《Base on ego makes everyone argues with us》
If we base everything on our own ego,
Then things will not be okay.
Others won’t be okay either.
Even our children will argue with us.
And intellectuals will protest in the streets.
No one wants to argue with their parents.
No one wants to march in protest—but they do, when there’s no budget.
If we place the ego at the center, we lose sovereignty.
We must bring righteousness back.
Bring sovereignty back.
Bring Nibbāna back.
Bring peace back.
That is what we must understand.
---Luang Por Ganha
30-4-2025
<以自我為中心使每個人與我們爭論>
如果我們把一切建立在自己的自我之上，
那麼事情就不會好。
其他人也不會好。
甚至我們的孩子也會與我們爭論。
知識分子會在街頭抗議。
沒有人想與父母爭論。
沒有人想要參加抗議，但當錢不足時，他們會這樣做。
如果我們將自我置於中心，我們就會失去主權。
我們必須讓正義回歸。
讓主權回歸。
讓涅槃回歸。
讓和平回歸。
這就是我們必須理解的。
--- 隆波甘哈
2025年4月30日
有許多夫妻懷孕是意外😂
但有智慧的夫妻不會容許這樣的事發生，他們生孩子必然有理有由
佛陀說，有智慧的父母看見五個理由才會想生孩子
所謂養兒防老，他們期望孩子長大後能報答自己、 照顧自己、 供養自己
他們期望孩子除了自己的事務外，也會幫自己辦事、 處理事務
生孩子是為了讓這個家庭的血統得以長久傳承下去。 包括這個家族的資產、 事業、 優良的善行，也希望孩子能夠傳承下去
希望子女能夠聽教聽話, 遵從自己的教誨. 每個家庭獨特的傳統、 行事方式，也希望子女能夠繼承,堪為繼承人.
假如自己死了，希望有個孩子能夠為自己做功德，並迴向功德給自己
所以知恩感恩的善人應該憶念父母對自己所作的恩德，並達成以上的義務。假如這樣的兒子還有對三寶和業力的信心，持好戒律；他就更值得被讚賞（AN5.39）
但父母千萬不要有那麼大的期望，因為這五種理由只是我們一廂情願而已。
我們不能控制孩子，他們有自己的思想，完全不受我們控制
我們也有機會要白頭人送黑頭人
就好像投資一樣，會投資成功，也會投資失利,沒有人有100%的擔保
如果沒有期望，便沒有失望與痛苦......
Many couples experience unplanned pregnancies 😂, but wise couples won't allow this to happen—they have children for deliberate reasons.
The Buddha taught that wise parents consider five reasons before having children:
1.Old-age security – They hope their child will care for and support them in their later years.
2.Practical assistance – They expect their child to help manage family affairs beyond just their own responsibilities.
3.Lineage continuation – They want to preserve their family’s heritage, including assets, businesses, and meritorious practices like giving alms.
4.Tradition inheritance – They desire a child who will uphold their teachings, family customs, and values as a worthy successor.
5.Posthumous merit – They wish for a child to perform good deeds on their behalf after death and dedicate merit to them.
A grateful and virtuous child should remember their parents' kindness and fulfill these duties. If such a child also has faith in the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha), understands kamma, and keeps good precepts, they are especially praiseworthy (AN 5.39).
However, parents should not have excessive expectations, as these five reasons are merely hopeful wishes.
We cannot control our children—they have their own minds and act independently.
We might even outlive our child (a tragic but possible reality).
Like any investment, parenthood carries risks—success is never guaranteed.
No expectations = no disappointment or suffering.
