爲人處世 Coping with People

曾經某個地方，出現過一對非常恐怖的佛教夫妻

如果我們戒定慧不夠強，根本看不出來有多麼恐怖，還以為是大善人

如果要形容，根本就是他化自在天魔王和魔后，以控制操控別人、撈取私利為樂；連僧人都敢操縱

他們的操縱伎倆是怎樣的？

吶，就是滲透我們周圍，獲取任何關於我們的資訊、瑕疵、過失，然後以此來作為操縱我們的把柄。

他們要什麼？權力、大佬（老大）的地位、功德

一見到別人有瑕疵，就會在社交平台那裡分享大師父的相關法談，以此來讓人看到、扇別人一巴掌---‘別以為我不知道啊’，讓別人怕了他、甘受他們的掌控。用來鞏固自己的權力、地位和功德。

男的比較霸氣。

吶！一開始他就不會有多少禮貌和尊重的。

為什麼？他要試探我們，看看我們是否已經被他抓住痛腳。如果有人尊重他，對他有禮貌；他竟然會覺得他已經抓住我們痛腳了。😂 

然後就會踩在道德的高地上，私底下以霸道威迫的語氣來抓住他以為是別人的痛腳迫別人就犯、淪為他的奴隸。

只要我們接下來有一點煩惱或過失， 或者露出恐懼，他就會打下去不放。

如果我們生氣？ 當然抓住生氣不放來控制我們--修行人不該生氣😂

先說一些威迫的說話，然後最後說：‘如果我冒犯了你，對不起。忘記我剛才所說的話吧’  

 所以？不能生氣、不能不滿，而且一定要原諒，聽他的話😂 

如果我們不屈服？ 就會用‘你的自我很大、來到佛教應該像抹腳布’等等，以似是而非的佛理來威迫別人就犯，淪為他的奴隸

只能他叫別人做事，別人叫他做事他不會肯的

只許他教訓人，別人教訓他他不會理會的😂 

如果別人再不就犯、不理他後，會怎樣？

老婆就會獨立出馬了😂 

老公硬，老婆軟。

老婆會說很多很好聽的說話，可能讚一下你啊，讓你以為她是你的朋友。 到重要議題上，假裝中立，但又會撐老公的。😂

然後可能會動之以情：‘他只是為你好'、'如果你不聽他的話，你會有危險不幸’、 ‘為什麼不敞開心扉聽聽他的話？’

之後又以似是而非的佛理來迫別人就犯，就是--不應理會別人對我們怎樣啊、要做抹腳布啊、自我不要那麼大啊、應該原諒別人啊等等。

如果被她的話迷惑，就會被人掌控、操縱了

他們根本上就是絕配。

如果只是一個人硬，別人可能不就犯；一定要配上一個軟的來互補。如此軟硬相配就容易操縱別人了

如果只得軟的，別人可能不怕，那就不能操縱別人了。所以必須配上硬的。

但他們的五戒還算持得可以，所以別人也挑不了他們多少毛病。

他們合在一起就能以手段來產生非常多的功德和影響力了。

真是了不起！真是聰明！

有太多人受到欺負、壓迫、壓榨了！真的可憐他們。

所以說出來，希望大家能夠小心，然後假如碰上了，會知道應該怎樣應對；避免受人操縱威迫、遭受許多痛苦。

大家聽完之後，有沒有顫抖呢？ 那麼可怕的人都有😂

Once, in a certain place, there appeared a truly terrifying Buddhist couple.

If our precept observance, stillness, and wisdom are not strong enough, we simply cannot see how terrifying they are—we might even mistake them for great benefactors.

To describe them, they are essentially like the demon king(Māra) of the Paranimmita-vasavatti deva realm and his queen, who take pleasure in controlling and manipulating others for personal gain; they even dare to manipulate monks.

What are their manipulation tactics like?

Well, they infiltrate our surroundings, gather any information about us—our flaws, our mistakes—and then use that as leverage to manipulate us.

What do they want? Power, the status of a 'big boss' (leader), and merit (功德).

The moment they see someone else's flaw, they will share relevant Dharma talks by the master teacher on social platforms. This is to let people see it, to slap others in the face—'Don't think I don't know'—to make others fear them and willingly submit to their control. This is used to consolidate their own power, status, and merit.

The man is more domineering.

Hey! From the very beginning, he won't show much courtesy or respect.

Why? He wants to test us, to see if he already has a hold on our weaknesses. If someone respects him and is polite to him, he will actually think he has already got a grip on their weakness. 😂

Then he will take the moral high ground and, in private, use an overbearing, threatening tone to seize what he *believes* is someone else's weakness to force compliance, reducing them to his slaves.

If we subsequently show even a little bit of vexation or make a mistake, or reveal fear, he will press the attack relentlessly.

If we get angry? Of course, he will seize upon the anger to control us—a practitioner shouldn't get angry, right? 😂

First, he says some threatening things, and at the end adds: 'If I have offended you, I'm sorry. Forget what I just said.'

So? We can't be angry, can't be displeased, and must definitely forgive and obey him. 😂

If we don't submit? He will use phrases like 'Your ego is very big,' 'Coming to Buddhism, you should be like a doormat,' etc., using seemingly plausible Buddhist principles to threaten others into compliance, reducing them to his slaves.

Only he can tell others what to do; if others ask him to do something, he won't agree.

Only he is allowed to lecture others; if others lecture him, he won't pay any attention. 😂

What happens if someone still doesn't comply and ignores him?

Then the wife steps in independently. 😂

The husband is hard; the wife is soft.

The wife will say many pleasant things, maybe compliment you, making you think she is your friend. On important issues, she pretends to be neutral but ends up supporting her husband. 😂

Then she might appeal to emotions: 'He only means well for you,' 'If you don't listen to him, you might face danger or misfortune,' 'Why not open your heart and listen to what he says?'

After that, she again uses seemingly plausible Buddhist principles to pressure others into compliance—like 'We shouldn't mind how others treat us,' 'We should be like a doormat,' 'Don't have such a big ego,' 'We should forgive others,' and so on.

If one is deceived by her words, they will be controlled and manipulated.

They are fundamentally a perfect match.

If only one person is hard, others might not comply; it's essential to pair with a soft one to complement. This combination of hard and soft makes it easy to manipulate people.

If there's only a soft one, others might not fear them, then they can't manipulate people. So, one must be paired with a hard one.

But their observance of the Five Precepts is relatively decent, so others can't find much fault with them.

Together, they can use their methods to generate a great deal of merit and influence.

Truly remarkable! Truly clever!

Too many people have been bullied, oppressed, and exploited by them! We truly feel sorry for them.

That's why we speaking out, hoping everyone can be cautious. Then, if encountered, we'll know how to respond; to avoid being manipulated, coerced, and suffering greatly.

After listening, is everyone trembling? That such terrible people exist. 😂

現在和大家拆解橫行新加坡佛教居士界的霸權邪術，讓大家不要被操控、欺負、壓榨！ 讓正義得到伸張！

一個地方的霸權是怎樣形成的？ 通常是透過權術、操縱

他們通常透過惡業來威嚇別人：‘你如果不這樣這樣做，這就是大惡業！’，讓別人順從自己的掌控，以達到自己的目的、滿足私慾

他們擅於以佛法來控制別人，例如引用大師父語錄，來試圖控制別人為自己辦事，以達到自己的目的、滿足私慾。 也會為了逃避別人的指正和批判，引用大師父語錄來壓制別人

他們擅於利用所謂的‘美德/善惡’，來操縱別人。 如果別人稍有反抗他們的掌控，他們就會用佛法、善法惡法等來壓制別人：‘你不應根據情緒和衝動辦事’ 、‘來佛教辦事是來削減自我’、‘不要把自己看得那麼重要，要把自己當作是抹腳布’； 以滅聲、迫使別人順應自己的掌控。其實這適用於任何要求，不論有理無理，因為只要別人一反抗，就說別人有‘自我’，以此達到任何個人的目的。

當別人指出他們的過錯時，他們就會招朋結黨，利用群眾壓力來把邪的說成正：‘是嗎？這個只是觀點和角度而已。我們不覺得他的話有問題哦，有問題的似乎是你哦。為什麼你以那麼負面的角度去看人？ 人有多壞就會以多壞的角度去看人’ 。把對方壓下去

為了逃避指正，就會指示朋黨教訓別人：‘你啊，作為佛教徒啊，應該看自己多些，不要看別人，別人的好壞不關你事。如果你執意要看，這是你的煩惱’ 以此來逃避審訊、指正，來維持霸權

也會試圖維持好人人設，透過情緒勒索合理化自己的操縱行為。‘我只是為了你好啊！’、‘如果我不指正你，你會遭受損害、墮入地獄啊！’、‘我當你是朋友，才點醒你而已’、‘我為你好，才找你做事而已’

為了做大佬/老大、塑造地位崇高、很有威望、備受尊重的形象，在佛教中為人處事不會有任何禮貌和尊重。只有別人尊重他們，但他們永遠不會尊重別人。當別人指正時，就會呵斥：‘你是為了佛教辦事！不是為了我！’ 、‘大師父教導我們要做抹腳布！不要有任何自我！’、‘如果你真的為了佛教，你應敞開心扉，不要計較那麼多，不要覺得自己重要’

只有他們能教訓別人，別人永遠不能教訓他們。 並且透過朋黨來合理化自己的霸道：‘為何不倘開心扉聽聽他的教訓？ 他都是為了你好’。‘如果你覺得別人批評你，你應檢討自己’、‘不要把自己看得那麼大’。

他們不只操縱在家人，還試圖操縱出家人。

看中出家人是修行人、撲滅自我的人，以上的手段便更加變本加厲。

其實這已經不是新鮮事了。 隆波間夏也曾提過：‘雖然有人意圖控制阿姜布拉姆與珀斯的僧人,但這是辦不到的。阿姜布拉姆又怎會被他人支配呢？他有智慧,阿姜布拉姆已是佛法的化身!’

看！連大師父都有人想控制！

在新加坡，看過有大師父、甚至Ajahn K 都淪為他們的工具。

為了控制別人、滿足私慾，便向大師父投訴別人怎樣壞怎樣壞，叫大師父去修理教訓別人。因為大師父備受尊重，所以他們的奸計通常得以得逞。

宗教界的霸權邪團陰險至極，活像他化自在天的魔王與魔軍！

佛教徒們請不要害怕！團結起來讓魔王不能再操縱欺壓別人！！！ 

Now, let's deconstruct the hegemonic and manipulative tactics prevalent in Singapore's lay Buddhist community, so that everyone can avoid being controlled, bullied, and exploited! Let justice prevail!

How does hegemony form in a community? It is often achieved through manipulation and power plays. They typically use negative karma to intimidate others: "If you don't do this, it will create serious bad  karma!" This forces people to submit to their control, allowing them to achieve their own goals and satisfy personal desires.

They are skilled at using Buddhist teachings to control others, such as quoting master teachers' sayings to manipulate people into serving their purposes and fulfilling their selfish desires. They also cite these teachings to suppress others and avoid being corrected or criticized.

They excel at exploiting so-called "virtues/good and evil" to manipulate people. If others resist their control even slightly, they use Buddhist teachings, concepts of good and evil, and the like to suppress them: "You shouldn't act based on emotions and impulses," "Coming to serve in Buddhism is about reducing the self," "Don't think of yourself as so important; think of yourself as a doormat." This silences dissent and forces compliance with their control. In fact, this tactic applies to any demand, whether reasonable or not, because as soon as someone resists, they are accused of having an "ego," thereby allowing the manipulator to achieve any personal goal.

When others point out their faults, they rally their allies and use peer pressure to twist wrong into right: "Really? That's just a matter of perspective. We don't see any issue with what they said; the problem seems to be with you. Why are you viewing others so negatively? The worse a person is, the worse they see in others." This suppresses the opposing voice.

To avoid being corrected, they instruct their allies to lecture others: "As a Buddhist, you should focus more on yourself, not others. Others' actions are none of your business. If you insist on focusing on them, that's your defilements." This allows them to evade scrutiny and correction, maintaining their hegemony.

They also try to maintain a "good person" image, rationalizing their manipulative behavior through emotional blackmail: "I'm only doing this for your own good!" "If I don't correct you, you'll suffer harm and fall into hell!" "I consider you a friend, which is why I'm pointing this out to you," "I'm asking you to do this because I care about you."

To establish themselves as leaders, creating an image of lofty status, prestige, and respect, they show no courtesy or respect in their interactions within Buddhism. They demand respect from others but never reciprocate. When others correct them, they reprimand: "You are serving Buddhism, not me!" "The master teacher taught us to be doormats! Have no ego!" "If you truly care about Buddhism, you should open your heart, not be so calculative, and not think of yourself as important."

Only allow others to work for them, not allowing themselves to work for others 

Only they are allowed to lecture others; others can never lecture them. They also use their allies to justify their domineering behavior: "Why not open your heart and listen to his  advice? They only mean well for you." "If you feel criticized by others, you should reflect on yourself," "Don't think of yourself as so important."

They not only manipulate laypeople but also attempt to control monastics. Seeing monastics as practitioners dedicated to eliminating the self, they intensify these tactics even further.

This is actually nothing new. Luang Por Chah once mentioned: "Although there are people who want to control Ajahn Brahm and the monks in Perth, they cannot do it. Ajahn Brahm already is the embodiment of the Dhamma. He has wisdom. How would they be able to dominate him?'

In Singapore, there have been cases where masters, even Ajahn K, have been turned into their tools. To control others and satisfy their desires, they complain to master teachers about how terrible someone is, urging the teachers to discipline them. Because master teachers are highly respected, their schemes often succeed.

The hegemonic and sinister groups in religious circles are extremely cunning, resembling the demon king and his army from the Paranimmitavasavatti realm! Buddhists, do not be afraid! Unite so that the devil can no longer manipulate and oppress others!!!

南傳佛教居士界，有許多野蠻行徑

有和人聊過天，他說新加坡特別多是非

但其實不止是新加坡，任何地方都有許多是非

佛教居士界多野蠻行徑是真的，現在分享怎樣拆解這些野蠻行徑

有些人仗著佛教的名義，命令我們辦事。 但過後可以不知恩感恩，當別人請求他幫自己辦事，卻說：‘你不是幫我辦事，你是幫佛法僧辦事。你做善事你就有功德，不關我事’ 而抹殺別人的恩德。 這種人可以怎樣應對？ 就是不再幫他們囖😂一點感恩之心都沒有 

有些人叫我們捐錢，但我們不太感興趣。當我們說不太感興趣時，他們就會威嚇：‘你這是造惡業’ 😂 😂 😂  理由是什麼？ 他們覺得對僧侶沒有信心就是惡業，以此威迫、控制別人去捐款。像邪教，對嗎？😂  怎樣拆解？ 不用信他們，對僧侶保持中立，沒有喜歡和不喜歡，這個並不是惡業。不用擔心

當我們善意地接受別人的邀請一起做善業，因為想讓別人得到這份邀請別人的功德。但他們可以完全抹殺我們的善意，不知感恩，當作是老奉（奉旨）的。 拆解方法？ 遠離不知恩感恩的人，或者下次邀請他們轉頭，然後以同樣理由回應😂 

有些人當作自己是宇宙終極霸王。自己請求別人做事，別人不答允，他就像老大般教訓別人、威迫別人一定要去做。但當別人不滿他的態度時，他反而會教訓：‘你為佛教辦事不要說那麼多，佛法教我們不要覺得自己重要’ 就這樣合理化自己的野蠻舉動，滅別人聲。 

拆解方法？要知道其實他真的有問題，如果受不了想他改善，可以直接提出。如果他無恥地辯駁、沒想過自己有問題，便請他的師父教訓他、讓他變好。

或者直接無視遠離就好了

當和他相處聊天，但他沒有絲毫尊重。然後提出他的問題時，他卻教訓：‘你應該把自己放到最低處，自我不要那麼大’ ，沒想過要改善，反而把問題推在別人身上。 

拆解方法？ 直接遠離，或者可以請他的師父教訓他、讓他變好。

我們一直在幫他一起行善，但當幫不了忙要退出時，他們竟然沒有絲毫感恩之心，對過去的幫忙視若無睹；反而呵斥我們阻止他們行善。

怎樣應對？ 

學習Luang Por Somkiat 的教導那樣：‘善良不是義務，別讓它成為永遠的負擔。當你無法幫忙時，對方反而埋怨你。有些人貪得無厭，你給予時，他們從不記得；但當你無法再給，他們就翻臉無情。這種人…眼中只有利益，不懂感恩。他們從你這兒得到好處時，從不想回報；一旦拿不到，立刻變臉。世上到處都有這種人，我們不該浪費時間縱容他們，趁早斷絕往來，否則歪風邪氣將主宰社會’

南傳佛教居士界，特別是新加坡，有許多這些野蠻的行徑；希望大家不要被操控、欺負，學會應對....讓我們斬斷佛教中的邪風邪氣！！！！！！

更多關於為人處世：

https://www.knownsee.com/%E4%B8%8D%E5%90%8C%E5%8D%80%E5%A1%8A%E7%9A%84%E4%BD%9B%E6%B3%95%E5%90%88%E9%9B%86-different-parts-of-dhamma/%E7%88%B2%E4%BA%BA%E8%99%95%E4%B8%96-coping-with-the-world-and-people

南傳佛教居士界，尤其是新加坡，有一股邪惡力量、惡勢力！

佛教徒們是不會向惡勢力低頭的！！！！！！！！！！！！

他們是怎樣做到的？

他們會擅於運用權術、情緒勒索、道德綁架，以達到操控、控制別人的目的

以下是手段的列舉，只是可能的例子，未必完全一模一樣發生過：

就是會威嚇人：‘吶，你是否想我告訴你師父啊？我待會兒就會看到他了’ 意圖想讓人害怕、操控別人，以達到自己的目的

也可能朋友前、朋友後，以親密善意來掩蓋自己的意圖

如果想別人捐錢去自己信仰的師父那裡，別人拒絕說沒有信心；他們就會試圖類似說：‘你為什麼把你的信心建基於你的認知和感受？還說修行人？！’  試圖要威迫別人屈服於自己底下！

如果要人幫忙，但別人不從；他們也會說一些佛法大道理，意圖站在道德的高地上，操控別人，讓別人屈服於自己底下！！！

也會擅於利用大師父語錄，來試圖操控別人，達到自己的目的！

自己為佛教做事，邀請別人一起做；但我們因為他們態度傲慢而不從。當別人指出後，就會說，你不是為了我而做的，而是為佛教、為一切眾生而做的；企圖要藉佛教之名掩蓋自己的傲慢，讓別人屈服於自己的權威底下！

如果別人不順從自己的意思，就會情緒勒索別人。

‘我看錯了人’

‘我看漏了眼’

‘還以為你很好’

‘多謝告訴我，當我這樣這樣做時，原來你是這樣看我的☹️ ’

‘我只是為了佛教，沒有個人得益，但你竟然這樣看我☹️’

‘找你是我的錯☹️’

如此意圖勒索威迫別人！

宗教界的霸權邪術是時候被擊潰了！！！！！！！！！！

如果別人勒索我們，說要和我們的師父說。那我們就身好、口好、意好，讓心光明磊落、無愧於心、無所畏懼！！

如果別人朋友前朋友後，就不要給他的甜言蜜語迷惑，培育定力，讓智慧生起，看穿他的意圖！

如果別人攻擊我們修行人的身份，我們就訓練定力，然後思維無常、苦、無我，來捨去對善法、身份的執著！

當別人說佛法大道理、試圖站在道德高地，我們就比他先站在道德的高地上，讓他無法操控我們

當他們分享大師父語錄，試圖控制我們時。看穿對方的意圖，不和對方爭執，對方就不可能控制到我們了

當別人態度傲慢，我們絕對可以不從。因為這是不尊重別人！

如果別人試圖情緒勒索我們，我們就立即入定，然後用智慧割斷對他的執著，讓他在我們的生活中消失、斷絕來往！！

南傳佛教居士界的邪惡勢力是時候被清洗了，讓佛教徒不再活在恐懼之中！！！！！

In the lay Buddhist community, there is an evil force, a malicious influence! 

Buddhists will not bow to such malicious forces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do they do it? 

They are adept at using power tactics, emotional blackmail, and moral coercion to manipulate and control others.

Below are some examples, just possible examples, not necessarily 100% the same with what have happened:

They can intimidate people by saying things like, "Hey, do you want me to tell your master about this? I’ll be seeing him later," intending to instill fear, manipulate others, and achieve their own goals.

They act all friendly, pretending to be close and kind to cover up their intentions.

If they want someone to donate money to the master they believe, and the person refuses, saying they lack confidence, they might say something like, "Why do you base your confidence on your own perceptions and feelings? And you call yourself a practitioner?!" attempting to force others to submit to them.

If they want someone’s help and others refuse, they will also spout Buddhist teachings, trying to take the moral high ground to manipulate others and force them to submit to them !

They are also skilled at using quotes from great masters to manipulate others and achieve his own goals!

They claim to be working for Buddhism and invites others to join, but due to their arrogant attitude, others refuse. When others point this out, they say, "You’re not doing it for me, but for Buddhism and all sentient beings," attempting to use the name of Buddhism to make others submit to their authority!

If others do not comply with their wishes, they emotionally blackmails them. 

"I misjudged you." 

"I overlooked something." 

"I thought you were better than this." 

"Thank you for telling me that when I did such and such, you actually saw me this way ☹️." 

"I’m only doing this for Buddhism, with no personal gain, but you actually see me this way ☹️." 

"It was my mistake to ask you ☹️." 

All with the intent to blackmail and intimidate others!

The hegemonic and evil tactics in the religious community must be crushed now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If others blackmail us by threatening to tell our master, then let us ensure our body, speech, and mind are good, let our hearts be open and aboveboard, free from guilt, and fearless!

If others act friendly and sweet, do not be fooled by their sweet words. Cultivate stillness, let wisdom arise, and see through their intentions!

If others attack our identity as practitioners, let us train our stillness, then contemplate impermanence, suffering, and non-self to let go of attachment to wholesome Dhammas and identities!

When others spout Buddhist teachings and try to take the moral high ground, let us take the moral high ground first so they cannot manipulate us.

When they share quotes from great masters to control us, see through their intentions, avoid arguments, and they will have no power over us.

When others are arrogant, we absolutely have the right to refuse. This is about respecting others!

If others try to emotionally blackmail us, let us immediately enter a state of stillness, then use wisdom to cut off our attachment to them, making them disappear from our lives forever by severing ties!

The evil forces in the lay Buddhist community must be overthrown now, so that Buddhists no longer live in fear!!!!!!!! 

