說話 Speaking

有時我們覺得自己很正義

看到社會上有不公義的事情，生氣，然後想要發聲、想要幫人主持公道、想要幫人復仇

但這讓編輯想起了 Ajahn Brahm 所引英國著名浪漫主義詩人威廉·布萊克（William Blake）的詩句：

"A vengeance to the tyrant fled, and caught the tyrant in his bed, and slew the wicked tyrant's head, and became a tyrant in his stead."

中文翻譯為：

「對逃跑了的暴君復仇， 

在床上捉住了暴君， 

砍下了那邪惡暴君的頭顱， 

自己卻取而代之，成了新的暴君。」

無論對方有多錯，

假如我們以看似正當的理由來惡意地傷害別人，我們也跟著錯、造下了惡業

我們不比他好

我們可能會為自己辯護：我沒有傷害他啊，只是講道理、講佛法、講戒律而已啊！

其實佛陀定義‘業’為‘意圖’（AN6.63）

而怎樣界定一個行為、語言、思想是善，還是不善呢？

其實就是看背後的意圖

如果是帶有貪、嗔、癡的意圖，那就是不善業

如果是不帶有貪、嗔、癡的意圖，那就是善業

我們批評別人，或許我們覺得自己是在造善業，但其實絕大部份時候都在造不善業，只是我們自己不知道而已

例如：

貪：傲慢--想要變得重要、想顯示自己比他好、比人好；貪求、想獲得讚賞、名譽、地位、權力、財富、異性、朋友等等

嗔：生氣地在說

癡：心迷失、不清明、頭腦不清晰、被蒙蔽、散亂，沒有考慮清楚這個思想、說話、行為：

1.會不會傷害自己？

2.會不會傷害到別人？

3.會不會傷害雙方？

4.會有痛苦的後果嗎？（MN61）

如果我們自以為無意而傷害了別人---這依然是不善業。只是我們正念不夠，察覺不到那個意圖而已

所以聖法大長老非常聰明，他乾脆不批評、不責備

祂說：‘我不曾 生氣過任何人，我祝福你們要常常保持慈心。 我不曾責備過任何人，我也希望你們不要責備任何人’

他的傳記中提到，他觀察緣起時，發現自己曾在四阿僧衹又十萬大劫前的燃燈佛時被佛授記為菩薩，必將成佛。

而繼續觀到自己還剩1800世就會成佛，成佛時人壽是10萬歲

當我們盡量避免批評，就等於盡量避免造惡業

其實要理解業與果報非常簡單

我們帶著任何大還是小到自己察覺不到的意圖，而做了什麼影響到別人--不論是好的影響還是壞的影響

我們就可能會重新代入對方的處境經歷同樣的遭遇

所以佛陀教導同理心非常重要（Ref. to SN55.7）

就算真的有必要要給予意見，佛陀教導我們要先審察自身：

1.我有清淨的行為嗎？

2.我有清淨的話語嗎？

3.我對別人有慈心、無害心嗎？

.......

不然，就會有人取笑我們、輕藐我們：‘你先做好自己啦！’

就算我們具備了這些法，也應先準備好五法才好說：

1）我將在適當時機而非不適當時機而說

2）我將說事實而非不實之語；

3）我將柔軟而不粗暴地說；

4）我將帶有利益而非無益地說；

5）我將以慈心而非以內瞋而說。 （AN10.44）

佛陀的每句話都是很謹慎地說的

曾經，佛陀時代的無畏王子受尼乾陀若提子所慫恿而去見佛陀，想要論破佛陀。因為尼乾陀若提子說，假如成功論破有大威力的佛陀的話，他將會得到大名聲。

尼乾陀若提子這樣教導無畏王子：

先去問：佛陀會說他人不愛的、不合意的話嗎？

假如佛陀回答他會說他人不愛的、不合意的話，那麽就質問，佛陀和一般人有什麽差別呢？一般人也會對人說他人不愛的、不合意的話

假如佛陀回答他不會說。那麽就質問佛陀：爲什麽提婆達多會被佛陀記説會墮入地獄持續一劫，而且不可救濟？ 提婆達多有因此而生起憤怒、不滿

-持著這問題，無畏王子便待佛陀到自己家中應供.

在應供時照著劇本挑戰佛陀: 佛陀會說他人不愛的、不合意的話嗎？

但當問到時，佛陀便回答，這不能被一概回答。

-聽後無畏王子便對佛陀感嘆到：「大德！我未曾從尼乾陀聽聞過這種情況（這種回答的後續質問方法）。」

經過佛陀提問，便和盤托出整件事。

-碰巧有幼兒坐在王子的腿上。佛陀便藉機問：假如你們因爲疏忽，而讓這幼兒抓木片或小石入口，他會怎樣做？  王子答：即使會出血，也會立即取出，因爲對他又憐憫。

-佛陀便因而說，因爲他對眾生有憐愍，他有以下的説話原則：

1. 別人不愛聼、不真實、不伴隨利益—不説

2. 別人不愛聼、真實、不伴隨利益—不説

3. 別人不愛聼、真實、伴隨利益—適時而說

4. 別人愛聼、不真實、不伴隨利益—不説

5. 別人愛聼、真實、不伴隨利益—不説

6. 別人愛聼、真實、伴隨利益—適時而說

-王子繼續問，有些人準備問題來問佛陀，佛陀有事先準備，還是答案立即顯現在心中呢？

-佛陀於是反問王子，他對車子各部分的熟練嗎？答：熟練。

-假如有人問王子這個部分叫什麽名字，他會事先準備，還是答案立即顯現在心中呢？因爲他很爛熟，所以答案立即顯現在心中

-佛陀說，同樣地，因爲自己已經很好地貫通法界（=擁有一切知智），所以答案立即顯現在心中

-説罷王子便徹底服了，而皈依三寶。（MN58）

所以我們要學習佛陀，每句話也要非常謹慎

Sometimes we feel that we are very righteous. 

When we see injustice in society, we become angry, and then want to speak out, want to uphold justice for others, want to avenge others. 

But this reminds the editor of a verse by the famous English Romantic poet William Blake, quoted by Ajahn Brahm:

“A vengeance to the tyrant fled, 

and caught the tyrant in his bed, 

and slew the wicked tyrant’s head, 

and became a tyrant in his stead.”

No matter how wrong the other person is, 

if we maliciously harm others under seemingly justifiable reasons, we are also wrong and create unwholesome kamma. 

We are no better than them.

We may defend ourselves: “I didn’t harm him at all; I was only speaking reason, speaking the Dhamma, speaking the precepts!” 

In fact, the Buddha defined “kamma” as “intention” (AN 6.63). 

And how do we determine whether an action, speech, or thought is wholesome or unwholesome? 

It depends on the intention behind it. 

If the intention is accompanied by greed, aversion, or delusion, it is unwholesome kamma. 

If the intention is free from greed, aversion, and delusion, it is wholesome kamma.

When we criticize others, we may think we are creating wholesome kamma, but in the vast majority of cases we are actually creating unwholesome kamma without realizing it. 

For example: 

**Greed**: arrogance — wanting to become important, wanting to show that we are better than him, better than others; craving and wanting to gain praise, fame, status, power, wealth, the opposite sex, friends, etc. 

**Aversion**: speaking with anger. 

**Delusion**: the mind is lost, unclear, not sharp, obscured, scattered, without carefully considering whether this thought, speech, or action: 

1. Will it harm oneself? 

2. Will it harm others? 

3. Will it harm both sides? 

4. Will there be painful consequences? (MN 61)

If we harm others while thinking we had no intention — this is still unwholesome kamma. There are in fact intentions that we do not have strong enough mindfulness to notice outselves

That is why the Venerable Ariyadhamma was very wise; he simply refrained from criticizing or blaming. 

He said: “I have never been angry with anyone; I bless you all to always maintain a heart of loving-kindness. I have never blamed anyone, and I also hope that you will not blame anyone.” 

His biography mentions that when he observed dependent origination, he saw that he had been predicted by the Buddha to become a Bodhisatta in the time of Dīpaṅkara Buddha four asaṅkheyyas and one hundred thousand aeons ago, and that he would definitely become a Buddha. 

Continuing to observe, he saw that he still had 1,800 lives remaining before becoming a Buddha, and that the human lifespan at the time of his Buddhahood would be 100,000 years.

When we try our best to avoid criticism, we are trying our best to avoid creating unwholesome kamma.

In fact, understanding kamma and its results is very simple. 

Whatever intention we carry — whether large or so small that we ourselves cannot detect it — and whatever we do that affects others — whether the effect is good or bad — 

we may later be reborn into the other person’s situation and experience the same thing.

That is why the Buddha taught that empathy is very important (see SN 55.7).

Even if it is truly necessary to give advice, the Buddha taught us to first examine ourselves: 

1. Do I have pure conduct? 

2. Do I have pure speech? 

3. Do I have a heart of loving-kindness and non-harm toward others? 

…… 

Otherwise, people will mock and look down on us: “You should first take care of yourself!”

Even if we possess these qualities, we should still prepare five conditions before speaking: 

1) I will speak at the proper time, not at the improper time; 

2) I will speak what is true, not what is untrue; 

3) I will speak gently, not harshly; 

4) I will speak what is beneficial, not what is unbeneficial; 

5) I will speak with a heart of loving-kindness, not with inner aversion. (AN 10.44)

Every word of the Buddha was spoken with great care.

Once, during the Buddha’s time, Prince Abhaya was urged by Nigaṇṭha Nātaputta to go and debate the Buddha, hoping to defeat him. Nigaṇṭha Nātaputta said that if he succeeded in defeating the powerful Buddha, he would gain great fame. 

Nigaṇṭha Nātaputta instructed Prince Abhaya as follows: 

First ask: “Does the Buddha say things that are unwelcome and disagreeable to others?” 

If the Buddha answers that he does say such things, then question him: “Then what is the difference between the Buddha and ordinary people? Ordinary people also say things that are unwelcome and disagreeable to others.” 

If the Buddha answers that he does not, then question him: “Why did the Buddha declare that Devadatta would fall into hell for an aeon and be beyond help? Did Devadatta not become angry and dissatisfied because of this?”

Holding on to this question, Prince Abhaya waited until the Buddha came to his house for a meal offering.

During the meal offering, he challenged the Buddha according to the script, “Does the Buddha say things that are unwelcome and disagreeable to others?” 

But when asked, the Buddha replied that this cannot be answered in a one-sided manner.

After hearing this, Prince Abhaya exclaimed to the Buddha: “Venerable Sir, I have never heard such a reply (and the subsequent method of questioning) from Nigaṇṭha.”

After the Buddha asked further questions, the whole matter was revealed.

By chance, a young child was sitting on the prince’s lap. The Buddha took the opportunity to ask: “If, through negligence, you allowed this child to put a piece of wood or a small stone into his mouth, what would you do?” The prince answered: “Even if it caused bleeding, I would immediately take it out, because I have compassion for him.”

The Buddha then said that because he has compassion for beings, he has the following principles of speech: 

1. What is unwelcome to others, untrue, and not beneficial — he does not speak. 

2. What is unwelcome to others, true, but not beneficial — he does not speak. 

3. What is unwelcome to others, true, and beneficial — he speaks at the proper time. 

4. What is welcome to others, untrue, and not beneficial — he does not speak. 

5. What is welcome to others, true, but not beneficial — he does not speak. 

6. What is welcome to others, true, and beneficial — he speaks at the proper time.

The prince continued to ask: “Some people prepare questions to ask the Buddha; does the Buddha prepare the answers in advance, or do the answers arise immediately in the mind?”