直升機父母是什麼？
原來那是指過份介入兒女生活的父母，因為像直升機一樣的盤旋在兒女身邊，故稱為直升機父母
這種父母，必然會讓子女感到煩厭。
因為當他們長大到某個點，就會有自己的想法和見解。如果過度的干預，將會引來反感和對抗。
之所以出現這種現象，是源於每個人根深蒂固的無知：以為子女是自己的
當心中覺得子女是我們的資產、 自己的一部份，就會想對他們有絕對的控制權。
但事實上，子女並不是我們的。如果他們是我們的話，我們早就能控制他們每一個思想和行為了，我們甚至可以命令讓他們不要老、 不要病、 不要死。
把不是我們的東西當成是我們的，這是無知。
儘管在世俗意義上，他們確實是我們的
但在究竟的層面來說，他們完全不是我們的
無知越多，就會為自己和子女造成越多問題，帶來更多爭執和痛苦
無知越少，就越少問題、 爭執和痛苦
如果完全沒有無知，就沒有痛苦了
直升機家長也自此消失.....
What are helicopter parents?
They refer to parents who are overly involved in their children's lives, hovering around them like a helicopter, which is why they are called helicopter parents.
Such parents inevitably make their children feel annoyed.
As children grow to a certain point, they will develop their own thoughts and opinions.
Excessive interference will lead to resentment and resistance.
The reason for this phenomenon stems from a deep-rooted ignorance in everyone's mind: the belief that children belong to us.
When we view our children as our assets or parts of ourselves, we desire absolute control over them.
However, the truth is that children are not ours.
If they were, we would have been able to control every thought and action of theirs; we could even command them not to age, fall ill, or die.
Mistaking what is not ours for what is ours is ignorance.
While in a worldly sense, they are indeed ours,
but in ultimate sense, they are completely not ours.
The more ignorance there is, the more problems it creates for ourselves and our children, leading to more conflicts and suffering.
The less ignorance there is, the fewer problems, conflicts, and suffering arise.
If there were no ignorance at all, there would be no suffering.
Thus, helicopter parents would also disappear...
《Balance in parenting》
Q: I have some difficulty with my child. He is 15, a teenager. How to balance between mettā and not being too strong with him but also not being too nice with him.
Ajahn Suchart: Well, you have to draw a line somewhere - where you have to stop if you cannot help him. You have to first know what your duty is. Your duty is to teach him or to give him the right knowledge. If he is doing something wrong, then you have to tell him ‘This is not right, you shouldn’t do it’. If he insists on doing it, then you might have to find some form of prevention, like cut his allowance something like that to make him realize that if he continues to do it, then his life is gonna be a little more difficult for him. He might then see the reason and he should follow what you say.
If he still does not follow your advice, then you just have to accept the reality that maybe this is the way it’s gonna be. So you have to cut loss, you know what I mean? Let him be. If he’s gonna go down the bad path and you try to stop him but he won’t stop, then the best thing you can do is to just give him the basic support, the 4 requisites of life: food, shelter, clothing and medicine, and education if he goes to school.
But as far as his conduct, if he is doing bad conduct and you have already told him and he doesn’t listen to you, then there’s nothing you can do. This is where you have to draw the line. You can only teach and maybe find some form of prevention or obstacle to stop him or prevent him from doing what you think is not good. For example, you support him with money and when he has money, he can use that money to do things that he shouldn’t be doing so you might have to cut it down. But you cannot use force, you cannot slap him or chain him or anything like that. This is compassion or mettā. You can only help him so much. Once he doesn’t want to accept your help, then it’s useless for you to continue doing it.
Q: So, does mettā mean that we shouldn’t always be too nice with other people?
Ajahn Suchart: Oh, no. You have to have a standard to stick to. You want to help people but you have to make sure that they don’t hurt themselves by you helping them. If you help them and support their bad behaviours, then this is not helping them in the long run. You’re actually hurting them. So you have to look the end result of your action.
“Dhamma in English, Nov 12, 2019.”