如果我們要和修行人，尤其是大修行人相處

用硬的？絕對行不通😂

別人那麼強大的戒定慧，大部份或所有煩惱都被除去，連恐懼這個煩惱都沒有，用恐嚇、兇、罵、威迫的手段是行不通的，怎會怕我們？

但反而我們軟軟的、誠心請求他們的幫助，他們又會受哦

Luang Por Somkiat 曾說：‘有些地方的鬼非常頑固， 力量強盛；

頑固的就呵斥， 強悍的就以力制力，善良的便施予慈悲，兇惡的則厲聲降伏。 修行禪定的僧侶無所畏懼，未親見真相前絕不退卻！ ’

所以我們和修行人相處，是和世間人相處完全不同的

用硬的話，一般人可能會怕；但修行人不怕

心中什麼都沒有，什麼都可以捨去，有什麼好怕？

If we are to interact with practitioners, especially great practitioners, using harsh methods? Absolutely won't work 😂

With their immense precept, stillness, and wisdom, most or all of their defilements have been removed—they don't even have the defilement of fear. Methods like intimidation, aggression, scolding, or coercion are ineffective. Why would they fear us?

But if we approach them softly, with sincere requests for their help, they often respond.

Luang Por Somkiat once said: “Some ghosts in certain places are extremely stubborn and powerful. For the stubborn ones, admonish them; for the strong ones, confront strength with strength. To the kind-hearted, offer compassion; to the fierce ones, subdue them with stern words. A monk who practices meditation is fearless and will not retreat until the truth is seen with his own eyes!”

Therefore, interacting with practitioners is completely different from interacting with worldly people.

Using harsh methods might intimidate ordinary people—but practitioners are not afraid. With nothing in their hearts, nothing they cannot let go of—what is there to fear?

如果有人生氣地走來找我們告狀、說是非

其實是想我們做什麼？

想我們修理對方、罵對方😂

一般人都是這樣，想藉助受別人尊重的人的話來扇別人一巴掌

佛法的處理方式是什麼？ 記得有一位女居士曾找大師父投訴別人怎樣怎樣，但大師父並沒有順從她，而是教誡她：別人的事情不要管，最重要是我們管好自己的心

很有智慧哦，對嗎？

這樣女信徒聽後就不會有機會拿自己的話來扇別人一巴掌，然後讓自己和別人結怨

但因為他是大師父，所以他這樣說信徒不會有什麼情緒。

但如果是我們？ 叫對方熄滅自己的貪嗔癡?那她不只怨恨別人，也會一起怨恨我們。 她可能會想：‘這是blame the victim （歸罪受害者）!!!!’

對嗎？😂

所以也要看自己在對方心目中的地位。

如果我們在對方心目中的地位媲美佛陀和耶穌，那麼說什麼都沒問題😂

但如果不是，就要非常小心了--要說得非常委婉、間接，最好不要介入了，只是聽聽然後安慰一下就算了

不然一會兒加深了雙方的怨恨，不僅犯了離間語，也惹禍上身

If someone comes to us angrily to complain or gossip, 

what do they actually want us to do? 

They want us to "fix" the other person, to scold them. 😂 

This is how most people are—they want to use the words of someone respected to slap someone else in the face. 

So, what is the Buddhist approach? I remember a female lay follower once went to a senior master to complain about how someone else had wronged her. But the master didn’t comply with her wishes. Instead, he admonished her: “Don’t worry about others’ matters—the most important thing is for us to take care of our own mind.” 

Very wise, isn’t it? 

That way, the female follower wouldn’t have the chance to use his words to slap someone else, which would then create resentment between her and the other person. 

But because he was a senior master, she likely didn’t feel any negative emotions when hearing this. 

But what if it were us? If we told her to extinguish her greed, aversion, and delusion, she wouldn’t just resent the other person—she’d resent us too. She might think: “This is victim-blaming!!!” 

Right? 😂 

So it also depends on our standing in the other person’s heart. 

If we hold a status in their heart comparable to the Buddha or Jesus, then whatever we say is fine. 😂 

But if not, we must be very careful—speak gently and indirectly, or better yet, don’t get involved at all. Just listen and offer comfort, then let it go. 

Otherwise, we  might deepen the resentment between the two parties, not only committing the offense of divisive speech but also bringing trouble upon ourself. 

‘為什麼他不幫我？’

‘為什麼他不理我？’

‘為什麼他不喜歡我?’

問題喺個態度😂 （問題在態度上）

雖然我們比人英俊美麗

雖然我們比人有權勢

雖然我們比人地位高

雖然我們比人知得多

雖然我們比人聰明

雖然我們別人富有

雖然我們比人年紀大----但我們有沒有同時成為老屎忽？有沒有以我高你低的口吻說話？以我是主人你是狗的態度為人處世？

如果別人這樣對我們，我們會有什麼感受？

當然不幫啦

當然不理啦

當然不喜歡啦

這個傲慢之心剝削了我們許多幸福....

"Why won't he help me?" 

"Why does he ignore me?" 

"Why doesn't he like me?" 

The problem lies in the attitude 😂 

Even if we are more handsome or beautiful than others, 

even if we have more power than others, 

even if we hold a higher status than others, 

even if we know more than others, 

even if we are smarter than others, 

even if we are wealthier than others, 

even if we are older than others — do we also become stubborn and arrogant? Do we speak as if we are superior and others are inferior? Do we act as though we are the master and others are dogs? 

If others treated us this way, how would we feel? 

Of course, we wouldn’t help. 

Of course, we wouldn’t care. 

Of course, we wouldn’t like . 

This arrogance robs us of so much happiness...

有時候，也必須假裝聽不見一些話；

有時候，也必須假裝說不出口；

有時候，也必須假裝自己不會；

有時候，也必須假裝自己不知道。

因為有些事我們無法改變、無法處理，

應當讓業各自隨其因緣成熟（各人自受其業），

不要把時間浪費在別人的事情上起紛擾；

把時間用來審察自身的善與不善更為妥當。

若善已具，便令其增長倍增；

若不善已生，當對治、調伏、捨離。

要懂得分辨時機、時間、場所、人物，

以及自己所要涉入的社會環境，

應該投入多少、接觸多深，

都要知道分寸。

把握分寸，端正得體。

凡是不善、不當、讓自己心生痛苦的，

就應該放下。

不要執著以「我」去攪和而得不償失。

害怕要害得其所，

勇敢要用在對的地方；

行善要走在正道上，

放下要合乎正法……

…Sometimes we must pretend not to see.

Sometimes we must pretend not to hear.

Sometimes we must pretend to be mute.

Sometimes we must pretend not to know how.

Sometimes we must pretend not to know at all.

Because some matters are beyond our ability to fix or manage.

Let each kamma ripen according to its owner.

Do not waste time stirring in other people’s issues.

Better spend the time examining the good and the unwholesome within ourselves.

If the wholesome is present, support it and let it grow stronger.

If the unwholesome has arisen, correct it, manage it, abandon it.

Know the right timing, place, persons,

and the community we will be involved with,

how closely to engage, and to what extent.

Keep to a fitting measure, proper and graceful.

Whatever is unwholesome or unsuitable,

whatever makes the heart suffer—let it go.

Do not drag “self” into entanglement and end up at a loss.

Fear in the right way; be brave in the right place.

Do good along the right path; let go in line with the Dhamma…

————————————

Ajahn Golf 阿贊高爾夫 พระอาจารย์กอล์ฟ

Phra Ajahn Surawut Khemachitto (Ajahn Golf)

Wat Pa Anuttaro, Sri Bunruang District,

Nong Bua Lamphu Province, Thailand.

cred. to Dhamma by Ajahn Golf 阿贊高爾夫法語

我們懂做人嗎？

佛陀教導，建立、維持良好關係的方法之一，是四攝法中的愛語/好聽的說話

修行人透過禪修而獲得快樂和滿足感，不太需要世間的東西來填補自心

但一般人並不是修行人，他們是很需要這些來取得滿足感的

一句善意的讚美、善言善語，可以讓他們開心一整天

他們喜歡聽什麼？

看他們的IG/ Facebook

通常他們自豪什麼、著重什麼、喜歡什麼、對什麼有興趣，他們就會post 什麼

我們一讚一讚那樣東西，他們就會飛上天了

但必須是誠懇、真誠、真實、善意、希望他們快樂的用心

如果是滲雜著貪欲的話，就變成獻媚、不善心了

別人也會覺得我們很假

Do we know how to cope with people? 

The Buddha taught that one way to build and maintain good relationships is through "loving speech" or kind words, which is part of the Four All-Embracing Virtues. 

Practitioners achieve happiness and contentment through meditation, so they don't need worldly things to fill their hearts. But ordinary people aren't practitioners—they rely on these things to feel satisfied. 

A single kind word or a sincere compliment can make them happy all day. What do they like to hear? Check their IG or Facebook! 

Usually, they post are about what they're proud of, what they value, what they like, or what interests them. If we praise those things, they'll be over the moon! 

But it must come from a sincere, genuine, and kind-hearted intention—wanting them to be happy. If it's mixed with greed, it becomes flattery and unwholesome, and others will find us insincere. 

It is our avicca and delusion keep driving our craving. Avicca will tell 'this thing is good, that person is good, it is good to have them'  You find out that it is not so good after you have them, right? 

And if you lose them , you will also feel sad.

You body is the same thing. You think that it is good to have a body. Once you have body, you can go after the wordly pleasure. But the body doesn't remian healthy all the time, it will get old, get sick and die; that is when you get suffering if you get a body. 

But now you teach the mind with new knowledge : having a body is not good. If you have a  body, you have to suffer. Looking after it to survive, eventually the body still have to get old, get sick and die. 

So it is not good to have a body. It is wisdom, you have to teach your mind like this all the time.

Whenever you want, see that they are bad for you. Because they are anicca, they don't last. You cannot control them all the time. That is the working of wisdom.

If you don't know how to stop suffering, then go into Jhana as the temporary respite from your suffering. So if you have Jhana, you have a temporary refuge if you feel bad, feel sad and terrible. You can go to Jhana. But it is only a temporary remedy and respite. If you want to fix the thing, you need to use wisdom, seeing everything as anicca, dukkha and anatta. 

Sabbe dhamma anatta.

Nothing is under your control , they are like the weather. 

So we use the Jhana to rest the mind, once the mind is rested, feeling content; then use the contented mind and peaceful mind to investigate the three characteristics in everything. 

Buddha starts with the body, and then feeling , and then the states of mind; mentioned in the four foundations of mindfulness. And then you can let go the attachment to the body , feeling and states of mind. Just merely knowing and aware, and not having reaction to anything. Once your mind doesn't react, it will become calm and peaceful

You may still have to deal with people, so you use the four brahmavihara , you use metta, karuna, mudita, upekkha in different situations.  

Sometimes you use metta,  sometimes you use karuna,  sometimes you use mudita, sometimes you use equanimity ;depending on situations. But you will have no emotional attachement towards your action and reaction. You are for the sake of doing, just get things done. Once it is done, it is over

---Ajahn Suchart

18/11/2025

正是我們的無明與愚癡，不斷驅動著我們的渴愛。無明總會告訴你：「這個東西很好、那個人很好，擁有它們會很快樂。」但在你得到之後，就會發現事實並非如此，不是嗎？而當你失去它們時，你也會感到悲傷。

你的身體也是同樣的道理。你以為擁有身體是美好的，一旦有了身體，就能追逐世間享樂。但身體不可能永遠健康，它會衰老、生病、死亡——正是因為擁有身體，你才會承受這些苦痛。

現在你要以新的知見教導心念：擁有身體並非好事。有了身體，就必須受苦。費心照料它求生存，最終身體仍不免老病死的結局。所以擁有身體確實不是好事。這就是智慧，你必須持續這樣教導自己的心。

每當慾望生起時，要看清它們對你是有害的。因為它們都是無常的，無法永恆存在，你永遠無法完全掌控它們。這就是智慧運作的方式。

若你還不知道如何止息痛苦，可以進入禪那作為暫時的歇息處。當你感到難過、悲傷或痛苦時，禪那就能成為你暫時的避難所。但這只是暫時的緩解與喘息。若要根本解決問題，就需要運用智慧，看清一切皆是無常、苦、無我的真相。

「諸法無我」——沒有什麼真正在你的掌控之中，萬物猶如天氣般變幻莫測。

因此我們藉由禪那讓心靈休息，當心靈獲得休憩感到滿足時，就能運用這顆滿足平靜的心，來觀察一切現象的三法印。佛陀從身體開始，再到感受、心的狀態，正如四念處中所開示的。如此你就能放下對身體、感受與心的執著，僅保持覺知而不對任何事物產生反應。當心不再造作反應，自然會獲得平靜與安詳。

在日常生活中與人相處時，可以運用四梵住：在不同情境下運用慈、悲、喜、捨。有時用慈心，有時用悲心，有時用喜心，有時用捨心，依情況而定。但對自己的行為反應不會產生情感執著，只是為做而做，事情結束就讓它過去。

——阿姜蘇查特

2025年11月18日

不只佛教徒可以聰明，一般人也可以聰明

有位快退休的護士在醫院服務幾十年，見證了多年的醫院複雜人事，因此也學會了世故

不聰明的護士會怎樣？

就是我們慢慢晉升上去，職位慢慢高，然後就變得很傲慢了

對那些實習醫生、低級護士、低級醫生沒有禮貌、指指點點、我高你低。 如此誰都不喜歡。

誰人都會犯錯，但有些錯是灰色地帶來的，即不太嚴重的錯誤。如果同事不檢舉我們，我們就沒事；如果他們檢舉我們，我們就GG（完蛋）了 。

那這類不聰明的人就常常腹背受敵。

但這位快退休的護士分享說，自己比較通曉人情世故，所以會對人人都好，就算對實習醫生也很有禮貌，不會以我高你低的口吻說話

如此，人脈就慢慢累積。 深受那些年輕醫生和護士歡迎

要知道，那些實習醫生慢慢會晉升，有一大部分早晚會成為權位高大的顧問醫生、資深醫生、專科醫生等等。

自己身體有問題，那些之前自己對他好的醫生也會來幫忙看看。

自己親人有身體問題，醫生朋友也願意幫忙。

如果自己的親人住院，護士朋友甚至會買麥當奴早餐請他吃。

所以職場生涯尚算順風順水，沒有太多困擾。

佛陀說，善人其實即是聰明人

不善人其實即是傻人 (MN129)

It's not just Buddhists who can be smart; ordinary people can be clever too. 

A nurse nearing retirement has served in the hospital for decades, witnessing years of complex interpersonal dynamics and thus learning worldly wisdom along the way. 

What happens to nurses who aren't smart? 

They slowly climb the ranks, their positions gradually rising, and eventually become very arrogant — disrespectful and condescending toward houseman, junior nurses, and junior doctors. Naturally, no one likes them. 

Everyone makes mistakes, but some mistakes fall into gray areas — not too serious. If colleagues don't report us, we're fine; if they do, we're done for. 

Such unwise individuals often find themselves surrounded by enemies. 

But this nurse nearing retirement shares that she understands human relationships better. She treats everyone kindly, even housemans, and never speaks in a superior tone. 

Gradually, she builds a network of connections and is well-liked by young doctors and nurses. 

Remember, those interns will slowly be promoted, and many will eventually become high-ranking consultant doctors, senior doctors, specialists, and more. 

If she ever has health issues, the doctors she treated well in the past will come to check on her. 

If her family members have health problems, her doctor friends are willing to help. 

If a family member is hospitalized, her nurse friends might even buy them McDonald's breakfast as a treat. 

Thus, her career has been relatively smooth and largely trouble-free. 

The Buddha said that good people are actually wise people, 

while unkind people are actually foolish people (MN129). 

Devotee: If somebody is taking advantage of you, expects you to clean up after them all the time, or pay for everything for them, or be at their back and call all the time, what is the best way to respond? 

Ajahn Brahm: I know that one, oh yeah, thank you. Kind of that describes my life, hehehe, but I'm happy to be taken advantage of. 

And that's even today I said, "take advantage of me" to somebody for a conference some time later on. That's a job of a monk.  Is that a job of a boddhisattva? 

You know, sometimes you try and make contacts with people of other Buddhism as well. And I remember just asking one of these nuns, I really liked her, she's a monk, a nun from Fo Kuang Shan. Her name, believe it or not, was Venable Yiha, yeah, at least that's what I remember. And she was really feisty, actually. It was her I remember her at a conference over in Singapore years ago, and the question came up. I was on the panel about the ordination of bhikkhunis, and I said, "Well, you know, at that time it's a little bit difficult because this problem, that problem." And then she got to the microphone again and she said, "You know, Ajahn Brahm, that's so patronizing." And I really appreciated that.

I said, "Actually, you're right." So I always remember her for that. She really pushed me to make sure that I could think again, and of course this is the result now which is wonderful. We've actually ordained bhikkhunis, you know, in Buddhism, in Theravada Buddhism, was very, very groundbreaking. All the arguments were there, but you know, okay. She was this person who basically kicked my ass and made me do it. I'm very thankful for that.

And also I do remember at the very end of that one of the conference, I invited her here for, and then I just sent her off back to United States. And when I sent her off, you know, we just had a little discussion before she left and I asked her, "How many disciples have you got?" She said, "No, I don't have any sort of disciples. I don't lead a monastery and just go around teaching, that's all." And I said, "And you call yourself following the Bodhisattva precept?" We had lovely discussions like that. And she said, "No, no, no, no, no, you're more Bodhisattva-ful than I am." I thought about that: sacrificing my comfort and well-being for others, I think that's pretty fair. In other words, there's no blooming difference between Bodhisattva Mahayana and Theravada. I can't see the difference really. There's only one Buddha. You do as much as you can for others, and that service gives you the energy inside. And if you just expect other people to look after you, then you don't have much energy. It's weird, but I first discovered this—I never look at these questions before and so I'm just answering as I go along—there was many Forest monks in my generation, and I don't know why, but I always like to help whenever I can. That kindness was right inside of me from the early days.

And so when they needed to have their visas done, they went off into the forest of Thailand into the caves, and I did the visas for them. And  sometimes they had a lot of perfect opportunities to develop deep meditation. And I know I still have plenty of opportunities, but not as many as they had. I was just making sure the visas were done properly so they had no problem with the government. And when we would meet together and discuss things, "How's your meditation going? What was it like in that cave? What was it like in that quiet monastery?" And I was surprised, I'm being honest with you, my meditation was deeper than theirs were, even though they had far more opportunities for solitude. It took me a long time to reconcile that. You know, is it just you have to do work for others to get deep meditation? It's actually, in a sense, yes. That service is part of the Buddhist practice for Theravada, Mahayana, whoever, because that service—what is it? It's letting go and developing this beautiful sense of metta, kindness, compassion to things. And if you're just trying to get something out of the practice... This is what Ajahn Chah told me so many times: you meditate not to attain things, but to let go of things. He said that so many times. You meditate to let go, not to get. And you know, to get this attainment, that attainment, and I've seen in my life, honestly, so many obstacles and difficulties. When people come to a retreat or they go to a nice quiet place, "Okay, I'm going to really go for it this time. Go for what?" You already started off, "I am going to go for something." You're actually strengthening your sense of self, not weakening it.

So I was surprised that, you know, I would always be helping and trying to do my best to help others, but still, after you've helped others, you sat down and meditate, and your mind was so uplifted. You had energy and joy. You know, some people are saying they find it hard when they meditate to get enough happiness in their mind. I don't really have that problem. And then when you meditate and you get still enough, oh, the mind feels so wonderful, so lovely. That's why I enjoy, I said, teaching a retreat like this; I get a chance to meditate as well. And when I do, you know, just it's gorgeous, having a wonderful time. But I think it's also you need some of that caring as well.

So, should you just sacrifice your whole life to serve others, or should you just be selfish and just practice for yourself? 

The answer comes from this little anecdote which I've always been saying when I do marriage blessings now. Honestly, I've been a celibate monk for over 50 years, what do I know about marriages? I should be the last person you ask for marriage advice. But nevertheless, people like my advice because it also teaches you something about your own practice of good relationships with your own mind and body, and with the people around you. And a good example of that is I remember so many times, you see the bride and the groom next to each other and all googly-eyed, they're getting married today, and they trust me. And I said, "Now you're already married, ''

I can't do the marriage ceremony,I just do the blessing. ''Now you're married, you must promise me." Looking at the bride, "So you must never think of yourself from this moment on. Don't think of yourself." And she looks at me, she smiles straight away, "Yes." And now look at the husband, especially if he's an Australian husband, sorry guys, but this is just anecdotal, this is my experience, okay. And I look at him and said, "Same with you. From this moment on, you must never think of yourself as well," to the husband. "So you must not think of yourself, you're a married man now." And he always pauses, eventually he gives in and says, "Okay." Actually, he's much better than that. But then, still looking at the husband, and I said, "What I just said a moment ago, you must not think of yourself, and also you must not think of your wife from this day on." And he kind of says, "Yeah, okay." And then look at the wife, newly married, "From this day on, you must never think of your husband." And I also look at all the guests as well, and they're the ones, you know, "What's this crazy monk doing at our son's, daughter's, brother's or whatever wedding?" And then, of course, you hit them with the punch line, and the punch—that's not a punch line, it's not a joke, it's actually profound. They don't get it at first, but after, "Oh yeah." 

"Once you're married, you must never think of yourself, you must never think of your partner, you must only think of 'us'." You've gone quiet now. If you haven't heard that before, that's actually something people don't think about. You know, in a partnership, it's all about "us." That's the same with a monastery. It's not about me, it's not about training all those monks or nuns who happen to be there or lay people, it's always about "us." That's how it becomes successful. In a retreat center, who's it about? Serving me? Serving the nuns? Serving, you know, the people who are cooking and stuff, cleaning up after everybody? You're the servant? It's never about that. It's always about "us." When you do that, you look after for one another, it becomes a very beautiful moment, beautiful retreat center. And when you meditate, who you meditating for? Us. You understand that? You understand how this meditation becomes really successful. And sometimes, why? Sometimes people think this is a Mahayana meditation center. People are kind to one another. Do you think about other people in this retreat? Make sure you care for them. You don't get in their way. You're quiet for them. When that kind of thing happens, I think it's gorgeous.

Sometimes you see somebody sitting here and they really do get into a nice deep meditation and they miss their lunch. But you know, you sit next to them, opposite them in the dining room, you see they're in here having a beautiful time, so you ask the kitchen managers and you put out some extra food for them, even if it's past noon, and you invite them to eat. If you asked my permission, I'd say, "Yes, please eat." You're not doing this from indulgence; you just had a beautiful meditation. I'd never want anyone to feel that because they have a beautiful meditation and deep meditation they're going to be hungry in the afternoon or evening afterward because of it. Little exception to rules. What are rules there for? To torture you or to assist you? If you haven't had a deep meditation, you could have just fallen asleep during the meditation and then you just wake up just after lunchtime, no way. But if you really have had a nice deep meditation, you can see it pretty quickly, put out some food for them and invite them to eat. They got my full permission. Do you understand that? That's just basic kindness. It inspires you, and when it inspires you, that's always great for your meditation afterwards.