The Buddha then asked the prince in return whether he was skilled in the various parts of a chariot. The prince answered that he was skilled.

“If someone asked you the name of this part, would you prepare the answer in advance, or would the answer arise immediately in the mind?” Because he was thoroughly familiar with it, the answer would arise immediately in the mind.

The Buddha said that in the same way, because he had thoroughly penetrated the Dhamma realm (= possessed omniscience), the answers arise immediately in the mind.

After saying this, the prince was completely convinced and took refuge in the Triple Gem. (MN 58)

Therefore, we should learn from the Buddha and speak every word with great care.

**泰文**

**เราเที่ยงธรรมจริงหรือ?**

บางครั้งเรารู้สึกว่าตนเองเที่ยงธรรมมาก 

เมื่อเห็นความไม่ยุติธรรมในสังคม ก็โกรธ แล้วอยากเปล่งเสียง อยากช่วยคนอื่นรักษาความยุติธรรม อยากช่วยคนอื่นแก้แค้น 

แต่สิ่งนี้ทำให้บรรณาธิการนึกถึงบทกวีของวิลเลียม เบลค กวีโรแมนติกชื่อดังชาวอังกฤษ ที่พระอาจารย์บราห์มเคยอ้างถึง:

“A vengeance to the tyrant fled, 

and caught the tyrant in his bed, 

and slew the wicked tyrant’s head, 

and became a tyrant in his stead.”

แปลเป็นไทยว่า: 

“การแก้แค้นได้หนีไปหาจอมเผด็จการ 

แล้วจับตัวจอมเผด็จการได้ในขณะที่เขานอนอยู่บนเตียง 

ตัดศีรษะของจอมเผด็จการชั่วร้ายนั้น 

แล้วตัวเองกลับกลายเป็นจอมเผด็จการแทน”

ไม่ว่าอีกฝ่ายจะผิดมากเพียงใด 

หากเราทำร้ายผู้อื่นด้วยเจตนาชั่วร้ายภายใต้เหตุผลที่ดูเหมือนชอบธรรม เราก็ผิดและสร้างอกุศลกรรมเช่นกัน 

เราไม่ได้ดีไปกว่าเขา

เราอาจจะแก้ตัวว่า “ฉันไม่ได้ทำร้ายเขาเลย แค่พูดเหตุผล พูดธรรมะ พูดศีลเท่านั้น!” 

จริงๆ แล้ว พระพุทธเจ้าทรงนิยาม “กรรม” ว่าคือ “เจตนา” (อง.ฉกฺก. 6.63) 

แล้วเราจะตัดสินได้อย่างไรว่าการกระทำ คำพูด หรือความคิดนั้นเป็นกุศลหรืออกุศล? 

ก็ดูที่เจตนาที่อยู่เบื้องหลัง 

หากเจตนานั้นประกอบด้วยโลภะ โทสะ หรือโมหะ ก็เป็นอกุศลกรรม 

หากเจตนานั้นปราศจากโลภะ โทสะ และโมหะ ก็เป็นกุศลกรรม

เมื่อเราวิจารณ์ผู้อื่น เราอาจคิดว่ากำลังสร้างกุศลกรรม แต่ในความเป็นจริงส่วนใหญ่แล้วเรากำลังสร้างอกุศลกรรมโดยไม่รู้ตัว 

เช่น: 

**โลภะ**: ความหยิ่ง — อยากสำคัญ อยากแสดงว่าตนดีกว่าเขา ดีกว่าคนอื่น; อยากได้คำชม ชื่อเสียง ตำแหน่ง อำนาจ ความมั่งคั่ง เพศตรงข้าม เพื่อน ฯลฯ 

**โทสะ**: พูดด้วยความโกรธ 

**โมหะ**: จิตหลง ไม่ว่าง ไม่แจ่มใส สติไม่ชัดเจน ถูกบดบัง ฟุ้งซ่าน โดยไม่ได้พิจารณาให้ดีว่าความคิด คำพูด หรือการกระทำนี้: 

1. จะทำร้ายตนเองหรือไม่? 

2. จะทำร้ายผู้อื่นหรือไม่? 

3. จะทำร้ายทั้งสองฝ่ายหรือไม่? 

4. จะมีผลทุกข์หรือไม่? (ม.มู. 61)

หากเราทำร้ายผู้อื่นโดยคิดว่าไม่มีเจตนา — นี่ยังคงเป็นอกุศลกรรม จริงๆ แล้วมีเจตนาที่เรามีสติไม่เพียงพอที่จะสังเกตเห็นด้วยตนเอง

ดังนั้น พระอาจารย์อริยธรรมจึงฉลาดมาก ท่านไม่วิจารณ์ ไม่ตำหนิเลย 

ท่านกล่าวว่า “เราไม่เคยโกรธใครเลย เราอวยพรให้พวกท่านมีเมตตาจิตอยู่เสมอ เราไม่เคยตำหนิใคร และหวังว่าพวกท่านจะไม่ตำหนิใครเช่นกัน” 

ในชีวประวัติของท่านระบุว่า เมื่อท่านพิจารณาสภาพธรรมตามหลักปฏิจจสมุปบาท ท่านเห็นว่าตนเองเคยได้รับการพยากรณ์จากพระพุทธเจ้าในสมัยพระทีปังกรพุทธเจ้าเมื่อสี่อสงไขยกับแสนกัปป์ก่อนว่าจะได้เป็นพระโพธิสัตว์ และจะต้องตรัสรู้เป็นพระพุทธเจ้า 

เมื่อพิจารณาสืบต่อไป ท่านเห็นว่ายังเหลืออีก 1,800 ชาติจึงจะได้ตรัสรู้ และเมื่อตรัสรู้แล้ว อายุขัยของมนุษย์จะอยู่ที่ 100,000 ปี

เมื่อเราพยายามหลีกเลี่ยงการวิจารณ์เท่ากับพยายามหลีกเลี่ยงการสร้างอกุศลกรรม

จริงๆ แล้ว การเข้าใจกรรมและผลของกรรมนั้นง่ายมาก 

ไม่ว่าเราจะมีเจตนาใหญ่หรือเล็กจนตัวเองไม่ทันสังเกต และไม่ว่าเราจะทำอะไรที่มีผลต่อผู้อื่น — ไม่ว่าผลนั้นจะดีหรือร้าย — 

เราก็อาจจะได้ไปเกิดในสถานการณ์ของอีกฝ่ายและประสบสิ่งเดียวกัน

ดังนั้น พระพุทธเจ้าจึงทรงสอนว่า ความเห็นอกเห็นใจสำคัญมาก (ดู สํ.นิ. 55.7)

แม้จะจำเป็นต้องให้คำแนะนำจริงๆ พระพุทธเจ้าก็ทรงสอนให้เราสอบสวนตนเองก่อน: 

1. เรามีศีลบริสุทธิ์หรือไม่? 

2. เรามีวาจาบริสุทธิ์หรือไม่? 

3. เรามีเมตตาจิตและอหิงสาต่อผู้อื่นหรือไม่? 

…… 

มิฉะนั้น คนอื่นจะเยาะเย้ยและดูถูกเราว่า “เจ้าควรดูแลตัวเองให้ดีก่อน!”

แม้เราจะมีธรรมเหล่านี้แล้ว ก็ควรเตรียมธรรม 5 ประการก่อนพูด: 

1) เราจะพูดในเวลาที่เหมาะสม ไม่ใช่ในเวลาที่ไม่เหมาะสม 

2) เราจะพูดสิ่งที่จริง ไม่ใช่สิ่งที่ไม่จริง 

3) เราจะพูดอย่างอ่อนโยน ไม่ใช่อย่างหยาบคาย 

4) เราจะพูดสิ่งที่เป็นประโยชน์ ไม่ใช่สิ่งที่ไร้ประโยชน์ 

5) เราจะพูดด้วยเมตตาจิต ไม่ใช่ด้วยโทสะภายใน (อง.ทสก. 10.44)

ทุกคำของพระพุทธเจ้าทรงตรัสด้วยความระมัดระวังอย่างยิ่ง

ครั้งหนึ่ง ในสมัยพระพุทธเจ้า เจ้าชายอภัยถูกนิครนถนาฏบุตรยุยงให้ไปโต้วาทะกับพระพุทธเจ้า โดยหวังจะเอาชนะพระองค์ นิครนถนาฏบุตรกล่าวว่า หากสามารถเอาชนะพระพุทธเจ้าผู้มีฤทธิ์มากได้ เขาก็จะได้ชื่อเสียงใหญ่ 

นิครนถนาฏบุตรสอนเจ้าชายอภัยดังนี้: 

ให้ถามก่อนว่า “พระพุทธเจ้าตรัสสิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รัก ไม่เป็นที่ชอบใจของผู้อื่นหรือไม่?” 

หากพระพุทธเจ้าทรงตอบว่าตรัส ก็ให้ถามต่อว่า “แล้วพระพุทธเจ้าต่างจากคนธรรมดาอย่างไร? คนธรรมดาก็ตรัสสิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รัก ไม่เป็นที่ชอบใจของผู้อื่นเหมือนกัน” 

หากพระพุทธเจ้าทรงตอบว่าไม่ตรัส ก็ให้ถามว่า “ทำไมพระพุทธเจ้าจึงทรงพยากรณ์ว่าพระเทวทัตจะตกนรกตลอดกัปป์และไม่อาจช่วยได้? พระเทวทัตไม่ได้โกรธและไม่พอใจเพราะเรื่องนี้หรือ?”

เจ้าชายอภัยยังยึดคำถามนี้ไว้ จนกระทั่งพระพุทธเจ้าเสด็จมาฉันภัตตาหารที่บ้านของเขา 

ในระหว่างการฉันภัตตาหาร เขาก็ท้าทายพระพุทธเจ้าตามบทที่เตรียมไว้ว่า “พระพุทธเจ้าตรัสสิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รัก ไม่เป็นที่ชอบใจของผู้อื่นหรือไม่?” 

แต่เมื่อถูกถาม พระพุทธเจ้าทรงตอบว่า เรื่องนี้ไม่สามารถตอบแบบเหมารวมได้ 

เมื่อได้ยินเช่นนั้น เจ้าชายอภัยก็ถอนหายใจต่อพระพักตร์พระพุทธเจ้าว่า “ข้าแต่พระองค์ผู้เจริญ ข้าพเจ้าไม่เคยได้ยินคำตอบเช่นนี้ (และวิธีการถามต่อ) จากนิครนถเลย” 

หลังจากพระพุทธเจ้าทรงซักถามเพิ่มเติม เรื่องทั้งหมดก็ถูกเปิดเผย 

บังเอิญมีเด็กน้อยนั่งอยู่บนตักของเจ้าชาย พระพุทธเจ้าจึงทรงถือโอกาสถามว่า “หากด้วยความประมาท ท่านปล่อยให้เด็กน้อยนี้เอาเศษไม้หรือก้อนหินเล็กๆ เข้าปาก ท่านจะทำอย่างไร?” เจ้าชายทูลตอบว่า “แม้จะทำให้เลือดไหลออก ข้าพเจ้าก็จะรีบเอาออกทันที เพราะข้าพเจ้ามีเมตตาต่อเขา” 

พระพุทธเจ้าจึงทรงตรัสว่า เพราะพระองค์มีเมตตาต่อสัตว์ทั้งหลาย พระองค์จึงมีหลักการตรัสดังนี้: 

1. สิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น ไม่จริง และไม่มีประโยชน์ — ไม่ตรัส 

2. สิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น จริง แต่ไม่มีประโยชน์ — ไม่ตรัส 

3. สิ่งที่ไม่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น จริง และมีประโยชน์ — ตรัสในเวลาที่เหมาะสม 

4. สิ่งที่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น ไม่จริง และไม่มีประโยชน์ — ไม่ตรัส 

5. สิ่งที่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น จริง แต่ไม่มีประโยชน์ — ไม่ตรัส 

6. สิ่งที่เป็นที่รักของผู้อื่น จริง และมีประโยชน์ — ตรัสในเวลาที่เหมาะสม 

เจ้าชายถามต่อไปว่า “บางคนเตรียมคำถามมาถามพระพุทธเจ้า พระพุทธเจ้าทรงเตรียมคำตอบไว้ล่วงหน้า หรือคำตอบเกิดขึ้นในใจทันที?” 