《育兒的平衡》
問：我在教養孩子方面遇到一些困難。他15歲，正值青春期。該如何平衡「慈心」（mettā）與管教，既不過於嚴厲，也不過於放任？
阿姜蘇查特：你必須在某個地方劃定界線——當你無法幫助他時，就該停止。首先，你要清楚自己的責任是什麼。你的責任是教導他，給予他正確的知識。如果他做錯事，你必須告訴他：「這是不對的，你不該這麼做。」如果他堅持要做，你可能得採取一些預防措施，比如減少他的零用錢，讓他明白若繼續這樣做，生活會變得更困難。這樣他或許會理解道理，並聽從你的建議。
如果他仍然不聽，那你只能接受現實——事情可能就會這樣發展。你必須「止損」，明白我的意思嗎？隨他去吧。如果他走上歧途，而你試圖阻止卻無效，那你能做的最好的事，就是提供基本的生活所需：食物、住所、衣物、醫藥，以及教育（如果他還在就學）。
但關於他的行為，如果他做了壞事，而你已勸告卻無效，那你也無能為力。這就是你該劃清界線的地方。你只能教導，並設法用一些預防或阻礙的方式，阻止他做你認為不好的事。例如，你給他金錢支持，但他可能用這些錢做不該做的事，這時你可能得減少資助。但你不能使用暴力，不能打他、鎖住他或類似的手段。這就是「慈悲」（mettā）——你只能幫到這裡。一旦他不願接受幫助，你再繼續也是徒勞。
問：所以，「慈心」是否意味著我們不該總是對人太寬容？
阿姜蘇查特：不，你必須堅持一定的標準。你想幫助別人，但必須確保你的幫助不會讓他們傷害自己。如果你支持他們的壞行為，長遠來看這並非真正的幫助，反而是在害他們。所以，你必須審視自己行動的最終結果。
「英文佛法，2019年11月12日。」
我們覺得好笑，但猩爸爸不覺得好笑哦
我們本身已經不能控制自己的身心了，
不能控制自己的身體不要老、不要病、不要死
不能控制自己的心不要痛苦
假如多了個兒子，就多了一個不可控的東西
如果我們錯誤的認為他是我們的話
那麼前面有一座山的痛苦等著我們哦～
video cred. to 樂觀
We find it funny, but the champanzee dad doesn’t think so!
We already cannot control our own body and mind—
we cannot control our body to not aging, illness, or death,
nor can we control our mind not to suffer
If we have a child, it adds another uncontrollable factor.
If we mistakenly think of them as ours,
then a mountain of pain awaits us ahead!
Video credit to 樂觀
video:
https://www.facebook.com/100077004031206/videos/9473320219424137/?__cft__[0]=AZVI3nHTC3O99gHwIRGq9LZIXTlLGB9Oy3FbGAit0H-llYZw5Tf_zo8tUGEJkQxagdzQOWigmgzW3ZSey05PTV7rSZHBM51z5jGyEbotTbDnHGKytiNgT2_VL3rO4SS_CfgkBUiUS2JFKVl_d2XTaeT9dQ9J6UegyXiT7Lb5jIX8jUqNavUWokyCuW3-xcRYZ4wnLGcbcpajCc8GzaVBMOPv&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R
在這個年代，我們為人父母的千萬不要對子女太有期望
隆波帕默已經這樣在開示提過了，就是不要指望兒女未來會養我們,必須自己為自己作打算
新聞也有報導，有些人一旦給了所有遺產給兒女，就變成足球了。
去這個兒子住，就說不方便，踢給另一個兒子
另一個兒子不肯，又踢給另一位.....
為什麼會這樣？ 佛陀早就說過了，知恩感恩的人在這個世界裡是很難得的（AN2.120） 雖然父母對子女有莫大的恩德，但對父母感恩的人非常少
佛陀也說過，那些尊重父母的人，與不尊重父母的人相比；就如指尖上的塵土和大地的泥土相比(SN56)
聽過有位六十多歲的母親說，現在她的朋友們，當兒女畢業後，都已經不會再把錢過於投資在子女身上。他們知道兒女不一定會來養自己，所以寧願留錢給自己養老....
噢～這些都是血淋淋的現實，但又不得不面對～
In This Era, Parents Should Not Have Too Many Expectations for Their Children
Luang Por Pramote has already mentioned in his Dhamma talk that we should not expect our children to support us in the future; we must plan for ourselves.