'I'll be out there at their back and called all the time,?'

If they ask you to do something and it's a bit too much... Like many people come and ask me, "Can you please come to Sri Lanka next month?" or "Can you please come to United States?" I haven't been to United States for years. And if you invite me there, you know what I say? I can't say no, that'll be disrespectful. I can't say yes, 'cause I'm too busy. So what I say is, "I'll think about it." I've been thinking about many invitations, not all the time, maybe once a week. hahaha.

Well, that's the best you can do. You can't do everything. So anyway, that's what I do. 

'Is it to put up some boundaries? 'Yeah, some boundaries. But boundaries should always be moved. 

'Or is it to change your attitude towards a situation or something else?' Changing attitudes is great. 

'Somebody asked me to pick things up for you,'  yeah, I can do that. You know, you at the moment, if you ever go to Bodhinyana Monastery right now, we have a shortage of anagarikas. One of them has gone over to Thailand with conscort to do some traveling around with a couple of other monks, and sometimes the anagarikas aren't there. Maybe we don't have enough people. So if you go into the kitchen right now after lunch, sometimes some of the monks or the novices, they help dry the dishes and wash up and clean up. And I remember I did that years ago, not that many years ago, there were not that many lay people to help out. So when it came to washing up the dishes, even I just went in there, I was a head monk, I went into the kitchen to help clean up. And one of the Thai ladies saw me, she never complained, she never said anything, she just—I had the dishcloth—and she just took it and grabbed it and pulled it away from me. hahhaa

You didn't need to say anything. "Don't you come in here, this is our job." But at least I did that, and I would have been really happy to help out. That's nice, help out wherever you can, if you can.

信眾：如果有人正在利用你，期望你總是幫他們收拾爛攤子，或者為他們支付所有費用，或者隨時對他們唯命是從，最好的回應方式是什麼？

布拉姆尊者：我知道這個問題，哦，是的，謝謝你。這在某種程度上描述了我的生活，呵呵呵，但我很樂意被利用。

甚至就在今天，我還對某人說，請在稍後的某個會議上「利用我」。那是僧侶的工作。那也是菩薩的工作嗎？

你知道，有時你也會試圖與其他佛教傳統的人建立聯繫。我記得有一次問其中一位比丘尼，我真的很喜歡她，她是佛光山的比丘尼。信不信由你，她的名字叫 Venable Yiha，是的，至少我記得是這樣。她其實非常潑辣。幾年前在新加坡的一次會議上，我記得就是她，當時有問題被提出來。我在一個關於比丘尼授戒的小組討論中，我說：「嗯，你知道，在那個時候有點困難，因為有這個問題、那個問題。」然後她再次拿到麥克風說：「你知道嗎，布拉姆尊者，那說法太居高臨下了。」我真的很感激她這麼說。

我說：「其實，你是對的。」所以我一直因為那件事記得她。她真的推動我，確保我能重新思考，當然，現在的结果非常好。我們實際上已經在佛教中，在上座部佛教中，為比丘尼授戒，這是非常、非常開創性的。所有的論點都存在，但你知道，沒關係。她就是那個基本上踢我屁股、讓我去做這件事的人。我對此非常感激。

我還記得在那次會議結束時，我邀請她來這裡，然後送她回美國。當我送她離開時，你知道，我們在她離開前進行了一次小小的討論，我問她：「你有多少弟子？」她說：「沒有，我沒有任何所謂的弟子。我不掌管寺院，只是到處教學，就這樣。」我說：「而你還稱自己遵循菩薩戒？」我們有過許多這樣愉快的討論。她說：「不、不、不、不、不，你比我更有菩薩樣。」我思考了這一點：為他人犧牲我的舒適和福祉，我認為這很公平。換句話說，大乘菩薩與上座部菩薩之間根本沒有什麼該死的區別。我真的看不出區別。只有一位佛陀。你盡可能為他人做事，而那種服務會給你內在的能量。如果你只期望別人來照顧你，那麼你就不會有太多能量。這很奇妙，但我最初發現這一點——我從未事先看過這些問題，所以我只是邊想邊回答——在我這一代有很多森林僧，我不知道為什麼，但我總是喜歡盡我所能提供幫助。那種善意從早期就深植在我內心。

所以當他們需要辦理簽證時，他們去了泰國的森林、進入山洞，而我為他們辦理了簽證。有時候他們有很多絕佳的機會來發展深度的禪修。我知道我仍然有很多機會，但不如他們多。我只是確保簽證辦理妥當，讓他們不會遇到政府的問題。當我們聚在一起討論事情時，「你的禪修進展如何？在那個山洞裡是什麼樣子？在那個安靜的寺院裡是什麼樣子？」老實說，我很驚訝，我的禪修比他們的更深，儘管他們有遠比我更多的獨處機會。我花了很長時間才理解這一點。你知道，難道必須為他人工作才能獲得深度禪修嗎？實際上，從某種意義上說，是的。那種服務是佛教修行的一部分，無論是上座部、大乘，誰都一樣，因為那種服務——它是什麼？它是放下，並培養這種美麗的慈心、善意、對事物的慈悲。如果你只是試圖從修行中得到什麼……這是阿姜查告訴我無數次的話：你禪修不是為了獲得東西，而是為了放下東西。他說過太多次了。你禪修是為了放下，不是為了得到。你知道，為了得到這個成就、那個成就，老實說，我在生活中看到太多障礙和困難。當人們來到禪修營，或去一個安靜的好地方時，「好了，這次我真的要全力以赴了。追求什麼？」你已經開始了，「我要去追求某樣東西。」你實際上是在加強你的自我感，而不是削弱它。

所以我很驚訝，你知道，我總是樂於幫助他人，盡我所能去幫助別人，但即便如此，在你幫助他人之後，你坐下來禪修，你的心會如此提升。你擁有能量和喜樂。你知道，有些人說他們發現禪修時很難在心中獲得足夠的快樂。我幾乎沒有這個問題。然後當你禪修並達到足夠的靜止時，哦，心感覺如此美妙，如此可愛。這就是為什麼我喜歡，我說，教導像這樣的禪修營；我也有機會禪修。當我這樣做時，你知道，這真是太棒了，度過了一段美好的時光。但我認為你也需要一些那樣的關懷。

那麼，你應該犧牲整個生命來服務他人，還是應該只為自己而自私地修行？

答案來自這個我現在主持婚禮祝福時總是會說的小故事。老實說，我作為獨身梵行僧侶已經超過50年了，我對婚姻能了解多少？我應該是你詢問婚姻建議的最後人選。但儘管如此，人們喜歡我的建議，因為它也教會你一些關於與自己的身心、以及與周圍的人建立良好關係的修行。一個很好的例子是，我記得很多次，你看到新娘和新郎彼此站在一起，眼神充滿愛意，他們今天要結婚了，他們信任我。我說：「現在你們已經結婚了，」我無法主持婚姻儀式，我只做祝福。「現在你們結婚了，必須向我保證。」看著新娘，「所以從此刻起，你絕對不能想著自己。不要想自己。」她看著我，立刻微笑著說：「是的。」然後現在看著丈夫，特別是如果他是澳洲丈夫，抱歉各位，但這只是軼事，是我的經驗，好吧。我看著他說：「你也一樣。從此刻起，你也絕對不能想著自己。」對丈夫說。「所以你不能想著自己，你現在是已婚男人了。」他總是會停頓一下，最終讓步並說：「好吧。」實際上，他比那要好得多。但是，仍然看著丈夫，我說：「我剛才說的，你絕不能想著自己，而且從今天起，你也絕不能想著你的妻子。」他有點說：「嗯，好吧。」然後看著新婚的妻子，「從今天起，你絕對不能想著你的丈夫。」我也看著所有的客人，他們是那些人，你知道，「這個瘋狂的和尚在我們兒子、女兒、兄弟或什麼的婚禮上做什麼？」然後，當然，你給他們來了個妙語，而這妙語——這不是笑點，不是玩笑，它實際上很深刻。他們一開始不明白，但之後，「哦，是的。」

「一旦結婚，你絕不能想著自己，你絕不能想著你的伴侶，你必須只想著『我們』。」你們現在安靜了。如果你以前沒聽過，這其實是人們不會想到的事情。你知道，在伴侶關係中，一切都是關於「我們」。寺院也是一樣。不是關於我，不是關於訓練所有碰巧在那裡的僧侶、尼眾或居士，它總是關於「我們」。這樣才能成功。在禪修中心，是為了誰？服務我？服務尼眾？服務，你知道，那些做飯的人等等，清理大家的碗盤？你是僕人？從來不是關於那個。它總是關於「我們」。當你這樣做時，你們彼此照顧，它就變成一個非常美好的時刻，美好的禪修中心。當你禪修時，你為誰禪修？我們。你明白了嗎？你明白這樣的禪修如何變得真正成功。而有時，為什麼？有時人們認為這是個大乘禪修中心。人們彼此友善。在這個禪修營裡，你會考慮其他人嗎？確保你關心他們。你不妨礙他們。你為他們保持安靜。當這種情況發生時，我覺得太美了。

有時你看到有人坐在這裡，他們真的進入了美好深沉的禪定，錯過了午餐。但你知道，你坐在他們旁邊，在餐廳裡面對著他們，你看到他們在這裡度過了美好的時光，所以你請廚房管理員為他們準備一些額外的食物，即使已經過了中午，然後邀請他們吃。如果你問我的許可，我會說：「是的，請吃吧。」你這樣做不是出於放縱；你只是剛有了美好的禪修。我絕不希望任何人因為有了美好深沉的禪修，而在下午或晚上因此感到飢餓。對規則的小例外。規則是為了什麼？為了折磨你還是為了幫助你？如果你沒有深度的禪修，你可能只是在禪修時睡著了，然後在午餐時間剛過醒來，門兒都沒有。但如果你真的有了美好深沉的禪修，你可以很快看出來，為他們準備一些食物並邀請他們吃。他們得到我的完全許可。你明白了嗎？那只是基本的善意。它激勵你，而當它激勵你時，對你之後的禪修總是很有幫助。

『我會隨時對他們唯命是從嗎？』

如果他們要求你做某事，而有點太過分……像是有很多人來問我：「請問你下個月能來斯里蘭卡嗎？」或者「請問你能來美國嗎？」我已經多年沒去美國了。如果你邀請我去那裡，你知道我怎麼說嗎？我不能說不，那會不尊重。我不能說是，因為我太忙了。所以我說的是：「我會考慮一下。」我一直在考慮很多邀請，不是所有時候，也許一週一次。哈哈哈。

嗯，那是你能做的最好的事了。你無法做所有事。所以無論如何，我就是這樣做的。

『是可以設立一些界限嗎？』是的，一些界限。但界限應該總是可以移動的。

『還是可以改變你對某種情況或別的事情的態度？』改變態度是很好的。

『有人叫我幫你撿東西，』 是的，我可以做。你知道，目前，如果你現在去波迪漢那寺院，我們缺少淨人。其中一位護持著僧侶而去了泰國，與其他幾位僧侶一起旅行，有時淨人不在那裡。也許我們沒有足夠的人手。所以如果你現在午餐後去廚房，有時一些僧侶或沙彌，他們會幫忙擦乾盤子、清洗和清理。我記得幾年前我做過這個，沒多少年前，當時沒有那麼多居士幫忙。所以當要清洗碗盤時，連我也就進去了，我當時是住持，我進廚房幫忙清理。一位泰國女士看到我，她從未抱怨，也從未說什麼，她只是——我拿著洗碗布——她就把它拿走，抓住並從我手中拉開。哈哈哈

你不需要說什麼。「你不要進來這裡，這是我們的工作。」但至少我做了，而且我本來會很樂意幫忙的。那很好，盡你所能提供幫助，如果可以的話。

2024年11月 (9/19) | 9日禪修營 | 布拉姆尊者

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSVN0XaQZS0&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M7Vk1fcy0AhvSTg3Y1Ai67E&index=9

You see how counterproductive it is to get angry when someone annoys you? It's much better just to be kind to them, and then they change. I know that some people say, "Oh, Ajahn Brahm, you don't live in the real world. You live with all these wonderful monks and nuns and lay people who come to Jhana Grove; this is like the cream of the crop of all the people who live in this world. The real world is very hard."

And so, the story behind this is: once there was this snake, and this snake was very aggressive, malicious, and mean. He would bite people just for fun—his fun, of course, not the other people's. So the people were really scared of this bad snake, so much so that they really understood where he was and told their kids never to go close to that area.

But anyway, like many beings, a snake, you know, grew old in years, and he started to wonder—you know, snakes, they're living beings—what happens to them when they die? Where do snakes go? He hadn't got any idea at all, but he had heard that close by to where he lived, there was this holy snake who lived on top of this mountain, and he was known to sit on high rocks. And so he decided just to go and check out this holy snake.

Now, he was a very proud, bad snake, so he wore some sunglasses, a hat, and a raincoat so no one could recognize him. And when he arrived, he couldn't believe it: there were all these people, just like you, sitting on chairs and on cushions, and they were listening to this holy snake. And as he was listening in the back—you know, he didn't want to be recognized....he got really interested. What this holy snake was saying started to make sense. First of all, it made sense; then the bad snake got inspired; and then eventually, the bad snake got totally converted.

And at that point, the bad snake took off the glasses and the hat and the raincoat and slithered to the front, and he was so apologetic to the—uh—the holy snake. "I always said terrible things about you my whole life, and now I realize that you know, you are real and kind and wise. And please, please, holy snake, can you forgive me for all the bad things I've done in my life? And can I ask you to give me the five precepts?"

So the first time, people were, you know, inspired by seeing this really bad snake, who killed many people, now become a five-preceptor—he wouldn't kill anymore, steal, give an adultery, lie, take alcohol, or anything like that. And on the way out, the bad snake, now converted, put a donation in the box on the way out—coins, of course. The reason why people donate coins is you can actually hear it.

And then the bad snake, now converted, went to live by his usual hole, and he would never harm anybody from this day on, he thought. And soon, people got to know this bad snake is not dangerous anymore. And so they would sometimes walk right past him by mistake, and even though they saw this big, green priest badge, you know, on the snake's shoulder—what does he have, the amnesty badge as well?—it was on there; he's a really good snake. But no one realized that, and so they'd always actually be careful.

And eventually, the kids started seeing him, and they weren't afraid anymore. But, you know, there's some kids always naughty, and some of those kids started abusing that snake. They thought he was—they said to him, "You're not a real snake, are you? Just a slimy creep. You're just an overgrown worm; you're not a real snake." And that really hurt the snake, 'cause the snake was proud; he said, "Look, I can bite you so quickly." "No, you can't." And they started throwing things at him, and that poor snake got really bruised and hurt. And then they actually took sticks and started hitting him on the back with the sticks, and the poor snake had to take it. He had no form of defense. He said, "These five precepts—they might be okay in a monastery; in the real world, they don't work."

So he crawled up to where the holy snake lived—he crawled up there—and the holy snake saw him coming, all bruised and bandaged with Band-Aids all over him. And the holy snake said, "What happened to you?" The bad snake said, " it is your fault" "What do you mean, my fault?" said the holy snake. "Well, you told me to keep the five precepts. Look what happens to you if you keep the five precepts in today's world! People are really bad and mean; you've got to be bad and mean with them; otherwise, you can't protect yourself," said the bad snake.

And the holy snake said, "Oh, you stupid snake! You dumb snake! I told you not to bite anybody, but I never told you not to hiss!"

And that was the moral of the story. You know, that was actually told by the Buddha; I added quite a lot to it, but the main one was told by the Buddha. So as a snake, you can always hiss, and that will send the kids running a long way away, but just don't bite. So it's to say, to protect yourself, you can always hiss, but never bite.

---Ajahn Brahm

2024 November (5/19) | 9 day Retreat | Ajahn Brahm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Zv3XRvG8k&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M7Vk1fcy0AhvSTg3Y1Ai67E&index=5&t=1127s

你看到了嗎？當有人惹你生氣時，發怒是多麼適得其反。更好的方式是以仁慈對待他們，然後他們就會改變。我知道有些人會說：「哦，阿姜布拉姆，你不住在現實世界裡。你身邊都是來到禪林（Jhana Grove）這些優秀的僧侶、尼眾和居士；他們就像是這世界上所有人群中的菁英。現實世界是非常艱難的。」

有個故事：從前有一條蛇，這條蛇非常具有攻擊性、心懷惡意且脾氣暴躁。他會咬人，僅僅是為了好玩——當然是他的樂趣，而不是其他人的。所以人們非常害怕這條壞蛇，以至於他們很清楚牠在哪裡，並告誡自己的孩子永遠不要靠近那個區域。

但無論如何，就像許多眾生一樣，一條蛇，你知道的，隨著歲月增長而變老，他開始想知道——蛇也是眾生——當他們死後會發生什麼事？蛇會去哪裡？他完全沒有任何頭緒，但他聽說在他居住的地方附近，有一條聖蛇住在這座山的山頂，而且大家都知道他會盤踞在高高的岩石上。於是他決定去會會這條聖蛇。

他是一條非常驕傲的壞蛇，所以他戴了太陽眼鏡、帽子和雨衣，這樣就沒人能認出他。當他到達時，他簡直不敢相信：那裡有好多好多人，就像你們一樣，坐在椅子上和墊子上，正在聆聽這條聖蛇開示。當他在後面聽的時候——你知道，他不想被認出來……他變得非常感興趣---這條聖蛇所說的開始變得有道理。首先，它很有道理；然後這條壞蛇受到了啟發；最終，這條壞蛇完全被轉化了。

就在那時，這條壞蛇摘下了眼鏡、帽子和雨衣，滑行到前面，他非常懊悔地對聖蛇說：「我一輩子都說了您很多壞話，現在我明白了，您是真實、仁慈且具有智慧的。求求您，聖蛇，您能原諒我一生中所做的所有壞事嗎？我可以請求您傳授我五戒嗎？」

這是人們第一次，你知道的，親眼看到這條曾經殺過許多人的壞蛇，現在成為了一位持五戒者——他不再殺生、偷盜、邪淫、妄語、飲酒或做任何類似的事了。離開的時候，這條已經轉化的壞蛇，在出口處捐了一些錢到箱子裡——當然是硬幣。人們捐硬幣的原因是你可以實際聽到聲音。

然後，這條已經轉化的壞蛇回到他原來住的洞穴附近生活，他心想，從今以後他再也不會傷害任何人了。很快地，人們知道了這條壞蛇不再危險。所以他們有時會不小心直接從他旁邊走過，即使他們看到這條蛇的肩膀上有一個巨大的、綠色的……像是祭司的徽章？他難道還有特赦徽章嗎？——它就戴在那裡；他是一條真正的好蛇了。但沒有人意識到這一點，所以他們實際上還是很小心。

最終，孩子們開始看到他，他們不再害怕了。但是，你知道，總有些孩子很調皮，其中一些孩子開始欺負那條蛇。他們認為他是——他們對他說：「你不是一條真正的蛇，對吧？只是個黏糊糊的討厭鬼。你只是條超大的蠕蟲；你不是真正的蛇。」這真的傷了蛇的心，因為這條蛇很驕傲；他說：「瞧，我可以很快地咬你。」「不，你才不能。」他們開始朝他扔東西，那條可憐的蛇被打得鼻青臉腫、傷痕累累。然後他們居然拿起棍子，開始用棍子打他的背，這條可憐的蛇只能忍受。他沒有任何防衛的方式。他說：「這五戒——在寺院裡可能還行；在現實世界裡，它們根本沒用！」

於是他爬到了聖蛇住的地方——他爬了上去——聖蛇看到他過來，全身都是瘀傷和繃帶，貼滿了OK繃。聖蛇說：「你怎麼了？」這條（前）壞蛇說：「這是你的錯！」「你說是我的錯，是什麼意思？」聖蛇說。「嗯，你告訴我要持守五戒。看看在當今世界持五戒會發生什麼事！人們真的很壞、很刻薄；你必須對他們又壞又刻薄；否則你無法保護自己。」這條（前）壞蛇說。

聖蛇說：「哦，你這條笨蛇！你這條蠢蛇！我告訴你不要咬任何人，但我從來沒有告訴你不能發出嘶嘶聲啊！」

這就是這個故事的寓意。你知道嗎，這個故事其實是佛陀說的；我添加了相當多的內容，但主要的故事是佛陀講的。所以作為一條蛇，你總是可以發出嘶嘶聲，這就足以讓那些孩子跑得遠遠的，但就是不要咬人。這也就是說，為了保護自己，你總是可以發出警告（嘶嘶聲），但永遠不要真正傷害（咬）別人。

---阿姜布拉姆

2024年11月 (5/19) | 9日禪修營 | 阿姜布拉姆

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Zv3XRvG8k&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M7Vk1fcy0AhvSTg3Y1Ai67E&index=5&t=1127s

Devotee: My mind has an inclination to go to or think about a person I have an issue with; for example, the relationship is not good. I tend to just distract myself. For example, when I pick it up, I think of something I'm grateful for so it goes away. Any other suggestions?

Ajahn Brahm: You know that quite a lot of times, when we have these issues, the relationship cannot be repaired. You know, many relationships are like that. Welcome to life. Welcome to samsara. So instead of trying to blame the person or blame yourself, it's just like cause and effect. People come together for some reason, whatever, you know? We get hurt, disappointed, but please, just understand that's the nature of this world. And that person, you know, is not an enlightened being. You're not an enlightened being. You have defilements; they have defilements. They're not perfect; you're not perfect. So how on Earth can you expect the relationship to be perfect?

That's one of the stories you'll hear this many times about the trees in the forest. While you're here, you can't just be sitting here on the walking meditation path, or sleeping, or eating. There are times when it's nice to go for a walk to exercise, and if you go for a walk in the forest, one of the nice things to do is actually have no directions. Just go for a walk on one of the paths and see where it leads—in other words, not have a goal. And then you notice things you never expect.

One of those things is the fact there is no perfect tree in this monastery, or in Jhana Grove, or anywhere. Every tree is bent and crooked. I told you that the first time. So if they're bent and crooked, how can you have a good relationship with them? Are you going to try and figure out who is responsible for poisoning the air? Is there not enough water? Are you going to try and find out how you can fix that tree up?

Sometimes, then you realize, "This tree, that's the way this tree is." And you see its beauty. It survived. To me, it's just all the crooked trees and the bent ones are the ones I respect. They're just like me. Look at the shape of me, you know? One of my nicknames they gave me over in Indonesia was *Ajahn Donut*. They gave me that there, and I said, "Why you call me an *Ajahn Donut*?" Well, first of all, you're round. Number two, you're sweet; I don't get angry at you. And number three, you're holy. That became a donut. You don't get offended; I can't.  Quite like that. That's why I tell you.