พระพุทธเจ้าจึงทรงย้อนถามเจ้าชายว่า เขาชำนาญในส่วนต่างๆ ของรถหรือไม่ เจ้าชายทูลตอบว่าชำนาญ 

“หากมีคนถามท่านว่าส่วนนี้ชื่ออะไร ท่านจะเตรียมคำตอบไว้ล่วงหน้า หรือคำตอบจะเกิดขึ้นในใจทันที?” เพราะเขาชำนาญมาก คำตอบจึงเกิดขึ้นในใจทันที 

พระพุทธเจ้าทรงตรัสว่า ในทำนองเดียวกัน เพราะพระองค์ได้ทรงรู้แจ้งธรรมธาตุอย่างดีแล้ว (= ทรงมีสัพพัญญุตญาณ) คำตอบจึงเกิดขึ้นในใจทันที 

เมื่อตรัสจบ เจ้าชายก็ยอมแพ้โดยสิ้นเชิง และขอถึงพระรัตนตรัยเป็นสรณะ (ม.มู. 58) 

ดังนั้น เราควรเรียนแบบพระพุทธเจ้า และตรัสทุกคำด้วยความระมัดระวังอย่างยิ่ง

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**越南文**

**Chúng Ta Có Thực Sự Công Chính Không?**

Đôi khi chúng ta cảm thấy mình rất công chính. 

Khi thấy những điều bất công trong xã hội, chúng ta nổi giận, rồi muốn lên tiếng, muốn giúp người khác bảo vệ công lý, muốn giúp người khác báo thù. 

Nhưng điều này khiến biên tập viên nhớ đến câu thơ của nhà thơ lãng mạn nổi tiếng người Anh William Blake, được Ajahn Brahm trích dẫn:

“A vengeance to the tyrant fled, 

and caught the tyrant in his bed, 

and slew the wicked tyrant’s head, 

and became a tyrant in his stead.”

Dịch sang tiếng Việt: 

“Sự báo thù chạy đến với bạo chúa, 

và bắt được bạo chúa trên giường ngủ của hắn, 

chém đứt đầu của tên bạo chúa gian ác, 

rồi chính mình trở thành bạo chúa thay thế.”

Dù đối phương sai đến mức nào, 

nếu chúng ta ác ý làm hại người khác dưới lý do có vẻ chính đáng, thì chúng ta cũng sai và tạo bất thiện nghiệp. 

Chúng ta không hơn họ.

Chúng ta có thể tự biện hộ: “Tôi đâu có làm hại anh ta; tôi chỉ nói lý lẽ, nói Pháp, nói giới thôi!” 

Thực ra, Đức Phật định nghĩa “nghiệp” là “tác ý” (AN 6.63). 

Và làm thế nào để xác định một hành động, lời nói hay suy nghĩ là thiện hay bất thiện? 

Chính là nhìn vào tác ý đằng sau nó. 

Nếu tác ý đi kèm với tham, sân hoặc si, thì đó là bất thiện nghiệp. 

Nếu tác ý không có tham, sân và si, thì đó là thiện nghiệp.

Khi chúng ta phê bình người khác, chúng ta có thể nghĩ mình đang tạo thiện nghiệp, nhưng thực tế phần lớn thời gian chúng ta đang tạo bất thiện nghiệp mà chính mình không hay biết. 

Ví dụ: 

**Tham**: kiêu mạn — muốn trở nên quan trọng, muốn thể hiện mình hơn người kia, hơn người khác; tham cầu, muốn có được lời khen, danh tiếng, địa vị, quyền lực, tài sản, người khác giới, bạn bè v.v. 

**Sân**: nói với tâm sân. 

**Si**: tâm mê mờ, không trong sáng, trí không sắc bén, bị che lấp, tán loạn, không xét kỹ suy nghĩ, lời nói, hành động này: 

1. Có hại cho bản thân không? 

2. Có hại cho người khác không? 

3. Có hại cho cả hai bên không? 

4. Có hậu quả khổ đau không? (MN 61)

Nếu chúng ta làm hại người khác trong khi nghĩ rằng mình không có tác ý — đây vẫn là bất thiện nghiệp. Thực ra có những tác ý mà chúng ta không đủ chánh niệm để tự nhận ra.

Vì vậy, Ngài Ariyadhamma rất thông minh; Ngài đơn giản không phê bình, không trách móc. 

Ngài nói: “Tôi chưa từng giận dữ với bất kỳ ai; tôi chúc tất cả các vị luôn giữ tâm từ. Tôi chưa từng trách móc bất kỳ ai, và cũng mong các vị đừng trách móc bất kỳ ai.” 

Tiểu sử của Ngài đề cập rằng khi quán duyên khởi, Ngài thấy mình từng được Đức Phật thụ ký sẽ thành Bồ-tát vào thời Đức Phật Nhiên Đăng cách đây bốn a-tăng-kỳ và mười vạn đại kiếp, và chắc chắn sẽ thành Phật. 

Tiếp tục quán, Ngài thấy mình còn 1.800 đời nữa mới thành Phật, và khi thành Phật thì tuổi thọ con người là 100.000 năm.

Khi chúng ta cố gắng hết sức tránh phê bình, chính là cố gắng hết sức tránh tạo bất thiện nghiệp.

Thực ra, hiểu nghiệp và quả báo rất đơn giản. 

Bất kỳ tác ý nào chúng ta mang theo — dù lớn hay nhỏ đến mức chính mình không nhận ra — và bất kỳ điều gì chúng ta làm ảnh hưởng đến người khác — dù ảnh hưởng tốt hay xấu — 

chúng ta có thể sau này tái sinh vào hoàn cảnh của đối phương và trải qua những điều tương tự.

Vì vậy Đức Phật dạy rằng sự đồng cảm rất quan trọng (xem SN 55.7).

Dù thật sự cần thiết phải góp ý, Đức Phật dạy chúng ta phải tự xét mình trước: 

1. Tôi có thân hành thanh tịnh không? 

2. Tôi có khẩu hành thanh tịnh không? 

3. Tôi có tâm từ và tâm không hại đối với người khác không? 

…… 

Nếu không, người ta sẽ cười nhạo và khinh thường chúng ta: “Anh hãy lo cho bản thân mình trước đi!”

Dù chúng ta đã có những pháp này, vẫn nên chuẩn bị năm pháp trước khi nói: 

1) Tôi sẽ nói đúng lúc, không phải lúc không thích hợp; 

2) Tôi sẽ nói sự thật, không nói lời không thật; 

3) Tôi sẽ nói mềm mỏng, không thô bạo; 

4) Tôi sẽ nói có lợi ích, không phải vô ích; 

5) Tôi sẽ nói với tâm từ, không với tâm sân bên trong. (AN 10.44)

Mỗi lời của Đức Phật đều được nói rất cẩn thận.

Có lần, vào thời Đức Phật, Thái tử Vô Úy bị Ni-kiền-đà Nhã-đề-tử xúi giục đến tranh luận với Đức Phật, mong đánh bại Ngài. Ni-kiền-đà Nhã-đề-tử nói rằng nếu thành công đánh bại Đức Phật đầy uy lực thì sẽ được danh tiếng lớn. 

Ni-kiền-đà Nhã-đề-tử dạy Thái tử Vô Úy như sau: 

Trước hết hãy hỏi: “Đức Phật có nói những lời người khác không ưa, không vừa ý không?” 

Nếu Đức Phật trả lời là có, thì chất vấn: “Vậy Đức Phật khác gì người thường? Người thường cũng nói những lời người khác không ưa, không vừa ý.” 

Nếu Đức Phật trả lời là không, thì chất vấn: “Vì sao Đức Phật tuyên bố Đề-bà-đạt-đa sẽ đọa địa ngục suốt một kiếp và không thể cứu được? Đề-bà-đạt-đa há chẳng vì thế mà sinh sân hận, bất mãn sao?”

Giữ lấy câu hỏi này, Thái tử Vô Úy chờ đến khi Đức Phật đến nhà ông thọ thực. 

Trong lúc thọ thực, ông theo kịch bản thách thức Đức Phật: “Đức Phật có nói những lời người khác không ưa, không vừa ý không?” 

Nhưng khi được hỏi, Đức Phật trả lời rằng điều này không thể trả lời một cách chung chung. 

Nghe vậy, Thái tử Vô Úy thở dài thốt lên với Đức Phật: “Bạch Thế Tôn! Con chưa từng nghe từ Ni-kiền-đà câu trả lời như vậy (và cách chất vấn tiếp theo).” 

Sau khi Đức Phật hỏi thêm, toàn bộ sự việc được bày tỏ. 

Tình cờ có một đứa trẻ ngồi trên đùi Thái tử. Đức Phật nhân cơ hội hỏi: “Nếu do sơ ý, ông để đứa trẻ này bỏ mảnh gỗ hoặc viên sỏi nhỏ vào miệng, ông sẽ làm gì?” Thái tử đáp: “Dù có chảy máu, con cũng sẽ lập tức lấy ra, vì thương xót nó.” 

Đức Phật liền nói rằng vì Ngài có lòng thương xót chúng sinh, Ngài có nguyên tắc nói như sau: 

1. Điều người khác không ưa nghe, không thật, không đem lại lợi ích — không nói. 

2. Điều người khác không ưa nghe, thật, nhưng không đem lại lợi ích — không nói. 

3. Điều người khác không ưa nghe, thật, và đem lại lợi ích — nói đúng lúc. 

4. Điều người khác ưa nghe, không thật, không đem lại lợi ích — không nói. 

5. Điều người khác ưa nghe, thật, nhưng không đem lại lợi ích — không nói. 

6. Điều người khác ưa nghe, thật, và đem lại lợi ích — nói đúng lúc. 

Thái tử tiếp tục hỏi: “Có người chuẩn bị câu hỏi để hỏi Đức Phật; Đức Phật có chuẩn bị câu trả lời trước, hay câu trả lời hiện ra ngay trong tâm?” 

Đức Phật bèn hỏi lại Thái tử xem ông có tinh thông các bộ phận của xe không. Thái tử đáp là tinh thông. 

“Nếu có người hỏi ông bộ phận này tên gì, ông sẽ chuẩn bị câu trả lời trước, hay câu trả lời hiện ra ngay trong tâm?” Vì ông rất tinh thông, nên câu trả lời hiện ra ngay trong tâm. 

Đức Phật nói rằng cũng vậy, vì Ngài đã thông suốt pháp giới một cách hoàn hảo (= có nhất thiết trí), nên câu trả lời hiện ra ngay trong tâm. 

Nói xong, Thái tử hoàn toàn tâm phục và quy y Tam Bảo. (MN 58) 

Vì vậy, chúng ta nên học theo Đức Phật, và nói mỗi lời đều hết sức cẩn thận.