News reports have shown that some parents, after giving all their inheritance to their children, end up being treated like a football.
They go to one son’s home and are told it’s inconvenient, so they are kicked to another son.
The other son refuses and then they are passed to another...
Why does this happen?
The Buddha has long stated that grateful people are rare in this world (AN 2.120).
Although parents have immense kindness toward their children, very few children feel grateful to their parents.
The Buddha also said that those who respect their parents are like dust on the tip of a finger compared to the earth. (SN56)
There is a mother in her sixties say that now, among her friends, once their children graduate, they no longer invest excessively in their children.
They understand that their children may not necessarily support them, so they prefer to save money for their own retirement...
Oh, these are harsh realities, but we must face them.
如果我們想生下貴子
也不是很難的事，可以做到的
曾經有一個故事是這樣的。帝釋天帶著一班天神在遊歷世間。當時泰國聖尼美琪喬以天眼目睹這一切了。
其中一位天神快要死去了，在選擇下來投胎的家庭，讓自己能夠繼續修習佛法。他就靠近美琪喬說：‘我想成爲美琪喬的兒子‘
但因為美琪喬已經出家了，所以就建議他投生到自己認識的一戶人家....
噢～所以假如一個人是有戒有法的話，是可以吸引到天神來投生的。
天神一般具有很大的福報，所以就算下來投生，通常都會是人間了不起的人物。這就是所謂的‘貴子’ 了
怎樣可以吸引到天神來投胎呢？就是具備四不壞淨
我們對佛陀的覺悟、 四聖諦、 存在證悟四聖諦的聖僧這個事實--有絕對的信心
我們也具有五戒十善業：
五戒是
1.不殺生 2.不偷盜 3.不邪淫 4. 不說謊 5.不飲酒吸毒
十善業是
1.不殺生 2.不偷盜 3.不邪淫 4. 不說謊 5.不離間 6.不粗惡語 7. 不說無意義、 不恰當的閒雜語 8.不貪屬於別人的東西 9.不妒忌、 怨恨、 想傷害別人 10.相信因果輪迴
假如兩夫妻都具有這些絕佳的品質，相信那些天神都爭相搶著來我們的子宮內投生
他們都渴望有好的父母可以教導自己美德，累積許多功德後再回到天界
If we want to have noble children, it’s not very difficult; it can be achieved.
There was once a story about this. Lord Indra was traveling the world with a group of celestial beings. At that time, the holy nun Mae chee Kaew witnessed everything with her divine eye. One of the celestial beings was nearing death and was chosing a family to be reborn into, so he could continue practicing dhamma. He approached Mae chee Kaew and said, ‘I want to be Mae chee Kaew’s son.’
However, since Mae chee Kaew was already ordained, she suggested that the celestial being be reborn into a family she knew...
Oh—so if a person Possesses virtues and the Dharma, he can attract celestial beings to be reborn to his family. Celestial beings generally have great merits, so even when they are reborn, they often become remarkable figures in the human world. This is what is called ‘noble children.’
How can we attract celestial beings to be reborn? By possessing the four unbreakable purity. We have absolute faith in the Buddha's enlightenment, the Four Noble Truths, and the existence of enlightened Disciples of the Buddha
We also uphold the Five Precepts and the Ten Good Deeds:
The Five Precepts are:
No killing
No stealing
No sexual misconduct
No lying
No consuming alcohol or drugs
The Ten Good Deeds are:
No killing
No stealing
No sexual misconduct
No lying
No sowing discord
No harsh speech
No meaningless or inappropriate chatter
No greed for others' belongings
No jealousy, resentment, or desire to harm others
Belief in kamma and samsara
If both spouses possess these excellent qualities, celestial beings will compete to be reborn in their womb. They long for good parents who can teach them virtues, accumulate merit, and then return to the heaven.
《The parenting strategy of Bill Gates' father》
Bill Gates credits much of his success to how his parents raised him.
His father, William Gates Sr., “very much believed in” a parenting philosophy called “Love and Logic,” which involves setting clear boundaries for children and calmly enforcing them with empathy, Gates tells CNBC Make It.