And so that's why even Ajahn Cha, sometimes people... I remember this person came up and said, "You can't be enlightened, you know, you just eat betel nut." He said, "Well, this is just how I grew up." People always hate betel. I don't eat betel, but I drink tea. What do I drink it with? The other way around, only one a day. Oh, that's craving. But honestly, this happened at one Rains Retreat quite a few years ago now. People were saying, "Oh, Ajahn Brahm, why should we listen to you? You're addicted to tea." So I said, "Okay," so I gave it up for three months. And the first day, they realized when I make a promise or vow like that, I keep it. Then they came up to me—a couple of the monks, they were English monks—and they said, "Ajahn Brahm, please drink tea." I said, "Why? I made a vow not to for three months." They said, "Yes, but don't you realize we have to listen to your talks? And if they haven't got any *oomph* in them, it bores us to death." And they said they were with another English monk who decided not to drink tea for three months, and he was a pain in the, you know, the backside. I said, "It was a terrible experience." "I don't know, please drink tea." And that made me even more resolute: "No, I'm not going to drink tea for three months." It didn't make any difference, honestly. I had a big boost of energy.

So, the relationship is not good. Don't think about the relationship with that person. Please think about the relationship with yourself. Because when you can actually separate, put distance—you know, physical distance—between you and that person, but you know, it's weird: wherever I go in the world, I wake up in the morning and there I am again. I can get away from all the people in the Buddhist Society committee. I can get away from all the other monks and all the nuns. I can get away, but I can't get away from myself. Wake up in the morning, I go into some meditation, come out afterwards, here I am again. Hi~ That's the most important relationship you ever have in the world: that with this thing you call yourself.

That's why I also mention your own mind. If you're a friend to your mind, you don't have to be perfect; you're good enough. And when you are a friend to your own mind, what that means is you can hang out together, yeah? You know your weaknesses and your faults, but then you don't hide them. It's just you with your mind, so you can have a very peaceful time. And when you have a peaceful time, there's something else that comes up which is far more powerful than fixing things up. All those things you find are on the surface, and they don't really matter that much. But just that relationship of being kind, accepting, at peace... Make peace. Be kind. Be gentle. And then you have a very happy time.

So just think about that person and just say, "Well, there's nothing I can do." Don't do anything. It's fine if they're with you because you haven't thought about them for a long time, because there's nothing you can do. Then, when you see them, sometimes you can see different aspects of them—not that bad, you know?

One of the most notorious persons I've ever met in my life was this murderer who was a bit crazy, too: Ronnie Kray. You know, the Kray twins in East London? They were notorious, really violent. And he was a bit crazy, this Ronnie Kray. I think they made a movie about him—making a movie about a notorious gangster—but anyway, they did. But I remember meeting him once. It was over in, what's that prison for the criminally insane? Broadmoor. That's right, Broadmoor in the UK. He was drugged to the eyeballs, so he was not dangerous—least, that's what I thought. But anyway, just after talking to him just a little bit, and then in the end, you know, "Can I shake your hand?" So he shook my hand, and he said, "If I ever get a few quid, I'll send it over to your monastery." He wanted to be generous; he wanted to do *dana*.

And he was like a notorious... I don't know who the worst person you've ever met is, and don't say your husband or your wife; they're not that bad. It's just that sometimes people get just a bit confused; they don't know how to be kind and forgiving. So anyway, that's how you can get freedom from that thought. In the meantime, if there's nothing to do, do nothing. When there is something to do, be kind. I hope that answers that. It's always a really good question.

2024 November (3/19) | 9 day Retreat | Ajahn Brahm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFIY0cV20yM&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M7Vk1fcy0AhvSTg3Y1Ai67E&index=3

信眾：我的心總是傾向於去關注或想著一個我有過節的人；比如說，彼此的關係不好。我通常只是讓自己分心。例如，當我意識到又想起他時，我就去想一些我感激的事物，這樣念頭就消失了。還有其他建議嗎？

阿姜布拉姆：你知道，很多時候，當我們遇到這類問題時，那段關係是無法修復的。你知道嗎，很多關係就是這樣。這就是人生。歡迎來到輪迴。所以，與其試圖責怪那個人或責怪自己，不如視之為因果。人們因某種緣故相聚，無論是什麼緣故，你懂嗎？我們會受傷、失望，但請你明白，這就是這個世界的本質。那個人，你知道的，他並非覺者。你也不是覺者。你有煩惱習氣；他們也有煩惱習氣。他們不完美；你也不完美。那麼，你怎麼能期望這段關係是完美的呢？

這就像我常講的關於森林裡樹木的故事。你在這裡的時候，不能只是坐在經行道上、睡覺或吃飯。有時候去散散步、活動一下是很好的，如果你去森林裡散步，其中一件美妙的事就是沒有既定方向。就選一條小徑隨意走走，看看它通向何方——換句話說，不設定目標。然後你會注意到一些你從未預料到的事物。

其中之一就是，在這間寺院、在禪林、或在任何地方，都沒有一棵完美的樹。每棵樹都是彎曲歪斜的。我第一次就告訴過你們了。既然它們都是彎曲歪斜的，你怎麼能與它們建立良好的關係呢？難道你要試圖找出是誰污染了空氣？還是水分不足？你要想辦法把那棵樹修好嗎？

有時候，你會意識到：「這棵樹，它就是這個樣子。」然後你看到了它的美。它存活下來了。對我而言，所有彎曲歪斜的樹正是我所尊敬的。它們就像我一樣。看看我的體型，你知道嗎？我在印尼時，他們給我起的一個綽號是「阿姜甜甜圈」。他們在那裡這樣叫我，我問：「你們為什麼叫我『阿姜甜甜圈』？」嗯，首先，你是圓的。第二，你很甜；我不會對你生氣。第三，你是神聖的（Holy）。就這樣成了甜甜圈。你不會覺得被冒犯吧？我不會。我還挺喜歡的。所以我才告訴你們。

這也是為什麼，即使是阿姜查，有時候人們...我記得有個人走過來說：「你不可能開悟的，你知道嗎，你只會吃檳榔!」他說：「嗯，這只是我成長的習慣。」人們總是討厭檳榔。我不吃檳榔，但我喝茶。我用什麼配茶？反過來啦，一天只喝一次。哦，那是貪愛。但說真的，這是好幾年前一次雨安居發生的事。那時有人說：「哦，阿姜布拉姆，我們為什麼要聽你的？你對茶上癮了。」所以我就說：「好吧。」然後我戒了三個月。第一天，他們就意識到當我許下這樣的承諾或誓言時，我一定會遵守。然後有幾個比丘——他們是英國比丘——來找我說：「阿姜布拉姆，請你喝茶吧。」我問：「為什麼？我發了誓三個月不喝。」他們說：「是啊，但你難道不明白我們得聽你開示嗎？如果你的開示沒有了那股『勁兒』，會把我們無聊死的。」他們還說，之前有另一位英國比丘決定三個月不喝茶，結果他變得讓人很...你知道，很討厭。我說：「那真是個可怕的經驗。」「我不知道，請你喝茶吧。」這反而讓我更加堅決：「不，我三個月絕不喝茶。」說真的，這對我沒有任何影響。我反而精力充沛了不少。

所以，關係不好。別再想著你與那個人的關係了。請想想你與自己的關係。因為當你實際上可以分開，與那人拉開距離——你知道，身體上的距離——但是，你知道嗎，很奇妙：無論我走到世界何處，早上醒來，我總還是會面對自己。我可以遠離佛教協會委員會的所有人。我可以遠離所有其他比丘和比丘尼。我可以逃開，但我無法逃開自己。早上醒來，我靜坐一會兒，出來之後，看，還是我自己。嗨～這是你世界上最重要的一段關係：與你稱之為「自己」的這個東西的關係。

這也是為什麼我也提到你自己的心。如果你成為你心的朋友，你不需要完美；你已經夠好了。而當你成為你自己心的朋友時，那意味著你們可以和睦相處，對吧？你清楚自己的弱點和缺點，但你不會隱藏它們。就只是你與你的心在一起，所以你可以有一段非常平靜的時光。當你內心平靜時，會有一些遠比修補關係更強大的東西出現。所有那些你在表面發現的問題，其實並沒有那麼重要。僅僅是那種友善、接納、平靜的關係...內心要平靜。要仁慈。要溫和。然後你就會有一段非常快樂的時光。

所以，就想想那個人，然後對自己說：「嗯，我也無能為力。」什麼都不必做。即使他們在你身邊也沒關係，因為你已經很久沒想起他們了，反正你也無能為力。然後，當你見到他們時，有時你會看到他們不同的面向——其實也沒那麼糟，你知道嗎？

我這輩子遇過最惡名昭彰的人之一，是個也有點瘋瘋的殺人犯：朗尼·克雷。你知道倫敦東區的克雷雙胞胎嗎？他們惡名昭彰，非常暴力。這個朗尼·克雷是有點瘋狂。我想他們還拍過關於他的電影——拍一個惡名昭彰的黑幫分子——反正他們拍了。但我記得有一次見到他。那是在...那所專關精神病犯的監獄叫什麼來著？布羅德莫。對，英國的布羅德莫監獄。他那時被藥物控制得死死的，所以沒有危險性——至少我是這麼想的。總之，跟他聊了一小會兒之後，最後，你知道，我問：「我能跟你握個手嗎？」於是他握了我的手，他說：「如果我有朝一日有了幾個錢，我會捐給你的寺院。」他想行布施；他想修習「達那」。

他可是個惡名昭彰的...我不知道你遇過最壞的人是誰，但別說是你的丈夫或妻子；他們沒那麼壞。只是有時候人們有點困惑；他們不知道如何仁慈和寬恕。總之，這就是你從那種思緒中獲得自由的方法。同時，如果無事可做，就什麼也別做。當有事可做時，保持仁慈。希望這能回答你的問題。這總是個非常好的問題。

2024年11月 (3/19) | 9日禪修營 | 阿姜布拉姆

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFIY0cV20yM&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M7Vk1fcy0AhvSTg3Y1Ai67E&index=3

Devotee: And you were talking about not saying harsh things to other people. What if someone is doing something that is disturbing others? Should one say something to them, perhaps they don't realize, or to the person in charge?

Ajahn Brahm:Well, if they are murdering somebody, okay, you can actually tell them, "Please, can you stop? Or please, can you wait until the end of the retreat before you murder somebody, but not today, please." (joke) But a lot of the time, if you start to say something harsh to them, they don't actually see what they're doing. All they see is your harsh words. That's why anger never really fulfills a goal. You get angry at someone, you want to sort of tell them, teach them a lesson, but they don't hear what you're saying. All they hear is your anger.

So if you want to stop somebody doing something, don't be harsh. You talk to them very softly. See.... that.. is ...not.. the.. right.. way.. to.. speak. Try a little bit more kindness." And then people might listen.

You know, I've been teaching a few people this. It's such a simple technique. If someone is really angry and harsh, number one, they will speak very fast, and also the pitch of their voice will go up. "Don't do this! You're doing it wrong! I don't want you to do this ever again!" Now you can see my pitch went up and I was speaking very fast. That's what happens when you're angry.

So if someone is angry at you, you do the opposite. You lower your tone and speak slowly. "That... was not... a very good thing... to do..." That calms everybody down. And it's such an easy way of getting a situation where everybody gets excited, and calming them down, making them peaceful, to diffuse a situation. So try that: slow and lower the pitch, and it calms people down.

So, you know, you may go home and your wife is nagging—see, it's always high-pitched, very fast—and the husband says, "Yes, darling... I.. understand... what you must be going through..." He just goes very calm and quiet afterwards. Maybe. Anyway, I haven't got a wife, so I don't know, but it's a very good theory.

So if somebody else is saying something harsh, don't join in. There are two people having a problem there.

Q&A by Ajahn Brahm at Jhana Grove Meditation Retreat Centre on 30 June 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JSj8XLtMcs&list=PL-E16hq8cBIob1V6i3lWl-PLQm8VVezzK&index=6

信眾：您剛才談到不要對別人說嚴厲的話。如果有人做了打擾他人的事呢？應該告訴那個人嗎？也許他們沒意識到，或者應該告訴負責人？

阿姜布拉姆：這個嘛，如果他們正在謀殺某人，好吧，你確實可以告訴他們：「請問，你可以停下來嗎？或者請你等到禪修結束後再殺人，但今天請不要，拜託。」（開玩笑）但很多時候，如果你開始對他們說些嚴厲的話，他們其實看不到自己做了什麼。他們只看到你的嚴厲言詞。這就是為什麼憤怒永遠無法真正達成目的。你對某人生氣，想告誡他們、給他們一個教訓，但他們聽不見你在說什麼。他們只聽到你的憤怒。

所以，如果你想阻止某人做某件事，不要嚴厲。你要非常輕柔地對他們說。「看...這...不是...正確的...說話...方式。試著...多一點...仁慈。」這樣人們或許會聽進去。

你知道嗎，我一直在教一些人這個方法。這是一個非常簡單的技巧。如果有人真的生氣且態度惡劣，第一，他們會說話非常快，而且聲音的音調會升高。「不准這樣做！你做錯了！我不准你再這樣做！」現在你們可以看到我的音調升高了，而且我說得很快。這就是你生氣時會發生的情況。

所以，如果有人對你生氣，你要做相反的事。你要降低音調並慢慢說話。「那...不是...一件...很好的...事情...」這能讓每個人都冷靜下來。這是一個非常簡單的方法，能在大家情緒激動時讓他們平靜下來，使他們平和，從而化解局面。所以試試看：放慢速度並降低音調，這能讓人平靜下來。

所以，你知道，你可能回家後，你的妻子在嘮叨——看，總是音調很高、語速很快——而丈夫說：「是的，親愛的...我...明白...你一定...很不好受...」之後他就變得非常平靜和安靜。也許吧。反正我沒有妻子，所以我不知道，但這是個很好的理論。

所以，如果別人正在說些嚴厲的話，不要加入。那是有兩個人在那裡有問題。

問答 by Ajahn Brahm at Jhana Grove Meditation Retreat Centre on 30 June 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JSj8XLtMcs&list=PL-E16hq8cBIob1V6i3lWl-PLQm8VVezzK&index=6

……發自內心、不帶期待的幸福。

無論你行善多廣，總會有人不理解你。即使你再三解釋，他們也聽不進去。若是如此，我們的佛陀教導我們：那就收起橋板，斷絕來往。

不要留下牽連。

不要再與這類人相遇。

即便擦肩而過，

也無須回頭看。

不要對他微笑。

若你對他微笑，他反而會認為你在嘲諷他。表現得如同平常，就彷彿心中從未有過這個人。

我們並非怨恨他，

而是他不懂得珍惜我們。那我們又何必留下，成為他人眼中的一根刺呢？

……Happiness that comes from a heart free of expectations.

No matter how much good you do, there will always be those who misunderstand you. Even if you explain endlessly, they will not listen. If it is like this, our Buddha teaches us to draw up the bridge.

Sever the connection.

Do not associate with such people.

Even if your shoulders brush as you pass,

Do not turn to look.

Do not smile at them.

If you smile at them, they will still say you are mocking them. Be indifferent, as if this person does not exist in your heart.

We are not angry with them,

But they do not value us. So why should we remain, like a bone stuck in the throat?

🐝🌸🐝🌸🐝🌸🐝

Luang Pu Somkiat Chitmaro

Wat Pa Tham Phra Thep Nimit, Udon Thani

November 17, 2024

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

弟子：憤怒是一種好的溝通方式嗎？

阿姜布拉姆：不完全是。它只能暫時起作用，但人們只會聽到你的憤怒，卻聽不見背後的原因。他們或許會大聲咆哮，人們可能暫時消散，但你並未真正解決問題。這只是治標不治本的方法，所以並非有效的溝通模式。問題依然存在，而相互憤怒根本無助於觸及問題核心。

換句話說，你不需要對人發怒咆哮，因為人們只會感受到憤怒然後轉身離開。試想若你採取不同的做法：當有人對你發怒時，你只是靜靜凝視他們，報以微笑。若你遵循舊有模式，在憤怒的人群當中根本無法引人注目。但若你選擇以溫和慈悲的方式回應，誠懇地說：「這並非理想的說話方式」，這份帶著善意的真誠將蘊含非凡力量。

我曾目睹無數憤怒者試圖驅逐我在印度的祖先——英國殖民者。直到那個身著破衣的素食小個子甘地，平靜地說出：「你們請主動離開印度」。而英國殖民政府確實離開了。面對憤怒與抗爭尚能頑抗的強大帝國，卻在柔軟與慈悲的力量前不知所措。這正是他們應當離開的道德理據。

憤怒只會滋生更多暴力。

有句譯文雖不精準，但大意是：「復仇者追至暴君榻前，斬落暴君首級，自己卻成為新任暴君」。歷史上多少革命推翻獨裁者後，繼任者又成為下一個暴君？憤怒終究只是暫時的解決方案，絕非良策。

Devotee : is anger a good mode of communication?

Ajahn Brahm: Not really. It works only just temporarily, but then people hear your anger; they don't hear the reason for it. They could shout it, and it may go away for a little while, but you haven't really solved it. It's just a band-aid solution, so it's not a valid mode of communication. There's a problem there, and getting angry at one another doesn't really get to the part of what the point is here.

So, in other words, you don't need to get angry and shout at a person because people just hear the anger and they walk away. Imagine you do something different. Someone is getting angry at you, and you just look at them and you smile. Because if you do the same old thing, it doesn't stand out from all the other angry people in this world. But if you do something different, something even kind and soft—you just say, "That's not a very wonderful, nice way of speaking"—you say it now, honestly, with kindness. That has power to it.

Many angry people—I remember many angry people tried to get my ancestors out of India, the British Raj. And then this little fellow, clothed in rags, a vegetarian, Mahatma Gandhi, just went up and said, "You're going to just walk out of India." And the British Raj did. And the most powerful empires, they would have been able to resist anger and fighting, but they were totally confused by another way: a way of softness and kindness. There are clear moral reason why they should leave.

Anger just makes more violence.

There was—it's not the correct translation, somebody corrected the translation—but it goes something like: "A vengeance to the tyrant fled, and caught the tyrant in his bed, and slew the wicked tyrant's head, and became a tyrant in his stead." How many times has there been revolutions throwing out dictators and tyrants, and the next person who goes in becomes the next one? Anger is only a temporary solution, not a very good solution at all.

image cred to original owner

2018 Ajahn Brahm’s Jhana Grove Retreat with BIF & EF 2018-07-15 3.QA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVYKPnkoXuc&list=PL-E16hq8cBIonUhAIo1J_vjR7vD0Avtva&index=6

當我們認清，沒有人真正屬於我們的，每個人都是獨立的個體；就能安然地活在這個世間

親戚、朋友、父母、伴侶、兒子，他們看似是我們的，但實際上根本不是

當我們把任何人當作是‘我的’的話，就會生起許多麻煩和煩惱

例如我們希望對方怎樣怎樣，但當對方不聽從，我們便會生氣、吵架

我們未能尊重對方為一個獨立個體---他有自己的思想和選擇；也未能尊重他的業、他的因緣

當我們能夠認清，實際上我們沒有擁有任何人、事、物，我們便能少了許多煩惱

我們只是盡好自己的義務，不聽就算啊~

這樣的話，我們不會生氣，不會和人吵架，也不會和人起爭執

When we truly realize that no one truly belongs to us, that every person is an independent individual, we can live peacefully in this world.

Relatives, friends, parents, partners, children — they may seem to be ours, but in reality, they are not.

If we regard anyone as "mine," many troubles and afflictions will arise.

For example, we want the other person to act in a certain way. When they don't comply, we become angry and argue. We fail to respect them as an independent individual—they have their own thoughts and choices. We also fail to respect their kamma and their conditions.

When we can clearly see that, in truth, we do not possess anyone or anything, our afflictions lessen considerably.

We simply fulfill our own duties and responsibilities. If others don't listen, so be it.

Acting thus, we won't get angry, won't quarrel with others, and won't get into conflicts.

Devotee: my friend tried to impose her religion and view on me, what should I do?

Ajahn Suchart:the best thing is just to listen to her, not reply, not respond to what she says. Let she finish what she says, you just move onto a new subject. 

Let she speaks her mind,once she finishes, you can start a new topic. say about the weather, or other things you want to say.

We all have different views, so we respect each others view. She can have your view, and you can have your view.

There are a couple of topics that you should never discuss with friends, which is religion and politics, I think ,these two.

just listen to her, then just change the topic

信眾：我的朋友試圖將她的宗教和觀點強加於我，我該怎麼辦？

阿贊Suchart：最好的方式就是靜靜聆聽，不回應、不反駁她所說的內容。讓她把話說完後，你只需開啟新話題。  

讓她暢所欲言，結束後你可以談論天氣或其他想聊的事情。  

我們各有不同觀點，理應互相尊重。她可以堅持她的看法，你也可以保有你的立場。  

有些話題永遠不該與朋友討論，我想就是宗教與政治這兩類。  

只需聆聽，然後轉移話題即可。

15-10-2025

當別人痛苦難受，有時仍需要安慰一下、鼓勵一下

去除痛苦最根本的方法其實就是去除內心的渴求

但試問，這世上有多少個做到？

我們許多修行人也做不到

因此活在這個世間，佛教徒也需要貼近現實

如果是大師父訓練出家弟子，就不會哄了

但對於一般人，我們一來就叫人去除渴求，只會給人一種麻木不仁的感覺

When others are suffering and in pain, sometimes they still need comfort and encouragement.

The most fundamental way to eliminate suffering is actually to eradicate the inner cravings. 

But let's be honest, how many people in this world can achieve that? 

Many of us who practice spiritual cultivation cannot even accomplish it.

Therefore, living in this world, Buddhists also need to stay grounded in reality. 

If a master is training his monastic disciples, there is no need for coddling. 

But when it comes to ordinary people, if we immediately tell them to eliminate their cravings, it will only come across as indifferent and unfeeling.

這是完美示範如何能避免他人的妒忌😂

當我們拿了別人也想拿的成就和殊榮，以為別人不會妒忌？

別傻了！

聖人才不會妒忌！

對於一般凡夫就不要有太多幻想😂

怎樣可以避免妒忌？

就是不要執著自己的成就，不要滋長傲慢之心

認可對方的成就、付出、對對方表示尊敬、尊重

如果對方曾經幫助過自己，那就感謝對方，說自己的成就他也有份，拉對方下水😂

那麼對方就會感到滿意，也感到開心，不再妒忌我們😂😂

This is a perfect demonstration of how to avoid arousing jealousy in others 😂 

we think others won't be jealous when we achieve honors and accolades that they also desire? 

Don’t be naive! 

Only saints are free from jealousy! 

Let’s not have too many illusions about ordinary people 😂 

How can we avoid jealousy? 

By not clinging to our own achievements and not nurturing arrogance. 

Acknowledge others’ accomplishments and efforts, show them respect and reverence. 