《張穎宗教授給予意見的策略 Professor Chang Wing Chung’s Strategy for Giving Feedback กลยุทธ์การให้คำแนะนำของศาสตราจารย์จางอิ่งจง Chiến lược đưa ý kiến của Giáo sư Trương Dĩnh Tông》

這位是誰呢？

哦~原來是香港大學醫學院 HKU Medicine 的張穎宗教授~

他是一位傑出的精神科醫生，也很懂得為人處事

是一位善人，也是一位智者

貴為助理院長的他本身的工作很繁重，不僅要處理日常的門診工作、研究，還要處理許多人事關係、問題。

我們人人都會犯錯，張教授當然也遇過不少人犯錯了。但張教授往往能夠勸服對方改過，同時也不得失對方，讓別人繼續愛敬自己。

他用了什麼方法呢？

Wow~ 原來是Ajahn Brahm 教的‘三文字策略’

如果他要批評您呢，他不會直接批評的。

首先，他會讚您十句，等您開始滿意的時候

來了---他就會說出我們的錯、問題所在

說完後，他就再讚您十句

整段對話的心路歷程是怎樣的？

當被他讚美時，我們會很開心，感到被尊重、欣賞、理解。開心會怎樣？ 佛陀說，禪定就會生起（AN11.1）

然後當他說到我們要改善的地方時，因為禪定滋潤、穩定的力量，加上生起對他的喜愛；我們會聽得入耳。

有些人聽到別人說自己有所不足，可能會有些不悅。

所以此時，他再一次的讚美會再讓我們滿意、開心

被他‘批評’完，我們便感覺好像沒事發生過一樣

然後回到去，又真的會去認真考量對方的意見哦。

所以？張教授是絕對的‘高手’！😂

這樣的做法，是‘善’的做法

‘善’的巴利文是什麼？ 是Kusala 。 Kusala ，又可以被翻譯為‘聰明’

不聰明嗎？ 張教授的目的就是想要對方改善，而說完後，又真的能達到效果、目標。還不聰明？

相反，一些不善人、愚人會怎樣做呢？

帶著我高你低、憤怒心，一來就批評對方

給人這樣對待，大家會有什麼感受？

說得再有道理，也沒興趣聽下去了，對嗎？

所以這就是‘Akusala’ （笨啊~😂 ）

佛陀說，任何的恐懼、心的混亂、苦惱，都是由愚人而起的，不是智者

智者是沒有恐懼、心的混亂、苦惱的

然後教導比丘們要避免伴隨愚人的恐懼、心的混亂、苦惱，要具備伴隨智者的無恐懼、無心的混亂、無苦惱

**English**

**

Who is this person? 

Oh~ It turns out to be Professor Chang Wing Chung (張穎宗) from the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Hong Kong (HKU Medicine). 

He is an outstanding psychiatrist who is also very skilled in dealing with people. 

He is a kind person, and also a wise person.

As an Assistant Dean, his workload is already very heavy. Not only does he have to handle daily outpatient work and research, but he also has to deal with many interpersonal relationships and problems. 

Everyone makes mistakes, and of course Professor Chang has also encountered many people who have made mistakes. Yet Professor Chang is often able to persuade the other person to correct their faults while at the same time not hurting them, so that others continue to like and respect him.

What method does he use?

Wow~ It turns out to be the “Sandwhich Strategy” taught by Ajahn Brahm. 

If he wants to criticise you, he will not criticise you directly.

First, he will praise you with ten sentences. When you start to feel satisfied, 

then — he will point out our mistakes and the problems. 

After finishing, he will praise you with another ten sentences.

What is the mental process during the whole conversation? 

When he praises us, we feel very happy, respected, appreciated, and understood. What happens when we are happy? The Buddha said that undistractability of mind (samādhi) arises (AN 11.1). 

Then, when he talks about the areas we need to improve, because of the nourishing and stabilising power of samādhi, together with the affection that has arisen towards him, we are able to listen receptively. 

Some people may feel a little displeased when they hear others point out their shortcomings. 

Therefore, at this point, his further praise will once again make us feel satisfied and happy.

After being “criticised” by him, we feel as if nothing has happened. 

Then, when we go back, we will truly and seriously consider the other person’s advice.

So? Professor Chang is an absolute “master”! 😂 

This kind of approach is a “skilful” (kusala) approach. 

What is the Pali word for “skilful”? It is *kusala*. *Kusala* can also be translated as “clever” or “wise”. 

Is it not clever? Professor Chang’s aim is to help the other person improve, and after speaking, he truly achieves the effect and the goal. Is that not clever?

On the contrary, how do some unskilful people and fools behave? 

With a sense of superiority or an angry mind, they start by criticising the other person right away. 

When treated like that, how does everyone feel? 

No matter how reasonable the words are, they no longer have any interest in listening further, right? 

So this is *akusala* (foolish~ 😂).

The Buddha said that any fear, mental confusion, or distress arises from fools, not from the wise. 

The wise have no fear, no mental confusion, and no distress.

He then taught the bhikkhus to avoid the fear, mental confusion, and distress that accompany fools, and to cultivate the fearlessness, mental clarity, and freedom from distress that accompany the wise.

---

**Thai**

คนนี้คือใคร? 

โอ้~ ปรากฏว่าเป็นศาสตราจารย์จางอิ่งจง (Professor Eric Chen) จากคณะแพทยศาสตร์ มหาวิทยาลัยฮ่องกง (HKU Medicine) 

ท่านเป็นจิตแพทย์ที่โดดเด่น และก็เก่งในการเข้ากับผู้คนด้วย 

ท่านเป็นคนดี และเป็นผู้มีปัญญา

ในฐานะผู้ช่วยคณบดี งานของท่านก็หนักมากอยู่แล้ว ไม่เพียงต้องจัดการงานคลินิกประจำวันและการวิจัยเท่านั้น แต่ยังต้องจัดการความสัมพันธ์ระหว่างบุคคลและปัญหาต่าง ๆ อีกมากมาย 

ทุกคนล้วนทำผิดพลาด และแน่นอนว่าศาสตราจารย์จางก็เคยพบผู้คนที่ทำผิดพลาดไม่น้อย แต่ศาสตราจารย์จางมักสามารถโน้มน้าวให้อีกฝ่ายแก้ไขข้อบกพร่องได้ โดยไม่ทำให้เสียความรู้สึก และยังทำให้คนอื่นยังคงรักและเคารพท่านต่อไป

ท่านใช้วิธีอะไร?

ว้าว~ ปรากฏว่าเป็น “กลยุทธ์สามตัวอักษร” ที่อาจารย์บราห์มสอน 

ถ้าท่านจะวิจารณ์คุณ ท่านจะไม่วิจารณ์ตรง ๆ

ก่อนอื่น ท่านจะชมคุณสิบประโยค พอคุณเริ่มรู้สึกพอใจแล้ว 

ก็มาแล้ว — ท่านจะพูดถึงข้อผิดพลาดและปัญหาของเรา 

พูดจบแล้ว ท่านก็จะชมคุณอีกสิบประโยค

กระบวนการทางจิตใจตลอดการสนทนาเป็นอย่างไร? 

เมื่อถูกท่านชม เราจะรู้สึกดีใจมาก รู้สึกได้รับการเคารพ ชื่นชม และเข้าใจ ความดีใจจะเป็นอย่างไร? พระพุทธเจ้าตรัสว่า สมาธิจะเกิดขึ้น (อังคุตตรนิกาย ๑๑.๑) 

จากนั้น เมื่อท่านพูดถึงสิ่งที่เราต้องปรับปรุง เพราะพลังของสมาธิที่หล่อเลี้ยงและทำให้มั่นคง ประกอบกับความชอบที่เกิดขึ้นต่อท่าน เราจะฟังได้เข้าหู 

บางคนเมื่อได้ยินคนอื่นพูดถึงข้อบกพร่องของตนเอง อาจจะรู้สึกไม่พอใจเล็กน้อย 

ดังนั้น ในตอนนี้ การชมซ้ำอีกครั้งของท่านจะทำให้เรารู้สึกพอใจและดีใจอีกครั้ง

หลังจากถูกท่าน “วิจารณ์” เสร็จ เรารู้สึกเหมือนไม่มีอะไรเกิดขึ้นเลย 

แล้วเมื่อกลับไป ก็จะจริงจังพิจารณาคำแนะนำของอีกฝ่ายจริง ๆ

ดังนั้น? ศาสตราจารย์จางเป็น “เซียน” ตัวจริง! 😂 

วิธีการแบบนี้ เป็นวิธีการที่ “กุศล” 

คำบาลีของ “กุศล” คืออะไร? คือ *kusala* และ *kusala* ก็สามารถแปลว่า “ฉลาด” ได้ด้วย 

ไม่ฉลาดหรือ? จุดประสงค์ของศาสตราจารย์จางคืออยากให้อีกฝ่ายปรับปรุง และหลังจากพูดแล้ว ก็สามารถบรรลุผลและเป้าหมายได้จริง ๆ ไม่ฉลาดหรือ?

ตรงกันข้าม คนอกุศลและคนโง่จะทำอย่างไร? 

ด้วยจิตที่ถือตัวสูงกว่าและมีโทสะ เข้ามาก็วิจารณ์อีกฝ่ายทันที 

เมื่อถูกปฏิบัติเช่นนั้น ทุกคนจะรู้สึกอย่างไร? 

พูดจาจะมีเหตุผลแค่ไหน ก็ไม่อยากฟังต่อแล้ว ใช่ไหม? 

ดังนั้น นี่คือ *akusala* (โง่นะ~ 😂)

พระพุทธเจ้าตรัสว่า ความกลัว ความวุ่นวายในใจ หรือความทุกข์ใจใด ๆ ล้วนเกิดจากคนโง่ ไม่ใช่จากผู้มีปัญญา 

ผู้มีปัญญาไม่มีความกลัว ไม่มีความวุ่นวายในใจ และไม่มีความทุกข์ใจ

จากนั้นทรงสอนภิกษุทั้งหลายให้หลีกเลี่ยงความกลัว ความวุ่นวายในใจ และความทุกข์ใจที่มาพร้อมกับคนโง่ และให้มีซึ่งความไม่มีกลัว ความไม่มีวุ่นวายในใจ และความไม่มีทุกข์ใจที่มาพร้อมกับผู้มีปัญญา

---

**Vietnamese**

Vị này là ai vậy? 

Ồ~ Hóa ra là Giáo sư Trương Dĩnh Tông (Professor Eric Chen) từ Khoa Y của Đại học Hồng Kông (HKU Medicine). 

Ông là một bác sĩ tâm thần xuất sắc, cũng rất khéo léo trong cách đối nhân xử thế. 

Ông là một người thiện, cũng là một bậc trí tuệ.

Với vị trí Phó Viện trưởng, công việc của ông vốn đã rất nặng nề. Không chỉ phải xử lý công việc khám bệnh hàng ngày, nghiên cứu, mà còn phải giải quyết nhiều mối quan hệ nhân sự và các vấn đề khác. 

Ai cũng sẽ phạm sai lầm, và tất nhiên Giáo sư Trương cũng từng gặp không ít người phạm sai. Nhưng Giáo sư Trương thường có thể thuyết phục đối phương sửa đổi, đồng thời không làm mất lòng họ, khiến người khác vẫn tiếp tục yêu mến và kính trọng mình.

Ông dùng phương pháp gì vậy?

Wow~ Hóa ra là “chiến lược ba chữ” do Ajahn Brahm dạy. 

Nếu ông muốn phê bình bạn, ông sẽ không phê bình trực tiếp.