His father always made an effort to remain “calm and always predictable,” even when his children were struggling or acting out, he adds.
“He was never panicked,” says Gates. “He never had to show emotion or use emotion against me, even when I was being incredibly obstreperous.”
Gates Sr. once calmly de-escalating whatever conflict had arisen between Gates and his mother, Mary. ”‘In our house, as you know, we don’t do things like that. I think it’s fair that you go upstairs now and apologize,’ he might say,” Gates recounted, “with an emotional distance that showed he was serious, and that I better listen.”
So we can see that being non-emotional is a key to success in parenting.
Being non-emotional means we do not give rise to greed, hatred and delusion when facing our children.
With defilements, as the buddha said; we could not see clearly the benefits of our own and others.(AN1.46) This is catastrophic, as we will hurt ourselves and our children; and we cannot gain their respect, not to mention having them obeyed us.
With a calm mind, rules in home is successfully implemented by Bill Gates' father, owing to solid reasons and logic. Bill thus respect his father and dare not cross the boundary.
Bill noted that over time, his father’s calming influence helped himself better control his emotional outbursts.
So we can see calmness and stillness can be spread.
If parents respond anger with anger; then the anger will grow even bigger.
If parents respond anger with loving kindness, compassion, empathetic joy and equanimity; then the anger will be extinguished soon; with calmness remaining.
《比爾·蓋茨父親的育兒策略》
比爾·蓋茨將自己的成功歸功於父母的教養方式。
他的父親威廉·蓋茨（William Gates Sr.）非常相信一種叫做“愛與邏輯”的育兒理念，這種理念包括為孩子設定明確的界限，並以同理心平靜地執行這些界限，蓋茨在接受CNBC Make It訪問時說。
他補充說，父親總是努力保持“冷靜且可預測”，即使在孩子們掙扎或行為失當的時候也是這樣。
“他從不驚慌，”蓋茨說。“即使我表現得非常叛逆，他也從不需要顯露情緒或利用情緒來對付我。”
Gates Sr. 曾經冷靜地緩解過他和母親瑪麗之間的衝突。“‘在我們家，如你所知，我們不會這樣做的。我覺得你現在上去道歉是公平的，’他這樣說，”蓋茨回憶道， “他所表現出的情感距離讓我明白他是認真的，我最好還是聽話。”
因此，我們可以看到，不起情緒是成功育兒的關鍵。
不起情緒意味著在面對孩子時，我們不起貪、嗔和癡。
如佛陀所說，因為煩惱，我們無法清楚地看到自己和他人的利益。（AN1.46）這是災難性的，因為我們會傷害自己和孩子；而且我們無法獲得他們的尊重，更不用說讓他們服從我們。
在冷靜的心境下，蓋茨的父親成功地實施了家裡的規則，這是因為他有紮實的理由和邏輯。比爾也因此而尊重他的父親，並不敢越界。
比爾指出，隨著時間的推移，他父親的冷靜能有效地影響和幫助他更好地控制自己的情緒爆發。
因此，我們可以看到平靜和禪定是可以傳染的。
如果父母以憤怒回應憤怒，那麼憤怒只會變得越來越大。
如果父母以慈悲喜捨來回應憤怒，那麼憤怒很快就會熄滅，只剩下平靜。
部分文字來源於CNBC Make It @Tom Huddleston Jr.
如果我們是已婚人士
回想起我們自己的情史
年輕的時候談戀愛，父母阻止，我們有聽嗎？😂
同樣地，假如我們生下兒女
當他們開始談戀愛時，我們怎樣阻止，他們都不會聽的
為什麼會這樣？
因為他們根本就不是我們的，他們不受我們的掌控
每個人都是獨立的個體，有自己的思想和看法，沒有人可以控制到他們的
誰看到這個事實，他便不會因兒女而痛苦
If we are married, reflecting on our own romantic history, when we were young and dating, did we listen to our parents when they tried to stop us? 😂
Similarly, if we have children, when they start dating, no matter how we try to stop them, they won’t listen.