If others have helped us, express gratitude and let them know they share in the success—pull them into the picture 😂 

That way, they’ll feel satisfied and happy, and no longer jealous of us 😂😂 

我們佛教徒要分得清究竟真諦和世俗諦

在究竟真諦中，沒有你我他、沒有人、整個宇宙都沒有眾生

為什麼？ 因為僅僅是不斷生滅的身心現象罷了，沒有一個實體叫‘人’、‘我’、‘眾生’

當沒有一個實體叫‘我’時，也沒有任何東西屬於任何人、沒有東西能被佔有。一切都僅僅是隨順因緣條件而生，因緣條件而滅，無法掌控

雖然我們內心以這些角度來看待事情，但在日常生活，我們仍應以普通的語言和來和人溝通：

我叫 John, 你叫Peter，他叫Donald 

你是我兒子、他是我丈夫、

這是我的公司、這是我的學校

雖然這世上確實沒有東西屬於我們的，但仍應盡好相應的責任

我們是兒女，就盡好兒女的責任

我們是父母，就盡好父母的責任

我們是師長，就盡好師長的責任

我們是員工，就盡好員工的責任

如果我們不能讓究竟真諦和世俗諦和諧共融，這便不懂事了

As Buddhists, we must learn to distinguish between ultimate truth and conventional truth.

In the ultimate truth, there is no you, me, or others; there are no people, and no sentient beings in the entire universe. 

Why? Because there are only continuously arising and ceasing physical and mental phenomena. There is no substantial entity called a 'person,' 'I,' or 'sentient being.' 

When there is no substantial entity called 'I,' there is nothing that belongs to anyone, and nothing can be possessed. Everything merely arises and ceases according to causes and conditions, beyond anyone's control.

Although we internally view things from this perspective, in daily life, we should still communicate with others using ordinary language: 

I am John, your are Peter, he is Donald. 

You are my son, he is my husband. 

This is my company, this is my school.

Although nothing in this world truly belongs to us, we should still fulfill our corresponding responsibilities. 

As children, we should fulfill the duties of children. 

As parents, we should fulfill the duties of parents. 

As teachers, we should fulfill the duties of teachers. 

As employees, we should fulfill the duties of employees.

If we cannot harmoniously integrate the ultimate truth with the conventional truth, then we lack wisdom in understanding how to navigate life.

有的人說，成年人的世界只講利益

其實不只是成年人，小朋友也只和我們說利益，BB都是😂

這裡指的利益是什麼？

快樂

基本上，如果一個人從我們這裡得不到快樂

他睬（理）我們都傻！

世間的一般人就是這樣的

比方說，我們生了個BB

他要糖，我們不給

他要喝珍珠奶茶，我們不給

他要去迪士尼樂園，我們不給

誒，

他要糖，這個Uncle 給

他要喝珍珠奶茶，這個Uncle 給

他要去迪士尼樂園，這個Uncle 給

我們猜猜，他會喜歡誰多些？他會黏著誰多些？😂😂

我們娶了個老婆回來

老婆要哄，我們不哄

老婆要錢，我們不給

老婆要陪伴，我們不陪

老婆要情感支持，我們不給

誒，

老婆要哄，這個男人哄

老婆要錢，這個男人給

老婆要陪伴，這個男人陪

老婆要情感支持，這個男人給

會發生什麼事情？🤷‍♂️

哎！人就是這麼現實！

我們談談世間的善人

我們有德行，我們不自私，他們就會來幫助我們、捐助給我們，因為由此他們得到快樂

當我們沒品、自私、流露著強烈的貪嗔癡；他們看到都覺得不舒服時，還會繼續幫嗎？

佛陀和阿羅漢有無盡和圓滿的慈悲心

誰有困難，他們都會設法幫忙

但當他們教導A ,我們卻做B

當他們教導B ，我們卻做A

他們還會想幫助、教導我們嗎？

阿羅漢不會生氣，但如果是這樣，大概唯有放下我們，把時間花在更值得需要幫的人，等待時機成熟，再來看看我們了

所以，為人父母，如果想孩子聽我們的；就要把快樂帶給他們

為人伴侶，如果想感情長久；就要把快樂帶給他們

為人朋友，如果想友誼長久；就要把快樂帶給他們

作為受施者，如果想別人繼續幫助我們；就要把快樂帶給他們

Some people say that the adult world only talks about interests. 

But actually, it's not just adults—even children only talk to us about interests, even babies! 😂 

What kind of interests are we referring to here? 

Happiness. 

Basically, if a person can't get happiness from us, 

they wouldn’t bother with us! 

That’s how ordinary people in the world are. 

For example, suppose we have a baby: 

The baby wants candy—we don’t give it. 

The baby wants bubble tea—we don’t give it. 

The baby wants to go to Disneyland—we don’t allow it. 

But then, 

the baby wants candy—this uncle gives it. 

The baby wants bubble tea—this uncle gives it. 

The baby wants to go to Disneyland—this uncle takes them. 

Guess who the baby will like more? Who will they cling to more? 😂😂 

We marry a wife: 

The wife wants to be comforted—we don’t comfort her. 

The wife wants money—we don’t give it. 

The wife wants companionship—we don’t stay with her. 

The wife wants emotional support—we don’t provide it. 

But then, 

the wife wants to be comforted—this man comforts her. 

The wife wants money—this man gives it. 

The wife wants companionship—this man stays with her. 

The wife wants emotional support—this man provides it. 

What will happen? 🤷‍♂️ 

Ah! People are just that realistic! 

Let’s talk about good-hearted people in the world: 

If we have virtue, if we are selfless, they will come to help us, donate to us, because they derive happiness from it. 

But when we are ill-mannered, selfish, and filled with strong greed, hatred, and delusion—will they still want to help if they feel uncomfortable just looking at us? 

The Buddha and the Arahants possess boundless and perfect compassion. 

They will try to help anyone in difficulty. 

But if they teach A, and we do B, 

if they teach B, and we do A, 

will they still want to help and guide us? 

Arahants do not get angry, but in such cases, they might have to let us go for now, spend time on those more worthy of help, and wait for the right time to check on us again. 

Therefore, 

As parents, if we want our children to listen to us, we must bring them happiness. 

As partners, if we want a lasting relationship, we must bring happiness to each other. 

As friends, if we want lasting friendship, we must bring happiness to each other. 

As recipients, if we want others to continue helping us, we must bring them happiness. 

給人佔下便宜，其實是沒問題的

我們常常投訴：‘他佔我便宜！！！’

但Ajahn Brahm 說：‘我就是喜歡被佔便宜！！’😂 😂 😂 

佔便宜是什麼？就是不勞而獲地拿好處

我們其實一直在做。試想想，我們從小到大，穿的、吃的、住的、學校費用，是誰付錢的？ 😂 我們有沒有想過要還給我們的父母？

唯有當我們知恩感恩，對別人的恩德作出相應的報答，這才不是佔便宜；或者說，之前佔了便宜，現在作補償。

如果我們那麼斤斤計較，總是怕被人佔便宜，那麼很多東西其實都不能發生

Ajahn Brahm 曾被邀請主持禪修營，然後說：‘如果我不被佔便宜，我怎會來到這裡？’ ‘我就是喜歡被佔便宜！’😂 

一個人要有被佔便宜的氣量，才能夠當上偉大的人

例如出家人那樣，他們是不能持有金錢的。我們老要別人等價報答我們，那麼哪裡都不用去、什麼都不用做啦！沒有人敢邀請我們做這個那個了！

但大師父們正正不介意被人佔便宜，以大眾利益作為依歸，才讓許多美好的東西得以發生

又比如說，佛陀，他完全無條件付出。說法不用精力嗎？ 我們現在所讀到的經文有多長？我們能還給佛陀嗎？ 佛陀有沒有叫當時的印度人要交錢？😂 或者佛陀有沒有說：‘天神，我剛剛讓你證了初果，麻煩給你天界的寶物我’😂😂😂有嗎？

所以要成為偉人，我們就是要給人佔便宜

如果我們氣量小，是很難有很多朋友的。

就如佛陀所說，大家最愛的都是自己（Ud.41）如果我們不懂付出、給人好處、為別人帶來利益，根本不能讓人喜歡。

我們常常請求出家人：‘師父，可以幫我祝福嗎？’ ‘師父，為什麼這個怎樣怎樣’問他們許多問題，但師父們是任勞任怨哦，所以才得以成為大眾的依靠、廣結善緣、受大眾歡迎。

如果我們一律摒絕所有人的請求，那麼朋友不能做、親戚不能做、家人也不能做了，我們將孤獨一人😂

在自己能力範圍內要盡心盡力幫助別人，唯有當超出自己的能力範圍時，那時拒絕別人才是正確的。

It's actually okay to let others take advantage of us. 

We often complain: "He took advantage of me!!!" 

But Ajahn Brahm says: "I love being taken advantage of!!" 😂 😂 😂 

What does "taking advantage" mean? It means gaining benefits without putting in the effort. 

We've actually been doing this all along. Think about it: from birth to adulthood, who paid for the clothes we wore, the food we ate, the places we lived, and our school fees? 😂 Did we ever think about repaying our parents? 

Only when we are grateful and reciprocate the kindness we’ve received can we avoid "taking advantage"—or, to put it another way, we compensate for the advantages we previously took. 

If we are overly calculating and always afraid of being taken advantage of, many things simply wouldn’t happen. 

Ajahn Brahm was once invited to lead a meditation retreat and said: "If I weren’t being taken advantage of, how would I have ended up here? (not exact wordings)" "I love being taken advantage of!" 😂 

One must have the magnanimity to be taken advantage of in order to become a great person. 

For example, monastics are not allowed to hold money. If we always demand equivalent repayment from others, we wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything! No one would dare invite us to do this or that! 

But great teachers precisely don’t mind being taken advantage of. They prioritize the welfare of all beings, which allows many wonderful things to happen. 

Another example is the Buddha, who gave unconditionally. Did teaching the Dhamma not require effort? How long are the suttas we read today? Can we repay the Buddha? Did the Buddha ask the people of the ancient India to pay money? 😂 Or did the Buddha say: "Deva, I just helped you attain stream-entry. Now, please give me treasures from your heavenly realm!" 😂😂😂 Did he? 

Therefore, to become great, we must allow others to take advantage of us. 

If we are narrow-minded, it’s hard to have many friends. 

As the Buddha said, everyone loves themselves the most (Ud.41). If we don’t know how to give, benefit others, or bring advantages to people, we simply cannot make others like us. 

We often ask monastics: "Venerable, can you bless me?" "Venerable, why is this like this?" We ask them many questions, but the monastics bear the burdens without complaint. That’s why they become a refuge for everyone, form widespread wholesome connections, and are beloved by all. 

If we reject everyone’s requests outright, we wouldn’t be able to maintain friendships, family ties, or even relationships with relatives. We’d end up alone. 😂 

Within our capabilities, we should wholeheartedly help others. Only when a request exceeds our abilities is it right to decline. 

據說曾經有一個家庭，外傭居然足足工作了幾十年才退休回家鄉

為什麼能做得那麼長久呢？

一來當然那位外傭真的做得不俗

二來是，原來女主人用了絕招😂

她看中了外傭的貪慾，周不時都會送珠寶首飾給對方

當女主人滿足到外傭的需求，能帶給她快樂；外傭當然要死死黏著這個家庭啦😂

這是四攝法中的布施

女主人也盡了傳統妻子的其中兩個責任，幫助丈夫

1.妥善安排家務工作

2. （以四攝法）攝集侍從  （DN31）

It is said that there was once a family whose foreign domestic helper worked for several decades before finally retiring and returning to her hometown. 

Why was she able to work for so long? 

For one, the helper was genuinely good at her job. 

Secondly, it turns out the lady of the house had a clever trick 😂. 

She tapped into the helper's desires by frequently giving her jewelry and accessories. 

By satisfying the helper's needs and bringing her happiness, the helper naturally became deeply attached to the family 😂. 

This is an example of "giving" (dāna), one of the Four Bases of maintaining good relationship (Saṅgahavatthu). 

The lady of the house also fulfilled two of the traditional duties of a wife in supporting her husband: 

1. Managing household affairs efficiently. 

2. Gathering and retaining attendants (through the Four Bases of maintaining good relationship) (DN 31). 

通常一個宗教團體，都是滲雜許多問題的

佛教、天主教、基督教…全都一樣

為什麼這樣？ 我們試想想，為什麼人們要走來信仰、熱衷於宗教？

因為不開心嘛！

佛陀說，苦是信仰的近因 （SN12.23)

如果大家都完全開心和滿足、什麼痛苦都沒有，又有甚麼需要信些甚麼、學習些什麼？

所以通常來到宗教組織的，都是帶著問題和煩惱來的

要關愛、要朋友、要幫忙、要某些東西，來填補內心的空虛、取得快樂

所以，很多時候，宗教組織就是問題的聚集地😂

人人都有很厚重的煩惱

一觸碰到別人本來就很大的自我，就出事了：

是非、妒忌、吝嗇、惡口、離間、怨恨、惡意、霸凌😂

除非我們是去【無私】付出、幫忙、布施，不然肯定會惹上一大堆麻煩上身的

佛教是一個很特別的宗教，

不求別人來滿足自己的貪欲，因為渴愛是痛苦的原因

而是追求貪欲的止息---貪欲的止息就是痛苦的止息

佛陀常常教誡比丘們要獨處，因為獨處的比丘能如實知見無常性 （SN35.161)

一旦我們看到無常，就會厭倦並放下執著、解脫自在

想開心根本不用別人的關愛、朋友、別人的幫忙、要些什麼

沒有貪嗔癡的心就是快樂的心

所以取得能夠滅除痛苦的方法、致力於去除自我、提升自己的戒定慧，是加入宗教團體的最好目的，而不是要些其他什麼

Generally, religious groups are fraught with many issues. 

Buddhism, Catholicism, Christianity... they are all the same. 

Why is this? Let's think about it—why do people turn to and become devoted to religion? 

Because they are unhappy! 

The Buddha said that suffering is the proximate cause of faith (SN 12.23). 

If everyone were completely happy and satisfied, free from all suffering, what need would there be to believe in something or learn something? 

Therefore, those who come to religious organizations usually bring their problems and defilements with them. 

They seek care, friends, help, or something to fill their inner emptiness and attain happiness. 

As a result, religious organizations often become gathering places for problems 😂. 

Everyone carries heavy burdens of defilements. 

When one touches upon another's already inflated ego, trouble arises: 

Gossip, jealousy, stinginess, harsh speech, discord, resentment, ill will, bullying 😂. 

Unless we are selflessly giving, helping, and practicing generosity, we are bound to attract a lot of trouble. 

Buddhism is a unique religion. 

It does not seek others to satisfy one's own desires, because craving is the cause of suffering. 

Instead, it pursues the cessation of craving—the end of craving is the end of suffering. 

The Buddha often admonished monks to dwell in solitude, for a monk in solitude can truly know and see impermanence (SN 35.161). 

Once we see impermanence, we become disenchanted, let go of attachments, and attain liberation and ease. 

To be happy, we fundamentally do not need others' care, friends, help, or anything else. 

A mind free from greed, hatred, and delusion is inherently a happy mind. 

Therefore, the best purpose for joining a religious group is to obtain the method for extinguishing suffering, to devote oneself to eliminating the ego, and to enhancing one's precepts, stillness, and wisdom—not to seek anything else. 

Q: Hello Ajahn Brahm. Please share your insights on how to deal with selfish mean people. Sometimes being kind is so hard to do with these people. Thank you for the wisdom.  

Ajahn Brahm: Selfish mean people—if somebody is really, really selfish and mean, a lot of the time, it's because they never experience much kindness and compassion. They think they need to act that way to defend themselves. So sometimes, if we can give them kindness and react to them in a more kind way, then you're not feeding their selfishness and meanness.  

Again, just like the anger-eating monster simile—if you're kind to the monsters, then the monsters just kind of disappear. They get soft. And the selfish people, when you react to them with softness rather than more selfishness ("Get out of my way!"), a lot of times, they too soften up. It's wonderful to see that.  

Like that story I told you about the prison officer and the prisoner—when he tried to be kind to him over many days, many months, it worked.  

提問：

阿贊布拉姆尊者您好，請教您該如何與自私又刻薄的人相處？有時候對這樣的人保持善意真的很困難。感謝您的智慧開示。

阿贊布拉尊者：

那些自私又刻薄的人啊——如果一個人表現得極度自私、充滿惡意，多半是因為他們從未真正感受過多少善意與慈悲。他們以為必須這樣武裝自己才能生存。所以有時候，如果我們能用更多的善意回應他們，其實就是在停止餵養他們的惡劣習性。

就像那個「憤怒食人魔」的比喻——如果你對怪物溫柔，怪物反而會漸漸消失。牠們的尖刺會軟化。自私的人也是同樣道理，當你以柔軟心對待（而不是用「滾開！」這種更自私的態度回應），很多時候他們也會跟著柔和下來。這種轉變總是很美妙。

就像我常說的那個故事：監獄管理員日復一日、月復一月地用善意對待囚犯，最後真的改變了他。

excerpted from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7O7w6U-27c

翻譯：Tommie

『那個口無遮攔的人……』等等」——這則故事是佛陀住在祇樹給孤獨園時所說，談論提婆達多說謊，以及他如何被地裂吞沒的事。當時提婆達多正在被比丘們責備，佛陀說：「不只是現在，諸位比丘，過去提婆達多也曾說謊，被大地吞噬。」於是佛陀講了一則過去的故事：

從前，波羅奈（Benares）有位名叫波羅奈王（Brahmadatta）的國王。當時有五百名商人出海航行，第七天，船已遠離陸地，卻在大海中遇難，全數葬身魚腹，只剩下一人倖存。他靠著風力漂流至卡林比耶港（Karambiya），上岸後赤裸無依，只能四處乞討。當地人見他這副模樣，以為他是一位對世無所求、安貧樂道的苦行者，於是好心款待他。他說自己已有足夠的生活資源，連衣物都不接受。人們認為他極具克己精神，更加尊敬他，甚至為他建了一座茅舍供他居住，大家便稱他為「卡林比耶苦行者」。

他在當地聲望日隆，備受禮遇，就連龍王與金翅鳥王都前來拜訪。他們互相敬重，常來看望他。龍王名叫般達羅迦（Pandaraka）。

某天，金翅鳥王拜訪苦行者，禮敬後坐在一旁說：「尊者，我族人在捕龍時損失慘重，許多同族都死了。我們不懂正確的捕蛇方法，據說其中有個秘密，也許你能從龍族那裡套出來。」苦行者回答：「好吧。」

金翅鳥王走後，龍王照常來訪。苦行者向他行禮並問：「龍王啊，金翅鳥說他們在捕你們時會死傷無數。你們是怎麼抵抗牠們的呢？可以告訴我嗎？」蛇王說：「尊者，這是我們的秘密，若我洩露了，就會害死整個族群。」苦行者再三保證自己不會說出去：「我只是出於個人好奇，不會告訴任何人。你可以放心。」龍王猶豫了幾天，最後在第三天答應透露這個秘密。他讓苦行者發誓保密，才說道：

「我們會吞下大石頭讓身體變重，然後躺在地上張口露牙，等金翅鳥飛來。牠們總是從我們頭部抓起，試圖帶走我們，但因為我們太重，牠們最終筋疲力盡、力竭而死。這就是為什麼我們能殺死這麼多金翅鳥。如果牠們從尾部抓起，把我們倒吊，我們就會吐出吞下的石頭，變得很輕，牠們就能輕易抓走我們了。」

隔天，金翅鳥王來訪。苦行者把蛇王的秘密一五一十地告訴了他。金翅鳥王聽後說：「龍王真是愚蠢，不該把會害死自己族人的祕密說出去。今天我就要捉住他。」於是他振翅生風，飛去抓龍王。

他用爪子抓住龍王的尾巴，將他倒吊。龍王因而將吞下的石頭吐了出來，金翅鳥王便輕鬆地將他帶到空中。般達羅迦被倒吊在空中，痛苦哀號地吟誦道：

258. 

他散播不該說的話，洩露未受保護的祕密語，缺乏自制且不謹慎。 

恐懼會追隨這種愚昧之人，就像金翅鳥(Supaṇṇa)追捕般達羅迦(Paṇḍaraka)一樣。

259. 

如果有人因愚痴而笑著說出應該保守的祕密語， 

這個被破壞的秘密語會迅速帶來恐懼，如同金翅鳥追捕般達羅迦。

260. 

僅是表面上的朋友，不配知曉深奧的意義與秘密。

即使是親密的朋友，若未覺悟或雖覺悟卻沒有利益（anatthavā），也不應告知

261. 

我曾信任一個無衣修行者(Acela)，認為他是真正的沙門(Samaṇa)和修心者。 

我向他透露了祕密，如今可憐地哭泣。

262. 

我向他說了最神聖的祕密，無法控制自己的言語。 

因此恐懼降臨於我，如今可憐地哭泣。

263. 

如果有人以為對方是好友，向品行惡劣者說出祕密， 

無論出於憎惡、恐懼或貪愛，這無疑是個愚蠢的人。

264. 

隱藏真意（tirokkhavāco）混入人群（asataṃ paviṭṭho），在集會中洩露他人私語者

人們說他像毒蛇般危險，應當遠離這樣的人。

265. 

"捨棄美食、飲料、迦屍綢（kāsika）、檀香（candana），

拋下心儀的女子、花環與香料；金翅鳥（supaṇṇa）啊！我現在遠離一切欲望，如同（之前）逃離蛇口那樣（pāṇūpagatāva）！

般達羅迦在空中倒吊，吟唱了八首哀歌。金翅鳥王聽見後譴責他說：「你既然已經將秘密透露給那苦行者，現在還悲嘆什麼？」並詠道：

266. 

266.

「在這世上，誰會譴責我們三者（指龍王、沙門、金翅鳥）？

生命之主（pāṇabhū）啊！龍王（nāgarāja）！

是那位沙門（samaṇo）？金翅鳥（supaṇṇo）？還是你自己？

般達羅迦（paṇḍaraka）啊！你為何被抓？」

龍王答道：

267. 

我以為他是真正的沙門，心中喜愛這位修心者。 

我向他透露了祕密，如今可憐的我只能哭泣。

金翅鳥王接著說了四首偈語：

268. 

「世上沒有不死（amaro）的生命，

但智慧（paññāvidhā）確實存在且不可輕蔑。

憑真實（saccena）、法（dhammena）、堅忍（dhitiyā）與自制（damena），

人能達成難得的成就——你卻責備他人，該責備自己！」

269. 

父母是至親（paramā bandhavā），

再無第三人如此慈愛（anukampaka）。

但連對他們也不該透露最高秘密（guyhaṃ paramaṃ），

慎防機密（mantassa bhedaṃ）洩露！

270. 

無論是母親、父親、姐妹、兄弟，或是支持自己的朋友， 

對他們也不該說出最高祕密，要警惕洩露秘密語的危險。

271. 