Trước hết, ông sẽ khen bạn mười câu. Khi bạn bắt đầu cảm thấy hài lòng, 

thì đến — ông sẽ nói ra những lỗi lầm và vấn đề của chúng ta. 

Nói xong, ông lại khen bạn thêm mười câu nữa.

Toàn bộ quá trình tâm lý trong cuộc trò chuyện diễn ra như thế nào? 

Khi được ông khen, chúng ta sẽ rất vui vẻ, cảm thấy được tôn trọng, được trân trọng và thấu hiểu. Vui vẻ sẽ như thế nào? Đức Phật dạy rằng định sẽ sinh khởi (AN 11.1). 

Sau đó, khi ông nói đến những điểm chúng ta cần cải thiện, nhờ sức nuôi dưỡng và ổn định của định, cộng thêm sự yêu mến đã sinh khởi đối với ông, chúng ta sẽ nghe lọt tai. 

Một số người khi nghe người khác nói về điểm chưa đủ của mình, có thể sẽ hơi không vui. 

Vì vậy, lúc này, lời khen thêm lần nữa của ông sẽ lại khiến chúng ta hài lòng và vui vẻ.

Sau khi bị ông “phê bình” xong, chúng ta cảm thấy như chẳng có chuyện gì xảy ra. 

Rồi khi về nhà, lại thật sự nghiêm túc cân nhắc ý kiến của đối phương.

Vậy thì? Giáo sư Trương đúng là “cao thủ” tuyệt đối! 😂 

Cách làm như vậy là cách làm “thiện” (kusala). 

Chữ Pāli của “thiện” là gì? Là *kusala*. *Kusala* cũng có thể được dịch là “thông minh” hay “khéo léo”. 

Không thông minh sao? Mục đích của Giáo sư Trương chính là muốn đối phương cải thiện, và sau khi nói xong thì thật sự đạt được hiệu quả, đạt được mục tiêu. Chẳng phải thông minh sao?

Ngược lại, một số người bất thiện, kẻ ngu sẽ làm như thế nào? 

Với tâm kiêu ngạo “ta cao người thấp” và tâm sân hận, vừa đến là phê bình đối phương ngay. 

Bị đối xử như vậy, mọi người sẽ cảm thấy thế nào? 

Dù nói có lý đến đâu cũng chẳng còn hứng thú nghe nữa, đúng không? 

Vậy nên đây chính là *akusala* (ngu ngốc~ 😂).

Đức Phật dạy rằng bất kỳ nỗi sợ hãi, sự rối loạn tâm, khổ não nào cũng đều khởi lên từ kẻ ngu, không phải từ bậc trí. 

Bậc trí không có sợ hãi, không có rối loạn tâm, không có khổ não.

Sau đó Ngài dạy các Tỳ-kheo hãy tránh xa nỗi sợ hãi, sự rối loạn tâm và khổ não đi kèm với kẻ ngu, và hãy thành tựu sự không sợ hãi, không rối loạn tâm, không khổ não đi kèm với bậc trí.

image cred. to JC JoyAge & Buddhistdoor

more about Speaking:

https://www.knownsee.com/%E4%B8%8D%E5%90%8C%E5%8D%80%E5%A1%8A%E7%9A%84%E4%BD%9B%E6%B3%95%E5%90%88%E9%9B%86-different-parts-of-dhamma/%E8%AA%AA%E8%A9%B1-speaking

more about Ajahn Brahm:

https://www.knownsee.com/%E5%A4%A7%E5%B8%AB%E7%88%B6-masters/%E8%8B%B1%E5%9C%8B-england/ajahn-brahm 

這是什麼？ 三文治策略😂

Ajahn Brahm 教的

如果我們受不了某個人的某樣東西，要叫他停，當然有策略

我們佛教徒是食腦（用腦筋）的嘛😂

我們直接說他，他通常不會接受的，肯定會引起反彈的

此時，要像三文治那樣

先讚他一輪，等到他開心了時

重點才來，說我們真正想說的話

說完之後再讚他一輪，等他再次開心

如此，踩了等於沒踩，罵了等於沒罵，而他過後或許也會認真考量我們所說的反映

讓別人難受、別人最後也不接受的批評是失敗的批評

讓人不覺得是批評的批評、最後欣然接受的批評，是高招

What is this? The sandwich strategy 😂 

Taught by Ajahn Brahm. 

If we can’t stand something about someone and want them to stop, there’s definitely a strategy. 

We Buddhists use our brains, after all 😂. 

If we criticize them directly, they usually won’t accept it and will definitely push back. 

In this case, we should approach it like a sandwich. 

First, praise them generously until they feel happy. 

Then, the key point comes—say what we really want to say. 

After that, praise them again until they’re happy once more. 

This way, criticizing feels like not criticizing, and blaming feels like not blaming. Afterward, they might even seriously consider the feedback we’ve given. 

Criticism that makes others uncomfortable and ultimately unaccepted is a failed criticism. 

Criticism that doesn’t feel like criticism and is gladly accepted in the end is a skillful move. 

Devotee: I often have to leave reviews for people I interacted with online. Sometimes they're very unkind and rude and disrespectful. How do I balance my compassion for them with honesty about the situation? How should they learn to improve? Or should I just give them five stars or ignore them? Thank you for everything you do.

Ajahn Brahm: Use what we call the sandwich method. The sandwich method—if you have to review someone's performance, and if I tell you, "You've been just so hopeless. You never come for the chanting, and when you do come for the chanting, you chant off key, and you're always just snoring during the meditation. You don't really listen to my Dhamma talks." If you say something like that, people would say, "What do you mean? I try my very best. I'm tired, Ajahn Brahm. You're just so cruel." So you never say that.

Instead, you say, "Thank you, you know, for being a good monk."

He is a good monk.

So you find all the wonderful things to praise them, and that's like the first piece of bread in the sandwich. Because when you receive praise—you know, praise is quite rare—and so you're always listening for more. It's that your ears are opening up more and more. And then when they are open wide enough, that's when you hit them with the filling in the sandwich. But then you finish off with some nice praise at the end with the bread. Because how many times have you been criticized or reviewed, and you think, "That person doesn't understand me. They don't understand just how hard I'm trying. I've got many difficulties and problems in my life. Life is not easy, and sometimes you have so many burdens. You may be tired. You may be fighting some COVID or something or some other disease." They don't appreciate that.

But when you actually start by praising in the first part, and then you give the criticism, then you're praised afterwards, you feel that person actually cares for you. You take that criticism much more honestly—not as trying to put me down, but they're trying to help me. So that's with the sandwich method. It takes a lot of time, and usually by the time you get to the lower point of the sandwich, they're already gone. But nevertheless, it's worthwhile thinking about.

2024 March - April (7/19) | 9 day Retreat | Ajahn Brahm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT7r4y6VlC8&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M4SpK06V5lfdyKBS5dr4jtP&index=7

信徒：我經常需要在網路上為與我互動過的人留下評價。有時候他們非常不友善、粗魯且不尊重人。我要如何在對他們保持慈悲的同時，又能誠實描述實際情況呢？他們要怎麼才能學到改進？還是乾脆給他們五星好評，或者直接忽略他們？非常感謝您所做的一切。

阿姜布拉姆（Ajahn Brahm）：請使用我們所稱的「三明治方法」。三明治方法——如果你必須評價某人的表現，假如我直接對你說：「你真是太沒指望了。你從不來參加唱誦，就算來了也唱跑調；打坐時你總是在打鼾，也從來不認真聽我的佛法開示。」如果你這樣說，對方會回：「你這是什麼意思？我已經盡力了，我很累啊，阿姜布拉姆，你太殘忍了。」所以，絕對不要這樣說。

相反地，你可以說：「謝謝你，你知道的，你是一位好僧人。」 

他確實是一位好僧人。

因此，你要先找出所有值得讚歎的優點來稱讚對方，這就像三明治的第一片麵包。因為人們收到讚美其實很罕見——一旦聽到讚美，就會豎起耳朵想聽更多，耳朵會越張越大。等到耳朵完全張開了，這時你再把「三明治的內餡」（批評）塞進去。但最後一定要再用另一片麵包，也就是更多美好的讚美，來結束。因为有多少次你被批評或評價時，心裡會想：「那個人根本不了解我，不明白我已經多努力了。我生活中充滿各種困難與問題，人生本來就不容易，有時負擔很重，可能很疲倦，可能正在對抗COVID或其他疾病。」他們完全不體諒這些。

但是，如果你先從讚美開始，接著給出批評，最後再給予讚美，對方就會感覺到「這個人真的關心我」。你會更誠懇地接受那份批評——不是覺得對方想貶低我，而是真心想幫助我。這就是三明治方法的精髓。它需要花很多時間，通常等到你好不容易說到三明治的下層麵包時，對方早就走掉了。但無論如何，這仍是值得我們深思的方法。

2024年3月－4月（7/19）｜九日禪修營｜阿姜布拉姆 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT7r4y6VlC8&list=PLf9HOK_Rf1M4SpK06V5lfdyKBS5dr4jtP&index=7

這是佛教圈子裡，人們常常投訴的：他用佛法來扇我一記耳光！！！

哈哈！

就是突然傳大師父的佛法給別人--扇別人一記耳光

突然給人掌摑大家有什麼感受？😂

一般這樣教訓式的舉動，人們是很反感的。

因為好像在表示他高我們低

又有誰喜歡被人教訓？

所以如果我們這樣做，就預了別人會找我們渣了

‘你看看自己？先管好自己的行為啦！’

‘你看看自己？先管好自己的說話啦！’

‘你看看自己的動機？先慈悲再說啦！’

‘你看看自己？先聽多些佛法再說啦！’

佛陀曾經教導，如果我們要呵斥別人，先要省察自己

1.我是否有清淨的行為呢？

2.我是否有清淨的語言呢？

3.我是否有慈心、沒有傷害的意圖呢？

4.我是否多聞佛法呢？

5.我是否通曉戒律呢？

我們一有一點瑕疵，別人不會放過我們的😂

而且，在說之前，也應準備好五樣東西

1.我將會在適當時機而說

2.我將只說事實

3.我將柔軟不粗暴地說

4.我將只說有益而非無益的話

5.我將以慈心而不生氣地說 （AN10.44）

其實只有佛陀、獨覺佛、阿羅漢才能名正言順地教誡所有人

因為只有他們完全沒有貪嗔癡和一切不善

除此之外，別人要找渣也一定能找到的...

而且，就算是不同的大師父、阿羅漢，在同一件事上，他們依然可以有不同的意見、取向

如果以大師父語錄來扇別人一記耳光，別人肯定不服

所以學佛的重點是修好自己，而不是扇別人一記耳光

This is a common complaint in Buddhist circles: "He used the Dharma to slap me in the face!!!"

Haha!

It's about suddenly sending a great master's Dharma teaching to someone – like slapping them in the face.

How would everyone feel if they were suddenly slapped? 😂

Generally, people are very put off by this kind of lecturing behavior.

Because it seems to imply they are superior and we are inferior.

And who actually likes being lectured?

So if we act this way, we should expect others to find fault with us.

'Look at yourself first! Manage your own behavior first!'

'Look at yourself first! Watch your own words first!'

'Look at your own motives! Cultivate some compassion before speaking!'

'Look at yourself first! Listen to more Dharma teachings first!'