Why is that? Because they are not truly ours; they are not under our control.
Each person is an independent individual with their own thoughts and opinions, and no one can control them.
Those who recognize this truth will not suffer because of their children.
假如我們真的要生孩子，最好不要有那麼多期望
雖然人人都想生下人中龍鳳，但也有機會生下社會的負累
雖然人人都想生下孝順父母的孩子，但也有機會生下忤逆之子
雖然人人都想孩子為我們帶來快樂，但他也有機會只帶給我們痛苦
舉頻婆娑羅王為例子，真是不幸！雖然為入流聖者，一位公正賢明的君王；但卻被阿闍世王--他的兒子所殺害。
如果有誰過於執著孩子，當悲劇發生，只會痛不欲生。
就如佛陀所說，痛苦的因就是渴愛。
If we truly want to have children, it's best not to have too many expectations.
While everyone wishes to give birth to exceptional children, there is also the possibility of giving birth to a burden on society.
While everyone hopes for obedient and filial children, there is also the chance of giving birth to a rebellious child.
Although we all want our children to bring us joy, they may also bring us pain.
Take King Bimbisara as an example; he is truly unfortunate! Though he was a righteous and wise king, a stream-entere, he was killed by his son, Ajatashatru.
If someone is overly attached to their child, when tragedy strikes, it will only lead to immense suffering. As the Buddha said, the cause of suffering is craving.
《育兒之道》
信徒：請問您對養育嬰兒有什麼建議？
阿姜蘇查：對於他們，您需要照顧他的身體和心理。作為嬰兒，您不需要照顧心理部分，只需照顧身體，使其強壯健康。一旦身體開始發展，心便可以開始利用身體，然後您可以向孩子教授道德。
如果他想在未經許可的情況下拿東西，您必須制止他，說：“這樣不好。”如果他想要某樣東西，必須先詢問許可。
如果他看到昆蟲，想要傷害昆蟲，您就要教導孩子不要傷害昆蟲。
當孩子想要做不道德的事情時，即使是很小的事情，比如殺死昆蟲或拿走不屬於他的東西，也要教他道德戒律。
接下來，當他開始說話時，如果他撒謊，您就要教他不要撒謊。您還可以教他行善布施。如果有時間，可以帶孩子去寺廟。給他們一些錢放進奉獻箱，買食物給僧侶；類似這樣的事情。教他們如何行善。這是您必須做的事情，讓孩子的心靈得到培養。
對於身體，只需給他適當的照顧，讓他不生病或出現任何問題。
2025年6月2日
《How do we raise a baby?》
Devotee: what is your advice on raising a baby?
Ajahn Suchart: The baby you have to look after his physical and mental part. As baby, you don’t need to look after the mental part yet, just look after the body, to make it strong and healthy. Once the body start to develop, then the mind can start using the body, then you can teach morality towards the child.
If he wants to take something without permission, you have to stop, say, ‘it is not good’ . If you want something , you have to ask permission first.
If he sees insect , and he wants to hurt the insect, then you have to teach the child not to hurt the insect.
Teach morality when the child wants to act immorally, even just a very small thing, like killing an insect, taking something that does not belong to he or she.
Then the next thing, when he starts to talk, he lies, then you teach them not to lie. And you can also teach them to practice charity. If you have time, take the children to the temple. Give them the money to put into the offering box, buy food and give to the monk; something like this. Teach them how to practice charity. This is what you have to do to the mind of your childred.
For the body, just give him the proper care, so it doesn’t get sick or any problem.