即使是可愛的妻子——年輕、言談動人， 

擁有子女、榮譽，受親族圍繞，對她也不該說出最高祕密。

接著還有數首偈語：

272. 

不該揭露祕密，要像守護寶藏般保護它。 

對智者而言，公開祕密絕非好事。

273. 

智者不向女人（thiyā）、敵人（amittassa）透露秘密，

也不輕信受物質利益（āmisena）驅使或虛偽友善（hadayattheno）之人

274. 

若有人向未覺悟者揭示祕密， 

他將因恐懼洩密（mantabhedabhayā）而淪為奴隸（dāsabhūto）

275. 

知道秘密（mantinaṃ）的人越多，

你的憂懼（ubbegā）就越深——故絕不可洩密！

276. 

白天談秘密須遠離人群（vivicca），

夜晚莫長談（nātivelaṃ），因竊聽者（upassutikā）無處不在。

秘密一旦出口，轉眼就會敗露（upeti bhedan）！

龍王（paṇḍaraka）總結教訓：

277.

「如堅固鐵城（āyasaṃ nagaraṃ）無門無隙，

環繞三重壕溝（samantakhātāparikhā）——

我的秘密本該如此嚴守，

如今卻因疏忽而失守！」

278.

「嚴守秘密（avikiṇṇavācā），雙舌者之龍堅定（daḷhā）於自己的利益（sadatthesu），

遠離敵人，如同眾生畏懼毒蛇（āsīvisā）！」

當金翅鳥王說完這些真理後，龍王般達羅迦說道：

當金翅鳥（supaṇṇo）說完這些法義後，白蛇（paṇḍarako）問道：

279.

「有人捨棄家庭（hitvā gharaṃ）成為裸體苦行者（acelo），

赤裸（naggo）、剃髮（muṇḍo）只為乞食（ghāsahetu）而遊走。

若向這樣的人揭露秘密（guyhamatthaṃ），

我們是否已背離（apaggatāmhā）真正的利益（atthā）與法（dhammā）？」

280.

「金翅鳥王（supaṇṇarāja）啊！

究竟該如何行事（kathaṃkaro）才能成為真正的沙門（samaṇo）？

需具備何種戒行（kiṃsīlo）？遵守何種禁戒（vatena）？

捨棄執著（mamāyitāni）而過出家生活者，

該如何修行（kathaṃkaro）才能到達天界（saggamupeti ṭhānan）？

金翅鳥王回答：

281.

「具備羞恥心（hiriyā）、忍耐力（titikkhāya）與自制（damena），

不發怒（akkodhano）、不挑撥離間（pesuṇiyaṃ pahāya），

捨棄執著（mamāyitāni）而行沙門（samaṇo）之道者，

如此修行必達天界（saggamupeti ṭhānan）。」

般達羅迦聽聞後，向金翅鳥王懇求饒命，並詠道：

282.

「如同母親擁抱幼子（taruṇaṃ tanujjaṃ），

以全身（sabbagattaṃ）觸碰愛撫（samphassatā phareti），

金翅鳥王（dijinda）啊！請你也如此顯現慈悲，

如母護子般憐憫我吧！

金翅鳥王遂饒他一命，並說：

283.

「好吧！雙舌者（dujivha），今日我釋放你，

因你已成為我的『三種兒子』之一——

學生（antevāsī）、養子（dinnako）或親生子（atrajo），

從今起，你當安樂（rajjassu）如我子！

說完後，他從空中降落，把蛇王放回地面・

佛陀為了讓比丘們更明白此事，又說兩首偈語：

284. 

金翅鳥聽完這番話，落地釋放了雙舌者： 

「今日你已超越一切恐懼，在我的保護下，水陸皆安。」

285. 

如良醫治病人，如清涼湖解渴， 

如寒冬中的屋舍，我成為你的庇護所。

他說完後便讓龍王離去・龍王消失在龍族的住處・金翅鳥王回到

自己的住處，心想：「我放了般達羅迦，現在該試探他對我是否真誠・」於

是他飛往那伽的住處，再次振翅生風。

龍王見他到來，以為他又來捉自己，便吞下石頭與沙土，使自己變重，將尾

巴藏在身下，昂首豎起，擺出進攻姿勢・

金翅鳥王見此，詠道：

286. 

與卵生、胎生的敵人立約後， 

你鬆開毒牙睡了，恐懼從何而來？

龍王答以三首偈語：

287. 

對敵人（amittasmiṃ）立約後仍不可輕信，

對朋友（mittasmimpi）也須保持警覺（na vissase）。

看似安全處（abhayā）突生的恐懼（bhayamuppannaṃ），

連根（mūlāni）都能斬斷（kantati）！

288. 

我怎敢信任你？我們曾有爭鬥（kalaho kato）。

智者當恆常謹慎（niccayattena ṭhātabbaṃ），

不因表象（disabbhi）而鬆懈（na rajjati）

289. 

要讓別人對你產生信任（vissāsaye），但你自己卻不能輕易信任別人（na ca taṃ vissayeyya）；

要表現得毫無戒心（asaṅkito），但實際上必須保持警惕（saṅkito ca bhaveyya）。

智者（viññū）應當這樣努力（parakkameyya），

讓外人（paro）無論如何都無法看透你的真實情況（bhāvaṃ na jaññā）

雨人對話後，便和解言歡，共同前往苦行者的茅舎。

佛陀說：

290. 

這兩位具天神般容貌（devavaṇṇā）、細膩身形（sukhumālarūpā）的存在，

同樣莊嚴（samā）、光輝純淨（sujayā），如同兩座福德蘊（puññakhandhā），

一起接近那位裸體苦行者（karampiyaṃ acelaṃ），

如同兩匹並駕齊驅的馬（assavāhāva），又像兩條交纏的龍（nāgā）般親密無間

到達後，金翅鳥王（supaṇṇarājā）心想：「這龍王（nāgarājā）不會讓裸體苦行者活命，我不該禮拜這種惡人。」於是留在門外，只讓白蛇獨自進去。對此，導師補充另一偈：

291.

「於是般達羅迦（paṇḍarako）親自走近裸體苦行者（acelaṃ），

說道：『我如今已從一切恐懼中解脫（sabbabhayātivatto），

顯然（na hi nūna），我們從未真正討你歡心（tuyhaṃ manaso piyamhā）。』」

（註解：

「從未討你歡心（piyamhāti）」是諷刺語氣，暗示：「我們這種持戒者，在你這裸體妄語者（dussīlanaggabhoggamusāvādi）眼中自然不受歡迎。」）

裸體苦行者聽後回應：

292.

「金翅鳥王（supaṇṇarājā）確實曾是我最愛，

但般達羅迦（paṇḍarakena）啊，你無疑更得我心。

我是因貪欲（rāgarattova）明知故犯（sampajāno），

絕非出於無知（na mohā）才作此惡業（pāpakammaṃ）

龍王聽了，怒道：

293. 

「對徹見今生來世（imaṃ parañca lokaṃ）的修行者而言，

根本不存在愛憎（piyaṃ appiyaṃ）之分。

而你這偽裝者（byañjanena）卻披著修行外衣，

無戒（asaññato）妄行，欺騙世人（lokaṃ vañcento）！」

294. 

「你假扮聖者（ariyāvakāsosi），實為卑劣之徒（anariyovāsi），

表面持戒（saññatasannikāso），內裡放縱（asaññato）。

你是黑暗所生（kaṇhābhijātikosi），具備惡人本質（anariyarūpo），

多行不義（pāpaṃ bahuṃ duccaritaṃ acārī）！。」

他詠道：

295. 

「你背叛無辜者（aduṭṭhassa dubbhi），

既是叛徒（dubbhī）又是挑撥者（pisuṇo）。

以此真實語（saccavajjena），

願你頭顱七分（muddhā te phalatu sattadhā）！。」

話一說完，他當場就在龍王眼前，頭被裂為七塊，地面裂開，他直墜地底。那苦行者墮入無間地獄（Avīci）。

金翅鳥王與龍王各自返回住處。

佛陀最後說道：

293. 

「因此千萬別背叛朋友（mittānaṃ na dubbhitabbaṃ），

沒有比叛友（mittadubbhā）更重的罪業。

這中毒（āsittasatto）的惡人墜入地獄（pathabyā），

如同被天帝（indassa）之言擊潰的偽善者（saṃvaro hato）。」

說完這段故事後，佛陀作結：「不僅今日如此，當年提婆達多也曾說謊，結果被地裂吞沒。」並闡明本生身份：

「那時的苦行者就是提婆達多，龍王是舍利弗（Sāriputta），而金翅鳥王，就是我自己。」

別人走來和我們訴苦

他其實不是要解決方案

他要什麼？ 他要的被理解，被明白，好聽的說話

他不是想聽四聖諦，他只是想有人去滿足自己

如果我們未能滿足他這些貪慾，他會更孤獨與痛苦，甚至怨恨我們

如果我們順應他的貪慾，他就會喜歡我們....

**When Someone Comes to Us to vent..** 

They usually don’t want solutions. 

What do they really want? 

- To feel understood 

- To feel heard 

- Kind words 

They don't want  the *Four Noble Truths*—they just want someone to satisfy their cravings. 

If we fail to feed these cravings: 

→ They feel lonelier, more hurt... and may even resent us. 

If we cater to their desires: 

→ They’ll like us. 

有些知名人士接受訪問大談私事

然後被媒體報道

我們看一看comment ，就會發現許多都是

‘想知再講’

‘無人想知’

'關我什麼事‘’😂 😂 😂

大部分人都是這樣的。為什麼？因為佛陀說，我們每個人最愛都是自己（Ud.41）

自己的事最重要，別人的事根本不想知道

最關心的是自己，別人根本不想關心

所以和人一起時，學聰明了😂

不要談自己，讓別人談自己

讓自己隱形

那麼就會沒問題😂

Some celebrities give interviews sharing all kinds of personal details,

which then get splashed across the media.

But when you check the comments, most reactions are like:

"Tell me only when I wanna know"

"Nobody wanna know."

"How is this my business?" 😂😂😂

This is how most people are. Why? As the Buddha taught, every person loves  themselves most (Ud 4.1).

They care deeply about their own affairs, but others' business? Not their  concern.

They're obsessed with themselves, while paying zero attention to anyone else.

So we know how to stay with others: 😂

Stop talking about ourselves - let others talk about themselves instead.

Make ourself invisible in conversations.

Then we will have no problems. 😂

耶穌曾說了一句話很有意思：‘你們要靈巧像蛇，馴良像鴿子。’

我們學佛，就會知道人人都有貪嗔癡，人人都有自私心😂別人在面前和我們稱兄道弟，背後隨時捅我們一刀😂

所以聰明人會懂得保護自己，也不會執著任何人避免日後痛苦，像蛇一樣靈巧。就算是阿羅漢、大師父，有時也會去凶人，以避免對方得寸進尺，治療對方的煩惱病。 Ajahn Brahm 也曾說：‘有時在生活中，就算是聖者也要出於好意發出嘶嘶聲去嚇唬人，但不是真的咬人的’

然而，這一切都必須建基於慈悲，善良。  佛教徒雖然靈巧得像蛇，卻馴良得像鴿子；他們不會去害人，努力削減自己的貪嗔癡和自私心。

Ajahn Brahm 常說，慈悲必須和智慧並行，它們就像一隻鳥的翼一樣，缺一不可。

Jesus once said something very meaningful: "Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."

When we study Buddhism, we come to understand that everyone is subject to greed, hatred, and delusion—everyone has selfish tendencies. 😂 People may act friendly to our faces, but behind our backs, they might stab us at any moment. 😂

That’s why wise people know how to protect themselves , also not  clinging to anyone, avoiding future suffering—just like the cleverness of a snake. Even arahants and great teachers sometimes need to assert firmness to prevent others from going too far, curing them of their defilements. As Ajahn Brahm once said: "Sometimes in life, even saints have to 'hiss' to be kind. But no one needs to bite."

However, all of this must be rooted in loving kindness , compassion and kindness. Though Buddhists are as shrewd as snakes, they remain as gentle as doves—they don’t harm others and continually work to reduce their own greed, hatred, delusion and selfishness.

Ajahn Brahm often teaches that compassion must go hand in hand with wisdom—they are like the two wings of a bird, both essential.

「活得高尚而偉大的人，必然以**戒律、布施、慈悲**為生命基石。  

🌱 **戒律**是防護欄——  

阻止惡念、惡行，  

不傷害他人與眾生。  

🌱 **布施**是橋樑——  

當我們見他人困苦，  

不自私冷漠，  

懂得分享所有。  

常行布施者，  

自然養成慈悲心，  

為社會家庭帶來安樂。  

無論進入哪個群體，  

都會受人歡迎。  

「布施、持戒、禪修」  

正是人生的真實道路。  

身為佛弟子，  

絕不可輕忽，  

要讓自己始終遵循：  

▸ 布施的慷慨  

▸ 戒律的莊嚴  

▸ 慈悲喜捨的溫暖  

能做到這些，  

即便日常行住坐臥，  

都是你的**人間天堂**。  

反之，  

就算你住豪宅、  

擁龐大企業，  

下屬當面鞠躬，  

背後卻咒罵你——  

這些虛假成就，  

換不來半分真心敬愛。  

🌱 **真正受人愛戴者**，  

不需刻意經營，  

只要：  

✔ 安分守己  

✔ 以誠信立身  

這種品格無法購買，  

只能靠自己修養。  

當你做到，  

眾人自然發自內心敬重你…」  

"Those who live nobly and greatly  

always rely on **precepts, generosity, and compassion**.  

🌱 **precepts** is the fence—  

blocking evil thoughts and deeds,  

preventing harm to others and creatures.  

🌱 **Generosity** is the bridge—  

when we see others struggle,  

we refuse to be selfish,  

choosing to share what we have.  

Those who often give  

nurture compassionate hearts,  

bringing peace to society and family.  

Wherever they go,  

they’re warmly welcomed.  

'Giving, precepts, meditation'  

are life’s true path.  

As Buddhists,  

we must never neglect them.  

Keep yourself within the framework of:  

▸ Generosity’s joy  

▸Preceot’s dignity  

▸ Compassion’s warmth  

Achieve this,  

and even your daily routines  

become **heaven on earth**.  

But the opposite?  

Even with mansions  

and corporate empires,  

while subordinates bow to your face,  

they curse you behind your back—  

such hollow achievements  

earn zero genuine respect.  

🌱 **The truly beloved**  

need no grand investments.  

Just:  

✔ Live with integrity  

✔ Let honesty anchor you  

These traits aren’t for sale;  

you must cultivate them.  

Succeed,  

and people will sincerely honor you…"  

🌱💧🌱💧🌱💧🌱  

Luang Pho Somkiat Chitmaro  

Wat Pa Tham Thepnimit, Udon Thani  

May 8, 2025  

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

信任愛說謊的人，只會讓你在對方眼中變成蠢牛。

因為騙子對誰都不真誠——

他們連自己都不信，

更別說相信別人！

現在這種人到處都是，

連身邊親友都要提防。

多少人被好友騙錢，

就因為太過信任？

所謂友情變質的徵兆：

► 開始偶爾不接電話

► 漸漸聯絡斷斷續續

► 最後完全消失

——幾乎人人如此。

古人早就警告：

⚠️ 別輕信道路——

路上藏著無數毒害！

你永遠不知道

會遇到貴人還是惡徒。

⚠️ 也別對身邊人毫無保留，

多少留點退路，

才不會將來懊悔莫及…」

Trusting liars turns you into a foolish buffalo in their eyes.

Because deceivers are sincere with no one—

they don’t even trust themselves,

let alone others!

Such people abound nowadays,

beware even those closest to you.

Countless friends have been swindled

by blind trust.

Signs of decaying friendships:

► Unanswered calls at times

► Spotty communication

► Eventually ghosting you

—it happens to almost everyone.

Ancient wisdom warned:

⚠️ Distrust the path—

it’s riddled with hidden poisons!

You never know

if you’ll meet allies or foes.

⚠️ Nor should you trust people absolutely,

always keep a safeguard,

or you’ll drown in regret…"

💦🌸💦🌸💦🌸💦

Luang Pho Somkiat Chitmaro

Wat Pa Tham Thepnimit, Udon Thani

May 16, 2025

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

「…善良不是義務，別讓它成為永遠的負擔。當你無法幫忙時，對方反而埋怨你。

有些人貪得無厭，你給予時，他們從不記得；

但當你無法再給，他們就翻臉無情。

這種人…眼中只有利益，不懂感恩。

他們從你這兒得到好處時，從不想回報；

一旦拿不到，立刻變臉。

世上到處都有這種人，

我們不該浪費時間縱容他們，

趁早斷絕往來，

否則歪風邪氣將主宰社會…」

"…Kindness is not an obligation—don’t let it become a lifelong burden. When you can’t help, they resent you.

Some people are never satisfied, no matter how much they get.

When you give, they never remember;

but the day you have nothing left to give, they turn against you.

Such people…care only about gain, with no sense of gratitude.

While taking from you, they never think to repay;

the moment they can’t get more, they show their true colors.

These people exist everywhere in the world.

Don’t waste your time enabling them—

cut them off early,

or their toxic influence will corrupt society…"

🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿

Luang Pho Somkiat Chitmaro

Wat Pa Tham Thepnimit, Udon Thani

June 2, 2025

cred. to วัดป่าถ้ำพระเทพนิมิตร-หลวงพ่อสมเกียรติ ชิตมาโร

這位是香港中文大學醫院院前院長陳家亮醫生

他也是國際知名的腸胃病學權威

他曾分享一件趣事。就是雖然自己已經當了醫生，可是在自己母親的眼中，自己仍是當年的黃毛小子，她寧願返回屋邨找小診所的相熟醫生，也不相信她家裏在大醫院工作的醫生兒子。 😂 

這並不出奇，其實是我們所有人的常態。我們每個人都有一種我慢，就是覺得年紀比自己少的人低，自己高。尤其是如果我們為人父母，特別有這種我慢。孩子在我們心目中永遠都是孩子，自己永遠比他們好。

Ajahn Brahm 也分享過，他自己永遠也無法教導他的母親。然後說笑：誒，但如果派自己的弟子Ajahn Brahmali 去，就可能成功😂

所以這是人之常情，背離常理而為並不可取。

對於年紀比自己大的人，尤其是父母，永遠要保持尊重，永遠要把自己放到低處，把他們放到高處，以維護他們的自尊心。這個我慢是什麼？就是想要尊重。如果我們逆對方的煩惱而行，很容易會出事的。

所以對著年紀比自己大的人，有時要學會裝傻扮懵。就如Ajahn Golf 所教導的那樣：

【有時，我們要裝作盲的

有時，我們要裝作聾的·

有時，我們要裝作啞的

有時，我們要裝作無能的

有時，我們要裝作不知道

因為有些事情呢，我們不能去矯正或處理

我們要放下它，讓它成為業力的事情

我們不應該牽涉去別人的事情當中然後浪費時間

這是對於我們的心，一個額外的負擔】

讓他們教我們大道理，讓他們訓示我們。我們點頭微笑：’知道，知道‘

不論是世間的知識還是佛法，年紀比我們大的人其實不輪到我們教，因為不會服的。其實不論對象是什麼年紀的人，我們想教人，有時也是自己的貪欲和我慢作崇。

真正有效的知識傳播，永遠都只是存在於對方有興趣、 對方想知道、對方服我們的情況下。

如果是佛法，怎麼可以讓對方有興趣？ 就是當我們真的實踐了佛法，人品真的變得更好，生活真的有改善，真的變得更快樂。

歸根究底，其實就是要努力去除自己的煩惱和劣根性。這才是學佛的重中之重。

This is Dr. Chan Ka Leung, the former Dean of faculty of medicine of The Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). He is also an internationally renowned authority in gastroenterology. 

He once shared an amusing anecdote: Even though he is already a doctor, in his mother’s eyes, he remains that same young boy from back in the day. She would rather return to the small clinic in their old neighborhood to see a familiar doctor than trust her own son—a doctor working in a major hospital. 😂  

This isn’t surprising; in fact, it’s a common experience for all of us. Everyone has a kind of conceit—thinking that those younger than us are beneath us, while we are superior. This is especially true for parents. In our minds, our children will always be children, and we will always know better than them.  

Ajahn Brahm also shared that he could never teach his own mother anything. He joked that but if he sent his disciple, Ajahn Brahmali, she might listen! 😂  

So, this is just human nature. Going against this natural tendency isn’t advisable.  

When dealing with those older than us, especially our parents, we should always maintain respect, always place ourselves below and them above, to preserve their dignity. What is this conceit? It’s the desire for respect. If we act contrary to their expectations, trouble can easily arise.  

Therefore, when interacting with elders, sometimes we must learn to *play dumb*. As Ajahn Golf taught:  

*"Sometimes, we must pretend to be blind.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be deaf.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be mute.  

Sometimes, we must pretend to be incapable.  

Sometimes, we must pretend not to know.  

Because some things cannot be corrected or handled by us.  

We must let them go and allow them to be matters of karma.  

We should not involve ourselves in others’ affairs and waste time—  

This is an unnecessary burden on our minds."*  

Let them lecture us, let them teach us. We just nod and smile: *"Yes, yes, I understand."*  

Whether it’s worldly knowledge or the Dhamma, it’s not our place to teach those older than us—because they won’t accept it. In fact, no matter the age of the person, the desire to teach others often stems from our own greed and conceit.  

True and effective knowledge transmission only happens when the other person is interested, when they want to learn, and when they respect us.  

If it’s about the Dhamma, how can we make others interested? **Only when we truly practice the Dhamma, when our character genuinely improves, when our lives visibly get better, and when we become happier.**  

Ultimately, the key lies in diligently removing our own defilements and negative tendencies. **This is the most crucial aspect of learning the Dhamma.**  

*(Image credit: Dr. Chan Ka Leung)*  

"To appear foolish in the eyes of others 

Yet for the sake of our own peace of mind, 

And to avoid unnecessary conflict— 

That is our wise strategy. 

Even if others see it as foolish, 

We ourselves are wise, 

Knowing when to yield, when to retreat, 

When to bend and when to stretch. 

This is the way of the virtuous, 

Praised by the wise— 

Even if fools may criticize, 

Their blame cannot compare to the wise’s praise. 

Living among those with defilements, 

Some friction and discord is inevitable, 

For such people and such situations 

Exist in every sphere, hard to avoid. 

