要裝作聾的·

有時，我們要裝作啞的

有時，我們要裝作無能的

有時，我們要裝作不知道

因為有些事情呢，我們不能去矯正或處理

我們要放下它，讓它成為業力的事情

我們不應該牽涉去別人的事情當中然後浪費時間

這是對於我們的心，一個額外的負擔】

讓他們教我們大道理，讓他們訓示我們。我們點頭微笑：’知道，知道‘

不論是世間的知識還是佛法，年紀比我們大的人其實不輪到我們教，因為不會服的。其實不論對象是什麼年紀的人，我們想教人，有時也是自己的貪欲和我慢作崇。

真正有效的知識傳播，永遠都只是存在於對方有興趣、 對方想知道、對方服我們的情況下。

如果是佛法，怎麼可以讓對方有興趣？ 就是當我們真的實踐了佛法，人品真的變得更好，生活真的有改善，真的變得更快樂。

歸根究底，其實就是要努力去除自己的煩惱和劣根性。這才是學佛的重中之重。

This is Dr. Chan Ka Leung, the former Dean of faculty of medicine of The Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). He is also an internationally renowned authority in gastroenterology. 

He once shared an amusing anecdote: Even though he is already a doctor, in his mother’s eyes, he remains that same young boy from back in the day. She would rather return to the small clinic in their old neighborhood to see a familiar doctor than trust her own son—a doctor working in a major hospital. 😂  

This isn’t surprising; in fact, it’s a common experience for all of us. Everyone has a kind of conceit—thinking that those younger than us are beneath us, while we are superior. This is especially true for parents. In our minds, our children will always be children, and we will always know better than them.  

Ajahn Brahm also shared that he could never teach his own mother anything. He joked that but if he sent his disciple, Ajahn Brahmali, she might listen! 😂  

So, this is just human nature. Going against this natural tendency isn’t advisable.  

When dealing with those older than us, especially our parents, we should always maintain respect, always place ourselves below and them above, to preserve their dignity. What is this conceit? It’s the desire for respect. If we act contrary to their expectations, trouble can easily arise.  

Therefore, when interacting with elders, sometimes we must learn to *play dumb*. As Ajahn Golf taught:  

*"Sometimes, we must pretend to be blind.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be deaf.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be mute.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be incapable.  

Sometimes, we must pretend not to know.  

Because some things cannot be corrected or handled by us.  

We must let them go and allow them to be matters of karma.  

We should not involve ourselves in others’ affairs and waste time—  

This is an unnecessary burden on our minds."*  

Let them lecture us, let them teach us. We just nod and smile: *"Yes, yes, I understand."*  

Whether it’s worldly knowledge or the Dhamma, it’s not our place to teach those older than us—because they won’t accept it. In fact, no matter the age of the person, the desire to teach others often stems from our own greed and conceit.  

True and effective knowledge transmission only happens when the other person is interested, when they want to learn, and when they respect us.  

If it’s about the Dhamma, how can we make others interested? **Only when we truly practice the Dhamma, when our character genuinely improves, when our lives visibly get better, and when we become happier.**  

Ultimately, the key lies in diligently removing our own defilements and negative tendencies. **This is the most crucial aspect of learning the Dhamma.**  

We have to know and understand.

Letting go of the self means we won’t argue with our own mother.

It’s the crazy ego that argues with one’s mother,

Isn’t that right?

We must be able to control ourselves.

要明白這個道理：
放下自我，意味著我們不會與母親爭吵。
就是那個瘋狂的「自我」跟母親爭吵，對嗎？
我們必須學會控制自己

----Luang Por Ganha

《Control freak Parents》

Devotee: How to cope with if our parents are control freak and interfere our life too much?

Ajahn Suchart: separate yourself from them. Go live in a separate place, don't live togehter

Devotee: so we need not listen to all of our parents comand if that is bad for us right?

Ajahn Suchart: You can listen to them, but you can decide whether they are beneficial or not; and whether you want to do it or not also. You are grown up now, you should be your own person , you should decide what to do yourself. Sometimes they  just overreach, they have their attachment. they think you are still a baby. But you should not react to them angrily , be polite to them all the time. You can be polite, but at the same time separate yourself from them, or find your own house to live your own life.