The Buddha once taught that if we wish to reprimand others, we must first examine ourselves:

1. Do I have pure conduct?

2. Do I have pure speech?

3. Do I have a mind with loving kindness, free from harmful intent?

4. Am I learned in the Dharma?

5. Do I thoroughly understand the precepts?

If we have even the slightest flaw, others won't let it slide 😂

Furthermore, before speaking, we should also be prepared with five things:

1. I will speak at the appropriate time.

2. I will speak only the truth.

3. I will speak gently, not harshly.

4. I will speak only what is beneficial, not what is useless.

5. I will speak with a mind with loving kindness, not an angry one. (AN10.44)

In reality, only the Buddha, Paccekabuddhas, and Arahants can rightfully admonish everyone,

because only they are completely free from greed, aversion, delusion, and all unwholesome qualities.

Otherwise, people will always be able to find faults...

Moreover, even different great masters or Arahants can have differing opinions and approaches regarding the same matter.

If we use a great master's quotes to slap someone in the face, they certainly won't accept it.

Therefore, the key point of practicing Buddhism is to cultivate ourselves, not to slap others in the face.

有些人參與小學、中學、大學的辯論隊，起初他們會覺得自己很型、很威

他們會四處找人去辯論、吵架，爭個勝負

但後來，他們會發現根本就不是那回事；沒有人覺得他們很型、很威，而在現實生活中都會選擇迴避他們

為什麼這樣？因為大家社交其實只是圖個為了開心而已。沒有多少人想成天吵架、爭勝負。就好像一對夫妻，如果他們天天都吵架，會發生什麼事情？保證很快離婚！

真正會帶來裨益的口才，就是為自己和他人帶來快樂的口才。活在這個世間，大家都只是想開心，不想要痛苦。當我們能夠把快樂帶給別人時，我們所說的每一句話反而變得更有份量和有意義

Some people join debate teams in primary school, secondary school, and university. At first, they might think they look cool and impressive.

They might seek out debates and arguments everywhere, striving to win.

But later, they realize that's not the case at all. Nobody actually finds them cool or impressive, and in real life, people tend to avoid them.

Why is that? Because social interaction is ultimately about seeking happiness. Very few people want to argue and fight all the time. It's like a married couple; if they argue every day, what will happen? It's almost guaranteed they'll get divorced quickly!

The kind of eloquence that truly brings benefits is the kind that brings happiness to oneself and others. Living in this world, everyone just wants to be happy and avoid suffering. When we can bring happiness to others, every word we say instead carries more weight and meaning.

有時大師父教導我們佛法，有些可以公開、有些不建議公開

為什麼不建議公開？ 

因為對大眾沒有很大的利益

或者有時，他們說的佛法太高深，一般大眾難以理解，然後就會拿著經典去找他們辯論，讓自己惹上麻煩、是非。來罵的人也會造很大的惡業

佛陀有時也會見到古靈精怪的鬼怪，但通常自己知道就好，不會說出來。為什麼？ 因為太奇怪了，說出來大家不信。如果大家對佛陀失去信心的話，那他們將會有長久的不利和痛苦 （SN19）

因此有智慧的人應當仿效他們。

增強正念去過濾什麼應該說，什麼不應該說。

就算是正確的東西，假如未能生起對自己或他人的利益；就要摒棄縮回去心裡。

Sometimes when a great teacher instructs us in the Dhamma, some parts can be shared publicly, while others are not recommended for public dissemination.

Why is it not recommended to make them public?

Because they may not bring great benefit to the general public.

At other times, the Dhamma they teach is too profound for ordinary people to understand. This could lead people to take the scriptures and start debates with them, bringing trouble and disputes upon themselves. Those who come to criticize would also create significant bad karma.

The Buddha sometimes encountered strange and bizarre spirits, but he usually kept it to himself without speaking about it. Why? Because they were too strange, and if he spoke of them, people wouldn't believe him. If people were to lose faith in the Buddha, it would lead to long-term harm and suffering for them (SN 19).

Therefore, wise people should follow their example.

Strengthen mindfulness to filter what should be said and what should not.

Even if something is correct, if it does not generate benefit for oneself or others, it should be held back and kept within.

看一場辯論比賽呢，就會發現有不同的人

但大致分為兩種

有一類呢，就是潑婦罵街類型

另一類呢，就是不起情緒、心平氣和類型

如果是一般街坊百姓看呢，就會覺得那些潑婦罵街類型很威、很型，內心就會傾向他們

但事實上，這些辯論比賽，比如說是大專級數的話，多數邀請的評委都是大學教授、社會賢達

中國古代有一句話叫‘清者貴’。一個貪嗔癡淡薄的人，因為內心清淨，所以能夠看清自己的利益、或他人的利益、或兩者的利益（AN1.46）因此智慧高超、備受尊重，擁有崇高的社會地位

這些人又怎會認可那些以嗔心為賣點的辯員呢？他們只會傾向於不起情緒、心平氣和類型的辯員。

同等重要的就是看說話有沒有道理、理據充不充分、條理是否分明

當一個人被五蓋所籠罩時，智慧就會被蒙蔽、減弱(AN5.51) ；所以通常那些潑婦罵街類型都不會是最佳辯員

When watching a debate competition, you'll notice different types of people, but they can generally be divided into two categories. 

One type is the "shrewish street brawler" style, 

while the other is the calm and composed type, free from emotional agitation. 

If ordinary folks are watching, they might find the "shrewish street brawler" style impressive and charismatic, and their hearts may lean toward them. 

However, in reality, for debate competitions at the tertiary level, the judges invited are mostly university professors and respected members of society. 

An ancient Chinese saying goes, "The pure are noble." A person with little greed, hatred, or delusion, because of their inner purity, can clearly see their own benefit, the benefit of others, or the benefit of both (AN1.46). Thus, they possess exceptional wisdom, are highly respected, and hold esteemed social status. 

How would such people approve of debaters who use anger as their selling point? They would naturally lean toward the calm and composed debaters, free from emotional agitation. 

Equally important is whether the arguments are reasonable, well-supported, and logically clear. 

When a person is shrouded by the five hindrances, their wisdom becomes obscured and diminished (AN5.51). Therefore, those of the "shrewish street brawler" type are usually not the best debaters. 

有一位尊者教導

生氣時不要罵人，要等不生氣時再罵人

因為會罵得更好😂 😂 

很有道理

生氣時，心將不知道自己的利益，或他人的利益，或兩者的利益（AN1.45）

所以根本就是在說傻話😂

別人也不會服氣

但當我們不生氣

我們將會知道自己的利益，或他人的利益，或兩者的利益（AN1.46）

此時我們將在適當的時機說話

只說事實

柔軟不粗暴地說

願欲他人的利益而說

具備慈心而說 

佛陀說，要具備這樣的條件才好去教訓責備人 （AN5.167）

A certain venerable master taught:  

When you are angry, don’t scold others—wait until you’re no longer angry to scold them.  

Because you’ll scold better that way 😂😂  

It makes a lot of sense.  

When angry, we don’t know our own good, others’ good, or the good of both (AN 1.45).  

So essentially, we’re just talking foolishly 😂.  

Others won’t be convinced either.  

But when we are not angry,  

we will know our own good, others’ good, or the good of both (AN 1.46).  

At that time, we will speak at the right time,  

say only what is true,  

speak gently, not harshly,  

speak with a desire for others’ benefit,  

and speak with a heart of loving kindness.  

The Buddha said that only when these conditions are met should one admonish or reproach others (AN 5.167).  

「你的話語真是粗魯啊！」**——這是世尊（satthā）住在祇樹給孤獨園（jetavane）時，針對舍利弗長老（sāriputtatthera）為服用瀉藥（pītavirecanaṃ）的比丘們取得肉粥（rasapiṇḍapātaṃ）的事跡所講述的故事。 

當時，祇園精舍（jetavane）有些比丘因服用油性瀉藥（snehavirecanaṃ），需要肉粥調養。照顧他們的比丘們便到舍衛城（sāvatthiṃ）的米商街（odanikagharavīthiyaṃ）乞食，卻沒得到肉粥，只好空手而歸。 

舍利弗長老午後入城乞食時遇見他們，問：「道友們，為何這麼早就回來了？」比丘們說明緣由後，長老說：「跟我來。」便帶他們重回米商街。民眾見長老前來，紛紛供養豐盛的肉粥。比丘們帶回精舍讓病患食用，眾人得以康復。 

後來，比丘們在法堂（dhammasabhāyaṃ）議論：「聽說舍利弗長老親自帶人去乞食，為服瀉藥的比丘們取得大量肉粥呢！」世尊到來時問：「你們在討論什麼？」比丘們如實稟告。世尊說：「比丘們，舍利弗現在能獲得肉食並不稀奇，過去世也有善用柔軟語的智者得到過。」於是講述過去因緣。 

過去，波羅奈城（bārāṇasiyaṃ）梵授王（brahmadatte）統治時，菩薩（bodhisatto）是一位富商之子（seṭṭhiputto）。 

某天，一位獵人（migaluddako）獲得大量獸肉，裝滿車子（yānakaṃ）準備進城販賣。此時，四位富商之子（cattāro seṭṭhiputtā）從城門出來，在路旁一處休息處（magasabhāgaṭṭhāne）閒聊。 

其中一位富商之子看見肉車，便說：「去叫那獵人給我塊肉。」同伴說：「你自己去要吧。」他走過去粗魯地喊：「喂！獵人，給我塊肉！」 

獵人回答：「先生（mārisa），向人索求時應該用柔和的言語。你這樣說話，只能得到符合你語氣的肉。」隨即唸出第一首偈頌： 

57. 

「你的話語真粗魯（pharusā vata te vācā）， 

來要肉卻這般無禮（maṃsaṃ yācanako asi）。 

既然你的話像腰子般硬（kilomasadisī vācā），

我就給你腰子吧（kilomaṃ samma dammi te）！」 

第二位富商之子問：「你怎麼說的？」得知後說：「我也去要。」他走過去喊：「大哥（jeṭṭhabhātika），請給我一塊肉。」 

獵人說：「你會得到符合你語氣的肉。」唸出第二首偈頌： 

58. 

「兄弟是人間至親（aṅgametaṃ manussānaṃ），

世人皆如此稱呼（bhātā loke pavuccati）。

既然你的話如手足般親切（aṅgassa sadisī vācā），

我就給你上等腿肉吧（aṅgaṃ samma dadāmi te）！」

第三位富商之子問：「你怎麼稱呼他的？」得知後說：「我也試試。」他上前恭敬地說：「父親（tāta），請給我一塊肉。」 

獵人回應：「你會得到相稱的肉。」唸出第三首偈頌： 

59.** 

「一聲『父親』喚出口（tātāti putto vadamāno），** 

撼動為父的心頭（kampeti hadayaṃ pitu）。** 

既然你的話如心般真摯（hadayassa sadisī vācā），** 

我就給你珍貴的心臟肉吧（hadayaṃ samma dammi te）！」** 

第四位富商之子（即菩薩）詢問方法後，上前親切地說：「朋友（sahāya），請給我一塊肉。」 

獵人感動地說：「你會得到相配的饋贈。」唸出第四首偈頌： 

60.** 

「若人活在無友之城（yassa gāme sakhā natthi），** 

荒涼如林獨自行（yathāraññaṃ tatheva taṃ）。** 

你的話語如至寶（sabbassa sadisī vācā），** 

這整車肉都送你（sabbaṃ samma dadāmi te）！」** 

註解：獵人將整車肉（maṃsayānakaṃ）送到菩薩家中，更受菩薩禮遇，從此成為終生摯友。

世尊（satthā）開示完這段法義後，揭示過去世的因緣： 

「當時的獵人（luddako）是現在的舍利弗（sāriputto），而那位獲得整車肉的富商之子（sabbamaṃsalābhī seṭṭhiputto）就是我。」

更多關於說話：

https://www.knownsee.com/%E4%B8%8D%E5%90%8C%E5%8D%80%E5%A1%8A%E7%9A%84%E4%BD%9B%E6%B3%95%E5%90%88%E9%9B%86-different-parts-of-dhamma/%E7%88%B2%E4%BA%BA%E8%99%95%E4%B8%96-coping-with-the-world-and-people/%E8%AA%AA%E8%A9%B1-speaking 

就如我們是國家元首，自己侵略別國，在打仗

恰巧別國發生戰爭，我們說要當調停人；便立刻被人呵斥了：‘幫個忙，先調解你自己的戰爭’ 😂🙆‍♂️ 

同樣地，佛陀曾說：

’首先應該讓自己，建立起適當之法，

然後才指導他人，如此智者沒污染。

正如指導別人那樣，自己也應該那樣做；

已調服者才可調人，自己的確很難調服。‘ (Dhp.158-159)

我們要帶給別人和平，首先自己要和平

我們要教導別人，首先自己要具備所教導的素質

也要看看我們自己的行為和語言是否無過失（Ref. AN10.44)

如果不是，別人根本不服，這有什麼意思？

這是作為父母、老師應該留意的一點

"First, Tame Yourself Before Teaching Others"

Imagine if we, as a head of state, were invading another country in war—

Then, when another nation had a conflict, we suddenly declared, "Let me mediate this dispute!"