6-2-2025
《孩子》
有些人生育，是想和伴侶有一個愛情結晶
‘流著我和他/她的血的孩子’
噢，這樣想的話未來將會很悲痛。
假如兒子夭折了，可能要抑鬱症幾年了，嚴重的話可能去跳樓了
因為把他錯誤地當成‘我的’
當他不受我們控制，我們就會很生氣，很傷心
當他傷害我們，反咬我們時，我們也會很生氣，很傷心
又要時時刻刻擔憂著他
時時刻刻充滿著愛欲
錯誤的觀念是痛苦的根源
事實上，孩子怎會流著和我們伴侶的血呢？
我們有輸血給他嗎？
我們三人的血管有連在一起嗎？
我們只是付出了精子或卵子而已
就好像我們因乾燥脫了些皮後，會把皮執著為我的嗎？它自己掉下來，根本不是我們的
我們拉屎後會執著屎便為我的嗎？趕快冲走它就是了（笑）
同樣地，我們沒有製造精子或卵子，是身體自行製造的。我們不知道這群精子或這顆卵子有著什麼的基因，它們根本就不是我們的，是大自然的產物
因此，由不是我們的精子和卵子而生的孩子，也不是我們的！
當他還在肚中，已經感受到了。
他自己踢我們，自己擺姿勢
自己有自己的世界
當他長大後，他有他的想法，根本就不受我們的控制
噢，孩子不是我們的，不是流著我們和伴侶的血的
這樣想保證一定不會因為孩子而自殺～
"Child"
Some people have children because they want to have the crystallization of love, with their partner—"a child that carries my and his/her blood."
Oh, thinking this way will only lead to future pain. If a son were to die young, it could lead to years of depression, and in severe cases, someone might even consider jumping off a building. This is because we mistakenly regard him as "mine."
When he is beyond our control, we feel angry and sad. When he hurts us, when he bites back at us, we also feel angry and sad. We constantly worry about him, filled with selfish love.
The wrong view is the root of suffering.
In reality, how could a child carry the blood of us and our partner's? Did we transfuse blood into him?
Are our blood vessels connected?
We only contributed sperm or eggs.
It’s like when we shed some skin due to dryness; do we cling to that skin as ours? It fell off by itself; it wasn’t ours!
When we defecate, do we cling to the poop as ours? We just flush it away (laugh).
Similarly, we do not create sperm or eggs; our bodies produce them naturally. We don’t know what genes those sperm or that egg carry—they are not ours; they are products of nature.
Therefore, a child born from sperm and eggs that are not ours; is also not ours!
Even when he is still in the womb, we can feel it. He kicks us, poses on his own, and has his own world.
As he grows up, he has his own thoughts and is not under our control at all.
Oh, children are not ours; they do not carry our or our partner's blood. Thinking this way will surely prevent us from suicide due to our child.
生育兒女本身是一件很高風險的事情
因為事實上我們無法選擇誰來到我們的家庭裡投胎
例如在街上看過有一位老婆婆拖著他的兒子在行
她中年的兒子智力受損， 脫了一半褲子、露出底褲一起走
如果父母有得選擇， 又有誰願意讓這發生呢？
這世上根本沒有東西可以掌控到,都不是我們的
Having children is inherently a high-risk act
because, in reality, we cannot choose who comes into our family to be born.
For example, I once saw an elderly woman on the street dragging her son along.
Her middle-aged son had intellectual disability, wearing only half of his pants, exposing his underwear as they walked together.
If parents had a choice, who would willingly let this happen?
There is fundamentally nothing in this world that we can control; nothing truly belongs to us.
《Control freak Parents》
Devotee: How to cope with if our parents are control freak and interfere our life too much?
Ajahn Suchart: separate yourself from them. Go live in a separate place, don't live togehter
Devotee: so we need not listen to all of our parents comand if that is bad for us right?
Ajahn Suchart: You can listen to them, but you can decide whether they are beneficial or not; and whether you want to do it or not also. You are grown up now, you should be your own person , you should decide what to do yourself. Sometimes they just overreach, they have their attachment. they think you are still a baby. But you should not react to them angrily , be polite to them all the time. You can be polite, but at the same time separate yourself from them, or find your own house to live your own life.
Devotee: some people will comment that this is not in line with filial piety, how could we explain to them?