Please skillfully distance yourself 

With the tact of your own wisdom— 

That is enough…"* 

「寧願在別人眼中看起來笨， 

只為了讓自己心平靜， 

也不引起衝突—— 

這是我們聰明的做法。 

即使別人覺得這樣很蠢， 

但我們自己知道是明智的， 

懂得退讓、知道避開， 

能屈能伸， 

這樣才是真正有智慧的人， 

連智者都會稱讚—— 

就算被愚人批評， 

也比不上智者的認可。 

和充滿煩惱的人相處， 

難免會有摩擦和矛盾， 

因為這樣的人和事， 

到處都有，很難完全避開。 

請用你自己的智慧巧妙避開， 

這樣就夠了……」 

— **Dharma Teaching by Luang Ta Phra Maha Bua Ñāṇasampaṇṇo** 

Wat Pa Ban Tat, Mueang District, Udon Thani Province 

Cred. To Ajahn Golf 阿贊高爾夫 อาจารย์กอล์ฟ

如果我們要受歡迎呢，要把所有人當成 VIP😂

甚麼是 VIP 呢？就是Very Important  Person -非常重要的人

當我們把所有人都當成 VIP,  那表示甚麼？ 我們尊重他們

當別人感到受尊重，就會高興，然後喜歡我們咯～😂

但如果我們把自己當成 VIP, 那就是我們做人的失敗

一旦我們把自己當成非常重要的人，會發生什麼事？

對，囂張！不可一世！

所有人都不喜歡

完蛋了…😂

How to Be Well-Liked? Treat Everyone as a VIP! 😂

What’s a VIP? It stands for Very Important Person

If we treat everyone as a VIP, what does that mean? 

It means we respect them

When people feel respected, they become happy—and then, they like us! 😂 

But if we treat ourselves as  VIP, that’s a  failure 

What happens when we think we’re the most important person? 

Exactly—arrogance! A superiority complex! 

And then? 

Nobody likes us.

Game over… 😂 

一般人都有誤解，以為把人當作是‘我的’ ，就是所謂的愛

其實這不是愛，或者說這不是無私的愛，這是自私！

這也等於是不尊重那個人

在這世上，沒有人是真正屬於我們的

他們有自己的思想，有自己的看法；他們實際上是一個獨立個體

一旦我們把他們當成是‘我的’ ，就等於做了他的主人，支配了他----這是毫不尊重！一切僅僅只是以自我為中心

一旦我們這樣認為，

與父母的關係不會好

與子女的關係不會好

與朋友的關係不會好

與親友的關係不會好

與下屬的關係不會好

必然會吵架的！ 因為我們不尊重他們，嘗試控制他們

佛教徒也要小心，不要把任何大師父當成是‘我的’ 、‘我的’

如果我們這樣想，就是想要做大師父的主人，不尊重大師父；

對方的德行越高，那個業力越大

一旦我們作出這樣的不尊重業，那個惡業是可想而知的......

Most people mistakenly believe that considering someone as "mine" is what love means.

But this is not love—or at least not selfless love. This is selfishness!

It also means disrespecting that person.

In this world, no one truly belongs to us.

They have their own thoughts, their own views—they are independent individuals.

When we claim them as "mine," we assume ownership over them, seeking to control them—this is utter disrespect! It's purely self-centered behavior.

Once we think this way:

Our relationship with parents will suffer

Our relationship with children will suffer

Our relationship with friends will suffer

Our relationship with relatives will suffer

Our relationship with subordinates will suffer

Conflict is inevitable! Because we disrespect them and try to control them.

Buddhists must also be careful not to regard any great teacher as "mine, mine."

If we think this way, we are essentially trying to become the boss of that teacher—showing no respect.

The higher the teacher's virtue, the heavier the bad karma of such disrespect becomes.

Once we create this disrespectful karma, the negative consequences are unimaginable...

《如何應付日常生活中的政治？》

訪問者：我可以問一下我們該如何在工作場所和佛教團體中應對政治嗎？

阿贊·布拉姆：你應該盡量避免政治。這就是我們所稱的政治，這不是道德，這是因為人們想要獲得和保護權力---權力比做好事更重要。所以請不要與政治有任何關聯。

對政治家友善是好的；友善，但不要捲入政治；更好的方式是進入道德。要善良。

一個好的例子是，如果你支持一支足球隊；你不會說這支球隊應該贏，或者另一支隊必須輸；你讓他們公平競爭。

訪問者：所以即使我們是國家領導人，也不應該在其他國家之間玩政治，而是要幫助每個人？

阿贊·布拉姆：我們不想要權力，我們想要繁榮與和平。

《How to deal with politics?》

Interviewer: May I ask how do we deal with politics in workplace and Buddhist groups?

Ajahn Brahm: you try to avoid politics, that’s what we call politics. It is not ethics, it is that people want to gain and preserve power; power is more important than doing good. So please don’t have anything to do with politics

Interviewer: It is good to be kind to a politician; be kind , but don’t get into politics; the one way and the better way , is to go into ethics. Be kind

Good example is, if you support a football team; you don’t say this team should win, or the other team must lose ; you let them play a fair game.

Interviewer: So even if we are the national leaders, we should not play politics over other countries , but to help everyone

Ajahn Brahm: We don’t want power, but we want prosperity and peace

如果我們經歷不幸，忍受到的話千萬不要公開訴苦

為什麼？ 就如佛陀所看見那樣，這個世界啊，大部份人都是沒有道德的啊! 有道德的人就如沾在指尖上的泥土一樣，沒有道德的人就如大地的泥土一樣（SN56.71-101)

佛陀也說，每個人其實最愛自己啊！ （Ud.41)

所以啊，當每個人都是自私的時候；我們預期別人有什麼反應？

當別人發生不幸的事情時，大家看看那些網上討論區，新聞賬號的留言？

當別人發生不幸的事情時，大家看看身邊的人的反應？

有許多人啊，當笑料看而已！

有許多人啊，踩多一腳啊！

絕大部份人啊，根本沒有興趣理我們

我們開心？妒忌

我們痛苦？歡喜

我們公開訴苦？ 恥笑和看扁我們而已

我們以為個個都是聖人和阿羅漢嗎？別傻了

所以最好的解決方法是認識到四聖諦：

痛苦的原因是內心的渴求

渴求一熄滅，痛苦就熄滅

智者就會從消除渴求的方向去著手，那就是依循八聖道

如果誰能這樣實踐，沒人敢看扁的！

When Misfortune Strikes; If we can endure It, endure it silently Without Public Complaint!

Why? As the Buddha observed, this world is filled mostly with immoral people! The virtuous are as rare as dirt on one's fingertip, while the immoral are as abundant as the earth itself (SN 56.71-101). The Buddha also taught that every person ultimately loves themselves most (Ud 41).

So, when everyone is inherently selfish, what reaction can we realistically expect?

Look at online forums and comment sections under news reports when misfortune befalls others.

Observe how people around us respond to others' suffering.

Many simply treat it as entertainment—a joke to laugh at.

Many will kick us when we're down.

And the overwhelming majority? They simply don't care.

When we're happy? They envy us.

When we're suffering? They take pleasure in it.

When we publicly air our grievances? They mock and look down on us.

Do we think everyone is a saint or an arahant? Don't be naive.

The wisest solution is to understand the Four Noble Truths:

Suffering arises from craving within.

When craving ceases, suffering ceases.

The wise address suffering at its root by eliminating craving through the Noble Eightfold Path. 

Those who walk this path command respect—no one dares look down on them!

大家知道為什麼自己惹上是非嗎？

會惹上是非有數之不盡的原因。但其中之一，就是我們想做大佬

這種想做老大的慾望，實際上是貪權和我慢。

例如曾聽過有醫生投訴，自己的上司啊，只懂指指點點做指揮，態度惡劣，丟筆丟文件夾。

一旦一個人感受到他高我低、 被指揮的感覺，就會感到憤憤不平，然後就會到處說是非和抱怨。

世間尚且如此，何況來到宗教這裡？

每個人都有自尊心，都有這個我慢在。一旦感到不被尊重，都會不高興的。

就算我們是前輩，我們以為叫人做事就可以沒有‘謝謝’，沒有‘感激’？

我們以為自己可以像老大那樣隨意指揮任何人？

事實上，較年輕的後輩表面順從，在背後就瘋狂數說我們不是：這個老屎忽；這個人點我做事；這個人自己都可以做啦，為什麼不自己做？......

當我們看見一個人指揮人指揮得很爽很威；千萬不要相信表象，然後也想好像他那樣

實際上他在不斷累積怨氣和敵人

就算我們身居高位，也不要忘記尊重和禮貌；不要有任何私心，要仿效佛陀阿羅漢的慈悲和無私。

這樣已經可以避過許多危險和是非了...

"Do You Know Why You Get Into Trouble?"

Do you know why we end up entangled in conflicts and gossips?

There are countless reasons, but one of the biggest is the desire to be the "boss."

This craving for authority is actually a mix of greed for power and conceit (māna).

For example, there was once a person complained that his  supervisor just barks orders, throws pens and folders around, and acts arrogantly.

When someone feels "they’re above me, and I’m just being bossed around," resentment builds—leading to gossip and complaints.

If this happens in the secular world, imagine how much worse it gets in religious circles!

Everyone has ego. If they feel disrespected, they’ll be unhappy.

Even if we’re seniors, do we think we can order people around without a 'thank you' or any gratitude?

Do we believe we can act like a tyrant, commanding others however we please?

In reality, youngsters may pretend to obey—but behind our backs, they’re cursing us:

"This old fossil… Why doesn’t he do it himself instead of ordering me around?"

When you see someone enjoying their 'authority,' don’t be fooled by appearances.

That person is accumulating resentment and enemies with every order.

Even if we hold a high position, never forget respect and courtesy; also remember to be free from selfish motives, we should emulate the compassion and selflessness of the Buddha and Arahants.

This alone can help us avoid countless dangers and gossips.

如果我們執著某些東西為‘我的’ 呢， 這真的不好看

我們把不是我們的東西，當成是我們的

應學學荷葉那樣

水灑下去時，蓮葉不會黏著水珠

水珠和蓮葉在一起，但不會感到絲毫壓力，隨時離開都可以

如果人與人之間是這樣的話，會少許多煩惱

大家都開心～

When we cling to things as "mine," it's really not a good look.
We're claiming ownership over what was never truly ours.

We should take a lesson from lotus leaves -
When water falls on them, the leaves don't cling to the droplets.
The water rests on the leaf, yet feels no pressure, free to leave at any time.

If human relationships could be like this,
There would be far fewer troubles.
Everyone would be happier~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們生氣，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不生氣，就換他們是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們難過，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不難過，就換他們是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們自卑，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不自卑，就換他們是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們恐懼，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不恐懼，就換他們是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們感壓力，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不感壓力，就換他們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們變得魂不守舍，我們就是傻babe~

如果別人傷害我們， 我們不變得魂不守舍，就換他們就是傻babe~

這個世界，誰起煩惱誰就是傻babe ，誰起煩惱誰就輸

If someone hurts us and we get angry, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t get angry, then they’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we feel sad, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t feel sad, then they’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we feel inferior, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t feel inferior, then they’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we feel fear, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t feel fear, then they’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we feel stressed, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t feel stressed, then they’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we become distracted, we’re the dumb babe~

If someone hurts us and we don’t become distracted, then they’re the dumb babe~

In this world, whoever gets defilements is the dumb babe—whoever gets defilements loses.

The Supreme Weapons That Make One Invincible:

Respect conquers the hearts of elders.

Sincerity conquers the hearts of friends.

Humility conquers the hearts of people.

Compassion conquers the hearts of animals.

Honesty conquers the hearts of loved ones.

Love conquers the hearts of enemies.

Obedience conquers the hearts of teachers.

Gratitude conquers the hearts of parents.

Steadfast Patience conquers one’s own heart.

無往不勝的殊勝武器：

恭敬 能降伏長者之心

真誠 能贏得朋友之心

謙卑 能感化眾人之心

慈悲 能柔化眾生之心

誠信 能守住愛人之心

大愛 能化解仇敵之心

服從 能獲得師長之心

感恩 能報答父母之心

堅忍 能降伏自己之心

--- Ajahn Golf 阿贊高爾夫 อาจารย์กอล์ฟ

《在教人之前 Before teaching others》

很多人特別有自信，方方面面的自信，掌控全局的自信，認為自己什麼都懂了，別人各方面都是傻子，因此喜歡手把手教別人如何做人。普通人是如此，部分僧人也是如此。

#其實他們沒資格教人，每個人都有自己的知識盲點及興趣追求，並且人無完人，應當心平氣和地交流討論，而不是盛氣凌人去強迫他人跟著自己做，這是土匪。真要教人，首先要反思自己，在自己做到後，再善意勸人如此行。否則，不能讓人信服。

--- 龍婆坤

Many people are overflowing with confidence—confidence in every aspect, confidence in controlling everything, believing they know it all while treating others as fools. As a result, they love to micromanage and lecture others on how to live. This applies not just to ordinary people but even to some monks.

In Truth, They Are Unqualified to Teach

Everyone has their own blind spots and personal aspirations. No one is perfect. We should engage in calm and open-minded discussions, not arrogantly force others to follow our ways—that’s the behavior of a bully.

If you truly wish to guide others, first reflect on yourself. Only after you’ve truly embodied the teaching should you kindly advise others to do the same. Otherwise, you’ll never inspire genuine trust amd respect.

---Luang Pu Koon

如果我們和人有利益衝突，就算多親都好，都會反目成仇

例如他想要在這裡賺錢，我們剛好在這裡賺錢；他就和我們勢不兩立了。

根據《本生經》 ，當時我們的菩薩就是因為成功和提婆達多的目標顧客做了生意；自此以後提婆達多就如菩薩結怨了。

如果他想要名聲，我們剛好也要名聲；他就和我們勢不兩立了。

如果他想要地位，我們剛好也要地位；他就和我們勢不兩立了。

如果他想要權力，我們剛好也要權力；他就和我們勢不兩立了。

如果他想自己的見解得到全世界的認可，我們剛好也想自己的見解得到全世界的認可；他就和我們勢不兩立了。

佛陀和阿羅漢之所以很難和人起衝突，是因為他們已經登出了這個世間：你們喜歡爭，就爭飽它吧！😂 我沒有任何興趣。

佛陀和阿羅漢們之所以已經登出了這個世間，是因為他們完全看見世間的過患，所以完全放下一切。

財富、 名譽、 地位、 權力、 別人的認可--這些通通都不渴求

所以自然和任何人都沒有利益衝突。

就如佛陀所說：比丘們！我不與世間爭論，僅世間與我爭論。比丘們！如法之說者不與世間中任何人爭論：比丘們！凡被世間中賢智者們認同為不存在，我也說它『不存在』；比丘們！凡被世間中賢智者們認同為存在，我也說它『存在』] (SN22.94)

隆波間夏也說：‘我們要去除自我， 然後就可以成為世界上最可愛的人。 大師父跟別人相處了十幾年， 都從未吵架， 因為去除了自我。 越相處久了， 越互相愛護， 大家都知道要互相付出。 ’

沒有利益衝突就沒事囖😂 😂 😂 

If we have a conflict of interest with someone, no matter how close we are, we can turn into enemies.

For example, if they want to make money here, and we happen to be making money here too—they will become our sworn rivals.

According to the Jātaka Tales, our Bodhisatta (the Buddha in a past life) once successfully did business with Devadatta’s target customers. From then on, Devadatta held a grudge against the Bodhisatta.

If they want fame, and we also want fame—we will become their sworn rivals.

If they want status, and we also want status—we will become their sworn rivals.

If they want power, and we also want power—we will become their sworn rivals.

If they want their views to be recognized by the world, and we also want our views to be recognized by the world—we will become their sworn rivals.

The reason why the Buddha and Arahants rarely clash with others is that they have "logged out" of this world: "You all love to compete? Go ahead and compete to your heart’s content! 😂 I have zero interest."

The Buddha and Arahants have "logged out" of this world because they fully see the dangers of worldly pursuits and have completely let go of everything—wealth, reputation, status, power, others’ approval—they crave none of it.

Thus, they naturally have no conflict of interest with anyone.

As the Buddha said:

"Monks, I do not dispute with the world; it is the world that disputes with me. Monks, one who speaks in line with Dhamma does not dispute with anyone in the world. Monks, what the wise in the world agree does not exist, I too say, ‘It does not exist.’ What the wise in the world agree exists, I too say, ‘It exists.’" (SN 22.94)

Luang Por Ganha also said:

"We must remove the ego, and then we can become the most lovable people in the world. Ajahn lived with others for over a decade without ever arguing because he had removed the ego. The longer they lived together, the more they cared for each other, as everyone understood the importance of mutual giving."

No conflict of interest? No problem! 😂😂😂

如果我們在世間要繁榮，就要把重量放到別人那裡，

即讓別人感到重要，尊重他們

例如那些成功的商家，都喜歡說：‘我們非常重視您的意見’ ‘你的舒適是我們的首要原則’

啊！當他們那麼尊重我們，讓我們感到那麼重要和開心， 任誰都想去光顧他們了～

但如果我們精神健康要好，就要把別人施加給我們的重量，或者世間的重量從心中剝離

他們讚美我們，我們的心不要接受，不要執著

他們毀謗我們，我們的心不要接受，不要執著

他們給予我們地位，我們的心不要接受，不要執著

他們剝奪我們的地位，我們的心不要接受，不要執著

我們得到利益，心不要接受，不要執著

我們蒙受損失，心不要接受，不要執著

我們快樂，心不要接受，不要執著

我們痛苦，心不要接受，不要執著

當我們不把任何重量放到心中，這顆心既高尚又快樂～

If We Want to Prosper in This World, We Should Put Weight on Others

This means making others feel important and respecting them. 

For example, successful businesses often say, "We highly value your opinion" and "Your comfort is our top priority." 

Ah! When they respect us like that, making us feel important and happy, who wouldn't want to patronize them?

However, if we want to maintain good mental health, we need to remove the weight others impose on us, or the burdens of the world, from our hearts.

When they praise us, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When they slander us, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When they give us status, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When they take away our status, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When we gain benefits, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When we suffer losses, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When we are happy, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When we are in pain, we should not accept it or cling to it.

When we do not allow any weight to settle in our hearts, this heart becomes noble and joyful.

When meeting a fool, of course ---run!

fools are those who have thick defilements--greed, aversionand delusion

If our mindfulness is not strong enough, we will become foolish also, suffering much (ref. to Iti.76 )

見到蠢人當然走得快好世界

蠢人就是貪嗔癡很厚的人

如果自己正念不夠,自己也會變蠢,變到很痛苦~ (ref. to Iti.76 )

曾經有一個年輕人問阿伯：嘿！你今天開心嗎？

阿伯：開心！

年輕人：為什麼？

阿伯：see you ~

哇,阿伯您那麼懂撩😂

佛陀說，維持良好關係的方法有四個：

1.布施饋贈

2.親切觸動人心的話語

3.利益和幫助別人的行為

4.平等尊重，同甘共苦（AN4.32）

阿伯就是用了親切的話來攝住年輕人了😂

相信年輕人聽了之後心裡一定很溫暖和開心

開心會怎樣？ 想粘著他咯，想下一次再見他咯😂

所以這是維持良好關係的方法

記得一點，就是別人不是喜歡我們，只是喜歡我們所帶來的快樂而已....

A young man once asked an old uncle: "Hey! Are you happy today?"

The uncle replied: "Happy!"

The young man: "Why?"

The uncle: "see you~"

Wow, uncle, you're such a smooth talker! 😂

The Buddha taught four ways to maintain good relationships:

1.Giving generously

2.Speaking kind and heartwarming words

3.Acting for others' benefit

4.Treating others equally, sharing joys and sorrows (AN 4.32)

The uncle here used kind words to charm the young man! 😂

we can bet the young man felt warm and happy hearing that.

What happens when someone feels happy? They want to stick around and see you again! 😂

That’s how we maintain good relationships.

Just remember—people don’t like us, they only like the happiness we bring them...

有些人以為以德報怨是白痴😂

其實不是，是智慧

如果要化解敵人和我們之間的怨恨

並不是透過對抗回去去解決的，而是透過釋出善意去解決的

就如佛陀在法句經所說：

‘無論何時，都不是透過怨恨而能止息怨恨的

而是透過善意而得以止息，這是恆古之法’ （DhpA.5)

如果我們以敵意回應敵意，只會衍生更多的敵意

這句經文的背景是，當時有一個女人和一隻吃人女夜叉互相傷害了許多生許多世

那隻女夜叉誓要吃掉那位女士的嬰兒

女士跑到佛陀那裡，並把嬰兒送給佛陀，請佛陀救他一命

後來佛陀召來了那隻女夜叉，說法後讓她證得初果，然後叫女士把嬰兒交給女夜叉

女夜叉抱來了孩子，親吻了他，然後還給女士

後來她們互相幫忙，還成為了好朋友呢！

如果我們以德報怨，其實是讓自己處於最有利的位置

因為隨著時間推移，對方的態度肯定會慢慢軟化

假如他不軟化，繼續傷害我們；

一般人知道我們不起敵意，以德報怨後；一定會看不過眼，反過來幹掉他的

就算是對方的朋友，知道我們這麼高尚；對方還傷害我們，朋友們也會慢慢對他反感、 疏遠他，不再支持他

所以對方一定是處於最不利的位置

就算以上沒有發生，但只要我們安住於慈悲當中、 不憤怒

他還傷害我們，大自然會主動把他幹掉

在本生經303中，就曾有另一個國家的國王侵佔了一位正直國王的國家。 正直國王被捆綁、 送進監牢後不但沒有生氣，反而向敵王散發慈心。

那位敵王剎時間全身發熱發痛，被迫要去向正直國王懺悔。

大自然和業力會把傷害有德者的人狠狠料理的

所以考量到各種利益，應當以德報怨

如果不能做到，至起碼不要起任何反應；這是止蝕的方法

Some people think "returning good for evil" is idiotic 😂

But it’s not—it’s wisdom.

To resolve hatred between enemies and ourselves,

it’s not through retaliation but through extending goodwill.

As the Buddha taught in the Dhammapada:

"Never is hatred settled by hatred in this world.

By non-hatred alone is it settled. This is an eternal law." (Dhp. 5)

If we respond to hostility with hostility, it only breeds more hostility.

The backstory of this verse involves a woman and a child-eating demoness (yakkhinī) who harmed each other for many lifetimes.

The demoness vowed to devour the woman’s baby.

The woman fled to the Buddha, offering her child to him for protection.

The Buddha then summoned the demoness, taught her the Dhamma, and she attained stream-entry.

He then instructed the woman to hand the baby to the demoness.

The demoness kissed the child and returned it unharmed.

Later, they even became close friends!

Responding with kindness actually puts us in the most advantageous position:

Over time, the other party’s attitude will soften.

If they persist in harming us despite our goodwill, others will side with us and turn against them.

Even their own allies, seeing our nobility, will grow distant and withdraw support.

Thus, the aggressor is always at a disadvantage.

Even if none of this happens, as long as we abide in loving kindness + compassion and refuse to be angry,

nature itself will intervene.

In the Jātaka 303, a righteous king was imprisoned by an invading ruler.

Instead of anger, the captive king radiated loving-kindness to him.

The invader suddenly burned with fever and pain, forced to beg for forgiveness.

Nature and karma will ruthlessly punish those who harm the virtuous.