Devotee: some people will comment that this is not in line with filial piety, how could we explain to them? 

Ajahn Suchart: You still look after them but you don't live with them, that's all. You still call them on phone, ask them how they are doing, look after them if they need some help. If they are sick, accompany them to the hosptial. Do whatever you have to do for them when they need you. But you don't have to live with them. Living with them can be a problem

《控制狂父母》

信徒：如果我們的父母是控制狂，過度干涉我們的生活，我們該如何應對？

阿姜蘇差特：與他們分開。去住在不同的地方，不要一起生活。

信徒：那麼如果父母的命令對我們有害，我們就不需要聽從他們的所有指示，對嗎？

阿姜蘇差特：你可以聽他們的話，但你可以決定這些建議是否有益；你也可以決定自己是否想這樣做。你現在已經長大了，應該做自己，自己決定該做什麼。有時候他們只是過於干涉，因為他們有自己的執著。他們認為你還是個孩子。但你不應該對他們生氣，應該始終對他們保持禮貌。你可以客氣，但同時要與他們保持距離，或者找到自己的房子，過自己的生活。

信徒：有些人會評論說這不符合孝道，我們該如何向他們解釋？
阿姜蘇差特：你仍然關心他們，但不必與他們同住，就這樣。你仍然可以打電話給他們，問候他們的情況，並在他們需要幫助時照顧他們。如果他們生病，陪他們去醫院。當他們需要你的時候，做你該做的事情。但你不必和他們住在一起。與他們同住可能會成為問題。

如果誰是年輕人的話，不要再與父母作對了

為什麼? 因為我們根本就沒有資本和父母作對

無論是吃的、 穿的、 住的，還是日常一切所需；全都由父母所提供

父母就是我們的水喉

如果我們能讓他們開心，他們就更願意花錢去我們身上，我們的生活素質也因此而提升

如果我們讓他們痛苦，他們便不能心甘情願地用錢在我們身上

比如說，我們要買IPhone，父母不理睬

然後我們生氣，大吵大鬧，罵過去；難道就會成功嗎？

一般人面對惡意，只會以惡意來回敬

‘哼！就不買給你！’😂 

Luang Por Ganha 曾對一位瀕臨離婚的女信徒開示：‘如果你以自我為中心，你將無法留住你的丈夫。

你需要知道這個咒語來保持丈夫的忠誠。一旦他忠誠，你就會成為掌握財富的人。誰管理金錢，誰就贏。那個人成為銀行家。’

應對父母也是一樣，必須放下自我，讓他們高興。

如果和他們對著幹、 吵架，那我們永遠也不能達到目標的

但如果我們利用佛陀教導的四攝法：

1.布施饋贈

2.說好聽、 甜蜜、 親切的話 

3.幫忙父母

4.尊重父母，同甘共苦

就自然能得到他們的心

那麼無論我們想做什麼，都容易得到父母的支持

對抗是永遠行不通的

If we are teenagers, stop opposing our parents.

Why? Because we fundamentally lack the capital to go against them.

Whether it’s food, clothing, housing, or all the daily necessities, everything is provided by our parents. 

They are our lifeline. 

If we can make them happy, they will be more willing to spend money on us, thereby improving our quality of life. 

If we cause them pain, they will not willingly spend money on us.

For example, if we want to buy an iPhone and our parents ignore us, and then we get angry, shout, and curse at them—will that be successful? Usually, when people face hostility, they respond with hostility. "Hmph! I won’t buy it for you!" 😂

Luang Por Ganha once taught a woman on the brink of divorce: "If you are self-centered, you will not be able to keep your husband. You need to know this mantra to maintain his loyalty. Once he is loyal, you will become the one who holds the wealth. Whoever manages the money wins. That person becomes the banker."

The same applies to dealing with parents; we must let go of the self and make them happy. 

If we oppose them and argue, we will never achieve our goals. But if we apply the Buddha's teachings on the Four methods of maintaining good relationships:

1. Generosity

2. Speaking kindly, sweetly, and gently

3. Helping our parents

4. Respecting our parents, sharing their joys and hardships

we will naturally win their hearts.

Then, no matter what we want to do, it will be easier to gain our parents' support. 

Opposition will never work.