People would immediately snap back: "Hey, how about mediating your own war first?!" 😂🙆‍♂️

Similarly, the Buddha taught:

"First establish yourself in what is proper,

Then advise others. Thus, the wise will not be tainted.

As you instruct others, so should you act yourself.

Only the tamed can tame others—for self-taming is truly hard."

*(Dhammapada 158-159)*

If we wish to bring peace to others, we must first be peaceful ourselves.

If we wish to teach others, we must first embody what we teach.

We must also examine whether our own words and actions are blameless (Ref. AN 10.44).

If we fail in this, why would anyone respect our guidance?

This is a crucial point for parents, teachers, and leaders to reflect on.

這個只是年輕人互傳的whatsapp sticker, 不要感到被冒犯😂

但的確很有道理

我們每個人都有智商低的時候

什麼時候是智商低呢？

就是當我們生起貪嗔癡的時候

佛陀說，當心渾濁，我們是不知道自己和他人的利益的（AN1.45）

我們所思所說所作，根本毫無理智可言！

所以吉祥尊者開會時通常都會定下一條規矩：如果誰起情緒，他當下就被剝奪發言權！

我們生氣時，都只會是傷害自己，傷害別人，做事顛三倒四，毫無理由

與其事後情緒褪去，理智回來時後悔

倒不如在情緒起時不要說話，保持沉默

說話的先決條件是保持內心的純淨和理智

不然不說更好.....

This is just a WhatsApp sticker shared among young people, please don't feel offended 😂
But it does make a lot of sense.

Each of us has moments of low IQ.
When are we at our lowest?
It's when greed, anger, and ignorance arise within us.
The Buddha said that when the mind is clouded, we do not understand our own and others' interests (AN1.45).

Everything we think, say, and do lacks rationality!

That's why venerable Managala usually sets a rule in meetings: if anyone becomes emotional, they immediately lose their speaking rights!

When we are angry, we only end up hurting ourselves and others, acting irrationally and without reason.
Instead of regretting after emotions subside and rationality returns, it's better to remain silent when emotions arise.

The prerequisite for speaking is maintaining a pure and rational mind; otherwise, it's better not to speak at all...

《Giving advice》

Q:  In this spiritual path, what is the importance of feedback in terms of receiving feedback or giving feedback to others? Personally, I find it quite useful because sometimes I get feedback from monks which helps me to improve, and at home, my family members also give me feedback. What is Ajahn’s opinion on this?

Ajahn Suchart :  Well, giving feedback or advice to people depends on 2 things: First, your advice is a good advice or not a good advice; second, for the persons who receive your advice, whether they’re happy and willing to accept it or not. You have to know these because some people don’t like to be given any advice. If you tell them something, they get angry at you so you shouldn’t advise such people. And if you advise people the wrong thing, it is hurting them more than helping them. So you have to be sure that your advice is good, profitable and beneficial. 

You have to prove it yourself first, it is not something you think of. Because what you think of might not be what it should be. You have to prove it by practicing it yourself first then you are certain, you are 100% sure. So when you’re asked to give advice, then you could give the advice. But if you’re not asked, maybe it’s better just to leave people alone because it might create problems, sometimes people might despise you for it. So you have to know these 2 things.

“Dhamma in English, Nov 12, 2019.”

By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto

《給予建議》

問：在這條修行道路上，接受回饋或給予他人回饋的重要性為何？我個人覺得很有幫助，因為有時我會收到比丘們的回饋，幫助我進步，在家時家人也會給我回饋。阿姜對此有何看法？

阿姜蘇查特：給予回饋或建議給他人取決於兩點：首先，你的建議是好還是不好；其次，接受你建議的人是否樂意接受。

你必須明白這些，因為有些人不喜歡被給予任何建議。

如果你告訴他們某些事，他們會對你生氣，所以不應該給這類人建議。

而且如果你給出錯誤的建議，這對他們的傷害會大於幫助。

所以你必須確定你的建議是好的、有益的。

你必須先自己實踐證明，這不是你想出來的。因為你所想的可能並非應該的樣子。

你必須先自己實踐證明，然後你才能確定，百分之百確信。

所以當你被要求給予建議時，你才能給出建議。

但如果沒有人問你，也許最好別管別人，因為這可能會製造問題，有時人們可能會因此輕視你。

所以你必須知道這兩點。

「英文佛法，2019年11月12日。」

阿姜蘇查特·阿比加托

《Immense kindness can convert a bad person》

One of the first time, 20 years ago, when I told this story it was when I asteaching in prison, in Karnet Prison Farm, just down the road from my ministry. We still go there most Fridays.

When I was teaching that at Karnet Prison Farm one of the prisoners complained and he said, "That is just new age rubbish. It doesn't work in the real world,especially in a prison. Prisons are tough places. If you've got a difficult person you've got to standup for yourself. That's the only language they understand."

Of course, I wasn't having any of that. I said, "I don't believe you." He said,"You don't live in prison." I said, "Monastery we have cells, we have wall around."Actually, they don't have a wall around Karnet but we have a wall around our monastery. Sometimes people, in the early years, they used to drive to Karnet Prison Farm and ask where are the monks. It was very embarrassing. Luckily, there weren't any monks in it.

Anyway, I challenged this guy and said, "In this prison, who is the most difficult person you have to deal with?" The prisoner I challenged was with a number of other prisoners. He said, "The chief officer. The chief officer, my job is to serve him tea and coffee every day. That's my job in prison. I hate that guy. He's always really nasty."

He told me a story which happened a week before. One of the prisoners inKarnet, he had hardly ever had a visit from his family because it's such a hard place to get to.There's no public transport and if you're poor and haven't got a car you have to find a friend who can actually take you all that way. It's a difficult place to get to.

 He said this man's wife had managed to get a lift to come and see him, but before you can go and see your relations in prison you have to check in, say your name, go through all the security stuff.

 The chief officer had seen this woman checking in and knew that she had come to see this prisoner and decided to be cruel to the prisoner.

On the PA system he said so-and-so, I've got a job for you on the other side of Karnet Prison Farm and sent him to a place where the PA system didn't reach. It's a huge prison farm. He did it on purpose because as soon as his wife had checked in the PA system, he announced, 'prisoner so-and-so, your wife is here, please go to the visitor's area' . But he couldn't hear it from where he had been sent.

The message was repeated two or three times. There was a search to try and find him. They did find him. By the time they found him and he came back visiting hoursare over. Better luck next time. He said, "The chief officer did this on purpose with no reason other than spite and trying to give the prisoners a harder time than they deserved.That's why, in that time in prison, he was called a dog."

I said, "You hate him?" He said, "Yes. Really big time. He's so difficult. He never respects us, never says anything to us. He always puts us down and treats us like dirt." I said, "Great. This is a challenge. You meet him every day serving tea and coffee.Be kind to him. Don't embrace him with your arms, you'll get in trouble that way,but at least you can embrace him with your heart."

I said, "How you can do that is every time you serve him some tea and coffee try and put some love and care in that tea or coffee. Try and make it the most beautiful, delicious cup of coffee you possibly can make. Find out what he likes and be kind. Get lots of love and compassion whenever you serve him tea and coffee."

So all credit to this prisoner, he tried it, for a week. When I came back afterone week, "How is it going?"

He said, "It's a complete waste of time. I'm trying really hard to be kind to this guy , but every time, even if I put lots of effort into making a nice cup of tea and coffee, he completely ignores me as if I don't exist, as if I'm lower than a cockroach.He even says to the cockroach get out of here, but not me."

I told him, "Carry on." It was about, I'm not sure how long, maybe a couple of months, I had to encourage him and force him to do this, before we got what I call the big breakthrough.

One day I actually came to visit and he couldn't wait to tell me this.

He said, he'd made this prison officer a beautiful cup of coffee with cream or whatever he found, just the type he thought the prison officer liked, and managed to find him some biscuits which he noticed the prison officer liked, and he said, "Here you are sir, have this coffee, and I've found some special biscuits which I know you like," and the prison officer said, "Er." He grunted. That was our breakthrough. [laughter]

It was the first time he acknowledged that this prisoner actually lived and existed and breathed. That grunt, I said, "Wow, this is exciting!" That is the crack in the dam wall.

I was right. It was only about two or three weeks later the prisoner managed to find a special cup of tea, a sandwich or whatever, handed it to this prison officer,the chief officer, who was a dog, and the chief officer turned around and said, "Thankyou."

All the other prisoners were telling me this and they were all looking at me and they said,

"You don't realize just how the prison grapevine works. That has gone to every prison in the state." That this chief officer could say thank you to a prisoner was unbelievable.

I won the challenge. I knew I'd win eventually. Even such a dog you can change into a cuddly little puppy with lots and lots and lots of kindness.

You can turn difficult people around, but it just takes a lot and lot of patience, a lot of kindness. Some of you will not be able to do that. It's too much for you. You have  to know your limitations. But it does work if you really push at it. The most difficult people can become the best of your friends. Sometimes it's a challenge which is worth

facing in life. You have people in the office. Give them kindness.

When they give unkindness back to you and difficulty to you, know your limitations.

If you have to run away, fine. If you have to, talk to them and point out what it feels like. What I talked about this afternoon in a conference is also what I talked about here, the old sandwich technique. 

If you do have to tell a person you're being difficult to me, I have my own space that I need to protect, you don't go blurting out the negative stuff straight away.

That will never work.

Whenever you are talking to someone and want to bring up a difficult problem, in other words to criticize them, to tell them they're making a problem for you,sandwich technique.

Two or three pieces of praise, first of all. You're a really nice person, you're so diligent, you're so well dressed or whatever, somethingwhich praises them, and then you tell them.

Say you want to criticize me. You say, "Ajahn Brahm, you're such a nice monk, coming all the time, giving these talks, and they're very inspiring. When you say things like that I open up to you. You lighten me. I'm listening to you." Then you say, "But your jokes are sometimes a bit over the top, but I know that you do look after the monasteries and look after the Buddhist society." You praise afterwards.

If you actually sandwich your criticism between heaps and heaps of praise,people actually listen to it. If you are dealing with a difficult person and you really need to tell them, they really need to listen to you to know exactly what they're doing and the problems they're causing, please praise them first of all. Get on their right side. Then they know they're not being attacked.