Ajahn Suchart: You still look after them but you don't live with them, that's all. You still call them on phone, ask them how they are doing, look after them if they need some help. If they are sick, accompany them to the hosptial. Do whatever you have to do for them when they need you. But you don't have to live with them. Living with them can be a problem
《控制狂父母》
信徒：如果我們的父母是控制狂，過度干涉我們的生活，我們該如何應對？
阿姜蘇差特：與他們分開。去住在不同的地方，不要一起生活。
信徒：那麼如果父母的命令對我們有害，我們就不需要聽從他們的所有指示，對嗎？
阿姜蘇差特：你可以聽他們的話，但你可以決定這些建議是否有益；你也可以決定自己是否想這樣做。你現在已經長大了，應該做自己，自己決定該做什麼。有時候他們只是過於干涉，因為他們有自己的執著。他們認為你還是個孩子。但你不應該對他們生氣，應該始終對他們保持禮貌。你可以客氣，但同時要與他們保持距離，或者找到自己的房子，過自己的生活。
信徒：有些人會評論說這不符合孝道，我們該如何向他們解釋？
阿姜蘇差特：你仍然關心他們，但不必與他們同住，就這樣。你仍然可以打電話給他們，問候他們的情況，並在他們需要幫助時照顧他們。如果他們生病，陪他們去醫院。當他們需要你的時候，做你該做的事情。但你不必和他們住在一起。與他們同住可能會成為問題。
如果誰是年輕人的話，不要再與父母作對了
為什麼? 因為我們根本就沒有資本和父母作對
無論是吃的、 穿的、 住的，還是日常一切所需；全都由父母所提供
父母就是我們的水喉
如果我們能讓他們開心，他們就更願意花錢去我們身上，我們的生活素質也因此而提升
如果我們讓他們痛苦，他們便不能心甘情願地用錢在我們身上
比如說，我們要買IPhone，父母不理睬
然後我們生氣，大吵大鬧，罵過去；難道就會成功嗎？
一般人面對惡意，只會以惡意來回敬
‘哼！就不買給你！’😂
Luang Por Ganha 曾對一位瀕臨離婚的女信徒開示：‘如果你以自我為中心，你將無法留住你的丈夫。
你需要知道這個咒語來保持丈夫的忠誠。一旦他忠誠，你就會成為掌握財富的人。誰管理金錢，誰就贏。那個人成為銀行家。’
應對父母也是一樣，必須放下自我，讓他們高興。
如果和他們對著幹、 吵架，那我們永遠也不能達到目標的
但如果我們利用佛陀教導的四攝法：
1.布施饋贈
2.說好聽、 甜蜜、 親切的話
3.幫忙父母
4.尊重父母，同甘共苦
就自然能得到他們的心
那麼無論我們想做什麼，都容易得到父母的支持
對抗是永遠行不通的
If we are teenagers, stop opposing our parents.
Why? Because we fundamentally lack the capital to go against them.
Whether it’s food, clothing, housing, or all the daily necessities, everything is provided by our parents.
They are our lifeline.
If we can make them happy, they will be more willing to spend money on us, thereby improving our quality of life.
If we cause them pain, they will not willingly spend money on us.
For example, if we want to buy an iPhone and our parents ignore us, and then we get angry, shout, and curse at them—will that be successful? Usually, when people face hostility, they respond with hostility. "Hmph! I won’t buy it for you!" 😂
Luang Por Ganha once taught a woman on the brink of divorce: "If you are self-centered, you will not be able to keep your husband. You need to know this mantra to maintain his loyalty. Once he is loyal, you will become the one who holds the wealth. Whoever manages the money wins. That person becomes the banker."
The same applies to dealing with parents; we must let go of the self and make them happy.
If we oppose them and argue, we will never achieve our goals. But if we apply the Buddha's teachings on the Four methods of maintaining good relationships:
Generosity
Speaking kindly, sweetly, and gently
Helping our parents
Respecting our parents, sharing their joys and hardships
we will naturally win their hearts.
Then, no matter what we want to do, it will be easier to gain our parents' support.
Opposition will never work.