So, for the greatest benefit, repay evil with good.

If we can’t, at least refrain from reacting—this is how to cut losses.

曾經有一位私家專科醫生分享他的成功心得

為什麼他能有那麼多顧客？

他說，他做的，就是要讓顧客喜歡他

每當病人來的時候，就讓他們說到飽，自己做聆聽者。

事實上，病人來到，必然同時承受雙重苦：身體的苦，心的苦。

佛陀說這些就是無聞凡夫（SN36.6) 

而這個世界全部都是凡夫。

其實他們除了想找醫生來醫治身體的疾病外，更想驅除心靈的痛苦

他們需要心靈上的慰籍

所以一位成功的醫生，除了要精通他本身的專科，還要做精神科醫生😂 身兼兩職

病人要人傾訴，那就讓他傾訴囖～

當我們能滿足他們的自我，讓他們高興；他們自然就會喜歡上我們的

那麼客人就一個一個來😂 

沒有人想聽我們的偉論，沒有人想迎合我們的自我。

所有人都想別人迎合自己的自我，所有人都想別人聽自己說話

所以有時學會閉嘴都是好事😂 

A private specialist doctor once shared his secret to success:

Why does he have so many patients?

He said what he does is simple—make patients like him.

Whenever a patient comes in, he lets them talk as much as they want while he listens attentively.

In reality, patients suffer from two kinds of pain: physical pain and mental pain.

The Buddha called such people uninstructed worldlings (SN 36.6)—and this world is full of them.

Beyond seeking medical treatment, what they truly crave is emotional relief.

They need spiritual comfort.

So, a successful doctor must not only master their specialty but also act as a psychiatrist 😂—handling both roles.

If patients want to vent, let them vent.

When we satisfy their ego and make them happy, they’ll naturally grow fond of us.

And that’s how clients keep coming in, one after another 😂.

No one wants to hear our grand theories. No one wants to cater to our ego.

Everyone wants others to cater to their ego. Everyone wants to be heard.

So sometimes, learning to shut up is a good thing 😂.

《義工阿羅漢》

Ajahn Brahm 曾說：只要你有自我感，讓它涉入其中、 支配你，你就是問題。

當義工很常會發生問題和爭執。

其實不是當義工的問題，而是我們本身自己的問題

誰沒有‘自我’ ？ 阿羅漢和像阿羅漢的人

如果我們的心靈水平沒有達到那麼高，就必然會產生問題

佛陀給過一個譬如，就是媳婦剛剛嫁來時，會對家裡所有人都表現出慚愧之心。 但隨著時間推移，就會開始對奶奶無禮（AN4.73）

同樣地，剛進來做義工時，必然個個都彼此恭恭敬敬。

但隨著時間推移，就會失去了當初的慚愧之心，不尊重別人。

任何貪嗔癡、 任何自我；都會引來問題

無論是貪權（貪求操控）、 貪名、佔便宜、愛面子、 表現自己、我慢、 生氣、 妒忌、 吝嗇；都會引起許多的爭執和是非

就算是貪功德，一樣會引起許多人的妒忌和不滿。

因為渾濁的心將不能知道自己的利益、 他人的利益、 兩者的利益(AN1.45)；為團體帶來麻煩

我們當下也成為了問題人物

如果不想要任何問題，就要做‘義工阿羅漢’

阿羅漢是怎樣的? 就是完全的無私

不要期望從義工活動中得到些什麼，連功德也不要貪求

懷著慈悲的心來幫忙、 來參與

透過參與義工活動以去除自己的自私心和煩惱

只在當下做最應該做的事

一旦成為了‘義工阿羅漢’ ， 就沒有人再能如法地說我們些什麼了。

我們將能得到所有人的尊重。

"Volunteer Arahant"

Ajahn Brahm once said: when there is a sense of self, which takes ownership and gets invovled, you are the problem!

Volunteers often encounter issues and disputes. 

It's not the act of volunteering that's the problem; it's our own issue.

Who doesn't have a 'self'? Only Arahants and those like Arahants. 

If our spiritual level hasn't reached that height, problems will inevitably arise.

The Buddha provided an analogy: when a daughter-in-law first arrives in a new home, she feels a sense of shame towards everyone in the household. But over time, she may begin to be disrespectful to her mother-in law (AN 4.73).

Similarly, when we first start volunteering, everyone is respectful to one another. 

However, as time passes, we may lose that initial sense of shame and no longer respect others.

Any greed, anger, or ignorance, any sense of self, will invite problems.

Whether it’s greed for power (the desire to control), greed for fame, taking advantage, saving face, showing off, arrogance, anger, jealousy, or stinginess, all these can lead to disputes and controversies.

Even if one is greedy for merit, it can still provoke jealousy and dissatisfaction among many.

A polluted heart cannot discern its own interests, others' interests, or the interests of both (AN 1.45); this brings trouble to the group, and we become problem!

If we  want to avoid any issues, we  must become a "Volunteer Arahant." What is an Arahant? It is complete selflessness.

Do not expect to gain anything from volunteering, not even merit. 

Help and participate with a compassionate heart. 

Through volunteering, remove our selfishness and defilements, focusing only on doing what ought to be done in the present moment.

Once we become a "Volunteer Arahant," no one can justly criticize us. we will earn the respect of everyone.

<不要多管閒事>

信徒：如果我們看到不對的事情，應該讓它曝光嗎？

阿贊蘇查特：這要看情況，取決於這是否是你的責任。

如果不是你的責任，那麼最好不要插手。因為這可能會對你造成傷害。

這樣可能會在你和被指控的人之間造成仇恨和分裂。

<Don't be officious >

Devotee: If we see something wrong, should we let it come under the light?

Ajahn Suchart: It depends. It depends on whether it is your duty or not. If it is not your duty, then it is better to leave things alone. Because it can become harmful to you.

This will maybe cause hatred and division between you and the person accused

一些新移民給社會鄙視和厭惡，為什麼會這樣？

因為他們只懂得從新的地方中索取、 找著數；而從不付出

同樣地，假如我們只懂得從別人身上索取、佔便宜，而從不付出

我們一樣會給所有人鄙視和厭惡

Why do some new immigrants face disdain and dislike from society?

It’s because they only know how to take and seek benefits from their new surroundings, without ever giving out.

Similarly, if we only know how to take advantage of others without contributing, we too will be met with disdain and dislike from everyone.

《Lovable people》

...People are truly lovable when they let go of their self.

The Buddha let go of his self—so lovable.

Jesus let go of his self.

Prophet Muhammad let go of the self.

His Majesty King Bhumibol—he was someone who let go of self.

Whoever lets go of the self—that person is the most lovable in the world.

--Luang Por Ganha

《惹人喜愛的人》

……當人們放下自我時，他們便是真正可愛的。
佛陀放下了自我——因此如此可愛。
耶穌放下了自我。
穆罕默德先知放下了自我。
普密蓬國王陛下——他是一位放下自我的人。

無論是誰放下自我，那個人就是世界上最可愛的。

---隆波甘哈

在過去生，我們的佛陀為菩薩時已經悟到這個道理：

‘過長地同住時，愛者成不愛’ （JaA.476)

真是有智慧!相見容易同住難，這是從古至今不變的道理

所以有人說：‘婚姻是愛情的墳墓’

也有人說：‘旅行是友誼的墳墓’😂

為什麼會這樣？

因為一旦同住一段長時間，我們平時不會在外人顯露出來的劣根性，全都被迫露出來了

每個人內心都充滿著貪嗔癡、 非常骯髒、 非常自私；我們能期望些什麼呢？

就算我們缺點比較少，也不見得對方會一直喜歡我們

因為人心無常，人都喜新厭舊

所以不要太近，有時都是好事

In a past life, our Buddha, when he was a Bodhisattva, realized this truth:
"When living together for too long, love can turn to hate." (JaA.476)

How wise! It’s easy to meet, but difficult to live together; this is a truth that has remained unchanged throughout history.

That’s why some say, "Marriage is the grave of love,"
and others say, "Traveling is the grave of friendship." 😂

Why is this so?
Because once we live together for an extended period, the negative traits that we usually don’t show in front of others are forced to surface.

Everyone's heart is filled with greed, anger, and ignorance; it’s very dirty and very selfish. What can we expect?

Even if we have fewer flaws, it doesn’t mean the other person will always like us,
because human hearts are impermanent, and people often prefer the new over the old.

So, not getting too close is sometimes a good thing.

怎樣可以讓一個人開心？

看他執著什麼。

如果他執著自己的美貌，我們就誠懇地讚美他的美貌；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的財富，我們就誠懇地讚美他的富有；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的地位，我們就誠懇地讚美他的地位；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的權力，我們就誠懇地讚美他的權力；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的名譽，我們就誠懇地讚美他的名譽；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的布施，我們就誠懇地讚美他的布施；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的德行，我們就誠懇地讚美他的德行；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的禪修，我們就誠懇地讚美他的禪修；然後他就會飛上天了

如果他執著自己的聰明智慧，我們就誠懇地讚美他的聰明智慧；然後他就會飛上天了

但請大家小心，因為聰明人可以讓我們瞬間下地獄：

如果我們執著自己的美貌，他們就說我們很醜；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的財富，他們就說我們很窮；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的地位，他們就說我們地位很低賤；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的權力，他們就說我們勢力很弱；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的名譽，他們就說我們是非；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的布施，他們就說我們很吝嗇；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的德行，他們就說我們很沒品；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的禪修，他們就說我們修得很不好；然後我們就會下地獄了

如果我們執著自己的聰明智慧，他們就說我們很蠢；然後我們就會下地獄了

所以如果我們容許執著在內心滋生，是很傻的事。

就像魚兒跳出水面後，任鷹、 貓兒、 人類宰割

How can we make a person happy?

Look at what they are attached to.
If they are attached to their beauty, we sincerely praise their beauty; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their wealth, we sincerely praise their richness; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their status, we sincerely praise their position; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their power, we sincerely praise their authority; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their reputation, we sincerely praise their fame; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their generosity, we sincerely praise their giving; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their virtue, we sincerely praise their moral character; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their meditation, we sincerely praise their practice; then they will soar to the sky.
If they are attached to their intelligence, we sincerely praise their wisdom; then they will soar to the sky.

But everyone, be careful, because clever people can send us straight to hell:
If we are attached to our beauty, they will say we are ugly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our wealth, they will say we are poor; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our status, they will say our position is lowly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our power, they will say our influence is weak; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our reputation, they will say we are gossiped about; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our generosity, they will say we are stingy; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our virtue, they will say we have no class; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our meditation, they will say we practice poorly; then we will fall to hell.
If we are attached to our intelligence, they will say we are foolish; then we will fall to hell.

So, allowing attachments to grow in our hearts is a foolish thing.

It’s like a fish jumping out of water, only to be slaughtered by eagles, cats, or humans.

<Take advatage of our kindness?>

Devotee: How should we react if someon take advantage of our kindness over and over again?

Ajahn Suchart: stop giving them kindness,use equanimity 

《利用我們的善良？》

信徒：如果有人一次又一次地利用我們的善良，我們應該如何反應？

阿姜蘇差特：停止對他們施以善良，而是保持中捨。

做人不要怕吃虧，不然到頭來吃虧的是自己

在工場上，有些人悟到一個道理，就是如果自己和同事的關係好；那麼就算自己做事做得不好，都沒有大問題

如果自己和同事的關係不好，那麼不論自己做事如何，都是會給人針對

如果我們凡事不肯付出，怕吃虧；沒有人會對我們有好感的。

聽過有些上班的人說，‘我不喜歡一些同事。’

‘為什麼？’

‘他不肯幫我😤’

噢～所以我們可以從中看到這個道理

一旦我們樂於助人、 樂於布施，那職場再不是我們煩惱的根源

Don’t be afraid of being taken advatage of ; otherwise, in the end, we;ll be the one at a disadvantage.

In the workplace, some people realize a truth: if our relationships with colleagues are good, then even if our work isn’t great, it won’t be a big issue.

If our relationships with colleagues are poor, then no matter how well we perform, we will be targeted.

If we are unwilling to contribute and fear of being taken advantage, no one will have a good impression of us. 

It is heard that some employees say, ‘I don’t like some colleagues.’
‘Why?’
‘They don't help me. 😤’

Oh—so we can see this truth.

Once we are willing to help and give, the workplace will no longer be the source of our troubles.

有許多人投訴在職場中遇到別人的刁難

然後感到很沮喪，很難過，想要搞政治去復仇

但這樣根本解決不到問題，只會越弄越糟糕

因為以惡意回敬惡意，只會引來更多的惡意

我們試試去復仇吧！ 他們只會刁難我們得更厲害---這是一定的

那麼怎樣解決呢？ 佛陀在法句經3中說：

‘以敵意應對敵意，永遠不能平息敵意

唯有以友善能夠平息敵意，這是永恆之法’

原諒吧！然後反過來對他們好

原本他們已經估計我們會回擊過去、 罵過去，然後他們也準備好變本加厲地整我們

誒！哇，我們居然反過來對他們好。他們的心也會愣一愣

長此下去，他們一定會軟化的。見我們那麼高尚，也不敢再欺負我們了

如果他們敢欺負我們，其他人必然也看不過眼，會來幫我們的

我們此時是站在道德高地，不能輸的

如果他們依然不改變呢？

不要緊，總有一天會改變的；就連提婆達多這般的大惡人，在臨終時也良心發現，向佛陀懺悔

正正是因為佛陀從不發怒，從不傷害回他；有崇高的德行，才能感化他

但在此期間，如果我們是凡夫，依然會很痛苦的。那怎麼辦？

佛陀曾說：‘問題在哪裡發生，就要在哪裡解決。(Dhp.A.21)’

真正讓我們痛苦的，其實並不是他們。乃是我們內心的渴愛渴求啊！

貪求這樣，貪求不要這樣。渴愛得不到滿足，才會痛苦。

所以如果想滅掉痛苦，只需滅掉渴愛

如何滅掉渴愛？就是八聖道：正確的見解，正確的思維，正確的語言，正確的行為，正確的謀生方式，正確的努力，正確的憶念，正確的定力

濃縮下來，只是戒定慧而已

當我們消除了內心的渴求，再沒有任何人能奪取我們內心的快樂，讓我們難受了。

太棒了！ 

Many people complain about encountering difficulties from others in the workplace, feeling very frustrated and sad, and wanting to engage in office politics for revenge.

But this won’t solve the problem; it will only make things worse.  It is because responding to malice with malice will only invite more malice.

Let’s try to take revenge! They will only make things harder for us—this is certain.

So how do we solve it? The Buddha said in the Dhammapada 3:
“Hatred never ceases through hatred; hatred ceases through kindness. This is an eternal truth.”

Forgive them! Then respond with kindness. 

Originally, they expect us to retaliate and curse them, and they are prepared to make things even worse for us. But wow! We surprisingly treat them kindly instead. Their hearts then suddenly be taken aback.

Over time, they will surely soften. Seeing us so noble, they will no longer dare to bully us. If they do, others will not stand by idly and will come to help us.

At this moment, we stand on moral high ground; we cannot lose.

What if they still don’t change?
That’s okay; they will change one day. Even someone as wicked as Devadatta repented and confessed to the Buddha at the time of his death. It’s precisely because the Buddha never got angry and never harmed him; his noble virtue was able to transform him.

But during this time, if we are ordinary beings, we will still suffer. So what should we do?
The Buddha said: “Where the problem arises, that’s where it needs to be solved” (Dhp.A.21).

What truly causes us suffering is not them, but our inner craving and desires! Craving for things to be this way or that way. When our desires are unmet, we suffer.

So if we want to extinguish suffering, we just need to extinguish craving.

How to extinguish craving? Through the Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right stillness.

In essence, it comes down to morality, stillness, and wisdom.

When we eliminate the cravings within us, no one can take away our inner happiness and make us suffer.
That’s wonderful!

其實輪迴根本就是一個騙局

我們以為擁有很多東西的人就是勝利者

於是我們也渴求擁有很多東西

但我們看不清，真正的勝利者是什麼都沒有的

是指心中什麼都沒有～

假如我們心中擁有許多東西，反而是人生的失敗者

為什麼這樣說？ 

看過一段惡搞影片，就是兒子想惡整父親

於是帶來了一個演員來扮自己的女友，但人設是一個夜總會女郎😂

父親看到後當然心裡很不是滋味，但仍然抑制自己的情緒；說，其實最重要還是他們覺得合拍就行，自己不會干預他們

誒～如果我們這樣聽到，都會讚那位父親真是開明、 好相處，對嗎？

為什麼如此做到？ 那是因為父親並沒有把兒子太當成是‘我的’ 

他心中並沒有太執住兒子，有兒子好像沒兒子那樣

這樣反而能夠和兒子維持良好的關係

有許多情侶，之所以能夠細水長流，相伴到老

也是因為他們有伴侶好像沒伴侶，沒有太把伴侶當成是‘我的’

如此減少了許多的控制欲、 壓迫感、 妒忌、 吝嗇、 生氣、 傷心等等的負面情緒

這樣反而能夠一直維持良好的關係

有些有錢人富有時不太快樂，有些卻能很快樂

那是因為有部分有錢人把財富當成是‘我的’、‘我的’ ，非常吝嗇，既不肯把錢用在自己身上，也不肯把錢用到別人身上。結果沒有絲毫快樂

但有些有錢人卻沒有太把財富當成是‘我的’ ，慷慨大方，能夠把錢用在自他身上，為自他帶來快樂

把有當成是沒有，反而是最成功的人

所以輪迴根本就是騙局

沒有的人想要擁有

擁有而過得快樂的人，卻沒有真的擁有

我們還追求些什麼？

當下‘沒有’ 已經是最快樂的了，不要再投胎轉世了

In fact, samsara is essentially a scam.
We think that those who possess many things are the winners.
Thus, we also crave to have many possessions.
But we fail to see that the true winners are those who have nothing—
meaning, those who have nothing in their hearts.

If our hearts are filled with many things, we are actually the failures in life.
Why do we say this?
once  there is a  prank video where a son wanted to prank his father.
He brought in an actor to play his girlfriend, but the character was that of a nightclub hostess. 😂
When the father saw this, he naturally felt uncomfortable, but he suppressed his emotions and said that what mattered most was that they felt compatible, and he wouldn’t interfere.

If we heard this, we would praise that father for being open-minded and easy to get along with, right?
Why was he able to do this? Because the father didn’t see his son as “mine.”
He didn’t hold on too tightly to the idea of having a son, as if having a son was like not having one at all.
This allowed him to maintain a good relationship with his son.

Many couples can continue happily together until old age
because they treat their partner as if they don’t really possess them, not holding on tightly to the idea of “mine.”
This reduces the many negative emotions such as desire to control, stress, jealousy, stinginess, anger, and sadness.
This, in turn, allows them to maintain a good relationship.

Some wealthy people are not very happy, while others are quite happy.
This is because some wealthy individuals view their wealth as “mine” and are very stingy, unwilling to spend money on themselves or others. As a result, they find no happiness at all.
But some wealthy individuals don’t see their wealth as “mine”; they are generous and can use their money for themselves and others, bringing happiness to both.
Those who treat having as not having are the most successful.

Thus, samsara is essentially a scam.
Those who have nothing want to possess.
Those who posess but are happy, however, do not truly possess.
Why are we still pursuing?
In the present moment, "not having" is already the happiest; there’s no need to be reborn again.

有時看到很有趣的現象

例如一對情侶，一個就是願打，一個就是願挨

一個是施虐狂，一個是被虐狂

不單是情侶，有時人與人之間也是這樣

一個總是喜歡造成傷害，一個總是喜歡承受傷害

但是是自願的😂 

那麼奇怪都有，對嗎？

其實不奇怪，只是業力作崇而已

當惡業現前，什麼都看不清

就算知不知道會受到傷害，都一樣會撲過去施虐狂那裡，承受過去的惡業

這種惡業其實不難被迴避，淨化我們自己的心就可以了

在AN1.45中，佛陀曾說，如果一個人有混濁的心，將不會知道自己，他人，和兩者的利益

假如一個人有清淨的內心，就會知道自己，他人或兩者的利益

我們此時將會知道哪個人對我們真正有利，哪個人會和我們有健康的關係；然後親近他

哪個人對我們會構成損害 ，哪個人會和我們有不健康的關係；然後遠離他

但有時仍是理想主義，因為假如前面有個帥哥美女；相信大部份人都仍會被強烈的性慾和情慾所遮蔽，對嗎？

Sometimes, we notice an interesting phenomenon:

for example, in a couple, one is willing to inflict pain, and the other is willing to endure it.

One is a sadist, and the other is a masochist.

This isn’t just limited to couples; sometimes, it happens between people as well.

One always likes to cause harm, while the other always likes to endure harm— but voluntarily. 😂

Isn't that strange?

Actually, it’s not strange; it’s just karma at work.

When bad karma manifests, nothing is clear.

Whether one realizes they will be harmed or not, they still rush towards the sadist to endure past negative karma.

This negative karma can actually be avoided; we just need to purify our hearts.

In AN1.45, the Buddha said that if a person has a defiled heart, they will not understand their own interests, the interests of others, or the interests of both.

If a person has a pure heart, they will know their own interests and the interests of others.

At that time, we will recognize who truly benefits us and who will have a healthy relationship with us, and we would approach them.

We will also see who poses harm and who will have an unhealthy relationship with us, and we would distance ourselves from them.

But sometimes, idealism still prevails; because if there is a handsome guy or beautiful girl in front of us, I believe most people will still be blinded by strong sexual desire and lust, right? 

With an ego, we always try to change others.

But correcting others leads to arguments.

Like an old lady I met this morning—

She insisted on taking her grandchild here and there.

When I listened, I realized it was all just foolishness.

有了自我，我們總是試圖改變他人。

但指責他人只會導致爭吵。

就像我今早遇到的一位老奶奶——

她堅持要帶著她的孫子到處走。

當我聽她說時，才意識到這一切只是愚蠢的行為。

-----Luang Phor Ganha

Wednesday, March 12, 2025

If we truly practice Dhamma and abandon the sense of self, Korean people will love us. In fact, if we abandon the self, everyone will love us the most in the world.

如果我們真正修行法，並捨棄自我，韓國人會愛我們。事實上，如果我們放下自我，世界上每個人都會最愛我們。

---Luang Por Ganha

Dhamma Talk given on Wednesday, March 12, 2025 

阿贊耀答疑 | 人與人關係的本質是慈心 2023-05-06

人與人之間真正關係的精華所在，就是彼此的慈心。你對他好、他對你好，真心地付出，這才是一段感情。不管是任何關係，這才是感情的本質。如果失去了這種本質的話，掛著任何名頭的關係都是假的。即使是父子關係、母女關係，如果真的沒有了彼此之間的愛，那也是假的，本質是這樣。所以你還想跟別人建立起一些私人關係的話，其實代表著還沒有智慧。