Push this back at you. Isn't that what you need when you're being told off because you are difficult people, as well? Sometimes aren't you? It's always somebody else. Sometimes we create difficulties for others. If I was going to tell you off, this is how I would do it. I'd praise you,

first of all, butter you up, make you know that I appreciate and value andcare for you.

If you just give criticism straight away ;what we feel if we are that person will be--why are they my enemy?

Why are they just saying this to me? Don't they realize how hard I work andthe difficulties and the problems I have to face? When you get criticism straight away you just get defensive,

you justify yourself, and you don't listen to the other person. You don't take it on-board.

By getting that acceptance, the very fact that you're accepted, you're appreciated, you're valued means you're opening up. 

Then you put the criticism in and you butter over

afterwards. I really like you, you're really valued, thank you for being who you are.

Then people actually can listen. A lot of times people don't realize they're being difficult to you. It's weird, but they think they're being a friend. They think they're being them or they're being funny or they're being whatever. Sometimes we do need feedback to know exactly whatwe're doing and how we come across.

《大善可以轉化惡人》

二十年前，我第一次講這個故事的時候是在監獄裡教書，地點是卡內特監獄農場，就在我的部門附近。我們幾乎每個星期五都會去那裡。

在卡內特監獄農場教書時，有一名囚犯抱怨說：“這只是新時代的垃圾。在現實世界中，尤其是在監獄裡，這是行不通的。監獄是艱難的地方。如果你遇到麻煩人，你必須為自己挺身而出。那是他們唯一懂的語言。”

當然，我不這麼認同。我說：“我不相信你。”他說：“你不住在監獄裡。”我回應道：“我們寺廟就是牢房，四周有牆。”其實，卡內特監獄沒有牆，但我們的寺廟有牆。....

不管怎樣，我挑戰了這個人，問：“在這監獄裡，誰是你必須面對麻煩的人？”我挑戰的囚犯和其他幾個囚犯在一起。他說：“主任。每天我的工作就是給他端茶和咖啡。這是我在監獄裡的工作。我討厭那個家伙。他總是很刻薄。”

他告訴我一個星期前發生的故事。卡內特的一名囚犯幾乎從未見過他的家人，因為那是一個難以到達的地方。那裡沒有公共交通，如果你很窮又沒有車，你就得找個朋友帶你一路過去。這是一個難以到達的地方。

他說這個人的妻子設法搭到車來看他，但在你可以去監獄裡見你的親戚之前，你必須登記，報上你的名字，通過所有安全檢查。

主任看到這位女士登記，知道她來看這名囚犯，於是決定殘酷地對待這位囚犯。

在公共廣播系統上，他說：’某某，我有個工作要你去卡內特監獄農場的另一邊‘，並把他發送到一個公共廣播系統聽不見的地方。這是一個巨大的監獄農場。他是故意這麼做的，因為當他的妻子登記進來時，公共廣播系統宣布：“囚犯某某，你的妻子在這裡，請到訪客區。”但他在被發送的地方聽不見這個消息。

這條消息重複了兩三次。人們試圖尋找他。找到了他時，到訪時間已經結束。他說：’下次再好運一點吧‘。他說：“主任故意這麼做，除了出於惡意，沒有其他原因，想讓囚犯們過得更艱難。這就是為什麼在那段時間他在監獄裡被稱為狗。”

我問：“你討厭他嗎？”

他說：“是的，真是非常討厭。他太難相處了。他從不尊重我們，從不和我們說話。他總是貶低我們，把我們當作垃圾。”

我說：“很好，這是一個挑戰。你每天都要給他端茶和咖啡。對他好。不要用手擁抱他，這樣會惹麻煩，但至少你可以用心去擁抱他。”

我說：“你可以這樣做，每次給他端茶和咖啡時，試著在茶或咖啡裡放一些愛和關懷。努力讓它成為你能做的最美味的咖啡。找出他喜歡什麼，對他好。每次給他端茶和咖啡時，注入很多慈悲。”

這位囚犯值得表揚，他嘗試了這個方法，持續了一週。當我一週後回來時問：“進展怎麼樣？”他說：“這完全是浪費時間。我努力對這個家夥好，但每次，即使我很用心地做了一杯好茶和咖啡，他完全忽視我，彷彿我不存在，彷彿我的地位比蟑螂還要低。他甚至對蟑螂說‘滾開’，卻不對我這樣。”

我告訴他：“繼續。”我不得不鼓勵他並強迫他這麼做，大約兩三個月後，才得到我所謂的重大突破。

有一天我去探望他，他迫不及待地告訴我。

他說，他為這位監獄官員做了一杯美味的咖啡，裡面加了奶油或他找到的其他東西，正是他認為監獄主任喜歡的類型，還設法找到了一些他注意到監獄官員喜歡的餅乾，他說：“這是給您的，先生，請喝這杯咖啡，我還找到了您喜歡的特別餅乾。”

而監獄官員只是“嗯。”他發出了一聲低沉的聲音。那就是我們的突破。[笑聲]

這是他第一次承認這名囚犯其實是活著的，存在的，呼吸的。那聲低吟，我說：“哇，這真令人興奮！”這是堤壩牆上的裂縫。

我沒錯。大約兩三周後，這名囚犯終於找到一杯特別的茶、一個三明治或其他什麼，遞給這位監獄官員，這位被稱為狗的主任，主任轉過身來說：“謝謝。”

所有其他囚犯都告訴我這件事，大家都看著我說：“你不知道監獄的八卦是怎麼運作的。這已經傳到了全州的每一個監獄。”這位主任能對一名囚犯說謝謝，真是不可思議。

我贏了這場挑戰。我知道我最終會贏。即使是這樣的狗，你也可以用巨大的善意把他變成一隻可愛的小狗。

你可以轉化麻煩人，但這需要大量的耐心和善意。有些人可能無法做到這一點，這對你來說可能太多了。你必須知道自己的界限。但如果你真的堅持下去，這是有效的。最困難的人可以成為你最好的朋友。有時這是一個值得面對的挑戰。在辦公室裡，對他們施以善意。

當他們回報你不善的態度和困難時，知道自己的限制。如果你必須逃避，那就走。如果需要，與他們談談，指出你的感受。今天下午在會議上講的內容也是我在這裡講的，老式的三明治技巧。

如果你確實需要告訴某人他對你造成了困難，我需要保護自己的空間，那麼你不要立刻就說出負面的東西。

這樣做是不會有效的。

每當你和某人交談，想提出一個困難的問題，也就是要批評他們，告訴他們他們給你帶來了麻煩，使用三明治技巧。

先給兩三句讚美。你是一個很棒的人，你非常勤奮，你的穿著很好，或者其他什麼，讚美他們，然後再告訴他們。

假設你想批評我。你可以說：“阿姜布拉姆，你真是一位好和尚，經常來這裡，給我們這些啟發性的講座。當你這樣說時，我會對你敞開心扉。你讓我輕鬆，我在聽你說。”然後你可以說：“但你的笑話有時會過火，但我知道你確實在關心寺廟和僧團。”最後再讚美。

如果你真的把批評夾在大量讚美之間，人們實際上會聽進去。如果你正在與一個麻煩人打交道，而你真的需要告訴他們，他們需要聽到你所說的，知道他們在做什麼以及造成的問題，請首先讚美他們。拉攏他們的心。這樣他們就知道自己不是在被攻擊。

這反映到你自己身上。當你因為自己是困難的人而被指責時，這不正是你需要的嗎？有時候我們會給別人造成困難。如果我要告訴你，我會這樣做。我會先讚美你，讓你知道我欣賞、重視和關心你。

如果你立刻就給出批評；如果我們是那個人，感覺會是——為什麼他們是我的敵人？為什麼他們只對我這麼說？難道他們不知道我工作有多辛苦，要面對的困難和問題有多少？當你立刻受到批評時，你只會變得具防備性，為自己辯護，而不會聽取對方的意見。你不會接受他們的話。

通過獲得接受，你被接受、被重視、被欣賞的事實意味著你在敞開心扉。然後你把批評放進去，再加上一些讚美。我真的很喜歡你，你真的很有價值，謝謝你做你自己。

那麼人們就能聽進去。很多時候，人們並不知道自己對你造成了困難。這很奇怪，但他們認為自己是在做朋友。他們認為自己在表現自己，或是搞笑，或是其他什麼。有時我們確實需要反饋來了解我們在做什麼以及我們的表現如何。

---阿姜布拉姆

《讓我們迅速抵達涅槃的話題》

我們平時和人聊天，或者接收到什麼資訊；是很影響我們的心的。

和朋友聊天後，誒--隔了一會兒，會自動想起那個內容。

看facebook IG Threads 看到了些什麼，誒--隔了一會兒，又會自動想起那個內容。

如果沒有學過佛法，還會以為那些念頭是‘我的’呢😂 然後順著自己的思維去做。實則那是洗腦的結果。

所以如果想迅速抵達涅槃，要注意我們和別人的交談話題。佛陀有提到幾個修行人應多談論的十個話題：

1.少欲：自己有的美德和好，不要想給人知道，以獲得別人的尊重。

2.知足：滿足於自己所擁有的，不會飢渴於想要更多

3.獨處：留多些時間給自己提升心靈

4.不交際：少些和人社交，讓心混亂不安，滋生煩惱

5.激發精進：應精進於布施，持戒，禪修等一切善法

6.戒：五戒，十善業，八戒，十戒，比丘戒，比丘尼戒

7.定：如何培育定力，不同的禪定境界

8.慧：如何去除煩惱，無常、 苦、 無我、 不淨的智慧

9.解脫：從不同的煩惱中解脫，談論初果、 二果、 三果、 四果；讓心傾向於解脫

10.解脫智見：從不同的煩惱解脫出來會有什麼樣的快樂和體驗；讓心傾向於解脫 （AN9.3)

如果常常和人談這些，就會被洗腦洗到證悟涅槃😂

"Topic of chats wich Quickly leads to Nibanna"

When we chat with people or receive information, it greatly influences our minds.

After talking with friends, we might automatically recall that content after a while.

When we scroll through Facebook, Instagram, or Threads, we find ourselves thinking about what we saw after some time.

If we haven't studied Buddhism, we might even think those thoughts are 'ours' 😂 and act according to our own thinking.

In reality, this is the result of brainwashing.

So, if we want to quickly reach nibanna, we need to pay attention to the topics we talk with others. The Buddha mentioned several topics that practitioners should often talk about:

Little Desire: When we have virtues and goodness , we do not want others to know, seeking their respect.

Contentment: Be satisfied with what one has, avoiding the thirst for more.

Solitude: Allocate more time for personal spiritual growth.

Limited Socializing: Reduce social interactions that disturb the mind and breed defilements.

Encouraging Diligence: Be diligent in generosity, observing precepts, meditation, and all wholesome practices.

Precepts: The Five Precepts, the Ten Wholesome deeds, the Eight Precepts, the Ten Precepts, the Bhikkhu Precepts, and the Bhikkhuni Precepts.

stillness: How to cultivate stillness and the different states of stillness.

Wisdom: How to eliminate defilements and understand impermanence, suffering, non-self, and impurity of body.

Liberation: Discuss liberation from various defilements, the stages of enlightenment; guiding the heart toward liberation.

Liberating Insight: The happiness and experiences that come from liberation from different defilements; guiding the heart toward liberation (AN9.3).

If we frequently discuss these topics, we will be "brainwashed" into realizing nibanna😂.